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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 2/23/2007 9:38:02 AM

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When they say they don't want to deal with jealousy issues, it's not others' jealousy, it is their own. they simply don't want to be in a position to feel jealous and they know they would feel that way. If one knows oneself, one knows how one would feel in certain situations.

subs give up a lot to a dominant especially in an M/s relationship and I think it is totally understandable that a sub would want the dominant's complete attention and devotion.

A lot of people don't understand poly or have negative associations with it. My first exposure to the concept of poly was through a murder investigation. My second was through the betrayal of a friend by her wife. It took a long time before I understood what poly really was without those early negative associations coming up. I am not poly and never will be, but I no longer have a negative view of others who engage in it.

there are plenty of poly subs out there. just keep looking. It doesn't do any good to try and force someone to try poly until they are ready.

(in reply to blackwolf99)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 2/27/2007 5:46:50 PM

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Like geeky girl, I was brought up as an only child and I still have mixed feelings about sharing because I can have some jealous issues that I am working out. However, I don't think poly is definitely for me unless I am involved with a triad between a male dom and a female sub but no more than those parties. I still believe in the idea of having a single dom to guide me to maybe having a long term relationship.

Sometimes, I would get emails from some doms who had 3-4 female subs; however, some would tell me that "Sub X" was moving out the household because she has found her dom. It seems to me that particular household did not sound stable but I can be wrong as I am trying to learn about the dyamics of this particular area. I don't judge people in a poly household and from all of the previous posts that I have read, it is not very easy to maintain.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 2/27/2007 6:42:34 PM >

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 7/20/2016 12:07:14 AM

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poly, is interesting . It's like people who do not want to be tied to a place . One partner can not provide the diversity that can be obtained from the people of other nationalities .

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 7/20/2016 12:36:01 AM

stef

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Nothing like replying to a 9 year old post.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 7/20/2016 1:13:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

Nothing like replying to a 9 year old post.

I think she is working. 3 links to commercial "get laid tonight" style websites in their profile and this is the second necro. I expect we will see more.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/13/2016 2:29:43 PM

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the more honest you are about it, the sexier it seems. at least for me. i am willing to form one and willing to join one.

most in this community want the opposite. good for them. they will find it. that is probably why they run.

this is about the only community when you can try and search for a MFF of any kind. maybe all you have to do get to know the right lady or ladies.

I know I would like to.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/15/2016 2:17:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackwolf99 The second they hear the word poly or that I have a sub, they run at speeds that would make the Roadrunner envious. And thats without them even finding out what or how that relates to our relation

Because it's easier to make hard decisions based on limited assumptions than to actually open their minds to something different from what their masturbation fantasy contains.

Yeah, I've heard all of those excuses, too. Many are absolutely stunned that sexual pairings in my family will not be dictated. They are often stunned by the concept of polyamory or polyfidelity (an expanded, but sexually fidelitous family.) They spout off all of their excuses, and I shoot them down categorically. Even though they still run, I have a tiny bit of satisfaction in knowing that I had the opportunity to open that door for even a split second. Some of them come back years later and want to learn more.

We keep trying to figure out what is so abhorrent about offering a person the comfort and stability of a stable, affectionate and happy home. Not a lot of single pseudo-monogamous individuals can offer such a thing. By seeing a long-term poly family in action, they have evidence that we can and will communicate openly and have the ability to get through a lot of the bumps that take others down.

We'll keep searching. I'll keep looking. I have no answers other than patience and education.
Good luck.

The thing is that society looks down on poly. To a lot of people I don't think they can differeciate the difference between polyamory and polygamy. Even if you tell them that polygamy is being married to multiple people and polyamory being in a relationship with multiple people they'll probably still not understand because we're in a world where monogamy is king and any other type of relationship is just wrong.

The good thing is that like homosexuality and bisexuality which was considered wrong (and in some areas still is), its now more looked at as normal. If polyamory picks up and the world sees that it can work and it can actually be a meaningful, loving and stable type of relationship then it may gain some respect too. This could take years or not happen at all.

