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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/9/2005 2:31:20 PM

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Joined: 2/17/2005
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Although I am doubting at this time I will even have a sub again I have always been poly. I hope what I am about to say is read. These so called monagumus Doms convince a sub it will be one on one. The next thing you know the sub has a add in her profile that she is seeking a sister because her master wants her to experience a bi-sexual relationship. This is a joke that sub is for the master and his pleasure not for hers. So that is how some doms get around the poly thing lol. I get lots of letter from subs asking me questions because of my age and the time have been in the lifestyle. Many are complaints rather then questions though lol. Usually it is things like Master still wants to train other subs. Master wants play partners lol. At least being poly you are honest about who you are. Everything is about choices. If poly is not for you fine. But many doms will say the are monagumus to get a sub then after a while try and introduce her to things by saying if you care for me you will do this for me. I am not saying all doms but I am saying many. I have had it with the games that are being played now and I hope that young submissives or mature curious submissives will truly get to know someone before they jump in. I have been around for over 30 years and was taught that good Dominants protect and that they should always be honest. I think those days are gone and it saddens me to say it. One more thing there are many subs that play the game also. So back to the point, most wont admit it doms in general all want more then one sub. They just find different ways to go about it without calling themsleves poly. Good luck to everyone,,,,,,

(in reply to pineapplesub)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/10/2005 7:22:59 AM

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Joined: 9/23/2005
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"Poly to me is not about play partners. It is about 3 or more people forming a lasting union. If someone asked me to become involved in a poly situation and they spoke of it in ways that referenced it as play, I too would run. Just a thought."

_____________________________

Peace and light,
erin

We agree, and expect no less. We are seeking a long term poly fidelitous relationship. Not a casual play partner, not swinging, and not a fuck buddy.
Its about loving and respect those who are in the house, or coe into the house. Shoud sexual play come up (within the members of the house- not outsiders)- its becase the members of the house wish it. Not because anyone is being treated like a toy, or fresh piece of ass.

(though we have met many who like this mindset (of being a play thing to be used and passd around) If it works for them, great. But its not for us.

-Hawk & dove

_____________________________

-Sir Hawk

Master of dove's Haven

"True Power/Control is knowing that You have the ability to use it, but choose not to."

Hearts in Service:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartsInService/

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/10/2005 9:04:36 AM

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Joined: 10/30/2005
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there I think the attitude you refer to is all to common....such sexual lollyscrambles have been trumpeted before as revolutionary.....few get to the heart of the matter. Your response put it assuccinctly as I have seen.

(in reply to hawk58)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/10/2005 11:24:49 AM

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I dont think I came across as prfessing my htoughts as being "revolutionary". My thoughts are simply thawt- mine. the way I do things, the way I feel.

So what exactly are you trying to say?

_____________________________

-Sir Hawk

Master of dove's Haven

"True Power/Control is knowing that You have the ability to use it, but choose not to."

Hearts in Service:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartsInService/

(in reply to Jacques1000)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/10/2005 11:41:50 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hawk58
(though we have met many who like this mindset (of being a play thing to be used and passd around)

That is interesting. I havent find any so far. Unlike you I am looking exactly for "casual play partner" or a sextoy. But all I keep finding are men interested in emotional relationship. That I have and dont share.
One would really think it would be easy to find "just sex", at least according to numerous people complaining about men wanting only sex. My luck or what..... *grins*

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to hawk58)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/10/2005 10:41:33 PM

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Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Lou, Kentucky
Status: offline

Uhmm.....I'm a switch, but I lean more towards the Submissive side...I'd like to say that I don't think too many women like the idea of a man dating multiple women, in a sense...you're whoring yourself out to whoever whenever, and you won't stop at a certain point, things just keep stacking up higher and higher....I think it's very unappealing, that at any given moment you will be bringing the 7th woman home this week...

