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The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 3:54:29 PM

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Does anyone have fetishes that are so consistent and hard-wired that you feel as though your partners may be thinking, "this again?" when you start your "thing"?

It's funny, because I constantly have to remind myself as the femdom that sometimes if I feel something must be getting "old" for my partner, it's not - if it's his fetish. The great thing about fetishes (or bad thing, if you bore easily) is that they are almost a guaranteed homerun every time, with or without variations sometimes.

But on my end, sometimes I find myself getting self conscious thinking a partner might tire of doing the same old thing, no matter how much I tell him, "Look, I'm just wired that way. I am not looking for you to do this different, or better - you can do it the same way every time, I will be turned on every time." This is pretty much the case with bondage for me; the simplest act -- like tying a man's wrists together and telling him to try to get free -- that excites me as much now as it didn the first time I did it to someone. I can do it to the same man 100 times, or to 100 different men, and 9 times out of 10 I am going to get my buttons pushed. But I can't help but think with a new partner, he might think, "This again?" -- because sometimes I am not ready to go into other areas quite yet.

Have you indulged any fetishes so many times that a partner asks -- why this again? or, they ask, "am I doing this wrong, are you not getting anything out of it?" Are there fetishes that do not get boring, even though you think your partner might be thinking, "He can't want to do this again, he must be looking for something else?"

Akasha

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 4:19:41 PM

crouchingtigress

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i like this topic

its like having a combination to lock, and that lock works everytime....the thing is you can always change what door you put that lock on if you want. i dont know if that makes sense, but i heard this once and it hurt to hear it, but i have always remembered it...if you are bored you are boring....

and the caveat to that is so what, sometimes its really fun to be boring....but i do know that i never get tired of being tied....ever.

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 4:25:18 PM

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Yes I have thought about this. It's one of those little quiet worries now n then.

Then I realise that if he were bored he would be doing it all differently!

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 4:28:08 PM

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Yes.

Heels.

Sometimes I am sure my girl gets bored with having to wear heels for me, but the fact of the matter is that I find it very hard to get turned on unless she IS wearing them.

There comes a point where a fetish can become a problem.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 4:28:30 PM

kirii

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I am answering this from a perspective outside of a solid D/s or M/s relationship ( I indulge in pain aspects of bdsm play only; I do not incorporate them into intimate relationships )
I have played with this one man at a club off and on for the last two years. I am not sure which one of us mixes things up, but for some reason we both seem to be aware when something new, more, or edgier is needed.
There have been instances where he pushed a bit further or done something that was not discussed; and there have been instances where I have veered from the discussion limitations and done something unexpected that startled him.
Perhaps because we know each other pretty well we are able to gauge exactly when one or the other needs something extra and when we just want our ‘normal’ routine.
Either way, I think it’s great when two or more people can read each other in that way and know right away what is or is not needed; whether they are in a solid relationship or not.

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 4:29:18 PM

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Sometimes the same ol' thing can be changed with order or location and introduce variety without changing the meat and potatos of the fetish itself. Daddy and I sometimes fall into this trap of pushing each other's buttons on autopilot and it loses that certain something...you know, the "dangerous" part of the kink.

But, in the end, we do like the same things...or in some cases the opposite things, and that works for us. If I feel insecure about asking for a certain activity for the zillionth time...sometimes I mention it, but sometimes that insecurity works in the same way the "dangerous" thing works.

When we do mix things up, sometimes it works out better and there are the times when it doesn't. It bears thinking about, but not obsessing over. Even kinky people can fall in a rut. lol Maybe next time we'll add something vanilla for spice!

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 4:33:20 PM

MzMia

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There are many activities that I love.
I think it is important to let your partner know what these
are in the initial stages.
Because, I am going to want to do them a lot, so I want
a submissive that enjoys them as much, or more than I do.

I don't see a long term relationship with someone who is
not going to enjoy doing, what I enjoy, A LOT.

Great topic AAasha

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 4:35:36 PM

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The joy I get from a particular fetish usually outweighs the desire to be more creative with what turns me on. Put another way, don't fix it if it ain't broke.

That does not mean that I don't enjoy experimenting and trying new things, or finding new kinks that turn my wheel, but I'll be damned if someone's gonna suck away the pleasure I get in my rocksteady fetishes!

Hell, I've worked hard for those kinks.

-DR

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 4:39:01 PM

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I'm sorry kirii but that pink is impossible to read.

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 4:41:18 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DocRudy

The joy I get from a particular fetish usually outweighs the desire to be more creative with what turns me on. Put another way, don't fix it if it ain't broke.

That does not mean that I don't enjoy experimenting and trying new things, or finding new kinks that turn my wheel, but I'll be damned if someone's gonna suck away the pleasure I get in my rocksteady fetishes!

Hell, I've worked hard for those kinks.

-DR

Doc, I knew I was gonna like you.
Damn right, if it ain't broke, I ain't gonna fix it.
Yes I did it, and I am gonna do it again and again and again.
I hope I die in the middle of doing it, and I hope I get to do
that same thing, 50,000 trillion zillion times.

