Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (Full Version)

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SayaNereida -> Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/29/2007 6:38:23 PM)

Up to this point, Sir and I have basically only been discovering the 'play' side to BDSM and D/s.  Tonight that is about to change.

We have only been 'playing' and exploring this a few months, although we have been in a committed relationship for almost 2 years.  In reading this and many other site like it, I found myself drawn to 'wanting punishment IF needed' and we have talked about it many times, tonight will be the first time.

Here's the short version:
Sir gave permission months ago, for me to read an online correspondence He was having.  I had no desire to do so, until 3 days ago.  That fact that I read it is not the problem, but WHY I read it.

I confessed.  I apologized.  I explained.
He listened.  He accepted.  He understood.

Punishment is still needed.

Now, via text messagjng while he is at work, He is having me gather and prepare the things He wishes ready for the punishment.

So now, I sit, I wait, I wonder, I worry... .

What will He do?
How and/or will this change our relationship?
Will this change me?

He won't be home until almost midnight and it's only 9:30 now.

My apologies if this post is slightly unfocused ... of course I am so I suppose I should expect it to be.

Thank you for listening.
Saya



pseudopsychotic -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/29/2007 7:16:57 PM)

I think the worring and the nail bitting is the best and worse part of it.
I get a kick out of being scared. Maybe becuase so few things in this world inspire such high emotions in me, who knows.

Congrats on taking this step.
I think you both will enjoy it, for a number of reasons. But mostly I think, becuase it will bring you closer to eachother.

You both already changed your relationship when you decided to talk about it.
Ask yourself this, how do you want it to change your relationship?
How do you want it to change you?
Do you want change?

I think you'll change sure...Haha, if anything you wont read mail for (jealous I can only guess) reasons.
Remember to post soon and let us know the outcome.

-nosy-



desertdancer -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 3:12:16 AM)

Wait I don't understand, if you have permission to read it, why is punishment then needed when you do read it, that makes no sense to me.

I'm sure you'll get the punishment isn't something your supposed to look forward to speech, so I'll leave that to someone else and just say congrats on taking another step.  I hope you both will be happy with the outcome and enjoy eachother.

~Dancer



grlneedstolearn -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 4:58:21 AM)

Waiting for the punishment to come is the worst, especially when you don't know what will happen.



MyMasterStephen -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 5:07:59 AM)

Umm..  Yes...  I'm a little lost as well.

You had permission to do something.  You did it.  You're going to be punished for doing it.

What's wrong with this picture?




<<<<  (Edited to clarify that I'm not referring to MY picture...!)



Ryu -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 8:02:36 AM)

Saya Please feel free to explain your reasons for your need of punishment.      Had it been up to me her punishment would not have taken place, but was insisted upon by my love.  I had given permission for the emails to be read, I keep no secrets from her.  I believe this is a learning experience for us both that will be carried for a long time to come.   Ryu  



SayaNereida -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 9:28:53 AM)

Pseudo, I don’t know if it’s the best part however it is very intense and enjoyable; as well as nerve wracking.
 
Thank you, I find it difficult to believe we could be much closer than we are already.
 
In saying I fear the possible change in the relationship, is more the insecurity I still feel wondering ‘Am I just too twisted and will THIS finally scare him away?”
 
The change in ‘not reading emails’ is not a difficult one, this was the only time I have EVER done that and have no intention or desire to do it again.  And yes, the reason was insecurity and perhaps a bit of jealousy.
 
As to why I felt the punishment was needed; well…
Yes, Sir gave me permission some time ago to read the emails.  However, at the time of my choosing to do so, I had forgotten the permission.  The fact that I forgot permission was given, the permission never existed.  Therefore, no matter how some may justify feeling that since permission WAS given, punishment should not be necessary, I however know that I did not know at the time of the permission existing.
 
So to me, I broke a promise and invaded his privacy, I did so with intent to quiet or feed a voice in my head; one that should have been addressed by speaking to Him.
 
While this may be a very fine line of distinction for some (perhaps my explanation could be clearer, but after many edits and rewrites this is still the closest I can come to explaining); in being honest with myself the understanding was I did not have permission, I chose to do it any way, I knew in doing so it broke an agreement we had, and I did so in the name of insecurity and on some level mistrust.  I recognize the reason(s) for my actions and see the potential harm it could cause in the future.



Celeste43 -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 9:28:56 AM)

Bein a s type doesn't mean all your thoughts and emotions will be perfect and selfless. So feeling guilty for being human seems pointless to me. I'm assuming you felt jealous or suspicious and availed yourself of your permission to read the emails and now feel ashamed of yourself for having had these emotions.

However although we no longer engage in a punishment dynamic because it screws with my head in a bad way, and isn't healthy for our relationship as a result, early on I did get a token punishment simply because I couldn't get over guilt. He didn't set up a big production, we just talked and then he gave me a minor spanking so I could cry it out.

But in general, if the dom doesn't feel that you did anything wrong, then you are supposed to accept his thoughts on the subject. After all, he's in charge and that includes being in charge of deciding when or if you need punishing.



came4U -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 9:38:38 AM)

Sounds like he is finding excuses for you to have your preference to being punished scenes.

