ShiftedJewel
Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004 Status: offline
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quote:
Why use the words "poly", "polyamorous", "polyamory", etc. when describing to a prospective submissive partner what sort of relationship you want. Once you use any of these words, you have to enforce YOUR definition of it, and if there is a definition already in place in the other person's mind, you are adding work to your struggle. Why use those to describe us? Because thats what we are.... and I don't mind explaining my "definition" of it and if I have to "enforce" my definition and if it is THAT much of a struggle then, IMNSHO, perhaps that isn't a person we need in our family anyway. quote:
These terms have been truly abused by abusive men -- for example, those who build a harem via secrets, the women do not know of each other. The woman you want is going to be afraid of such involvements, of course. All the more reason to be totally upfront about it.... as so many have already stated that the term has been "abused" and because of that I believe that it needs to be brought out into the light... I personally feel that if you make an attempt to "hide" or "disquise" something it's because a part of you feels it's wrong. So to not be totally upfront from the start is, again, IMO, dishonest. Those that "build a harem via secrets...." well, that's cheating, period, and has nothing to do with poly whatsoever. quote:
I suggest you say how much time you have available to your new commitment. Specifiy how available you are -- and are not. Honoring your existing commitments, whatever they are, simply makes you ... honorable. That may work for some but I don't see it having any bearing on a closed poly family, the commitment would have to be 24/7 even if living together wasn't possible. See, that is one of the biggest frustrations I have... people talk about divided loyalties and bringing instability to a marriage, and the list goes on and on... The point is really very simple... COMMUNICATION... and when you are done with that.... do it more. Be open, be honest, be respectful and on top of everything else... be realistic. If you can do all of those things then you shouldn't have to beguile someone into your life by "beautifying" the term poly. They either understand it, don't understand it but want to, have been burned by someone that claimed it (but then again who among us hasn't been burned by someone claiming to be a dominant/submissive as well?) or they have no desire what so ever to be a part of it... I honestly don't see how avoiding the word "poly" in any way changes that dynamic. So call it poly, call it swinging, call it an open marriage.... but by not calling SOMETHING then you leave it to the other person to put their own definition on it... the one thing you were trying to avoid to begin with. Jewel
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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.
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