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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/24/2005 11:02:45 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
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Holy Cow..i cannot believe no one else mentioned this. i am a fem submissive and i receive ALOT of email from men who use screen names such as SirMasterOfTheUniverse...and then do not give their real name in the email. So, in responding (which i always do, even if it's to say "i do not think we are suited) i say "Sir". If i want to continue to hear from Him, i ask for His name -- His REAL name -- and men are just bumfuddled. What on earth do i need THAT For? When i could go on calling them SirMasterOfTheUniverse???? These men are just too confused or too insecure...and i stop speaking.

Only one kid -- as opposed to everyone's kids -- must call me "Mom". Seems to me, the titles of "Dom" and "Master" are the same. Once i am collared (Please, God), if He wants to be called by a title, i will, to please Him...but Gawd help the girl who infringes on my right to do so.

pinkpleasures

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/24/2005 11:44:07 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

Holy Cow..i cannot believe no one else mentioned this. i am a fem submissive and i receive ALOT of email from men who use screen names such as SirMasterOfTheUniverse...and then do not give their real name in the email. So, in responding (which i always do, even if it's to say "i do not think we are suited) i say "Sir". If i want to continue to hear from Him, i ask for His name -- His REAL name -- and men are just bumfuddled. What on earth do i need THAT For? When i could go on calling them SirMasterOfTheUniverse???? These men are just too confused or too insecure...and i stop speaking.

Only one kid -- as opposed to everyone's kids -- must call me "Mom". Seems to me, the titles of "Dom" and "Master" are the same. Once i am collared (Please, God), if He wants to be called by a title, i will, to please Him...but Gawd help the girl who infringes on my right to do so.

pinkpleasures

I can understand this pink, there are one or two who insist on refering to me as "Master Malcolm", its just that "Iron Bear" of simply "Bear" is what most people call me. family usually refer to me as "Bear" or "That Damned Bear". I mostly dont give out my name on line and certainly dont have it in my profile, only because too many people forget the "Bear" nickname which I honestly prefer to have people use.

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/24/2005 11:44:56 AM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
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being here in the heart of the south...polite introductions are always mamm or sir...this is just habit so when I'm addressed with the mastergodoftheuniverse thing..then yes it bugs me...but I also make it clear in the corrospondence to just call me by my name as I have no power to ask for nor do I want to ask for any other title...heck I don't even ask my slaves to address me as master anything...is there a requirement that we be call yesyourhighnessforeveronthethronekingoftheearth....

Fury

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/24/2005 1:55:18 PM

sudja

Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tigress31047

in my opinion, any sub/slave that has done any type of real reasearch would know better than to call a Dom or Domme Master or Mistress from the first e-mail even if they had never talked to one before ..everything i have ever read list some sort of protocol for this and most clearly state that those titles are normally reserved for collared subs?slaves of theat Dom or Domme..
I do however call all Doms or Dommes Sor or Ma'am unless otherwise told as i feel it is a respect I owe them .. also being inthe south I was raised to say Sir and Ma'am to everyone i respected until they proved they didn't desearve it.

We differ there as well.

If you said you called all folks "Ma'am" and "Sir" out of respect, that would be one thing - but Dom/mes are no more special than a submissive/slave or a vanilla person. You are affording them special treatment (your right, certainly, but our area of disagreement) merely because they are (or claim to be) Dominant.

I just won't do it.

The only One who is special to me - is THE One.

sudja

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/24/2005 2:26:32 PM

Hissweetshiv

Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
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When i address a Dominant i don't know well, i usually address them as "(insert name) Sir/Ma'am" out of respect. If a person shows that they do not deserve the title, they no longer recieve the title. If someone prefers to be referred to in another fashion and makes that clear, i (usually) remember that and use the other form of address. I NEVER refer to anyone but Master as "Master". {grins} Being a y-chat-place veteran of many years, He has come up with the theory that 90 - 95% of the people with "Master" in their screen names... aren't. (Please note that this is His theory not stated as proven fact. Yes, i agree with Him but count Yourself among that legit 5-10% if You want - we don't care lol)

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/24/2005 3:44:24 PM

MasterHyde

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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Master is part of my screen name, so I do get that occasionally. However, if someone reads my profile, they know it's not what I want. I think there is a difference between calling me "Master Hyde" and just calling me "Master." The first is just using my name. The second is a presumption of a master/slave relationship. I don't rip anyone's head off when they call me this, but I do remind them politely that I'm not their master, and if they'd like me to be, we should get to know one another first.

I have a fondness for deeply submissive women, so I'm not one who gets turned off by a girl who acts submissively towards me right away. I will tell her what's expected, and if she's truly submissive, then she'll follow my lead. If she insists on doing things her own way, even after I've told her it's not what I want, then she's probably playing in her own little fantasy world, and I will move on quickly. If she accepts my direction, then things might proceed to he next level.

One thing I have to say here. When I've been developing a relationship with someone, and she knows that she will only be allowed to call me Master once that relationship has progressed to the point of her being enslaved, I notice some girls just want it so badly that it slips out now and then. I'm not talking about someone I met five minutes ago, but about someone who's been getting to know me, and demonstrates a deep desire to please me and to be owned by me. In that case, even though I haven't given her permission to call me Master, there's a part of me that is ticked pink when she does. I still correct her, and remind her that our relationship is not there yet. But I know that the "feeling" of being owned often comes before the formal announcement. There are cases where this little slip is an acknowledgement to me that this feeling is growing within her. And that's usually a good thing in my book.