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/15/2016 10:20:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HellcatM

The thing is that society looks down on poly.

To be honest, society doesn't understand poly.

But, here are some realities about poly from a female submissive's point of view. The majority of people aren't wired for poly - to them it means that when their Dominant says they want another submissive, they're not good enough to satisfy that Dominant. If you're the second, you'll always be second. A relationship develops lots of little hidden winks and nudges...and being the third coming in on an established relationship means that you feel left out. And lastly - if you're looking to eventually get married and have kids - if you're the second, it's most likely not going to happen within that relationship.

Whether those things are true or not - to someone that isn't wired for poly or doesn't understand it - that's what they're thinking.

I'll also add that a lot of women who are the primary relationship aren't doing it because they want to, they're doing it because they're afraid they'll lose their relationship if they don't go along with it. It makes for some pretty bitchy girl on girl crimes, jealousy and lack of trust. Poly relationships fail at an even higher rate than BDSM D/s relationships and many have been on the sidelines watching the train wreck.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/17/2016 10:45:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

...Poly relationships fail at an even higher rate than....

I never really understood this type of statement. I'm not sure that "failure" even means the same for a poly person as for a monogamous person.

Relationships end, but that isn't failure any more than a writer having a book end is a failure. The relationship ended. About the only way I could define it as a failure is if the partners had a "never end" goal in mind. Otherwise, it was just another relationship that ran it's course.

My friendships aren't failures when I lose touch with someone. It just meant that the friendship has ended and that's ok. It happens. Poly is no different - relationships end and that's ok.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/17/2016 1:51:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: muktada

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

...Poly relationships fail at an even higher rate than....

I never really understood this type of statement. I'm not sure that "failure" even means the same for a poly person as for a monogamous person.

Relationships end, but that isn't failure any more than a writer having a book end is a failure. The relationship ended. About the only way I could define it as a failure is if the partners had a "never end" goal in mind. Otherwise, it was just another relationship that ran it's course.

My friendships aren't failures when I lose touch with someone. It just meant that the friendship has ended and that's ok. It happens. Poly is no different - relationships end and that's ok.

I have to agree. Also on the failing or ending part.

MOST relationships end. Mono or poly. How many poly relationships have you seen fail? How many mono?

I've been in both, and they end for the same types of reasons.

And to me, ending is not failing. It's moving on to something else. It's only a failure (to me) if I'm an asshole about it. And I'm not. Or, at least, I haven't been yet.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/17/2016 2:50:44 PM

Kana

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A few years back I knew this gal.
Came to the city to be a third in a triad, two girls serving one Sir.
Ooooh, the Sir was so happy, each and every night coming hope, fulfilling all sorts of sexual fantasies.
Until He came home one night to an empty apartment and a note saying that the beta had fallen in love...with the alpha...and that they had both decided that the one thing they didn't need in a relationship was Him.

Sometimes reality is a cold glass of water in fantasies face.

ETA-And yeah, the OP has one of those "tinyurl" links in their profile, so fake.

< Message edited by Kana -- 8/17/2016 2:51:37 PM >

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/18/2016 2:42:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: blackwolf99

I have had the worse luck in my search for play partners. The second they hear the word poly or that I have a sub, they run at speeds that would make the Roadrunner envious. And thats without them even finding out what or how that relates to our relation (mine and the prospective subs)

I have read ethical slut. I consider myself to be one. You know walk the walk, talk the talk, but I never seem to get past the word poly.

Thoughts?

Some subs do not want to have to share their Dom. I mean, poly is like sexual orientation again. I mean, people who wants poly wants poly. People who don't want poly, do not want to share their dominant with other women. They want him and his full attention all to themselves.
It's that simple. If you are in a poly relationship, you have to share. You got to deal with another woman's presence. And you got to share, he has to divide time between both of you. That's awful!