*shrugs*

_____________________________

*PaLoMa*

(in reply to pineapplesub)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/11/2005 12:21:09 AM

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Joined: 5/7/2005
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ORIGINAL: Ilsekoch

I want a Dom who wants only one sub. Why do Doms seem to think just because this is not a vanilla relationship they can have their cake and eat it? Whats wrong with being a normal one on one couple or do all men have to hide under the cloak of bdsm, as in the vanilla world how many women would put up with this poly crap. I never have and never will. Is it selfish to want my man all to myself? Or are all men more interested in adding notches to the bed post.

Ps, This was meant to be in reply to the thread starter and not pineapple sub!!!

There's that word 'normal' again. Why is a non-hetero-non-monogamous relationship NOT 'normal'? I beg to differ with the labeling of Poly as crap. I'm not a man and I'm not a dominant and I have Poly wiring. Poly is not the same as swinging. Nor is it the same as having an open relationship. And nothing is wrong with any of them, they're different and work equally well for different people.

What makes me Polyamorous? I'm not interested in casual intimate relationships, as it's almost an oxymoron to call anything remotely intimate 'casual'. I believe that I can love more than one person. LOVE being the key word. I could fuck just anybody, but I don't want to. I could play with just anyone but I don't want to. I prefer to have a deeper, committed relationship with the people I'm intimate with. If there is one more person in this world who truly loves me and has my best interest at heart, better for me. I know I'm capable of offering that same love, caring and consideration in return. It's not easy to get 2 people on that same page, let alone 3 or 4. But if you can......there are no words.

While you may not be poly wired - there are many people who aren't - please don't automatically relegate Poly to the realm of misogyny, adultery and deceit. You can want a man all to yourself, as it's your right. Just make sure you find the one who wants to be that - just yours.
luvdragonx

BRAVO! Give the lady a TeddyBear. Well said. (Putting my two cents back in my pocket for a later date)

< Message edited by ButsuDom -- 11/11/2005 12:27:35 AM >

(in reply to luvdragonx)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/12/2005 6:50:36 AM

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Joined: 11/11/2005
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It's like anything in this lifestyle. Either you are into it or you are not. If a sub has no interest in being in a relationship with more than one other person that is their preference. There are a lot of Doms out there that just want one sub so there is no need to be in a relationship where the sub obviously would not be happy.
Trying to make a sub see the benefits of poly is like trying to make a vanilla person see the benefits of s&m. It's just not their kink.

(in reply to pineapplesub)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/12/2005 1:54:45 PM

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Joined: 9/16/2004
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What makes me Polyamorous? I'm not interested in casual intimate relationships, as it's almost an oxymoron to call anything remotely intimate 'casual'. I believe that I can love more than one person. LOVE being the key word. I could fuck just anybody, but I don't want to. I could play with just anyone but I don't want to. I prefer to have a deeper, committed relationship with the people I'm intimate with. If there is one more person in this world who truly loves me and has my best interest at heart, better for me. I know I'm capable of offering that same love, caring and consideration in return. It's not easy to get 2 people on that same page, let alone 3 or 4. But if you can......there are no words.

While you may not be poly wired - there are many people who aren't - please don't automatically relegate Poly to the realm of misogyny, adultery and deceit. You can want a man all to yourself, as it's your right. Just make sure you find the one who wants to be that - just yours.
luvdragonx

Well said. I am married to Head Bitch Barbie. I have 2 subs. There is nothing casual or superficial about any of the relationships. I love them deeply and differently. I don't ask for understanding; only to be left alone. I think that is why most poly relationships are not well known; we get tired of "explaining" it to people who will never get it.

_____________________________

Master Jerry

(in reply to ButsuDom)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/12/2005 11:18:39 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ButsuDom

There's that word 'normal' again. Why is a non-hetero-non-monogamous relationship NOT 'normal'?

Oh, I find many on these message boards talking about plain old sex like its something not normal and if you want to be true bdsmer you should despise it and spit on it.
Well, I can live with a fact I am never going to be true bdsmer on that conditions *shrugs*, but I do pity from my point of view those who look down on sex like something less worth.

