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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 10/14/2016 2:40:11 PM   
Svale


Posts: 68
Joined: 4/7/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blackwolf99

Just out of curiosity how many here have read :

The Ethical Slut:
A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt

Highly recommmended for anyone in a poly relation



I have.

(in reply to blackwolf99)
Profile   Post #: 201
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 10/14/2016 2:47:12 PM   
Svale


Posts: 68
Joined: 4/7/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilsekoch

Why are poly relationships more acceptable in bdsm? I know no vanilla or NORMAL people who would put up with this. It seems men are quite happy to find gullable females to add to their little harem and then we can all play at being happy. What happens when one person gets more attatched to another or one gets more attention than the other.? Please do not tell me jealousy does not occur as it is human nature. I can love more than one person but I would not want to share my bed with more than one person. I can fuck anyone but choose not to. I will gift my submission to ONE man as I feel that makes it worth more than if I gave out my favours to the whole household. I respect your views, I just do not agree with them.



Not a lot of respect with your harping on 'normal' but let that pass. There are many poly relationships that are not bdsm. FYI.

(in reply to Ilsekoch)
Profile   Post #: 202
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 10/14/2016 2:55:35 PM   
Svale


Posts: 68
Joined: 4/7/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveR1

The problem that I see in poly relationships, alot of the the time the participates are not getting the same amount of satisfaction. When that happens, believe me, the relationship can unravel so quickly. The other point I wanted to make is alot of people are very jealous/possessive of their significant other. That is a recipe for disaster in this type of relationship. It takes very special people to participate in a poly relationship. You have to be willing to share and put your partners needs before your own.



I do not agree with that last sentiment. Everybody should have their needs met, that is the whole idea. Often that means that a couple both have other lovers/significant others, or that a family loves all around. The point is more to everybody, not less. As I see poly.

(in reply to SlaveR1)
Profile   Post #: 203
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 10/14/2016 3:03:00 PM   
Svale


Posts: 68
Joined: 4/7/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedangel

i guess the issue for me about poly is that i just don't share well. i know this is not a popular opinion coming from a sub's mouth but it is just me being totally honest. i also know i will take some heat on this but i am honest and that is just how i feel. i guess i feel when i meet the right Dom for me, i need love involved and maybe i am just insecure but i just don't want to share the person i love.



Not everybody likes poly, why should that be bad for a sub, or why should you catch heat for that?

Love is involved in poly, FYI, but that does not mean that you have to like it.

(in reply to greeneyedangel)
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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 10/14/2016 3:15:55 PM   
Svale


Posts: 68
Joined: 4/7/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TantricOne
their dom, very rarely is the dom willing to share them with another male,



And there is part of the answer.

(in reply to TantricOne)
Profile   Post #: 205
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/26/2016 5:14:56 PM   
maraith


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/2/2016
Status: offline 		I think people are more comfortable with and sorts expect monogamy so when first introduced to the idea of poly they just freak out. And I think a lot of people are just wired more for monogamy. That said, while I personally have a preference for poly as an option, I'm only open to certain types of poly and certain situations so I'd have a lot of questions about both philosophical ideals and the practical appemotedused by a Dom who already had a sub. And if I was expected to also be close (whether sexually or just in a friendly sense) with the other sub, I would expect them to be very involved in the getting-to-know-you process.

(in reply to Larry862)
Profile   Post #: 206
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 12/22/2016 8:36:43 PM   
Taramafor


Posts: 39
Joined: 12/22/2016
From: UK, Manchester
Status: offline 		It's not just subs. Actually, subs tend to get it in my experience. Probably because I mingle with them more being one. You should see the female doms that flee. I did however get a few to understand things from my point of view. But it required having to share my life story.

Man, I'll say it straight. It's hard work just to be accepted at times. But you know something, that makes it worth it. I MAKE good things happen.

(in reply to maraith)
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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 12/26/2016 9:25:43 AM   
sweetestmarie


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/30/2013
Status: offline 		I was talking with someone on here who I grew to care about deeply.. will not reveal his identity, but after almost 2 months of getting to know each other the conversation of poly came up and he pretty much stated he wanted more then one...he knew about the bad poly relationship I was involved in, in the past..and because of my insecurities of poly he decided I was not right for him...basically my point is, I wish he would have given me the chance to talk and possibly work through the issues I havery with poly relationships. But what does that say about him then..as we both seemed to be compatible in every aspect..

(in reply to pineapplesub)
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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 12/26/2016 10:13:44 AM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
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quote:

But what does that say about him then..as we both seemed to be compatible in every aspect..

That he did not see you as compatible, and so had the decency to tell you so.

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to sweetestmarie)
Profile   Post #: 209
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 12/26/2016 1:26:57 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline 		I think poly scares people off because 1 person is 'Home' and everyone else are guests.

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)
Profile   Post #: 210
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 12/26/2016 5:36:48 PM   
Taramafor


Posts: 39
Joined: 12/22/2016
From: UK, Manchester
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetestmarie

I was talking with someone on here who I grew to care about deeply.. will not reveal his identity, but after almost 2 months of getting to know each other the conversation of poly came up and he pretty much stated he wanted more then one...he knew about the bad poly relationship I was involved in, in the past..and because of my insecurities of poly he decided I was not right for him...basically my point is, I wish he would have given me the chance to talk and possibly work through the issues I havery with poly relationships. But what does that say about him then..as we both seemed to be compatible in every aspect..


Honestly? It sounds like he didn't even bother to give you a chance and ditched you for having insecurities. Do you ditch people when they're having problems with something?

It's a simple case of "Do you care enough to be around despite problems". That's not compatibility, that's either caring about someone to deal with it or not. In this case he didn't even talk to you about it first. How the hell can he know if there's any comparability or not if he only assumes and doesn't get your whole viewpoint?

