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Traveling to meet - 9/22/2007 10:07:15 PM

latexbarbiets

Posts: 93
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

What is a fair resolution to Dom's wanting you to travel all over the country to meet and see if theirs chemistry? I seem to get this all the time and i'm on a extremely limited budget, I have traveled a few times on my own finances to meet folks who express interest. Would it be appropriate for a Dom to offer to help for a ticket? And if a Dom/Domme is interested in a sub thats not local wouldnt it be in their best interest to help facilitate a real life meeting? And its useless to try and get to know folks online with so much bs. Whats your opinion?

Post #: 1

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/22/2007 10:28:22 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: latexbarbiets
What is a fair resolution to Dom's wanting you to travel all over the country to meet and see if theirs chemistry?

Meeting halfway, hopefully within driving or bus ride (4hours each way) distance, so that you could technically go and return on the same day if unable to afford a place to stay overnight.

quote:

I seem to get this all the time and i'm on a extremely limited budget, I have traveled a few times on my own finances to meet folks who express interest. Would it be appropriate for a Dom to offer to help for a ticket?

In my opinion, if you contact a Dom from too distance a place, and discover that he is not the courting type who would share in costs for you to go meet him, and he is unwilling to come to you, than you should tell him of your limited finances; if he at that point doesn't wish to help, you let that potential go, and probably drop that approach. Even as a female dominant, I don't contact men from distant places, than order them to spend money coming to meet me. I figure as they know where I am, if they contact me, they will have the means to get their derriere to me for a meeting.
If Doms from distant places are contacting you, and wanting you to come to them, they should pay for you to come to them, or offer to help you with at least 50% of the cost.

quote:

And if a Dom/Domme is interested in a sub thats not local wouldnt it be in their best interest to help facilitate a real life meeting? And its useless to try and get to know folks online with so much bs. Whats your opinion?

I agree, and think I already convered this part above. Good luck, M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to latexbarbiets)

Post #: 2

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/22/2007 11:57:33 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Do what works for you. They are free to say you have to pay for everything- you are free to decline. That's what first meetings are all about, getting to know how you will fit together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 3

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/23/2007 12:38:46 AM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

If I'm able, I'll split the cost down the middle in regards to travel. If I'm don't have the funds, and they're bent on meeting, they have the option of coming to visit me, or arranging travel for me.

Whatever the case, I am incredibly cautious when traveling to meet someone, and always have a back up plan (friends in or near the area to stay with or come help if I run into bad juju).

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to latexbarbiets)

Post #: 4

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/23/2007 6:35:38 AM

SirCache

Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline

If it's genuine interest for me, the bill is usually split down the middle. I treat it as meeting a friend more than anything else until we see if there is any chemistry and desire to explore that chemistry.

(in reply to latexbarbiets)

Post #: 5

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/23/2007 6:39:54 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I don't go meet anyone. They come to me.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to SirCache)

Post #: 6

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/23/2007 8:07:41 AM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: latexbarbiets

What is a fair resolution to Dom's wanting you to travel all over the country to meet and see if theirs chemistry? I seem to get this all the time and i'm on a extremely limited budget, I have traveled a few times on my own finances to meet folks who express interest. Would it be appropriate for a Dom to offer to help for a ticket? And if a Dom/Domme is interested in a sub thats not local wouldnt it be in their best interest to help facilitate a real life meeting? And its useless to try and get to know folks online with so much bs. Whats your opinion?

Perhaps an intermediary stage such as phone conversation would better allow you to measure chemistry. Calling cards can make this cheap for either you or the Dom/me in question.

For the actual travelling expenses, I would, as a Dom, be inclined to foot the bill if I could not go to the submissive [or if she preferred to come to me]. The few times it has been an issue, I have always offered to pay all travel expenses. I'm hardly rich, but if meeting said sub is the next step and I wish to take that step, I view it as the responsible thing to do. It's also a measure of how significant things have become with the submissive, to my mind...if she is that important to me, I would find a way to cover the expense. That's not for everyone, of course - that's merely my preference.

Now, if a submissive wished to travel to me, and would be willing to show me they can plan a travel itinerary, -and- can reasonably afford the cost...well, I wouldn't say no. However, how often do you think that happens?

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to latexbarbiets)

Post #: 7

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/23/2007 10:19:12 AM

finallyhis

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline

my Master came to meet me once we had established a level of intimacy online and over the phone,he wouldnt ask me to pay anyexpenses he is far too much of a gentleman for that. i think the costs should at least be shared where money is tight yes.

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 8

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/23/2007 10:56:30 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

Mamma always told me that the man should have the means and ability to come to you. If not??? uhhg you cheapen yourself to go to a man.

(in reply to finallyhis)

Post #: 9

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/23/2007 10:59:17 AM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Since I am not really interested in a long distance relationship, the first thing I do is try to figure out hos the distance thing might work. And if I really like a guy. The latter really does cut down on the numbers I would met, here or elsewhere.

If there seems some possibility then I love to get on a plane. I wouldn't be much interested in someone who had no interest in partly footing the bill. But that is me. Reality is I have only agreed to travel to meet one person, and I booked myself at a great spa so that if it didn't work out in any way I would still have a great time. That is important to me.

Being realistic is also really important to me.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to latexbarbiets)

Post #: 10

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/23/2007 7:53:56 PM

latexbarbiets

Posts: 93
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for your replies and input, very much appreciated.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Post #: 11

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/24/2007 3:06:53 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U
Mamma always told me that the man should have the means and ability to come to you. If not??? uhhg you cheapen yourself to go to a man

Wow. That's pretty narrow-minded

. My "man" had the means and ability to come to me. However, he also had/has a very demanding job which is the reason he has the "means" to travel. We could have waited for Him to be able to schedule some time off or I could go to Him. Since I had a job where I'd earned and saved up lots of paid vacation days, it just made perfect sense for me to go to Him. I "cheapened" myself by doing this? Hmmmm.

