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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/29/2005 3:46:24 PM   
goodie360


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I sent her a nice pic of me

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 421
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/29/2005 3:53:09 PM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodie360

I sent her a nice pic of me


Hmmmmm...I guess "you" didn't get MY humor. Maybe the same thing happened with your previous contact too then...but just the other way around.

I was making a light hearted joke, not a serious comment, about the blue heads.

K

(in reply to goodie360)
Profile   Post #: 422
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/29/2005 7:25:26 PM   
goodie360


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I gotcha the first time

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 423
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/29/2005 10:51:16 PM   
whipmenow


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks, Lady Kay, for the suggestion.

I ended my marriage, last winter (she was kinky but used it against me in many ways). I decided I'd try to find someone with matching kinks and the best way might be online (too many "Eeewwww. You're SICK!"s over the course of life). But I've liked being whipped and sexually dominated since I was old enough to get a hard on.

It has been an interesting journey. So far, I've met a really cool lady with whom I clicked, but as a friend (she had to relocate for business reasons). I encountered another domme, in Atlanta, who fell in love with me right away, too soon, and turned into a stalker when I backed off. Good sex but she's NUTS! Ninety e-mails and a full voice mailbox trying, alternately, to coax me back and call me a sonofabitch. I had lunch with a woman who tried to play me for money, and arrived at the restaurant right before a guy who pretended not to know her but obviously did. The guy watched us during lunch and tried to follow me in his car when I left. (My background is such that I can deal with wannabe badasses easily but I lost him after a half dozen or so left turns). Then I met another cool lady who invited me to dom(e)/sub munches sponsored by a local group. We almost hit it off, but she wanted a slave, 24-7, outside the bedroom. It was while attending the group functions that I discovered that D/s is not simply a sexual preference for others, but it is for me.

So I've learned a thing or two in my search. 1) Some women I'll meet online are either crazy as shithouse rats with borderline personality disorder, financially motivated, of are looking for household servants. 2) My definition of a domme/sub relationship is a bit different than the accepted definition, in the leather community and, most importantly 3) I am not looking for a true femdomme, since my motivation is purely sexual and I have no deep down need to serve outside of sex.

Still, most of you ladies are truly awesome people and you've earned my respect if not my commitment to serve you. But I'm just me and I won't do anyone the disservice of trying to be someone I'm not, just to taste your ass and your whip.

I suppose I need to edit my profiles for clarification. Who knows...

(in reply to MistressKay)
Profile   Post #: 424
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/30/2005 2:25:38 AM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmenow
most importantly 3) I am not looking for a true femdomme, since my motivation is purely sexual and I have no deep down need to serve outside of sex.
<snip>
I suppose I need to edit my profiles for clarification. Who knows...


Its decent of you to explain what you have learned during your search. And yes, I think it is a good idea for you to change your profile so that you can find someone with the same level of interest as you.

(in reply to whipmenow)
Profile   Post #: 425
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 9/30/2005 3:49:36 AM   
prettyfellowme


Posts: 110
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline 		Whipmenow,
Your statement has brought a smile to my face this morning. I had the same experience with a domme from Atlanta. After I figured out what she was up to, I ended it. She has been trying ever since to ruin my reputation. She has succeeded to enlist a small army of domme friends on another site, and I spend far too much time deleting threatening emails. As it turns out, she showed up on collarme again this week, and made a journal entry about me, although it of course didn't mention me by name. You have my deepest sympathy.

(in reply to whipmenow)
Profile   Post #: 426
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/1/2005 7:41:10 AM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmenow
...It was while attending the group functions that I discovered that D/s is not simply a sexual preference for others, but it is for me.

So I've learned a thing or two in my search. ...

3) I am not looking for a true femdomme, since my motivation is purely sexual and I have no deep down need to serve outside of sex.

...I'm just me and I won't do anyone the disservice of trying to be someone I'm not, just to taste your ass and your whip.




That's the kind of self-knowledge and honesty that we on this thread have been talking about so many other so-called submissives seem to lack. (There's a tongue twister for ya. Not gonna change it.) Thank you, whipmenow, for being one of a very few who knows himself, acknowledges his stance and isn't willing to compromise his principals for shallow satisfaction.

