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ORIGINAL: mythicalsex

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ORIGINAL: Greta75

A man only has one dick! The chances of one dick plunging into two vaginas or more at the same time, I don't know, you need a split dick! Not great for sharing seriously! Gotta take turns for his attention. And then worst of all, if he is only a one time cummer for that night. You're screwed. If you aren't the first priority.

For me... that was not the complication. i have pretty amazing stamina, i am told. solo link available. i am also equally good with my mouth. i have had a few. they ended differently. different reasons all together. no two women are alike.

i like poly relationships. i love female attention. not everyone thinks it is worth all the extra work. i think it is worth it.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
To be honest, the biggest part of the problem is that Poly people hit on people who aren't looking for Poly. They're like door to door salesmen...they'll hit up 100 houses, not caring that the majority don't want what their selling and will most likely be annoyed, on the off chance that they can talk one person into trying it.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: mythicalsex

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ORIGINAL: Greta75

A man only has one dick! The chances of one dick plunging into two vaginas or more at the same time, I don't know, you need a split dick! Not great for sharing seriously! Gotta take turns for his attention. And then worst of all, if he is only a one time cummer for that night. You're screwed. If you aren't the first priority.

For me... that was not the complication. i have pretty amazing stamina, i am told. solo link available. i am also equally good with my mouth. i have had a few. they ended differently. different reasons all together. no two women are alike.

i like poly relationships. i love female attention. not everyone thinks it is worth all the extra work. i think it is worth it.

Well, I'm actually bi-sexual, really bi-sexual, not just bi-sexual because guys like it....so I enjoy having a female around.

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ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Let's face it though- a grand majority of people (doms) out there THINK poly would be a great idea, and have absolutely no skills to do it well.

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ORIGINAL: sweetchoc100

Hello blackwolf99; In West African Nigerian culture, polygamy is practised in which a man may have more than one wife as long as he can maintain them all to the same standard. Eg: If the children of one wife attend private school then the children of the other wives should also. If he builds or buys a house for one wife he would have to do so for the other wife / wives so that there is equity and fairness and less opportunity for jealousy to spoil the collaborative dynamic within the family. It is typical for the first wife to be regarded as the Alpha or senior wife and the wives that follow have to be respectful and subserviant to the Alpha first wife under the guidance of the husband. In Nigeria, polygamy is not a revolving door in which the husband has a wife or wives and then changes them or indulges in extra marital affairs. The ideal and what I know is practised is that he tells the existing wife / wives that he has aspiration to court for another wife or that he has identified a potential new wife to court. Also, it is unheard of for wives to be having Bisexual sex with each other. Some women in Nigeria are Bi or gay but they would not enter a Poly marriage to have sex with a Poly wife.

Polygamy happens for various reasons and wanting to have sex with other people is not always the primary reason - could be that the family are seeking to produce a male heir or that the existing wife / wives has children that have the sickle cell virus and so it is a prudent action to increase the gene pool of the children in the family . Sometimes the man simply wants the attention of more than one woman for sex or romance and each wife provides a different flavour and the husband can have some spice and still be respectful and not cheating his Alpha and other wives. There was a wealthy Poly family I knew of where it was common knowledge that the man had married several wives for different reasons including, Alpha wife was his college sweetheart from when he was young, one wife brought wealth into the family via businesses she had etc, 2 others were for children, the younger one he married in his later years was for romance. The wives all have conjugal access on rota + emotional care and support and social status as a conseuence / follow on from marrying a wealthy man and into a successful and stable Poly family. Sometimes, if the Alpha wife is beyond child bearing age or less sexually active for what ever reason It is not common for wives to be brought into the family and then interchanged i.e the leave the family for new wives and so in that way West African polygamy is much more stable than BDSM poly relationships as stated by some of the respondents here in which there is an Alpha poly partner and then play partners outside that get changed etc. The husband knows he has to be faithful to his wives and if he wishes to court another he must have consent from Alpha wife and the other wives etc.

