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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:27:15 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Yes but the real question is...have you met her mother yet?

I'm actually quite a romantic myself...but I've learned that stability and being able to depend on someone to love you just as much while you're spring cleaning, or when they have to go to your horribly dysfunctional family reunion, or who will stand up for me when his drunk friend calls me a bitch for not wanting to drink beer are what makes a relationship last. And that's romance to me...far more than poetry and declarations of devotion.

A true romantic relationship is one that maintains love when other people are involved. It's so easy to be romantic when in a room (or chat room) alone with the one you love. But when you go out to see your favorite band, and your girlfriend starts to feel sick from something she ate earlier and throws up in a trash can, are you going to hold her hair back and miss the show to take her home? Even when your friends are going 'ewww gross' and calling you whipped?

I can see your point but I would be far more impressed with his romantic nature showing when we're at his family's house for Thanksgiving than just when we're alone. Because to me, it means more if it can stand up to constant assaults from the outside.

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 41

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:28:19 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

Ok.. I can see that if you are a dom wanting a sub. But, would that also translate to a submissive with some experience, and a dom who only has online experience?
Now me.. I started this young, doing it with someone younger. Oddly, he had some physical experience in this and I had not.
When I am talking to a prospective dominant I don't care how much experience he has had as I see each experience as new.. BUT, if his only experience is online dominantion, I take a step back. Why? Because too much of what I see online is bunk.
So.. if you were sub, would you enjoy finding out that your prospective dom had only done this online?

A good deal of "experience" in all realms is bunk.

I look at it this way: What good is years of "experience" if the slave is a simpering whiny bitch?

Similarly, what good is years of "experience" as a dominant if said dominant is a semi-psychotic abusive asshole?

Give me a good person with whom I can connect and who is willing to learn how I run my house. Those attributes are essential; the rest can be navigated as we go.

_____________________________

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 42

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:31:28 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri

You are speaking about YOUR idea of romance though. Picking up a cheap bouquet of flowers from the grocery store is not my idea of romance nor can we expect it to be everyone elses. My idea of romance is having a snow ball fight in a snow storm. These terms are so subjective to how each person defines them.

Why yes, yes I am. That's why I'm the one who posted it.

My point however wasn't that romance = flowers, but rather that romance means more to me (the one who posted it, as opposed to you, or him, or her, who did not post it) when its part of day to day life, not something 'special' and separate from the mundane.

Whatever expression it happens to take (randomly buying flowers, snowball fight, saying "no she isn't, she's the woman I love" when his friends call her a bitch) it just seems more real when it's just a fact of your existance together.

At least in my opinion.

(in reply to astarri)

Post #: 43

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:35:51 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Ok.. I can see that if you are a dom wanting a sub. But, would that also translate to a submissive with some experience, and a dom who only has online experience?
Now me.. I started this young, doing it with someone younger. Oddly, he had some physical experience in this and I had not.
When I am talking to a prospective dominant I don't care how much experience he has had as I see each experience as new.. BUT, if his only experience is online dominantion, I take a step back. Why? Because too much of what I see online is bunk.
So.. if you were sub, would you enjoy finding out that your prospective dom had only done this online?

A good deal of "experience" in all realms is bunk.

I look at it this way: What good is years of "experience" if the slave is a simpering whiny bitch?

Similarly, what good is years of "experience" as a dominant if said dominant is a semi-psychotic abusive asshole?

Give me a good person with whom I can connect and who is willing to learn how I run my house. Those attributes are essential; the rest can be navigated as we go.

I agree with this!

This goes back to what a person gets out of it. If the OP guy thought that his online experience was directly relevant to a real life situation then that would be a red flag. But if he communicated to me he knew there was a big difference and his online experience helped him know himself better and/or taught him some things that do have relevance, and I am sure there might be some, then I do not think that experience should be laughed off.

I am in the camp though of when looking for a relationship experience is the least of my worries. So many other things need to be there that are gone to be either there or not, experience is only time spent.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 44

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:51:48 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Hiya shoshi,

First caveat; if he cyber whips you, lemme know so I can break his legs.