Thank god you get it. Now, can you do anything to edumacate the others? *joke*

QueenRah




_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to whipmenow)
Profile   Post #: 427
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/1/2005 11:00:41 AM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodie360 ...With just a punch of a keystroke she blocks herself from any more communication between the two of us. Essentially not even giving me a chance or even getting to know me.


Oh, she got to know you plenty with your thinly veiled threat of violence. I quote:

Warning: be on your toes and on your game or you might find yourself over my knee. *LOL*

This suggested that 1) She could be interested in a "submissive" who would challenge her authority; 2) She's a switch and 3) She doesn't mind being victimized by non-consensual activities. All of these ideas are completely offensive and inappropriate. None of them appear in my profile, which, while it doesn't say absolutely everything I'm about, is quite complete and direct, if the reader is capable of comprehending plain English.

If you had simply read this whole thread, and numerous other "Ask a Mistress" threads from start to finish, as well as my profile (Sheesh! Won't anybody just bother to be thorough???), you may have been able to avoid this egregious faux pas. This and the other threads serve not only to allow Dominas to share their common experiences, but also to educate those in need of it as to what *not* to do, as submissive suitors.

In general, neither Dominas nor, I would have to hazard a guess, just about anybody else, appreciate suggestions of non-consensual violence nor unasked challenges from those for whom they haven't expressed interest.

Of course, you are going to read this however you choose, if you choose; however, it is not meant as a slam. This is simply a clarification, an edification, if you care to accept it. Try to utilize this soured experience to inform you in your next approach. Personally, I don't believe you realized what you said would affect another so radically. Keep in mind, words are things. Things are real. I, personally, believe in what's real.


QueenRah

_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to goodie360)
Profile   Post #: 428
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/1/2005 8:55:14 PM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah

Oh, she got to know you plenty with your thinly veiled threat of violence. I quote:

Warning: be on your toes and on your game or you might find yourself over my knee. *LOL*

<snip>

In general, neither Dominas nor, I would have to hazard a guess, just about anybody else, appreciate suggestions of non-consensual violence nor unasked challenges from those for whom they haven't expressed interest.



I agree with you, QueenRah. The "warning" and subsequent OTK threat does not have a bit of "humor" in it, as was suggested by the sender.

I see this is yet another case of thread poster omitting some very pertinent information, regarding a contact that didn't progress well.

What may have been his attempt at humor, surely doesn't work well on first contact (or at all), as I see it, and hopefully the sender will see your response here, and have a clearer picture on how one person's attempt at humor, is another person's good reason to block.

I don't feel it's appropriate for a Dom/me to suggest such a thing to an unknown, or new submissive, let alone the other way around.

K

(in reply to QueenRah)
Profile   Post #: 429
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/1/2005 9:05:56 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan


quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah

Oh, she got to know you plenty with your thinly veiled threat of violence. I quote:

Warning: be on your toes and on your game or you might find yourself over my knee. *LOL*

<snip>

In general, neither Dominas nor, I would have to hazard a guess, just about anybody else, appreciate suggestions of non-consensual violence nor unasked challenges from those for whom they haven't expressed interest.



I agree with you, QueenRah. The "warning" and subsequent OTK threat does not have a bit of "humor" in it, as was suggested by the sender.



I'm sure he thought the " *LOL*" transformed the message into "humor." He's not the first submissive to make that mistake.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 430
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/1/2005 10:23:58 PM   
whipmenow


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah


Thank you, whipmenow, for being one of a very few who knows himself, acknowledges his stance and isn't willing to compromise his principals for shallow satisfaction.



Thanks for the compliment, Queen Rah, but getting to know myself, and my place within BDSM, was a process. For years, BC (Before Computers), I just thought I was either unique in my sexual preferances (something wrong with me, something to be kept secret, dark desires never to be fulfilled) or one of many who had female counterparts somewhere out there, whose desires matched my own in almost every way. Once the online BDSM communitity reached those of us who live in, well, the bible belt, for example, my first thoughts when I read the terms "femdomme," "mistress," "slave," etc. were more in connection with my own fantasies than what I have since learned as the accepted definitions of those terms. I now know that "top" and "bottom" are used more in a sexual sense while "mistress" and "slave" go far beyond that.

