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Technical Skills - 9/25/2007 12:33:12 PM

MizKittenD

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/24/2007
From: Los Angeles, CA
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I've been a part of the lifestyle on and off for seven years, mostly as a submissive. While this worked for me the first few years in the lifestyle, I began to realize that perhaps submissive wasn't the role for me. As I began to explore this realization, I found that my needs lay more in being Dominant.
Currently, I have entered into a relationship with a woman. It started out as a vanilla relationship, but she has since, without any provocation on my part, expressed her submissive needs. She has never been with anyone in a D/s type of relationship, but has always felt the desire. We are not currently in a 24/7 situation, nor do either of us desire it. I have introduced her to many things step by step, and she is doing quite well.
However, seeing as most of my experience has been on the receiving end, I lack the technical skills to safely take things much further. I do not know how to safely and effectively use a flogger, or a cane, or rope bondage, or needles, etc. I'd like to gain these skills beforehand, not only for her safety, but so that I may be more confident when using them (becuase how can you be in control if you're not even confident of your abilities?). There is only so much one can learn online and through books, and while the BDSM community here is thriving, I don't feel that workships exactly hit the spot, as I'm not able to actually test out those teachings in the presence of the instructor.
I'd also like to hone this skills not in the presence of my girl, therein lies the problem. How feasable is it to find a mentor in the local community that is willing not only to give me hands on training, but that will a submissive willing to serve as a demo bottom?

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RE: Technical Skills - 9/25/2007 12:40:13 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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Well, it's all about practice. For flogging try beating the furniture-using tape as a targeting mark. Also gets the dust out.

There are a few bondage sites with tutorials as well.

http://www.twistedmonk.com/

http://www.nawashibari.com/techniques/index02.html

For the rest, nothing beats going out to functions and seminars in your local bdsm community. I first learned through voyouerism, then lots and lots of practice.

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RE: Technical Skills - 9/25/2007 1:25:11 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

There is only so much one can learn online and through books, and while the BDSM community here is thriving, I don't feel that workships exactly hit the spot, as I'm not able to actually test out those teachings in the presence of the instructor.

What workshops are you going to? In my experience, many workshops do offer an open uh workshop time, where you can practice what is being shown. So yeah, definitely, check out local workhops, kinky conferences (Folsom is this weekend!!!), talk to presenters in your community. Ask questions, lots of questions!

As for learning skills, read everything you can get your hot little paws on about the subject, bug the hell out of people with experience, and practice, practice, practice!

Rope Bondage Resources:
Twisted Monk - video tutorials available
Two Knotty Boys on youtube
Japan Rope - gallery tutorials available

Midori produces a hands-on rope intensive regionally Rope Dojo

Two Knotty Boys also present a lot along the left coast Two Knotty Boys

Both of the above also have books available on amazon.com.

Flogger Resources:
Flogger Details
Flogger Info
Grim's Flogging FAQ

In regards to practice, you can target practice with damn near anything. I've bounced a usb cable from one side of the room to the other while practicing, hanging a pillow at back height is handy. As for rope, you can also tie up damn near anything. Some things I will practice on myself - which is a lot more difficult than doing it on someone else, I assure you. I might sometimes grab a doll or some random object that has a shape similar to whatever I want to work with to get the idea of how to lay rope.

When playing with humans, just make sure you're prepared for anything that may happen, Murphy's Law and all that. Make sure you have emt scissors or *something* to cut the rope handy, it's better to have 'em and not need em than the other way around. Have some water and a snack available for after the scene (not uncommon for blood sugar to drop afterwards) and something warm for your bottom to wrap up in should they get cold. A basic first aid kit is also pretty essentially for any toy bag - I'm actually going to be carrying betadine swabs in my purse fairly soon, since I have a penchant for on-the-fly clawing and frequently need to treat abrasions.

Most importantly, though, have fun!

< Message edited by iammachine -- 9/25/2007 1:26:14 PM >

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RE: Technical Skills - 9/26/2007 7:25:32 AM

MissSCD

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Joined: 3/10/2007
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You are on the right train of thought when it comes to flogging. Flogging is a skill. It is erotic, and when done correctly can feel marvelous.
I have subbed as well. When I learn something new, I will allow it to be done to me first so that I will know exactly how it feels.
There are a couple of wrong ways to flog. It can cause injury to the sub/slave. You never want to flog in the hip or neck area. Also you want to flog ina circle eight pattern.
I had to have someone teach me. I found a Domme in my state who did just that. I am thankful she did.
That is what I recommend you do.

Regards, MissSCD

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RE: Technical Skills - 9/26/2007 7:32:55 AM

thetammyjo

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If workshops do not give you time to try things out, many do not because of time restrictions, try finding people in your community who have the skills you want to learn and asking them to teach you.

That's how I learned most of my hands on skills as a top. I considered it my responsibility to find mentors but I also made sure we were clear about what I wanted -- flogging, knife play, hot wax -- and didn't accept more than what I wanted -- no long terms let's discuss things or follow me around and learn from my great wisdom stuff.

I've also mentored and taught some of these skills to others. I considered it an honor to be asked to teach them.

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RE: Technical Skills - 9/26/2007 10:58:28 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
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I have to say whacking the furniture is an awesome way to learn control.
My 6 foot bullwhip I had to take outside and pratice on trees first.

Have Faith in Yourself and it will all come to You in time.

Another site that has a lot of things for beginners is www.frugaldomme.com its
under reconstruction so some links there may not work.
I love that site even though sometimes you have to look through a bunch of stuff to get what applys.

Have Fun

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RE: Technical Skills - 9/26/2007 11:28:06 AM

MizKittenD

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Joined: 9/24/2007
From: Los Angeles, CA
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All of you have been so helpful, thanks so much! The bondage sites are really helpful, since I'd found a few, but most of them head dead links and not very useful information. These ones are great, and I foundsome great rope to boot.
Most of the workshops I have been to do have time restrictions, which leaves limited time for hands-on afterwards, but I have been put in contact with a Dom or two in my area that have offered training sessions, so hopefully those work out.
I hadn't thought of practicing on furniture! What a great idea!
TheTammy, thank you SO MUCH for the comment about taking what you want to learn and nothing else. I've found a couple of Doms that want to tell me all about their Infinite Wisdom, and I'd rather find my own way in that regard.
Anyhow, thanks for the support, and now that I have a few tools, I'd better get to learning!

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RE: Technical Skills - 9/26/2007 11:29:01 AM

Oumae

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I'd also advise going to clubs and watching others play, make friends and ask for help, most are quite good at sharing skills.

Oumae

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RE: Technical Skills - 9/26/2007 7:03:32 PM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
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If you have a local TNG group in your area, ask if they host exploratorium parties, where you can try several different skills and get hands-on instruction with them. Our local group did these for a while (usually about two hours before the regular play party), and they were very helpful.

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