Smells like play for your benefit.

Enjoy the ride. I guess.



Ryu -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 10:11:51 AM)

Actually the idea for punishment was not my idea as explained in earlier posts, but a way to satisfy her desire for a punishment in the situation, to settle her mind. 

Apparently this is uncommon to you Came4u.   

Ryu



crouchingtigress -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 10:21:42 AM)

no matter what you say, permission was granted and deep down you knew that...in the dark recesses of you mind you knew that....

and so does he....since this is about to be a pinnacle of you relationship, a turning point...a designation....i would implore you to have it be for something real, not just made up.

because you will remember this day forever ...and ...the contrition and the absolution will feel in a vaugue way ...fake, and that feeling does not ever go away.



pseudopsychotic -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 10:23:05 AM)

quote:

As to why I felt the punishment was needed; well…
Yes, Sir gave me permission some time ago to read the emails.  However, at the time of my choosing to do so, I had forgotten the permission.  The fact that I forgot permission was given, the permission never existed.  Therefore, no matter how some may justify feeling that since permission WAS given, punishment should not be necessary, I however know that I did not know at the time of the permission existing.


Hmm, so it's like feeding a friend all kinds of fatty foods and then one day he has a heart attack..Everyone tells you it's not your fault, that he would have eatin the  stuff with or without you..But you know that on some level it is indeed your fault.
You feel guilty.

I can understand that.
And plus I think you were justing looking for an excuse? So you conviently forgot the permission?
The mind is a tricky thing.



littleone35 -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 11:58:13 AM)

 To me it sounds like you WANT the punishment.  You knew you had permission but you forgot it?  I don't think that should matter. He gave you the permission, so unless he revoked the permission i don't see  you do anything to be punished for.  Of course if you want the punishment i am way off base.

Matt's littleone



serisa -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 1:55:21 PM)

hi saya

hope all ok for you, try not to worry.  i really understand how you are feeling. i am awaiting a 'first punishment' soon and am scared.  not scared of him but scared of how it will make me feel, the emotions.  i have no idea how i will handle it.  will you get back on when you can and say what your punishment was and how you felt about it?
good luck x x



SayaNereida -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 2:23:12 PM)

Here is an extremely shortened version (this is a 12 hour span of time which includes many text messages and a few hours of talking, I do not want to bore you with the details):
 
Upon leaving for work He said, “You seem to feel punishment is needed, I do not.  When I come home from work I will give you what I think you NEED to resolve this for you.”
 
*Notice He never said He WOULD punish, it was my assumption.
 
Here is what happened when Sir returned:
 
We talked for about an hour or so and resolved the situation as follows:
 
Sir:  I don’t feel this requires punishment but you do.  You have already spent a few days beating yourself up over this and I don’t want that to continue.  So, I need to ask you, do you agree that once we have dealt with this tonight, it’s over?
 
Me:  I suppose it depends on how it is dealt with
 
Sir:  No my love, it’s over after tonight.  Do you agree? 
Me:  But…
Sir:   No, the time for talking about this is done except to tell me if you accept my terms?
 
Me:  Yes Sir, I agree that whatever punishment you chose ends this.
 
Sir:  It’s done.
 
There was no punishment.
 
In His post He states that were it up to Him THE punishment would not have taken place.  The punishment was all of my own making and He would rather I had not felt the need to inflict it on myself.
 
Sir, welcome to the boards.
 
Saya
 
 



pseudopsychotic -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 2:31:32 PM)

You have a good man there. I'm happy for you both.
And thanks for keeping us informed.



Ryu -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 8:51:14 PM)

Thank you my little Saya.



amiciaN -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (9/30/2007 9:10:52 PM)

(using fast reply)

It sounds like your Master Ryu is as wise and compassionate as my Master NChaka.  My best wishes to you both at finding the same kind of happiness I have found with Him.



SayaNereida -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (10/2/2007 11:22:55 AM)

Thank you everyone for 'listening', asking questions, offering support and advice.
 
Yes, I have changed because of this, I reaffirmed my submission; more to myself than to Sir because when asked I chose to believe/know He would do what He was best for the situation, Himself and me. 
 
serisa, sorry I have nothing to share as far as "how it was" but I can share that the anxiety and stress at anticipating it was horrible.  I didn't know WHAT he would do because I enjoy pain, at least to a moderate degree, it changed what He COULD do to punish.  The not knowing WHAT made it scary.
 
Thanks again for sharing this short journey with me, even if you didn't quite understand it.
Saya
 
 



came4U -> RE: Changing the relationship from just 'play' to ... (10/4/2007 12:36:28 AM)

quote:

Sounds like he is finding excuses for you to have your preference to being punished scenes.

Smells like play for your benefit.

Enjoy the ride. I guess.


quote:

Actually the idea for punishment was not my idea as explained in earlier posts, but a way to satisfy her desire for a punishment in the situation, to settle her mind. 

Apparently this is uncommon to you Came4u.   

Ryu


This has nothing to do with me, yet you just confirmed my point. 

And yes, it IS uncommon for me because no man is going to punish me because I want it LOL, that wouldn't be punishment, it would be a waste of effort, energy and a turn off.




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