I've had to ask myself: Am I willing to serve in a 24-7 total power exchange (THAT term leaves no room for misunderstanding) to have sexual desires fulfilled? I suggest anyone similar to myself masturbate first if considering answering that question in the affirmative. The correct answer becomes clear. Nothing is worse that a relationship of ANY kind that is based on one partner leading the other to believe he or she is someone other than who he or she really is.

Still, having had desires unfulfilled for most of my life, I cannot be unsymphathetic to those who might choose to try to entice a domme with offers of a deeper level of submission than desired by the sub/bottom. Recently, I was face-to-face with a, attractive domme who made it clear she found me attractive, but made it equally clear that play would only follow commitment to serve in a non-sexual venue. It was not an easy choice to go home alone that night. All I would have had to do is tell one lie--either to her or to myself. In hindsight, I made the right decision. She and I are friends today.

But if you ladies discovered your dominant tendancies in a time or place when you thought they'd always remain unfulfilled, try not to judge too harshly the sexual sub too if he tries to bite off more than he can chew.

Best to all,

Glenn

(in reply to QueenRah)
Profile   Post #: 431
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/1/2005 11:08:56 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmenow

Still, having had desires unfulfilled for most of my life, I cannot be unsymphathetic to those who might choose to try to entice a domme with offers of a deeper level of submission than desired by the sub/bottom.



True, Glenn, but the bottom line is it doesn't work for either party then, and both get resentful. The Domme gets less than she wants, and even if he tries, the submissive is giving more than he can maintain.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to whipmenow)
Profile   Post #: 432
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/2/2005 6:41:26 AM   
whipmenow


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Nah, the submissive is getting less also. Or different. Just like a non-religious person might try to fake compatability with a fundamentalist in the vanilla world, based on a strong physical attraction. Or worse, fake compatability with someone who offers financial security. ("Yeah, honey. I love mountain climbing and camping" when (s)he really thinks roughing it is a motel with only one HBO channel.) Somebody's gonna be resentful and somebody's gonna be disappointed in the end.

The sexually motivated sub probably wants a kinky mate to love and be loved by, or at least a kinky play partner to hang out with before/after sex. He probably does NOT want one woman to bear his children and another to beat his ass. Ah hell, I really can't say what anyone else might want, I can only speak for myself.

Me, I want a partner in life outside the bedroom, and a sadistic mistress inside. But I wonder if there is such a woman.

Glenn

< Message edited by whipmenow -- 10/2/2005 6:42:18 AM >

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 433
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/2/2005 9:33:43 AM   
TiNeedsHouseboy


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmenow
2) My definition of a domme/sub relationship is a bit different than the accepted definition, in the leather community and, most importantly 3) I am not looking for a true femdomme, since my motivation is purely sexual and I have no deep down need to serve outside of sex.

I doubt your definition is different. Consider that BDSM isn't an all-or-nothing process. It's a multi-tiered, complex array of feelings and behaviors, colored by the interplay of wants, needs and desires of each participating dyad/triad/etc.

I suggest that you merely need to rethink where you fit into the BDSM continuum. From what you've said, you fall into the spectrum of bottoms. You remind me of the guy I crossed paths with who said to me that he didn't have a submissive bone in his body. He was willing to pay for a maid (a MAID???? OY VEY!) to clean my apartment, but he wasn't willing to dust even an inch. His exclusive interest/need was to be tied up while having sex.

BTW, because he lived in a small town, he found that he had he to travel extensive distances to find women with compatible needs. That's another issue you need to ponder: How far of a geographical radius are you willing to travel to get real-time interactions?

quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmenow
I suppose I need to edit my profiles for clarification. Who knows...

