Guilt (Full Version)

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Twice -> Guilt (9/24/2007 1:23:51 AM)

I just need to talk to people who understand how frustrated I am right now.

It's only been a few days, but I am ridiculously sick and I can't do anything for my Dom at all.  He's been having to do everything for me, actually, since I can barely even sit up.  Another Dom friend of mine told me something to the effect of "this is what we sign up for, just relax and let Him take care of you," but I still feel horribly guilty.  I'm sure He's going to get on here and read this and tell me it's all okay and everything, but that doesn't change the fact I feel horrible that I can't let Him play with me or do anything for Him or make Him happy.

Anyway, I just needed to vent to people who understand.  I just... feel inadequate to Him right now.



Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 1:41:07 AM)

Perhaps your Master is happy caring for you right now.  Instead of the self-pity consider this does make him happy.  Not that you are miserable and sick, but that he can also do for you...he doesn't have to, he wants to...so let him.



spanklette -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 1:49:13 AM)

Why feel guilty? Commitment to care for each other goes both ways. Many Doms tout being protective and then balk at taking care of their submissive. Enjoy the protectiveness as a reminder that you're more than someone to get his rocks off with. This is not the time to go fishing for compliments about your submissiveness from him. When you feel better, talk to him about how you felt and what about that could have been avoided. But, the bottom line is that you are going to have to own your emotions. Feeling guilty won't do anyone any good.
 



Twice -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 1:52:33 AM)

I suppose that's true.  I'm Catholic, though- guilt is ingrained!  I just feel bad because I feel like I'm letting Him down, or trying to suck too much out of our relationship.



spanklette -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 1:58:22 AM)

I understand where you're coming from, but you're not going to get anywhere with it...except maybe frustration. One of my Daddy's best attributes is His ability to pick me back up, dust me off, and help me face the world again. I've learned to live with the horror of accepting help and you will too over time...just take a deep breath and enjoy the attention you're getting. Soon enough you'll want to strangle him for something or other...this way you can look back on this and keep yourself out of prison.[:D]



HollyBlue -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 2:22:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

I've learned to live with the horror of accepting help and you will too over time...


I love the way you stated this...it is what the process has been like for me. I have been ill a number of times since getting together with my Master, and it's helpful to see the big picture.

To the OP: He may be taking care of you now, and you may not be making him happy in the usual ways, but that doesn't mean he isn't happy.

I can give you the advice to learn to see yourself as more than "useful" to your Dom...to see your inner being of intrinsic worth, and your giving nature as something that will shine through naturally as your body recovers from this illness.

Now somebody just remind me of what I said here, the next time I get a migraine and can't fuck or suck for a while...



chellekitty -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 5:55:00 AM)

think about the airplane saftey lecture....if the mask drops out of the ceiling, PUT YOUR OWN FREAKING MASK ON, before assisting your children and those around you...because you do no good to other people passed the fuck out...

you gotta take care of yourself before you can take care of others and heck, you're in a relationship, let him take care of you...suck it up...put your big girl panties on and deal...no sympathy here, sorry...



smilezz -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 6:07:48 AM)

Here is what Thorns always tells me:  "you are doing a service for Me by staying in bed or on the couch, taking your meds (if prescribed), taking it easy and getting better so that I as your Master can do all the deliciously Evil things I so enjoy"

Sooooooooooo, in the light of that.......your guilt is only wasting your time and energy when putting the focus on what you should be doing......and that is getting better.

I do hope you feel well soon!

~smilezz~



sub4hire -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 9:27:19 AM)

Over the year's I have felt guilty when I've been ill for one reason or another.  Doug showers me with attention
in these times.  It has made me uneasy to say the least.

However, he also has explained to me numerous times that the good and the bad comes with our relationship.
I take care of him 95 or so percent of the time.  He needs to take care of me at times as well.
By him taking care of me is getting me better quicker so I can then serve him again.
Never in my life have I been the type of person to cry out for sympathy when sick.  Even though he sort of expects me to.
It's rough but in no time at all you'll be better and these feelings will be long gone.



twistedkytten -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 9:50:14 AM)

Recently I was injured for several weeks the need to serve was still as strong as ever if not more so since I was completely down... it was a difficult experience, but by taking care of the injury I was effectively serving. As Master said, "So that I can use you properly." *grins*



Mercnbeth -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 9:58:01 AM)

your guilt serves no one but you, unless He revels in your feelings of worthless inadequacy.
 
if that's the case...your Catholic upbringing and resultant angst should be a plus.[:)]



behindmirrors -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 10:11:12 AM)

If it makes you feel any better, I've been going through some of the same stuff, having had surgery a few weeks ago- I couldn't even get out of bed by myself or walk to the bathroom alone, etc., for a few weeks- so I had to rely on my Master (and/or whoever he decided to have stay with me while he was at work) for everything.