A man only has one dick! The chances of one dick plunging into two vaginas or more at the same time, I don't know, you need a split dick! Not great for sharing seriously! Gotta take turns for his attention. And then worst of all, if he is only a one time cummer for that night. You're screwed. If you aren't the first priority.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 8/18/2016 2:44:47 AM >

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/21/2016 6:05:34 AM

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But lets not forget all those female dominants that have more than one male sub or have a male and a female sub.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/21/2016 6:30:44 AM

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I remember getting banned, yes you know where, for enquiring to a couple of “poly” group owners if their wifeys new they were here. A fair enough question I thought to myself. Strange how they did not see it that way – Problem number 1. People who say they are when they are not, well as long as you don’t tell the primary.

Problem number 2 –A handsome enough fellow, well in his own mind, and his stolen pictures no off him…he may have some poor idots on his prfile with the word whore scribbled on it by her own hand. He can talk a fantastic story of lies and fibbery such is the fragmented nature of this bit of his persona. He trawls the net to ensnare a bevy or gullible beuties harking on about how poly is a minimum requirement within the lifestyle and they should form an orderly queue and get down on their knees and thank him for “considering these subhuman creatures of utter wretch”

Problem number 3 they are, well at least claim to be poly, you will not be allowed to claim such absurdity and will be thrashed for your cheek
just a few of the types.

And so on. Oh this is an olde one who reactivated it hmm – why not just start a new variant.

A merge handful are designed for these types of relationship

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/23/2016 4:43:05 AM

Kaiin

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As every dynamic is different, so is a poly relationship or a poly house hold, until that submissive/slave wants to truly know what that is about, ASK many questions as to what that poly is about, I can understand they want to be the only one and thats fine, but until they ask they will never know.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/23/2016 9:00:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiin

until that submissive/slave wants to truly know what that is about, ASK many questions as to what that poly is about, I can understand they want to be the only one and thats fine, but until they ask they will never know.

To be honest, the biggest part of the problem is that Poly people hit on people who aren't looking for Poly. They're like door to door salesmen...they'll hit up 100 houses, not caring that the majority don't want what their selling and will most likely be annoyed, on the off chance that they can talk one person into trying it.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/23/2016 9:34:16 AM

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What OsideGirl said.

I'm monogamous. In all these years I've never had any interest in poly. It sure isn't going to start now that I'm in my 60's. But even I get hit on to be a third.

Read the profiles folks. Just like with age or h/w requirements. You aren't so special that they'll make an exception for you.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/23/2016 10:26:41 AM

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Having had two very successful poly relationships. I say successful but neither went on for more than four years, (we remain good friends) I would say, knowing each other as friends first and foremost is a good route to success. I never had any expectations of a poly relationship before it was actually happening. I never looked for, never advertised for and never even felt the need for a poly relationship but when they happened, it just felt like it was meant to be.

Only once did Steve and me get slightly involved with a stranger. She contacted us because we weren’t looking. It was a disaster having this stranger in our house. It just felt like a sexual kink and nothing more and for that reason it could only last a short time. Having had that one experience, I can see where people go wrong.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/23/2016 4:58:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

A man only has one dick! The chances of one dick plunging into two vaginas or more at the same time, I don't know, you need a split dick! Not great for sharing seriously! Gotta take turns for his attention. And then worst of all, if he is only a one time cummer for that night. You're screwed. If you aren't the first priority.

For me... that was not the complication. i have pretty amazing stamina, i am told. solo link available. i am also equally good with my mouth. i have had a few. they ended differently. different reasons all together. no two women are alike.

i like poly relationships. i love female attention. not everyone thinks it is worth all the extra work. i think it is worth it.

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RE: Why subs run when they hear the word poly - 8/23/2016 5:24:22 PM

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quote:

To be honest, the biggest part of the problem is that Poly people hit on people who aren't looking for Poly.

I don't, but then again I make my poly requirement clear right up front. Not all poly folks are predators hunting poor defenseless mono folks. In fact I simply will not date mono folks as they are of no interest to me in a dating context.

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