RE: Difficulty finding a Dom?

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (Full Version)

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domiguy -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 6:30:58 PM)
Never forget that if your body is not quite up to snuff...You can make up for it by eating pussy which will increase your market value....Or never, ever letting anyone see you naked.....I've heard of throwing a bag over someone's head....Could you modify a hefty bag to cover the disgusting lumps and bumps of the physically grotesque?

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 6:37:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: susie quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: susie Men will pick you on your negativity. ... until you are ready to view yourself in a postive way, nobody else will either. {insert expletive here} ! I'm sorry you have such a poor opinion of "men", Susie. I'm sorry you believe "nobody" can see anything positive in someone if they can't see it themselves. Maybe where you grew up that's true: you have my condolences if this is so. But some of us were raised better than that. Oh get off your high horse booby. Most men ( I understand if you do not want to include yourself in that group) pick up on a persons negativity when chatting and getting to know someone. Sorry if you think that is not the case but it is. You might be the one "man" out there that searches out negativity as you can see it as a way of "improving someones self esteem" as you often mention. That is not the case with others. I am not the one so insecure with his/her opinions that I have to resort to such ridiculous propaganda tactics as speaking in absolutes on behalf of "Men" or everyone on the planet, Susie. You want more examples of people who see the positive in someone who wasn't seeing the positive in herself? Try reading the Guilt thread. You want more examples? Try the Salvation Army. Alcoholics Anonymous. Any Rape Crisis Centre. Suicide hotlines. Need more examples of people who see the positives in those who do not see it in themselves? Or would you rather accuse those whom I've mentioned of searching "out negativity as you can see it as a way of 'improving someones self esteem'"?

susie -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 6:48:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: susie quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: susie Men will pick you on your negativity. ... until you are ready to view yourself in a postive way, nobody else will either. {insert expletive here} ! I'm sorry you have such a poor opinion of "men", Susie. I'm sorry you believe "nobody" can see anything positive in someone if they can't see it themselves. Maybe where you grew up that's true: you have my condolences if this is so. But some of us were raised better than that. Oh get off your high horse booby. Most men ( I understand if you do not want to include yourself in that group) pick up on a persons negativity when chatting and getting to know someone. Sorry if you think that is not the case but it is. You might be the one "man" out there that searches out negativity as you can see it as a way of "improving someones self esteem" as you often mention. That is not the case with others. I am not the one so insecure with his/her opinions that I have to resort to such ridiculous propaganda tactics as speaking in absolutes on behalf of "Men" or everyone on the planet, Susie. You want more examples of people who see the positive in someone who wasn't seeing the positive in herself? Try reading the Guilt thread. You want more examples? Try the Salvation Army. Alcoholics Anonymous. Any Rape Crisis Centre. Suicide hotlines. Need more examples of people who see the positives in those who do not see it in themselves? Or would you rather accuse those whom I've mentioned of searching "out negativity as you can see it as a way of 'improving someones self esteem'"? Funnily enough, from reading your postings and from the way you deal with those that do not agree with you, I see you as one of the most insecure people on the boards.

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 6:51:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann Bobkgin (and others), Mr S., Cutiemouse, shoshi and a few others have more than adequately established the point I was making (I'd have responded sooner but charlotte and I were camping all weekend; THAT was a lot of fun!) You can read more on my interest in body modification here: http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1214689 Rest assured, that charlotte knew of (and shared my) interests well before we even met face to face. Read the thread, and I'm sure you'll see how there's obviously more than a few people (dominant and submissive alike) who share my point of view. I know you have a strong position against changing people to suit your tastes. That's great for you. I would pose the question if you would permit or expect her to ever wear makeup? Attractive clothes? Jewelry? ... First, I thank you for the lengthy and detailed explanation. Second, I appreciate hearing that your partners were well-informed and that Charlotte agreed to these terms. As for your questions: Makeup - no, I prefer a natural look. Clothing - I have no objection, but I am casual at all times and do not object to my partner being dressed casual and comfortable. Jewelry - no objections. But I will point out that none of these have long-term implications, and if compared to cosmetic surgery, none of these come with a risk of dying under anasthetic. I appreciate you respecting my position and I will respect yours and those of your partners. If nothing else the exchanges in this thread on this topic have given the audience at large something to think about. My thanks to you for this.

bandit25 -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 6:52:03 PM)
I think it's pretty fair to say that the majority of people tend to avoid negativity. DBG seems to exude negativity, whether she does so on purpose or not is not the issue. Yes, there are some who may not, but that may be the reason she is having such a hard time finding a dom.

bottomboy81 -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 6:58:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl To unattached subs out there with not so perfect bodies, you're facing a definite double standard. There's a thread in Ask a Mistress about male subs desiring older bbw dommes that generated many positive responses (4 pages). I started a thread in Ask a Master about Doms desiring older bbw subs and there was only 1 response in 4 hours. I was wondering if any bbw subs out there ever considered becoming switches and ordering male subs to dominate them? To unattached subs out there with not so perfect bodies, you're facing a definite double standard Wanna know another double standard? Its obvious that its in a males instinct to think about sex different and to need sex more than women. Why is it that a submissive male is condemned for asking and wanting sex (or some thing sexual) while a female submissive is allowed to tell all male doms that they cant have sex with her when it comes to casual play?