In Islam as practised in Nigeria (the Nigerian Muslims are mostly Sunni i.e the follow the Saudi Arabian style of Islam which is considered quite secular and not extreme) , a man is allowed to have up to 4 wives who he must love and look after to an equal standard. I have observed that with both the Islamic and the West African Nigerian polygamy system the wives have fair portion of conjugal access with the husband. In Nigeria I know it is not typical or even done for wives to be bisexual with each other and a man does not go out seeking a wife to have sex with his existing wife / wives etc. In my observation the best i/e most harmonious poly families have unity and peace and chappy habitation amongst the wives and the children when the husband father has a mature outlook, is calm and grounded and fair , reasonable and also has the financial means to ensure that the wives can focus on the home and looking after the children and supporting him and don't have to deal with the stress of earning a living and then sharing their limited earnings into the family pot etc as jealousy and resentments can arise from such as well as other things such as one wife being perceived to be having more attention or more of the family wealth spent on her and her children etc.

In Nigeria, a fairly attractive female of child bearing or even mature age - if she is being courted by a wealthy man who has a poly household then she knows she is going to have a good life and will never have to work again etc and that her children have good prospects of doing well in society etc. Polygamy does not suit everyone. I think females need certain temperament and resilience within them eg to be pragmatic and calm, able to nurture because the person would sometimes have to look after not just their own but their sister wive's child / children even if just occasionally, to be patient and be willing to share and able to cope with some separation from spouse at times etc. When I was younger I would not have minded being a wife in an affluent Poly family as I know it would have guaranteed me an affluent home, high social status and the best education for my children + expensive holidays etc. Now, as a single mature person now that is seeking a relationship I would not settle for a poly relationship as for me now, children is not an issue and in London UK here the poly men that have approached me give the impression that they want to have a taste of me which in my own view is not what Poly is about as in my culture Poly is not primarily there to facilitate for a person to have permission to have sex with other people and I find that annoying to the point of being disgusted and also disrespectful and I am very happy to deprive them of having such pleasure i.e for me to be used. Poly is not meant to be for harem acquisition - A harem is where sex workers / concubines / mistresses are kept. I prefer the Nigerian / West African / Islamic Poly lifestyle which is much more stable and provides better care and support to all involved

Anthropologically, from thousands of years ago, my ancestors were practising Polygamy as a means of ensuring that no women remained unwed, that no woman remained without the protection of a man which was an important thing to have and also that no woman remained without children unless though barrenness etc as the society needed enough and plentiful children to grow and become the next generation of farmers and warriors to protect the land etc. Also to replenish those that died from childhood diseases and accidents when there were less medical resources to save lives etc. I'm not knocking what people enjoy in the BDSM scene now - just showing you a different perspective. I hope this helps to give some awareness and a different prospective to the poly issue.

Kind regards at you blackwolf99 and all here :).

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ORIGINAL: sweetchoc100

Hello mythicalsex you are communicating in direct response to my contribution to this matter in a tone towards me that is aggressive and somewhat rude and actually uncalled for and only serve to spread negativity and division.