That aside, I'll make a few confessions.

My first BDSM experience came at the age of 21. I was invited to a private play party at the house of a respected Dominatrix in Washington DC with my wife. We'd met the woman at fetish night that we stumbled into by happenstance. That evening, I was exposed to (obviously) a heavy Femdom setting; oriental dungeon, almost a dozen male submissives, two or three female dominants, a couple female switches, and two male dominants (that I can recall; it's been almost ten years.) I continued a friendship with the woman for some time afterwards, but my 'real life' introduction to BDSM left me completely uninterested.

Skip ahead a few years, to where I was in college and chatting from time to time online (long distance relationship with my girlfriend who had to go home sick with mononucleosis left me online a lot.) I eventually meandered into BDSM rooms out of curiosity, and... wow did I learn a lot. The possibility that men could be dominants as well had never occurred to me; the male dominants I had met that first night were more fetish tops than actual dominants (I think; I never saw them again to learn more.) A lot of tumblers fell into place, and I would spend the next few years just learning more about BDSM, D/s, and myself. It would be another year before I actually met a submissive in real life.

My first few BDSM experiences were.... less than ideal. But the exploration of ideas and fantasies online gave me the opportunity to understand what I wanted and why, a whole lot better. I then proceeded to real life date a few women I had met online (Michigan isn't really well known for it's chic BDSM lifestyle I have to say.) It would be another year or two before I actually had a successful D/s relationship; no small amount how that transpired can be found in the annuls of ye old collarchat though (laughs.)

In short, what I learned online gave me a better understanding of what I might like offline. Yet online 'adventures' are all theoretical; they have the same value as erotica, I think. It offers a peek into the minds of people who enjoy BDSM and D/s, but is a pale imitation of how good it 'could' be. It could take you a good few months for this guy to disconnect from his fantasy cyber life, and really dive into a relationship with you. Only you can decide if he's worth it otherwise.

Take care,

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to astarri)

Post #: 45

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:56:47 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

what I learned online gave me a better understanding of what I might like offline.

I agree with this....I myself am a research junkie so I get this..

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 46

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 3:05:38 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Hehehe it's always nice to know a hot guy has my back

I get what you mean though...it's definitely a great way to learn, research, and even interact a bit. But what you said about how it could take awhile for him to disconnect from internet mode is really what I was most worried about.

I can see how it might be different if I was also into internet relationships, because then there would be common ground, but I am definitely taking this one way slow. I don't jump into things anyway...and I definitely slow down at warning signs.

I do like talking to him though...if worst comes to worst we can always be chat buddies

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 47

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 3:27:53 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I will concede that his online experience is valid.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri

Masturbation is a glorious thing ... with out a doubt!!
Precisely my point though Missokyst ... up close and personal is YOUR thing. So for you an online d/s relationship wouldnt work. It is probably the norm for the majority of people and thats okay.
It was asked whether his experience is valid though.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to astarri)

Post #: 48

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 3:37:43 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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so basically you are saying if people find they have a connection they can work it out? I can agree with that. But that is real life experience as a human, to human. And for me that goes beyond ds and into personality. Personality is great. Connection is great! But it does not translate to experience in the physical world of ds. <g> It is just fun times trying things out.
And that can be fun too, as long as everyone is on board with reality.
As I said before I started this young. So did my partner. We had fun along the way. If that is what people are looking for when they seek out a partner fine. But if someone is seeking a person who has physical experience and the only thing the dom can say is yeah.. I am stern and punished her online.. hmm..
It comes down to what you are seeking. Personalitywise, mentally, and physically.
I don't mind if someone has no experience. As long as they acknowlege that, and not rely on their internet experience as the real deal.
I would perfer a newbie with no illusions of grandeur.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 49

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 3:49:33 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Hehehe it's always nice to know a hot guy has my back

And a former Marine to boot.