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/24/2005 4:22:55 PM

SophiaBelle

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/4/2005
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I cannot rightly speak from a Dom/me's point of view, but I can say, on the reverse when anyone approaches me in such a manner (little one, dear, sub, subbie, what-the-hell-ever) I am downright turned off. I find people acting "Dominant" towards me in a first e-mail to be somewhat akin to a parent of a friend of mine trying to parent me (If I was still that young.)

I will certainly accord no one a title if I am not in that kind of relationship with them. I may occasionally call someone ma'am or sir, if I feel they deserve my respect and I am not familiar with them (this is just the courtesy that I have always been taught.) Until I am in a relationship with a Dom/me, they are just another person, to be called by whatever name they prefer and to be treated as such. If they become a friend, then they are still a friend. If they then progress to a real relationship, honorifics can then be discussed.

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/25/2005 8:49:45 PM

FangsNfeet

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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quote:

However people that contact you with sincere intentions and do not use your "proper" titles, may just prove to be an opportunity lost. I think the overall message of the mail should be looked at - how is the response? is it genuine? does this person make an attempt?
... forget all of the titles, caps and every other superficial thing

Point well made lachlann. After all, the less Parlamentry BDSM Procedure there is, the more fun and happiness we will have.

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/25/2005 8:54:38 PM

LdyAuburn

Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
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My current uses Mistress for me or 'the boss'. At scene/kink functions he and I both know quite a few in the pro scene. He refers to them as Mistress XYZ for example. I have no problem with that. That is their 'name'. I am the only one who is Mistress.
Ma'am I think is a nice easy honorific. My name is even easier. At functions we are always introduced as my name and his nick. Basically because he has used his nick for over 20 years. Long pre internet.

reason for edit I shall just blame the Flu. Really should proof read twice when one is sneezing and coughing

< Message edited by LdyAuburn -- 7/25/2005 8:56:16 PM >

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/26/2005 2:30:55 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

For female dominants -- when you receive an email from a submissive that you do not know and he is clearly "posturing" as sub in the email (beyond just politeness -- he is calling you Mistress, etc.) how does it affect your perception of him?

1. You have a less positive impression of him, but won't write him off.
2. You are completely turned off -- NOT a CHANCE you will write back.
3. You don't care either way.
4. You are impressed and like it.

Which is it?

When you get an email from a male submissive that is written normal, like a friendly introduction, without submissive posturing, what is your impression?

Akasha

When I get the long email with all the posturing, I have a less than positive impression, but I won't write him off. Much of the time it is a lack of experience or the fact that they have been exposed to a lot of chatrooms where this type of posturing is demanded. So I won't jump to a conclusion.
I use Goddess to indicate My style of Domination, but I also don't subscribe to "need to worship at your holy feet" mentality. I hate the emails that are long and flowery dissertations. I usually answer those with a thank you, a comment regarding the fact that I am sure they worked long and hard on this introduction, (which is usually general enough to apply as a cut and paste to any Lady who strikes their fancy!) but I would prefer something more personal and in plain English. I am turned off by the ones that end every single sentence with " my dear Mistress" or "Goddess".
A friendly email showing reasonable respect, personal to Me, and showing they have taken the time to actually read My profile, will be received very well. Wish I got more of those.
I hardly ever bother with the one liners. I get a lot of those. And I don't stand on formality but I get many "I would love to serve U, and i am on chat right now id XXX". I actually got a second and quite disrespectful note from one boy who accused Me of not being a real Domina since I didn't take advantage of his offer to perfrom for Me on a web cam night before.
Most boys prefer to have a way to address a Domina, and it is helpful if they have an instruction (if they bother to read). I find Ma'am very acceptable and very comfortable for Me.

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/26/2005 9:41:57 AM

sultryvoice

Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
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I have had Dominants email me and call me slut, whore and the like. Nothing makes me more angry than to be called that by someone I don't know. It's VERY disrespectful. I wrote back to one Dom and asked if this was a usual practice to address all submissives in that manner in the first email. I said don't you think that is disrespectful for the first impression. He said he always did this and it is what a submissive is for him. This man seemed to forget, I am not his! But in defense of many others, I get very polite emails. I answer every single one. I too, need to be polite even though we don't have things to make for any further contact.

Respectfully,
sultry

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RE: Presumptuous protocol - 7/26/2005 1:15:53 PM

anopheles

Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
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Personally, W/we, U/us, all of that stuff drives me loopy. For me, if you become one with your submissive or slave, then you are just One. No need to differentiate. The little subbie that I have my eye on, I would never allow her to refer to me or herself that way, because she would (will, damn it!) be mine, and I will be hers.

I'm not passing any judgment here, because I know that a lot of people are into the BDSM lifestyle because they have a strong affinity for protocol and rules, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. The problem with starting off by calling someone Sir, Master, You, Spongebob, whatever is that you don't know anything about that person. A real Dom would not expect that type of respect right off the bat from someone that they didn't know well, and a good sub would not (in my opinion), cheapen him or herself by dishing out titles of superiority like they were monopoly money. Calling someone Sir or Mistress, or Master, should be special to both people. The sub should offer that title with love and respect, and the Dom should accept it with adoration and admiration.

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