Mythicalsex; You should have all you'r facts and not make assumptions so you don't get riled up unnecessarily and so you don't make attacks which are uncalled for and serve mainly to spread negativity. I am of Nigerian ethnicity born in London UK. I have UK citizenship and I actually feel English while I have Nigerian blood in me and a good understanding of Nigerian Igbo culture. I wonder why you are mentioning female circumcision and referencing it to my post and even to this topic which is about poly lifestyle and relationships. Some Nigerians / Africans do indeed still practice female circumcision which is something the government and many of the people there are trying to eradicate and with education they are making progress. Female circumcision and Nigerian polygamy are two completely different issues. Also, FYI, Muslims in Nigeria do not typically circumcise their daughters because most Nigerian Muslims are Sunni Muslims and therefore quite moderate. The female circumcision that occurs in Nigeria is usually related to native practices. There are Muslims in other African countries such as Somalia that still practice female circumcision and I suggest you do you'r own research to ascertain if the circumcision that occurs there is related to the religious or the cultural practices or both. I don't have the facts on such and I would not dare to make assumptions either. The other things you were ranting about such as people throwing gays off rooftops etc? What's that got to do with polygamy in Nigeria please? FYI, homosexuality is practiced in Nigeria. There are homosexual and transgender brothels I'm the northern part of the country. What is outlawed is gay marriage and spreading gay propaganda. It's as if with the little that you know, you saw my post referencing poly activities from a Nigerian perspective and you see red. I thought it would be helpful to bring another perspective /experience into the discussion and to talk about something that others don't know about. Your aggressive tone tells me you don't like hearing about other cultures other than what you know while I myself here in London have met with and interfaced with other progressive westerners who are quite pleased to interface with and discuss intellectually with someone that can bring an ethnic perspective /something different to the bdsm discussion. You claim that Nigerian wives in polygamous marriages are bisexual and have sex with each other. You'r assertion is based on what fact please? If they are or are not bisexual and having sex with each other or not what has that got to do with you. I shared the facts I know about and you have brought in something unrelated and you're all riled up to boot. To be frank you'r manner is ignorant and it does not affect me however if persons such as yourself are offended by hearing about issues relating to bdsm from a non European perspective then people like me that may actually have more to contribute can easily stay away as I did not come here because I'm idle rather I came to contribute in a positive way but if it causes you such upset I can stay away and leave the place for you and your ignorant and aggressive and discriminatory manner. All the best to everyone here as ever ☺.

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ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
One of the main reasons "why subs run when they hear the word 'poly'." is because too many dishonest pieces of human shit use it as an excuse after they get caught dipping their wick where it didn't belong.

The simplest "definition" of "Polyamory" is "Ethical non-monogamy".



Michael

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
One of the main reasons "why subs run when they hear the word 'poly'." is because too many dishonest pieces of human shit use it as an excuse after they get caught dipping their wick where it didn't belong.

The simplest "definition" of "Polyamory" is "Ethical non-monogamy".



Michael

I'm sure that's part of it. I've been thinking about some other things that surround it and I think there is more.

It's not so much that female subs run when they hear the word poly, as long as they are the primary partner or the one in the 'established' couple who is looking for the third. Way greater margin, as long as they are "first," maybe have the legal standing of being the spouse, etc. There is a certain bit of security in that. There isn't a whole lot in being the 'second' submissive to come along or that 'third' that makes up the triad. Quite often, it's the later sub that is taking all of the risks. More often than not, if a triad breaks up, the established couple will stay together (there are exceptions, of course) and the sub who was the 'most recent' addition will be the first one to go.

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ORIGINAL: blackwolf99

I have had the worse luck in my search for play partners. The second they hear the word poly or that I have a sub, they run at speeds that would make the Roadrunner envious. And thats without them even finding out what or how that relates to our relation (mine and the prospective subs)

I hear things like..

I am not bi (never said you had to be)

If I am not primary I am not interested. (I kind of like to think of my play partners as equals, but they dont wait to find that out)

I dont want to be part of a stable (never said I was starting one)

I dont want to deal with jelousy issues (understandable, but who said there would be any?)

and dozens more......


I have read ethical slut. I consider myself to be one. You know walk the walk, talk the talk, but I never seem to get past the word poly.
Sure I could not tell them, play for awhile and let the cat out of the bag later, but that seems more than a bit dishonest and I work very hard to not go there (dishonesty that is).

So help me out folks looking advice but also to understand why certain subs feel this way. I am not new to the bdsm lifestyle, and have had a few good poly relations ( and I would like to think my partners would agree with me). Just seem the majority of subs run at the word poly

Thoughts?