In many ways, it has been really hard for me- but now that I'm up and moving more, I'm happy to do what I can for him, and I just have to leave it at that. It will still be a few months before I can take on the things I was doing before fully, so I am getting a good lesson in patience.

You might find that it helps you to bond with your Dom, and you may learn something from it, too.

I hope you feel better soon-
behindmirrors.



littleone35 -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 10:45:48 AM)

I know how you feel once i took a nasty fall in my house badly sprained my ankle.  When Master came over he woulsdnot let me walk to get him his drink or anything.  He lifted my foot and put it on his lap and iced it.   If felt kinda funny  him taking care of me.  As it pleased him to take care of me it was nice.  You are serving your Master in resting and getting better so that when you are well again you can take care of him. 

Matt's littleone



Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 11:03:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twice

I just... feel inadequate to Him right now.




Best way to become guiltless about this...


Do what you *need* to do to get better. In the meantime, spend some time thinking and focusing on how you can (and will) make up your downtime to Him.

After you get back to 100%, you can let him know that it's time for you to make up for your sick time and you'll now show Him how you appreciate His ownership of you - and how He cherishes you and takes care of His property.


*tips his hat*

- Mr. S



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 4:32:57 PM)

I don't like the idea of "making up for sick time" in a personal relationship, but that's me.

But I do agree with Merc and Beth- your guilt is serving you and taking away from him and his generosity.  You're suggesting that there's something wrong with how he is choosing to handle this relationship, you're selfishly making this all about you and how you feel.

Get over it. :)



Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 4:36:09 PM)

First off, hello, from one Floridian to another!

Secondly, don't feel bad.  I've been in your situation a LOT, and I used to beat myself up for it, until I stopped looking at it from a Master/submissive point of view and started looking at it as two people who love each other very much.  If he were sick I'd do the same for him -- not because I'm his submissive, but because I love him as a person, and want to see him happy and healthy.  He's doing the same for you right now.  It's only a temporary situation, and in time it will pass and you'll be able to "thank" him appropriately... hehe!



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 4:45:27 PM)

Try instead to consider your current helplessness, a form of dependance on him and his care for you. Submission has many forms, Whether you're the one serving, or being taken care of, just be secure in the fact you need him, and are submitting to his care, so that you will get better, which is, I'm sure, what he wants and expects of you. If it helps your mindset at all, have him do a bit of ordering and less coddling, a little edge of 'stern caring' might help you become a bit more use to the idea of being in his care, as much as he is sometimes in yours.



Cuffkinks -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 5:09:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twice

I just need to talk to people who understand how frustrated I am right now.

It's only been a few days, but I am ridiculously sick and I can't do anything for my Dom at all.  He's been having to do everything for me, actually, since I can barely even sit up.  Another Dom friend of mine told me something to the effect of "this is what we sign up for, just relax and let Him take care of you," but I still feel horribly guilty.  I'm sure He's going to get on here and read this and tell me it's all okay and everything, but that doesn't change the fact I feel horrible that I can't let Him play with me or do anything for Him or make Him happy.

Anyway, I just needed to vent to people who understand.  I just... feel inadequate to Him right now.


                           How do you know you're not making him happy?
  As a Dominant/Owner/Master...etc, we accept the responsibility of ownership. And with that responsibility comes caregiving. That is part of "What we sign up for." Don't assume. 
  I know many here have already said pretty much what I'm saying, but I wanted to chime in because I went through it with My little girl. After a medical procedure, she was dependant on Me for just about everything for several days. I gladly took care of her, and would do it again in an instant if need be. She serves Me very well, as a good girl should. It was the least I could do. I'm sure yours feels the same way about you. But you know what? When in doubt...let it out. Tell him exactly how you feel and ask how he feels. Once everything is out in the open you'll see that your guilt is for nothing.



proudsub -> RE: Guilt (9/24/2007 9:54:02 PM)

quote:

I just need to talk to people who understand how frustrated I am right now.


I know exactly how you feel twice. Hope you feel better soon.  I am facing the same thing and started this thread about it, there is some good advice there:

stressing over being cared for



LivingInSin -> RE: Guilt (9/25/2007 12:07:56 AM)

It's all about balance hon. You know if He were ill, you would be there right? Consentrate on getting better.



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