Even though I, like Him, had the means and ability to travel, He paid for a full week at a nice hotel in His town. I paid for all travel expenses. He ended up paying significantly more than I did. Neither of us "cheapened" ourselves in any way. We spent a glorious week together, feel deeper in love, and have been inseparable ever since. I eventually moved to live with Him and we plan to be married soon. Nope. Nothing "cheap" here

................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 12

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/24/2007 3:40:26 AM

Areflectionofyou

Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

If they contact you , i feel they should A. come to where you are to meet , or B. Pay for you to travel to them.

(in reply to latexbarbiets)

Post #: 13

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/24/2007 3:43:24 AM

Areflectionofyou

Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus

quote:

ORIGINAL: latexbarbiets

What is a fair resolution to Dom's wanting you to travel all over the country to meet and see if theirs chemistry? I seem to get this all the time and i'm on a extremely limited budget, I have traveled a few times on my own finances to meet folks who express interest. Would it be appropriate for a Dom to offer to help for a ticket? And if a Dom/Domme is interested in a sub thats not local wouldnt it be in their best interest to help facilitate a real life meeting? And its useless to try and get to know folks online with so much bs. Whats your opinion?

Perhaps an intermediary stage such as phone conversation would better allow you to measure chemistry. Calling cards can make this cheap for either you or the Dom/me in question.

For the actual travelling expenses, I would, as a Dom, be inclined to foot the bill if I could not go to the submissive [or if she preferred to come to me]. The few times it has been an issue, I have always offered to pay all travel expenses. I'm hardly rich, but if meeting said sub is the next step and I wish to take that step, I view it as the responsible thing to do. It's also a measure of how significant things have become with the submissive, to my mind...if she is that important to me, I would find a way to cover the expense. That's not for everyone, of course - that's merely my preference.

Now, if a submissive wished to travel to me, and would be willing to show me they can plan a travel itinerary, -and- can reasonably afford the cost...well, I wouldn't say no. However, how often do you think that happens?

He booked my first ticket with me on the phone together. Then there was no worries as to how i was getting to see him for the first time.

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 14

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/24/2007 9:01:44 AM

worththeeffort

Posts: 105
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline

This may sound spoiled (who, me? spoiled? never! lol) But i would never travel to meet a Dom i'd met online. Now, driving an hour or two for dinner or something is different, but i'm talking about serious travel, trains/planes/hotels kinda travel. First off, i was not interested in a L/D relationship, so travel was rarely an issue. If it were, for the first meet, they'd need to come to me. i just feel safer on my home "turf" as it were. My rules about meeting an online Dom were pretty simple, but not negotiable. They had to come to me, they would not be staying at my home, meet only in public places (with safe call in place on my end) and have no expectations for any sort of play on the first visit. My rules put some Domly types off, they called it "un-subby" (i guess i'm not a twue sub after all lol) but i call it being safe and practical. *shrugs* After that, assuming things had gone well, travel would be negotiable based on financial situations, schedules and the like.

~kitty

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

Post #: 15

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/24/2007 9:17:20 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

Mamma always told me that the man should have the means and ability to come to you. If not??? uhhg you cheapen yourself to go to a man.

It is up to the individuals totally.

Personally though I would never expect or judge another who refused to pay for my own traveling. If it is one sided where they refuse to come to you and only you can come to them then I really like this response.

Personally I refused financial help for the two I did travel two and during my back in forth with my now Master. My reason being I just did not want to feel obligated in anyway that it might affect my judgment but I was fortunate enough to be able to afford my decisions.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 16

RE: Traveling to meet - 9/24/2007 1:36:39 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Areflectionofyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus

quote:

ORIGINAL: latexbarbiets

What is a fair resolution to Dom's wanting you to travel all over the country to meet and see if theirs chemistry? I seem to get this all the time and i'm on a extremely limited budget, I have traveled a few times on my own finances to meet folks who express interest. Would it be appropriate for a Dom to offer to help for a ticket? And if a Dom/Domme is interested in a sub thats not local wouldnt it be in their best interest to help facilitate a real life meeting? And its useless to try and get to know folks online with so much bs. Whats your opinion?

Perhaps an intermediary stage such as phone conversation would better allow you to measure chemistry. Calling cards can make this cheap for either you or the Dom/me in question.

For the actual travelling expenses, I would, as a Dom, be inclined to foot the bill if I could not go to the submissive [or if she preferred to come to me]. The few times it has been an issue, I have always offered to pay all travel expenses. I'm hardly rich, but if meeting said sub is the next step and I wish to take that step, I view it as the responsible thing to do. It's also a measure of how significant things have become with the submissive, to my mind...if she is that important to me, I would find a way to cover the expense. That's not for everyone, of course - that's merely my preference.

Now, if a submissive wished to travel to me, and would be willing to show me they can plan a travel itinerary, -and- can reasonably afford the cost...well, I wouldn't say no. However, how often do you think that happens?

He booked my first ticket with me on the phone together. Then there was no worries as to how i was getting to see him for the first time.

Now that falls squarely in the rules of gentlemen I was raised to follow. Good to see some folk out there still have courtesy. That's equally true for you, since you offered to pay as it suited you [or so I presume], a sign of maturity one would hope and expect to see within the community but which is, sadly, lacking on occasion.

Thank you for the comment, it was very pleasant to see.

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to Areflectionofyou)

Post #: 17

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