RE: What does a collar actually mean to you.

RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (Full Version)

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Tigrita -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/1/2007 11:26:23 AM)
This is a great thread, thanks everyone for the insights. I'm not a slave, I value my independence and freedom very highly and consider this a huge part of the beauty of my submission, so the idea of a permanent collar as a representation of a contract and ownership is kind of antithetical to what I feel like I have to give. I'm still working on understanding what others value in the concept of being collared/collaring, I think I've been pretty successful at appreciating what others get out of this, but it isn't for me. These concepts are important to me because I've just begun a relationship with a dominant and a slave. I greatly respect what they have and enjoy appreciating it more deeply as I get to know them more. I do enjoy the play collar, and I do understand the desire for a tangible symbol of the connection/commitment, but for me, a collar doesn't seem a good representation for my personal context.

LadyPact -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/1/2007 2:10:36 PM)
I was literally having this exact conversation with My boy yesterday. Actually, I will be directing him to this thread, as some people's definitions of collars are different than Mine and I want him to see other opinions as well. To give My own opinion, I actually have more than one definition. For example, I do have a play collar for those times that I casually scene, to signify the beginning and end. I don't always use it, but it is often discussed when negotiations are had. Some bottoms enjoy the experience more when it is used, so it is available for that purpose. It does not have any real signifigance other than something that is used to designate the beginning and ending of play. I also still believe in the three levels of collars, as far as symbolism. When I was explaining them recently, My best definition are the vanilla equivilants of the promise ring, the engagement ring, and the wedding ring. While most will say that collars have a deeper meaning than the example, the above is something that most people can understand, whether or not they are in the lifestyle. Just some thoughts of Mine since the word "collar" itself came up....... Collars as a fashion statement: Some people like them, and it signifies a person's interest in BDSM. Not something I permit, and not something that holds a lot of value to Me. Collars of Protection: In today's age, I don't really think they are necessary. Velcro Collars: This is a harsh catagory. The same could be said for quick marriages. Then again, some decisions between two people to marry soon after meeting each other also last literally for decades. It's hard to know whether or not it's really "velcro" not by how soon it goes on, but rather how long it takes for it to come off. Thank you for starting the thread. It was a very interesting read.

MidMichCowboy -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/1/2007 6:12:42 PM)
My honest answer: I don't know. I have given a collar once where it meant total commitment. She got religion and I was judged a pervert (is it wrong to be a pervert?). I've used them in play. I hope someday to give one that will encircle both of us for the rest of my life (damn ... what a romantic streak .. geesh). I think the two (or more) people involved give it its meaning. What others think .. who really cares.

playfulotter -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/1/2007 6:17:59 PM)
I used to think it meant much more than it does now...but...i have had play collars etc...only one given collar in 2001 and that was given too hastily by a man i was in an eight month relationship with and my first and i really don't know what it meant now..thinking back..i think he was insecure and wanted to say..hey this is mine or whatever...his big thing was protocol...i think as "submissives" when we get a collar that matters we know it...i haven't read all the other postings like i usually do as i have been gone a few days..but in this case i don't think it matters![sm=brush.gif]

DiurnalVampire -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/1/2007 6:27:44 PM)
Depending on which of my pets you ask, and which you ask me about, the collars have very different meanings. Angel's collar is a symbol of ownership and commitment. He gave himself completely to me on Sept 15 of last year, and since then he has been working hard to be the best slave he can for me. We plan on being together forever, though wether or not we decide to go into the trappings of vanilla marriage and all that we havent decided or even really discussed. He has his locked collar that he only wears when I ask him to. He doesnt need anything full time. For Kitten, his collar was the symbol of his submission. Once I put that on his neck, he knew it as playtime until I decided it came back off. Even if he wasnt originally in the mood to play, the collar put him in subspace quickly. But once it came off, he and I were more or less equals. For some of my others, it has just been a playtime tool. Only Angel ha ever worn one for me that was a symbol of a relationship and not just of a play role. DV

breatheasone -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/1/2007 6:34:48 PM)
The collar I wear 24/7 to me means I am loved and owned for the rest of my life. I also collared my Master... He wears the collar I put on His neck 24/7 also. I would never normally speak for Him...but in this case I do KNOW that He also views His collar as a symbol of my love and ownership of Him for the rest of His life.

MasterShibari -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/2/2007 9:32:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone The collar I wear 24/7 to me means I am loved and owned for the rest of my life. I also collared my Master... He wears the collar I put on His neck 24/7 also. I would never normally speak for Him...but in this case I do KNOW that He also views His collar as a symbol of my love and ownership of Him for the rest of His life. Is it an actual collar that he wears, or something that symbolizes a collar? M. Shibari

lurkingtiger -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/2/2007 9:39:43 AM)
Unfortunately, to me, a collar is symbolic. It's not a binding piece of equipment that locks a submissive to her Master. That can only happen if the submissive shares an emotional bond with their Dominant. It's just a symbol of the power exchange that takes place in the relationship. Too many people buy into the RP/Yahoo/AOL Bullshat about it being this magical ring that will keep you on your knees. sigh

adoracat -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/2/2007 9:43:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lurkingtiger Unfortunately, to me, a collar is symbolic. It's not a binding piece of equipment that locks a submissive to her Master. That can only happen if the submissive shares an emotional bond with their Dominant. It's just a symbol of the power exchange that takes place in the relationship. Too many people buy into the RP/Yahoo/AOL Bullshat about it being this magical ring that will keep you on your knees. sigh it is symbolic. a person wearing a wedding ring doesnt magically become faithful to only one person, saying that you submit and wearing a collar doesnt do that either. being true to your word, being honorable, believing in the bond between dominant and submissive, THAT is what makes the collar worth something. kitten, who should be sleeping...