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Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to DocRudy)

RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 4:43:12 PM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I'm sorry kirii but that pink is impossible to read.

ditto

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 5:20:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Are there fetishes that do not get boring, even though you think your partner might be thinking, "He can't want to do this again, he must be looking for something else?"

For me, it's feminization. Not necessarily physically, (it's really hard to get a 6'2+ military man with biceps as big around as my thighs to look terribly soft and feminine) but just reminding him of how every little thing he does -- the way he positions himself, the breathy quality that his voice takes on when he's begging me to use him, Hell, even some of his mannerisms -- makes him more of a woman than a man, and treat him as such during the play, referring to him by a female name and all.

Does it get me going? Oh God yes it does.

Does it get him going? All signs point to "yes," literally and figuratively.

Do I ever start in on it and think "Gahhhh, he's got to be sick of this by now?" Constantly.

It's like being stuck in a rut. I really enjoy it so I focus all of my time and effort on it, and as a result, it's all I feel that I'm really 'good' at or confident with. Ask me to come up with a different scene and I'll just stare blankly for a few minutes before saying "I got nothin'." He's never complained, but I can't imagine that the same scene over and over again can be terribly enjoyable. That whole sense of what-is-she-going-to-do-to-me-next isn't there. There's no suspense, no element of surprise.

Of course, this makes me feel incredibly guilty for loving it so much, because while it may be predictable to him by now, it never feels that way to me, so when I step into a dominant role, what am I going to pull out of my bag of tricks? My favorite scene ever! Again! For the fortieth time!

They do say that we are all creatures of habit.

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 5:32:54 PM

RRafe

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I think it's more about being ABLE to do my fetishes,rather than doing them all the time. Fortunately, I have a huge number of them-and tend to come up with more on a regular basis.

CLOWNS are my latest one.

Outside of that?

I have this awful "vanilla" fetish that I like to indulge in on occasion.

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 8:09:17 PM

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I am so happy to be "bored". At this point there should be a great connection...so the first sign of her desires and excitement and fullfillment makes me happy and the opposite of bored...I could live in her fetish forever and not be bored.

I would say PLEASE PLEASE do not think on it for one second. All good subs/slaves wish for our Dominant counterparts to be worry and stress-free.

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 8:30:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I think it's more about being ABLE to do my fetishes,rather than doing them all the time. Fortunately, I have a huge number of them-and tend to come up with more on a regular basis.

CLOWNS are my latest one.

Outside of that?

I have this awful "vanilla" fetish that I like to indulge in on occasion.

hmmmm i think we need to find you a new fetish :) clowns....((shudders))

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 8:56:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I'm sorry kirii but that pink is impossible to read.

ditto

Can you double ditto?...triple even?

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 9:32:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Does anyone have fetishes that are so consistent and hard-wired that you feel as though your partners may be thinking, "this again?" when you start your "thing"?

My partner worries about it, and if I hadn't learned to love his fetishes also, that might have become a problem.

But I really did learn to love them myself, it helps that they increase my comfort and pleasure, and I really feed off his reaction from them. So it worked out great in the end.

I worry that I constantly reinforce his fetishes and "ruin" him in other ways, but they were seriously implanted decades before I came in and they aren't going anywhere- and neither am I. So I just wave those worries away and enjoy!

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 10:00:53 PM

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Some of the fetishes I have had subs into have gotten boring, becasue they werent terribly interactive. I think thats where the difference lies.
Endulging a fetish where both participants are enjoying the interaction , likeAngel and I and our age play, never gets old. I can use the same lines every time, in the same outfits and follow almost a script and it will work for both of us regardless.
Others, like the foot and shoe fetishes, get boring to me becasue they arent always interactive. I love foot massages, but honestly when they want to go off on their own and play with my shoes, I roll my eyes and wonder why they are coming over if all they want to do is endulge their fetish while I watch TV.
I see endulging a one sided fetish as more humoring someone than really enjoying your time. They make for great treats for good service on occasion, but all the time and yes, they bore me. I dont have any fetishes that I endulge, really, so I never worry something I am doing for my enjoyment is going to get old for my playmate.

DV

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 10:05:40 PM

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DV- which is why it was a concern for us in the beginning, one of his fetishes is foot play. I've been to foot parties and yes learned to NOT enjoy them because all the guys just get hard for the feet and once they have them in front, it's like you go away- you're just a carrier for their fetish.

My partner is different in that the feet/foot play will trigger something inside him, very deeply, but it's the whole package which he NEEDS- he needs to know I'm enjoying it, getting something from it, he loves hearing happy sounds from it- I don't disappear when my feet appear.

I think that's really what makes the difference for me.

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RE: The repetitive nature of indulging a fetish - 9/30/2007 10:20:22 PM

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Eh. I find the repetitive nature of just about *any* habit people have annoying.

When people get too predictable, they bore me. No matter how much our kinks match up.

< Message edited by Damocles809 -- 9/30/2007 10:21:02 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

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