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 7:06:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bandit25 I think it's pretty fair to say that the majority of people tend to avoid negativity. DBG seems to exude negativity, whether she does so on purpose or not is not the issue. Yes, there are some who may not, but that may be the reason she is having such a hard time finding a dom. You know, one of the things I've learned from BDSM 'community' boards is not to take anyone's characterization of another to mean much more than "I don't like him/her". To which I must say "so what?" I don't need anyone telling me whom I should mistreat.

bandit25 -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 7:08:48 PM)
Not like her? What the hell? I don't even know her to like or dislike her. And where did I tell you to mistreat anyone?

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 7:12:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bottomboy81 Its obvious that its in a males instinct to think about sex different and to need sex more than women. When has a man grown up without any environmental influences such that his "instinct" could be detected and measured and treated as 'typical' of all males? When has a woman grown up without any environmental influences such that her "instinct" could be detected and measured and treated as 'typical' of all females? When were the instincts of these two unusual creatures ever compared to determine whose is greater?

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 7:16:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bandit25 quote: ORIGINAL: bandit25 DBG seems to exude negativity ... that may be the reason she is having such a hard time finding a dom. I don't even know her ... 'nuff said.

bandit25 -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 7:18:51 PM)
Because it's just not worth it.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 7:26:05 PM)
I do not always exude negativity. If you have any doubts, check out my response to this thread and compare it to the responses of many others. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1329664/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm

Stephann -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 7:30:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bottomboy81 To unattached subs out there with not so perfect bodies, you're facing a definite double standard Wanna know another double standard? Its obvious that its in a males instinct to think about sex different and to need sex more than women. Why is it that a submissive male is condemned for asking and wanting sex (or some thing sexual) while a female submissive is allowed to tell all male doms that they cant have sex with her when it comes to casual play? No question, male submissives have a hard knock life when it comes to relationships. Yet I would venture to say that there are no few female dominants who would not only understand, but expect that their male submissives would have sexual desires. My experience has been that while some female dominants do not engage in sexual relations with their male submissives, usually it is professional dominas who take a 'no sex' approach with their clients. A huge issue about sex, is that when a male submissive expresses a desire for sex initially it suggests that he isn't looking for a D/s relationship; but rather is just looking to get laid. Spend the time to build a relationship, first, and you might have a lot more luck in the sex department. Regards, Stephan

Stephann -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 7:39:36 PM)
quote: As for your questions: Makeup - no, I prefer a natural look. Clothing - I have no objection, but I am casual at all times and do not object to my partner being dressed casual and comfortable. Jewelry - no objections. But I will point out that none of these have long-term implications, and if compared to cosmetic surgery, none of these come with a risk of dying under anasthetic. You've never heard of anyone slipping in a mu mu and dying? [:D] See, I asked the questions to point out that women (and men) regularly use their appearance as an expression of their identity. Change that appearance, and you inalienably alter their identity. I would also offer that statistically, there's a greater risk of being hit by a car on the way to the clinic than there is of dying under the knife. Everything we do carries a risk. To say "I won't do it just because it's too dangerous" is, of course, entirely acceptable. One's life is indeed a precious thing to risk. Yet, I would be an unhappy person if I never engaged in every risky activity I've ever undergone. Thus, the question (for me) isn't one of "is it dangerous?" so much as "Is this a risk I'm willing to accept." Besides, it's impossible to know that charlotte, in getting surgery, didn't actually save her life by not crossing the street as she might ordinarily have been doing, and get hit by a car. So, yes; the point is that everyone who wishes to do something risky should do so with their eyes open. Those who feel a procedure is too risky, shouldn't engage in it. I'm simply pointing out that, risk aside, a woman who already has healthy self-esteem who might desire larger (or smaller; thinking of AquaticSub here) breasts, smaller stomach, etc should feel fully empowered to make that change for herself. No amount of corrective surgery in the world can possibly combat poor self-esteem. Anorexics will never feel 'thin enough' for the same reason. Regards, Stephan

laurell3 -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 7:43:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bottomboy81 quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl To unattached subs out there with not so perfect bodies, you're facing a definite double standard. There's a thread in Ask a Mistress about male subs desiring older bbw dommes that generated many positive responses (4 pages). I started a thread in Ask a Master about Doms desiring older bbw subs and there was only 1 response in 4 hours. I was wondering if any bbw subs out there ever considered becoming switches and ordering male subs to dominate them? To unattached subs out there with not so perfect bodies, you're facing a definite double standard Wanna know another double standard? Its obvious that its in a males instinct to think about sex different and to need sex more than women. Why is it that a submissive male is condemned for asking and wanting sex (or some thing sexual) while a female submissive is allowed to tell all male doms that they cant have sex with her when it comes to casual play? I don't think the sexist views on desire and libido really apply in this arena. I guarantee you that you couldn't keep up with me or some of my female friends sexually even at the ripe old age of 26, but that's individual isn't it? Not some stereotype we cling to. If you find Dommes that condemn you for wanting sex and chasity isn't something you want, find someone else. I also don't know many female subs that tell Doms they can't have sex with her, unless that is agreed upon. Again, the relationship controls, not a double standard, no big conspiracy. Body/behavior/appearance modification is also a relationship issue, if it's not your cup of tea, don't drink it. Let me clue you into something you may not have noticed, life isn't always fair and how you deal with it is what makes others want to spend time with you. There are some brave, intelligent, independent survivors on these boards and they are replete with stories of success despite obstacle and even physical/mental issues. The kind of people you look at their picture and say normally I wouldn't go for this type of person but their attitude is so attractive to me. As a starting point, you have to accept and embrace your own flaws and be comfortable with yourself as you are before anyone else will.

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