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looking for a better way - 9/27/2007 1:07:24 PM

youngsubman8

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline

I have been a member of this site for several months now. I am very serious about being a sub and have sent a few Mistresses or domme females messages. My messages aren't super long(I am not trying to type an essay), but they give a basic description of me and what I am hoping to find here. I always attach a pic or two, not of my cock, but of me. So far have had zero replies, not even a no thank you. Now I don't expect to get a reply from everyone or succed in finding a compatible domme right away, but this is somewhat frustrating. I was looking for any helpful tips on what to say or how to introduce myself. If anyone can help I would be most appreciative.

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RE: looking for a better way - 9/27/2007 1:22:27 PM

HottLicks

Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline

All I can say is to hang in there. It can take a long time finding the right one. Many things are included in finding a good fit and somehow you just haven't contacted someone who feels you are a fit for her. Your profile looks okay and you seen to have a lot going for you for the right person. Many will not respond because of time factors as well. Just don't give up. Until you do find someone, read all you can and maybe get into the local things that might be going on. Don't limit your search to one place. Don't tell me there aren't any dominant college gals out there! lol I know better... I raised one!

Good luck to you!

(in reply to youngsubman8)

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RE: looking for a better way - 9/27/2007 1:28:05 PM

CandyLover

Posts: 68
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline

Just some comments about your profile... Every single sentence in your profile starts with "I". To a lot of people, this indicates where you want the focus of the relationship to be. If you don't have much free time, most people will pass you over as not having enough time for a relationship. It seems like you're just looking for someone to entertain you in your spare time. The thing about being a valuable asset at the end, and the use of "real" in your first sentence are probably putting a lot of people off, too.

(in reply to youngsubman8)

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RE: looking for a better way - 9/27/2007 1:31:30 PM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

young subman...

When i first joined this site the same thing happened to me and to be honest it happens now alot. After countless emails with like 1 reply back in maybe 50 i became extremely frustrated. i learned to not to write like i was reporting on me but instead i started writing in a more personal style allowing my personality to show through. My emails didn't seem so cold then and i started getting replies. i also made sure i read there profiles a few times before writing to them. This gave me a sense of who they were, what they were seeking. i wrote my emails to show them what things we had in common and what things we didn't. That seemed to work for me. Good Luck

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RE: looking for a better way - 9/27/2007 1:53:29 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Try and make sure you read the profiles of Dominas that you reply to carefully. Many will have stressed age groups and locations, that they will accept. Some will have used the filter to block out anyone who doesnt meet their criteria so your messages may not be getting through. Also people are not on line day in day out, so you may not get a reply at once.
Good luck in your search.

(in reply to flowspen)

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RE: looking for a better way - 9/27/2007 2:56:21 PM

Carrianna

Posts: 273
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

I hate it when I get pictures sent to me, if I ask, then that is when I want them...

Also I have block on, my filter has an age block.

Just my personal opinion...

Welcome to the forums!

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Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. "Mansfield Park" J.Austen

(in reply to Politesub53)

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RE: looking for a better way - 9/27/2007 4:37:16 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

Damn I need to get to writing that article.

I am going to demonstrate an example of something you very much should not do when contacting someone.

That is copy and paste stuff you have pre-fabbed. This question gets asked a lot though, and I've been compiling stuff in my blog for an article that I plan on writing Soon™, and really, what I have to say on the subject doesn't change much.

Common mistakes that reduce chances of responses:
one liners
form letters
generic or impersonal statements
focusing too much on play or a laundry list of kinks

Ways to be more presentable:
Read her profile completely, and comment on specific things in it (not just "I liked your profile" or other generic statements that scream "I didn't really read it" or "I sent this exact same message to 50 other women in the last five minutes")
Take inventory of your positive characteristics, what makes you someone interesting to know?
Don't simply ramble off factoids, leave an impression! What makes you you?
Pics help a lot, at least one clear face photo is preferable.

...

Figure out what it is that you like, and what it is you have to offer. What you have to offer probably should consist of more than a laundry list of fetishes. What makes you interesting, what makes you distinguishable? Network some more, and remember that you are dealing with real people and that there is more to these people than simply kink. Your objective is to get to know a person, and a person is much more than simply a title. Don't expect that you will magically find someone to play with you right away, unless you want to go to the pro sessions route, because relationships (friendships, play partners, M/s, D/s, whatevah) take time to build.

< Message edited by iammachine -- 9/27/2007 4:38:55 PM >

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RE: looking for a better way - 9/27/2007 5:01:03 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

In general when we reach out over and over and get the same response several things maybe factors.

It could be how you write.
It could be what you say.
It could be what you send.
It could be who you choose to make contact with.

Unfortunately you can only test through repeated contact, changing something each time.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to youngsubman8)

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