Personally mono kinda... affects me in a bad way I guess. People made me choose once. But I know mono people. Even the ones that did that shit (on the best of terms with them currently btw). I don't go "Avoided because different". I talk to them. I listen to them. And if I care about someone I don't go "Ditched and avoided because not compatible".

< Message edited by Taramafor -- 12/26/2016 5:38:24 PM >

(in reply to sweetestmarie)
Profile   Post #: 211
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 12/31/2016 2:50:37 PM   
LenMoody


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/27/2016
Status: offline 		Great answer.

(in reply to artelahe)
Profile   Post #: 212
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 2/13/2017 9:59:56 PM   
Belgarath1ca


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/13/2017
Status: offline 		I much prefer that subs run for the hills when I tell them that I am poly. It means that I will not have to worry about wasting time on them. I tell any prospective play partner UPFRONT so they have no delusions about what they are getting into. It makes entering negotiations much easier to begin.

_____________________________

Calling in from Hell's Half Acre

(in reply to pineapplesub)
Profile   Post #: 213
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 3/2/2017 11:12:51 AM   
mythicalsex


Posts: 84
Joined: 1/30/2016
Status: offline 		Relationships are such individual experiences. When people try to collectivize something like a poly relationship, people are going to get it wrong.

Not only that, people who are jealous will make sure to make fun of the possibilities. What happens is more awkward conversations resulting in arguments of what it is and what it is not.

You have to be able to communicate your needs and what you bring to the table to some one interested. Without being able to honestly discus what it will be like for you. People have to do more than like you to want to live with you.

(in reply to Larry862)
Profile   Post #: 214
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 3/11/2017 7:28:33 PM   
Daddysangelbaby7


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/11/2017
Status: offline 		My Dom and I have been looking a year...its been a total nightmare. No one we found was serious about being a sister sub or being poly. We have found mostly fakes and liars. I want a sister to please my Sir. I would love to have a sister to share my life and my Sir with. Most we have found only want him and try and i mean try to come between us but Sir stops that right away. I want to make him happy my possible sister happy and live happy for the rest of my life. I just want someone who wants the same and thats hard to find.

(in reply to pineapplesub)
Profile   Post #: 215
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 4/15/2017 12:49:03 PM   
Svale


Posts: 68
Joined: 4/7/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysangelbaby7

My Dom and I have been looking a year...its been a total nightmare. No one we found was serious about being a sister sub or being poly. We have found mostly fakes and liars. I want a sister to please my Sir. I would love to have a sister to share my life and my Sir with. Most we have found only want him and try and i mean try to come between us but Sir stops that right away. I want to make him happy my possible sister happy and live happy for the rest of my life. I just want someone who wants the same and thats hard to find.



Just wanted to say that it is disgusting that people behave that way, when you clearly state your purpose.

Best of luck finding an honest person!

(in reply to Daddysangelbaby7)
Profile   Post #: 216
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 4/15/2017 2:11:10 PM   
NoirMetal


Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline 		The problem is that people don't like being treated like a second class toy. And rather than treat them as a family member-they make a hierarchy clear, to try to alleviate the WIFE's insecurities.

We can veto what you want if we feel it's bad for us-you can leave if that's not ok.

So they do. Add the fact that a lot of the males are looking to objectify a female as a sex toy.

_____________________________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQeNASx7ksM

(in reply to Svale)
Profile   Post #: 217
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 4/15/2017 2:42:08 PM   
focalss


Posts: 164
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'm one of those people.

I'm simply not interested in someone if they don't have time to commit to being together and I don't want that time to be diluted by being with other people.

In some cases I am sure there are loving true poly relationships. I think in most its a cover for lack of honesty in being with someone.

As a heterosexual male I would find it difficult to have the type of relationship I am seeking with a woman with other men. In terms of sex it does appear from the outside that poly would mean bi for what they are seeking. I understand there are triads where they share certain things or one wants a child and one doesn't so they go outside the couple to get that and it can work but not for me and not for most people I think.

(in reply to NoirMetal)
Profile   Post #: 218
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 4/15/2017 3:53:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You looked for one whole year. And how many years did you date before you found this partner? Ten, or twenty is not uncommon.
Yet you expect someone else to fall in love with both of you inside of no time at all.

If you were at all realistic, you would expect it to take almost twice the time it did to find your partner. Because it's not one relationship now, it's three. One with her and each of you alone plus one with the couple.

I can't blame any of them for running immediately. The people who aren't for real here, are you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to focalss)
Profile   Post #: 219
RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 4/15/2017 7:41:18 PM   
NoirMetal


Posts: 508
Joined: 3/20/2017
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss

I'm one of those people.

I'm simply not interested in someone if they don't have time to commit to being together and I don't want that time to be diluted by being with other people.

In some cases I am sure there are loving true poly relationships. I think in most its a cover for lack of honesty in being with someone.

As a heterosexual male I would find it difficult to have the type of relationship I am seeking with a woman with other men. In terms of sex it does appear from the outside that poly would mean bi for what they are seeking. I understand there are triads where they share certain things or one wants a child and one doesn't so they go outside the couple to get that and it can work but not for me and not for most people I think.

I've known people in my Seattle area with poly families that have been stable for over a decade. I admire their proficiency in managing complex relationships to be perfectly honest. Others seem to be a constant drama with a self serving male... and a female partner who tolerates his antics-because she's tired of his strange desires.

And figures that at least her wandering penis is distracted with looking, rather then nagging her.

_____________________________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQeNASx7ksM

(in reply to focalss)
Profile   Post #: 220
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