MasterShibari -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/2/2007 8:33:59 PM)
A ring means nothing unless the person wearing it choses to make it mean something. Collars, like rings, are all about choice. No? M. Shibari

daddysliloneds -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/2/2007 8:39:19 PM)
to me? it means they ran to the pet store and spent a few dollars on something for their dog, or they were stupid enough to believe they were going to give it to me and expect me to think of it as something special[:-]

slave4Darby3d -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/2/2007 11:55:39 PM)
My collar means I am owned, that I belong to him in every way. It means that we are dedicated to each other, in our respective roles, in our relationship. Its not a costume to me. Its not jewelry. It could be paper or metal and be strong either way. It symbolizes a deeper committment to me than a wedding ring ... but I dream of having both with my beloved Master.

trusting -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/3/2007 12:01:20 AM)
my collar means that i was the chosen one for Master... it shows my devotion to Him and only to Him. it means that i have made a lifetime commitment to serving, honoring and obeying Him.

MasterShibari -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/3/2007 11:57:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slave4Darby3d My collar means I am owned, that I belong to him in every way. It means that we are dedicated to each other, in our respective roles, in our relationship. Its not a costume to me. Its not jewelry. It could be paper or metal and be strong either way. It symbolizes a deeper committment to me than a wedding ring ... but I dream of having both with my beloved Master. How is it deeper, in what way? M. Shibari

newandreadygirl -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/3/2007 5:55:01 PM)
well.. me and my boyfriend are new to the lifestyle but i let him put a collar on my neck and i wear it when he says so.. i have 2 kids so naturally i dont wear it 24-7 but when i can i love wearing it.. for me it signifies that i am his and i love being his. I would like to find an anklet or necklace i could wear 24-7 and never take off except perhaps to bathe.

MasterShibari -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/5/2007 8:14:36 AM)
Ummm, third question that has gone unanswered. I suppose this is a read once and never again kind of thread.

DocRudy -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/5/2007 8:17:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterShibari How is it deeper, in what way? M. Shibari I can't directly speak for S4D3D, however, the presumption is that is is deeper because it symbolizes a relationship that arguably requires a deeper commitment than a normal 'nilla relationship. -DR

amiciaN -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/5/2007 9:13:13 AM)
The collar around my neck is a single strand of matched natural amber. It only comes off when it would get wet, due to the linen string. It is a constant tangible reminder of my Master NChaka, which is important to me, since we are still long distance. The sybolism in His collar is something we spoke of just last night. Here are few examples: Amber is warm to the touch, and its warmth reminds me of His love. It encircles my neck, just as His care and guidance surrounds me. More 'circle' symbolism is found in the boundaries He sets for me; the parameters I live my life within. There is so much more, but those are a few of the things it reminds me of. As an illustration of how much I cherish my Master's collar, it recently came off in my sleep. I was talking to Master via webcam shortly after I woke up when I reached up to touch it (something I often do) and realized it was not there. I was frantic! He watched in amazement as I searched for it, urging me to calm down and slow down. Thankfully, I found it on the bed quickly; the clasp had simply come undone. I do think that being apart from Him may make me treasure the symbolism of actually wearing His collar more.

vield -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/5/2007 9:36:35 AM)
I have seen debate about this topic in many places over the past twenty years or so, which is about as long as the collar as a committment device has been of major interest to the BD/SM scene. The promotion of this is a factor largely fueled in the beginning by the internet. Collars have been used as bondage devices for a very long time, but often there originally was no more significance than a set of cuffs. The BD/SM collar can be as important a symbol as the partners make of it, just as a ring can be, or a frat pin can be, or a lover's dog tag can be, or whatever symbol is important to those involved. No symbol is inherently powerful or serious, that gets put into the symbol by the committment of the partners. In early days of the on line community there were a lot of people for whom it was important to have a new sort of symbol to designate BD/SM committment, because a lot of people were honoring one relationship which their wedding ring symbolized, while establishing and honoring another relationship with someone else which their collars symbolized. There have probably been as many different limits and restrictions put forth in these situations by dom and sub partners of any gender as there are people in these situations. Now it is much more common and acceptable to come out as a kinky person than it was then, and there seems to be a bit less on the need for those dual life relationships, but this is only an impression I have, not based upon facts. In any case a collar, like a ring or a ceremony or a promise, is only as serious and as binding as you make it be. My partner and I use some symbols which have great significance to us, but which most vanilla folks would not notice even in the workplace. I liked the post about the strand of amber. Amber is one of the oldest gems humans used, and it has been significant in commerce, trade routes and jewelry for thousands of years. The electrical potential of amber caused it to be considered magickal, and in ancient Rome it was known as electrum. My partner and I like working in amber !

Dnomyar -> RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. (10/5/2007 9:39:17 AM)
Did you know that Elvis was into the lifestyle. He sang Won't you wear my ring around your neck. He must have believed in collars. Collars mean what you want them to mean.

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