As I already said, in my book there are two meanings - polyamorous and polysexual, one including emotions and the other just physical side.
I am polysexual bisexual dominant, if I want to label myself, but I would never dream of despising someone who is polyamorous heterosexual submissive.

Its just question of being able to respect different people with different preferances. Not something being better or not normal. And the really sad fact is that some people are just not capable of understanding that if someone disagrees with them its not the end of the world or reason to start personal wars.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to ButsuDom)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/13/2005 1:21:15 AM

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Joined: 6/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ButsuDom

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvdragonx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilsekoch

I want a Dom who wants only one sub. Why do Doms seem to think just because this is not a vanilla relationship they can have their cake and eat it? Whats wrong with being a normal one on one couple or do all men have to hide under the cloak of bdsm, as in the vanilla world how many women would put up with this poly crap. I never have and never will. Is it selfish to want my man all to myself? Or are all men more interested in adding notches to the bed post.

Ps, This was meant to be in reply to the thread starter and not pineapple sub!!!

There's that word 'normal' again. Why is a non-hetero-non-monogamous relationship NOT 'normal'? I beg to differ with the labeling of Poly as crap. I'm not a man and I'm not a dominant and I have Poly wiring. Poly is not the same as swinging. Nor is it the same as having an open relationship. And nothing is wrong with any of them, they're different and work equally well for different people.

What makes me Polyamorous? I'm not interested in casual intimate relationships, as it's almost an oxymoron to call anything remotely intimate 'casual'. I believe that I can love more than one person. LOVE being the key word. I could fuck just anybody, but I don't want to. I could play with just anyone but I don't want to. I prefer to have a deeper, committed relationship with the people I'm intimate with. If there is one more person in this world who truly loves me and has my best interest at heart, better for me. I know I'm capable of offering that same love, caring and consideration in return. It's not easy to get 2 people on that same page, let alone 3 or 4. But if you can......there are no words.

While you may not be poly wired - there are many people who aren't - please don't automatically relegate Poly to the realm of misogyny, adultery and deceit. You can want a man all to yourself, as it's your right. Just make sure you find the one who wants to be that - just yours.
luvdragonx

BRAVO! Give the lady a TeddyBear. Well said. (Putting my two cents back in my pocket for a later date)

Awww, thanks....can I have the blue one?

As an update: recent events have cemented these ideas into my head. I know without a shadow of a doubt that any secondary relationship I have must be based on more than just play/sex. I've seen firsthand how enjoyment of the physical coupled with NRE can lead people seeking poly to making bad decisions. Polyamory basically translates to 'many loves'. I need more from a loving relationship than just great sex or intense play.

< Message edited by luvdragonx -- 11/13/2005 1:22:31 AM >

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to ButsuDom)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/13/2005 1:27:48 AM

Posts: 388
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

quote:

What makes me Polyamorous? I'm not interested in casual intimate relationships, as it's almost an oxymoron to call anything remotely intimate 'casual'. I believe that I can love more than one person. LOVE being the key word. I could fuck just anybody, but I don't want to. I could play with just anyone but I don't want to. I prefer to have a deeper, committed relationship with the people I'm intimate with. If there is one more person in this world who truly loves me and has my best interest at heart, better for me. I know I'm capable of offering that same love, caring and consideration in return. It's not easy to get 2 people on that same page, let alone 3 or 4. But if you can......there are no words.

While you may not be poly wired - there are many people who aren't - please don't automatically relegate Poly to the realm of misogyny, adultery and deceit. You can want a man all to yourself, as it's your right. Just make sure you find the one who wants to be that - just yours.
luvdragonx

Well said. I am married to Head Bitch Barbie. I have 2 subs. There is nothing casual or superficial about any of the relationships. I love them deeply and differently. I don't ask for understanding; only to be left alone. I think that is why most poly relationships are not well known; we get tired of "explaining" it to people who will never get it.

I hear you and agree with you. I too believe that the reason a lot of people don't hear/know about successful poly relationships is because they are successful. No publicized drama, no 'look at us we're poly!'. A lot of the poly unions I've had the fortune of observing are just like any other functional committed relationship: they laugh, they cry, they deal.