Let him know he's got some big boots to fill...

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 50

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 4:01:11 PM

pinkme2

Posts: 236
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline

I tried an online relationship and can relate what I learned from that. First, it's easy to put down what you don't understand. Second, just because a person has real life BDSM experience doesn't make them any more capable or a better Dom or sub, top or bottom.

One problem I had with it was that I wanted more reality than he was capable of giving. We spoke on the phone quite a bit, and saw each other on cam, and communicated and got to know each other. But I wanted more. Plus he was manipulative and had some major issues- hence my- experience doesn't equal Good comment. Now, supposedly, he was quite experienced, but perhaps that was a lie. I don't know. When I finally did get some real time scene experience, it was different and yet exactly as I expected. The things I learned prior did help to know what to expect.

Now, are we talking scene experience or D/s relationship experience? I think you can get some of the latter with a LD or telephone relationship.

And at the comment about treating a real woman different than a screen name- there's a real person behind that screen name. Just because it happens in pixels doesn't mean it doesn't matter. I would hope that we treat each other with as much curtesy here as we do offline.

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

Post #: 51

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 4:07:51 PM

trappedinamuseum

Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

I've spent a few years on here, talking to people now and again, doing my research, trying to figure out what I want. I suppose I have had a few online relationships - most never work out. While I have gained immeasureable knowledge from these online experiences, when people ask me how much experience I have, I always reply none. I can imagine till my eyes cross what that whip will feel like on my back, but until it happens, I have no concept of what it feels like. Therefore, I have no experience with it. that's just my opinion though.

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to pinkme2)

Post #: 52

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 4:26:02 PM

pinkme2

Posts: 236
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline

Canes and floggers were very different than what I expected. Not sure on the first, love the second. But BDSM isn't all about whips and bondage is it?

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)

Post #: 53

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 4:34:53 PM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

I too am a research person but that research has also entailed in-person experiences. The combo of finding some support, friends, counselors and a diversity of info online coupled with play partners, dungeon events, local wise ones, munches, and private parties has been serving me rather well so far. Online-onlys are like fairy dust to me, imaginary and intangible and in fact I find don't even much care for chat unless I already have a significant connection with a person - which usually happens in real life meets. If I don't find myself connecting strongly to a person online except as friends and buddies - if it feels like there could be more between us I try to move things to real life asap. If there are a lot of obstacles to moving things realtime then I cool it off fast. That real life thing is vastly different IMO. Online romance and BDSM does not work for me so much but online friendship - which can work fairly well up to point.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)

Post #: 54

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 4:52:47 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

All experience can do is what a person takes and learns from it, whether the person who experienced it or learning about another’s.

I totally agree with this point of view and i do so for very important reasons impo.

The first argument in support of so-called on-line validity comes from those friends I have in the disabled community. What I mean here is that I have a few friends whose disabilities so preclude them from what i take for granted as real life experiences. I am not meely talking about bdsm here but the whole wider context of relationship. Indeed I think online experience has so transformed their lives that it would be impossible to imagine their lives as enriched were it not for the possibilities of the internet which acts simply as another sensual modality for them where physical movement (literally) is impaired. I mean who can really travel real time and kneel and fully participate in a bdsm scene when most activities (including the most intimate of sex) has to be what is known as assisted?

Secondly; most relationships occur within the dynamic of what is known as projection and introjection (again impo). In other words I project onto YOU that you are the dominant either when we agree the play has begun or when we have negotiated the scene or if its 24.7. The internet remains one of the most powerful and valueable means of introjection and projection. I mean what meaning YOU are accruing to all of this is actually a projection onto me as to whether you like me, or agree or disagree. You read my smell and my personality between the lines.

And by no means least....is it possible to go back to the dark ages before the internet anyway....to snail mail and isolation and distance and scarcity. Real life versus internet life is just a false dichotomy...IT'S ALL REAL isn't it? Except of course the pherenomes are missing...the scent....the smell of play....so send your prospective Dom your knickers in thhe post as well as an email? Ahh you say touch is missing.....well if i've got someone in a chastity device for 48 hours and allow him his release on web cam it sure looks as enjoyable (and far less messy) than so -called real life.