IMO if you don't edit your profile to reflect your needs, then you'll precipitate utter consternation for prospective partners, while sabotaging your search.

quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmenow
For years, BC (Before Computers), I just thought I was either unique in my sexual preferances (something wrong with me, something to be kept secret, dark desires never to be fulfilled)

You can add Oprah and Dr. Phil (LOL) to the list of paths to enlightenment. It's not just sexuality that falls under this rubric. Virtually anything you can imagine as a "secret" exists in a segment of humanity, with people regularly thinking (s)he's the only one to experience it. It never fails to amaze me when I hear someone say that (s)he thought (s)he was the only person on the planet to be undergoing the dynamic in question.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to whipmenow)
Profile   Post #: 434
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/2/2005 9:34:59 AM   
tarnishedhalo777


Posts: 119
Status: offline 		Due to some of my experiences on the net,I have contemplated Gor,lol, and being totally submissive/slave.
Some of the people are totally unbelievable w/ what they do and say to get whipped.

I have a personal email inbox w/300+ emails just from one guy,(and several month worth of going over the minutes on cells for both of us),lol,that I was involved w/ that spoke of his desire for me to be his life partner,as I started finding his profiles(some sites even had more than 1).He left me for awhile and deleted all the ads, then came back into my life speaking of how he was so sure he wanted to be w/ me-spoke of being a step-dad to my children,how he was committed to us etc.
All the while he is still married and explained they were seperated and he had told her of me.
The several times I tired to break up w/ him,more BS,lol.
Needless to say,it got ugly when all the lies finally fell into place.
You should read some of what he had to say to me and threats.Like about me telling his wife,lol....why would I say something to someone that knows????or going to my job???WTF???
I even had to change profiles for awhile and left the sites he was on.

It's not just Fems or subs, I guess its a universal liar,player type mentality on the net.

Beware of anything that seems to good to be true,it PROBABLY is.

I gave up on my search for the perfect sub or male.

Good luck to all y'all on whatever it is you seek.

< Message edited by tarnishedhalo777 -- 10/2/2005 10:01:14 AM >

_____________________________

I will not die the death of loneliness by being afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. I will not commit figurative suicide by leaving my potential underdeveloped because I am afraid to take risks.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 435
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/2/2005 9:57:28 AM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy

You remind me of the guy I crossed paths with who said to me that he didn't have a submissive bone in his body. He was willing to pay for a maid (a MAID???? OY VEY!) to clean my apartment, but he wasn't willing to dust even an inch. His exclusive interest/need was to be tied up while having sex.


I know this isn't really a funny matter, but I can't help it. *This* made me smile.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)
Profile   Post #: 436
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/2/2005 1:25:34 PM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmenow
I suppose I need to edit my profiles for clarification. Who knows...


YES! Absolutely! Why on earth would you not explain this in your profile! If YOU don't put out that specific information, then you have no grounds for bitching about meeting women who are not compatible.

Of all of the bitching and moaning that submissives do on this site about not meeting people or meeting incompatible Dommes, not one of those gripers has had a profile that explained the same thing that they did in their Forum posts.

Get some of this detail into your profile and you'll have a lot better luck.

(in reply to whipmenow)
Profile   Post #: 437
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/2/2005 2:11:38 PM   
tarnishedhalo777


Posts: 119
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


quote:

ORIGINAL: Friends

I understand that sharing personal information is vital and I have done so a few times in "regular" personals with success. I guess my whole point is that if someone places a fetish personal, is it only correct to assume that the responses will involve fetishism? If you place an ad saying you want a sub to do xxxx and xxxx but got a response saying I just went on vacation to Italy...have you ever been there, wouldn't that be defeating the point???


That works if all one wants is just a fetish relationship. I strongly suspect that most of the women on this and other "meeting places" are looking for something deeper. They want a relationship with a person who shares many of their interests and desires ... including, but not limited, to kinky desires.




EXACTLY.You hit the nail on the head(as usual). What amazes me is how people are led on in the process so that male subs can satisfy their kink.

_____________________________

I will not die the death of loneliness by being afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. I will not commit figurative suicide by leaving my potential underdeveloped because I am afraid to take risks.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 438
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/2/2005 8:27:07 PM   
whipmenow


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow


Get some of this detail into your profile and you'll have a lot better luck.


There, done. Better, do you think?

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)
Profile   Post #: 439
RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 10/3/2005 7:06:47 PM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whipmenow


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow


Get some of this detail into your profile and you'll have a lot better luck.


There, done. Better, do you think?


Infinitely. I think you may have better luck. And I wish it for you.

QueenRah

_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to whipmenow)
Profile   Post #: 440
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