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to lovingmaster45)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/13/2005 11:02:14 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: luvdragonx
I've seen firsthand how enjoyment of the physical coupled with NRE can lead people seeking poly to making bad decisions. Polyamory basically translates to 'many loves'.

NRE is the double edge sword of poly!

(in reply to luvdragonx)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/14/2005 9:24:59 AM

redheadedfire4u

Posts: 104
Joined: 11/11/2005
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I have been in a couple of poly type relationships as a vanilla, but all have been 3 way, with 2 bi girls and one male. The first was under the same roof with a rather large bed and though it was an open relationship it had hard boundaries that were agreed on by all. Both myself and the other woman traveled extensively in our jobs and were often away for lengths of time and it worked better for us to be open. I look back and see some D/s within the arrangement as the man kept the balance in the relationship and pretty much called the shots on the final decisions even though all was discussed between the 3 of us. It only fell apart when we both fell pregnant and I lost the child and was told I would not be able to have another ... but even though I opted out of the relationship they were still together a couple of yrs later and I hope they still are.
I have also been in one with a married couple where I stayed with them most of the time but I still traveled extensively for work, in this relationship the wife was primary and it was not an open arrangement, it did not work anywhere near as well and it did not last.
I have now entered another arrangement with Sir and angel, it is new, and still developing but is different again in that it is 2 bi subs and a Dom. The fact that we live separately does not seem to diminish the feeling of togetherness or our bond, though it is new to us all. It does create some hurdles to get over and it takes commitment, communication, and a great deal of honesty and trust to make it work. Sir keeps the balance, and I might add does a really good job of making us both feel at home in His heart. He smiles and is pleased by the deepth of feeling that grows between His girls. W/we all have great hopes for the future.
The common theme throughout my experience has been the connection between the individuals involved. That all 3 cared deeply for each other and trusted that connection. Communication is the key to all relationships and so is honesty, this remains the same with a poly relationship.
Again though this is only my experience and only what has worked and not worked for me. I have found no happiness in monogamous relationships with men or women, and believe me I have tried lol. In my dithering old age I have come to realize that my happiness is most probably going to be found in a long term poly family type relationship within the L/s ...
but hell as I have said this is only my thoughts and experiences not meant to take away from the differing points of view expressed in this thread.

warm smiles to all

< Message edited by redheadedfire4u -- 11/14/2005 9:28:30 AM >

_____________________________

Driver1961's girl "wild child" and loving sister to His angel

(in reply to pineapplesub)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/16/2005 4:30:40 PM

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because alot of ppl throw the word poly around and have their own definition of it. Because maybe poly is just an excuse to screw around and their subs just have to deal with it. Maybe poly is just a good cover word for a player and maybe these subs have already experienced what poly means to alot of ppl. Maybe it doesnt mean it to YOU, or to those here, but then we cant all figure out which of you is you and not them. Thats alot of figuring and players are always in diguise.

poly is just a fucking excuse and we know it.

and that is just the tip of the iceberg of so called poly

God knows what its like when you get to down to the nitty gritty of having to literally experience their meaning of it

and gee your just jealous

and gee your just fucked in the head

and gee YOU'RE seeing things all wrong.

i see this definition of "poly" so many dont want to run into.

Poly is just a license to run around and do whatever the fuck they want with out us having any say in the matter as "we agreed to poly"

fucked sideways.

Our issues, our insecurities, our problem, our jealousy, our baggage

Gawd cant we all just be a poly slave.

Maybe its not the ppl here, but its out there. i've personally seen it in several different relationships.

(in reply to redheadedfire4u)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/16/2005 5:18:19 PM

Posts: 143
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Colorado
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quote:

I have had the worse luck in my search for play partners. The second they hear the word poly or that I have a sub, they run at speeds that would make the Roadrunner envious. And thats without them even finding out what or how that relates to our relation (mine and the prospective subs)

Just a suggestion.... post that you are poly in your profiles. The first thing you read when looking at my profile is that I'm married and own a slave. Then I go on to what I am looking for. If by the time they read my entire profile they are still clicking that contact button the chances are good we will connect on some level.
Saves time and effort on my end.