And to echo the quote above: we learn, according to long standing research, just as powerfully by vicarious, (mediated) reinforcement as by direct reinforcement.
Bring on the Bo bo dolls.

Look; the world is both round and flat at the same time is n't it?

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 55

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 4:53:51 PM

EclipseAbove

Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

I think there is plenty that can be gained from interacting with people online. Certainly the exposure to new ideas and many of the mental aspects can be practiced online. However, when it comes to the physical activities, I'd have to argue that internet "experience" is actually a hinderance and worse than no experience at all. At least someone who has never touched a single tail before and never pretended to use one online knows that they are completely ignorant. I'm not so sure the same could be said for a 10 year internet-only single tail "master". I think it also makes a huge difference if you are talking about a dom/top or a sub/bottom. A sub/bottom with only internet experience presents far less of a safety risk to both play partners than a dom/top since control and most of the safety responsibility is going to be in the hands of the dom/top.

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 56

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 5:05:58 PM

latexbarbiets

Posts: 93
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

Online experience is absolutely absurd, and folks that have online experience and think its just like that in real life are going to have a big shock. Its Real life or nothing

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

Post #: 57

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 5:24:59 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

I just can't equate online with real life. I don't get into Second Life or fantasy games. Maybe its because I work in computers and realize its just code and 0's and 1's flying over lines. I need the smell of a woman, the touch, the visual stimuli. I don't see how talking about it equals doing it. How do you get the right touch in a slap to the ass? So, for me, NOPE.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

Post #: 58

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 6:01:33 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Yes but the real question is...have you met her mother yet?

There's a shallow grave waiting in the backyard. Funny part is, I'm not the one who's been digging it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I'm actually quite a romantic myself...but I've learned that stability and being able to depend on someone to love you just as much while you're spring cleaning, or when they have to go to your horribly dysfunctional family reunion, or who will stand up for me when his drunk friend calls me a bitch for not wanting to drink beer are what makes a relationship last. And that's romance to me...far more than poetry and declarations of devotion.

A true romantic relationship is one that maintains love when other people are involved. It's so easy to be romantic when in a room (or chat room) alone with the one you love. But when you go out to see your favorite band, and your girlfriend starts to feel sick from something she ate earlier and throws up in a trash can, are you going to hold her hair back and miss the show to take her home? Even when your friends are going 'ewww gross' and calling you whipped?

I can see your point but I would be far more impressed with his romantic nature showing when we're at his family's house for Thanksgiving than just when we're alone. Because to me, it means more if it can stand up to constant assaults from the outside.

Whenever I had an online relationship, it was always with the intention of the online aspect being temporary. Getting to know eachother first, then doing these things.. that struck me as grand. To be close, to know the other so well..

I never did care for flowers, myself, nor do I wish to be defended by another. So, here, I can see how the prospective differences due to role differences would come into play; I can't say I ever missed the flowers, nor protection. (Not that any real-life sub's or slaves gave me those things, either. :P)

I suppose it would be more apt to consider how much I missed giving those things? My, I suppose I would've cherished the oppurtunity to take care of a mate at times she's been in need. Blah.. my slave goes to a different college than I do, and her ankle's legiment is torn. It does bother me that I can't hold her and help her. Not like anyone there's so kind. I can't afford to neglect my classes, nor she hers- she's just having to hobble about (and dropped her aerobics class). So that really is a downside.

Thinking of it, I can see what you mean. It certainly can have romantic aspects in taking care of someone else in real life over the Internet or telephone. Still, I do feel that I've always grown closer, more so, in the long distance bits.

Half of me's fighting skipping classes tommorow. Damn it, this is what I get for thinking about it.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 59

RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 6:03:42 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

If I read a recipe on how to bake a souffle, does that mean that I'm a chef?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

Post #: 60

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