(in reply to blackwolf99)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/16/2005 10:37:21 PM

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Oh joy. I have met a man who does want only me. Growing up my parents were always having affairs and split up when I was 8 resulting in me, now at 32, never seeing my mother again from that day. I have very traditional views pertaining to relationships and am now happy with my man. I will admit the idea of poly does sound sexy but I need to know I am the only one in my mans bed and heart so could never entertain the thought of anything but monogomy. I wish you all happiness in whatever lifestyle you choose, but I must away now to get into our bed for two. Snoring Staffordshire Bull Terriers do not count as a third do they!!!

(in reply to WildSpirit2001)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/22/2005 1:51:52 PM

mfsubRedwillowNE

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Joined: 11/22/2005
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Sir i repectfully wish to offer the following. idfone is truely polyamourous ( multiple loves)
then the group however many offer love, repsect and emotional support to each other. they become a family of sorts. if you want play partners then you need to seek out friends with benifits as my kid call them. To date i , a sub, would not wish a polyamourous relationship which would require me to share Master's love with another sub or slave. I feel there is a difference here. so therefore maybe those you have approached are looking for what W/we have. a D/s marraige. WE enjoy playing conjointly with other M/s cpls. but the real deal is 24/7 in our own lives.

thank you for listening Sir

(in reply to blackwolf99)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/22/2005 5:17:38 PM

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From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
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But all I keep finding are men interested in emotional relationship. That I have and dont share.
========
yeah. just like MY Ms.......i am unattached......uninvolved...thats why "I" just do domestics....i can go anywhere TO anyone and do the same.......
no relationships..no entanglements....no issues.
take care Kasia

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to Kasia)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 11/23/2005 7:52:00 AM

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Wow, Not sure if I learned anything or became more confused. I am a Male Dom who has had a few subs over the last several years. All but one was married and the husband had given permission for them to serve me (and yes I know this for a fact). So these subs did not live with me 24/7 but they kept in contact with me generally on a daily perhaps several times a day basis. I always called our time actually together as Play time... only for lack of a better word. They felt committed to me and I to them. When persoanl life issue arose they were welcomed to discuss them with me. Many times I mainly listened and asked questions, sometimes I gave advice from my view of things. The husbands thanked me for the changes they saw in their wives. But to me having more than one sub gave more options. I never forced a sub to be Bi, but the subs I had were. This however was not a mandatory thing. I will admit it did make for more enjoyment for everyone.

Now I have run across many of the same replies as the reason for this Post.

The one I love the best is the who is number one. Why it seems that subs think a Dom would assign a preference to any other sub is beyond me. Yet it seems more the case than not. I fully agree with other Dom comments. To me a sub is a sub, no one better than the other, but yet each sub is different. Different likes, dislikes different skills, different levels. This does not make one any better than the other. It makes each sub unique. The confusions seems to set in when some Doms begin using a sub as a switch on other subs. Something I persoanlly would never do.

The jealousy issue... thats hard one because its something a Good Dom with mulitple female subs has to be always on the alert for and squash it as quickly as it rears its head. The Dom also has to always try not to give reason for it. The problem is that its the sub(s) that become jealous of each other. Now I have been lucky, my past subs never seemed to take that route. Why, I am not sure, if it was because I am pretty open with my subs and try to have time for discussion and during cool down. Or if I have just be lucky in finding the right women in the past.

Then there is the I don't want to get in the middle of anything. This one still has me puzzled. It would seem to me that the Dom is not being given any credit in being able to distungish whats being said or the actions of others or able to control his sub(s).

One last thing, with having multiple subs it did not mean that multiple subs were present at all times. In fact with me, it was ocassionally that scheludes worked out so more than one was present. Most times it was with one sub. One thing I have always done is never mixed in another sub until I have taken the time to learn the indiviual sub.

So thats my take. Hope it helps!

(in reply to pineapplesub)

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