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RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 4:16:53 PM

trappedinamuseum

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Sorry to hijack...

I'm getting a Master's in Museum Studies...

I'm happily trapped.

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Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

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RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 4:26:09 PM

laurell3

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ah ok then, I was going to offer to break you out!
l

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RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 4:28:08 PM

trappedinamuseum

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Many thanks, and the freedom would be nice.

Unfortunately, I'd have to go back to class the next day.

Le sigh, and c'est la vie and all that.

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Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

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RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 5:24:00 PM

CatKnight

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Joined: 8/31/2007
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I fear I'm going to echo everyone else, but I'm game.

Regarding Sir/Master, I've heard both things as well.

As far as YOUR Dom goes, that's between you and him. I'd kinda raise an eyebrow at someone who wanted a title used right from day one. I'd wonder if he's using the title to prop up his ego.

My lady just uses my name when I Dom or top. She's only used "sir" or "master" once each, both when she was feeling very submissive. When she leads I tend to call her "ma'am," but only because I WANT to. I've never been asked or required to do so. I'd probably laugh if she did.

Regarding those who aren't in a relationship with you....sir is generally considered polite, just as it is in a vanilla situation. Master would generally be reserved for someone who the community at large has a lot of respect for. At least so I've heard. There ARE no universal rules in this thing.

Collaring....is another joint decision. You do not HAVE to take it - nor does he HAVE to offer it.

Collaring represents a commitment. To some people (including me and my lady) it isn't that far from a marriage contract. Some argue it's even stronger. If I thrust a ring on your finger and said you were mine, I sincerely hope you'd laugh in my face.

Anyone who talks about collaring too early in a relationship either undervalues it, doesn't understand it, or is playing a power game with you. Be careful of that.

I've read elsewhere that "old school"ers believe that at the appropriate time, when a sub wants to make a firmer commitment, she asks for the collar. It is then up to the dom whether to accept the petition. It works out the same, however you do it: Joint consent is the rule here.

Actually, joint consent is the rule EVERYWHERE.

Luck!

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RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 7:38:32 PM

sundownhawk

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In many ways to me Sir is a respectful title often used in conversation. I take no offense to it when others choose to use it when speaking to me. In dealing with a sub it does take on a more signifigant meaning but is acceptable for the sub to use. If she did not wish to use such a commonly used term, what would she use then?
Master, and other terms, hold much more meaning to me and I feel that that title is earned within the relationship.
At the same time, even if you refer to me as Master, nothing in that term would ever force you to accept my collar. As others have said nothing is cookie cutter. The paths we choose are our own, if the road laid out to the submissive feels wrong or uncomfortable then they should seek a new one.

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RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 7:46:35 PM

Arastella

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I DO believe that a Dom DEFINITELY must earn the respect of the title, absolutely.

Now regarding your other subject, I don't think it's a matter of who chooses what. It's a mutual thing. And no, a sub should NEVER be forced to accept a collar, even if she has decided to go forward with the relationship, if at any point, she is pressured into accepting a collar, somethings wrong.

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RE: With all do respect - 10/6/2007 3:34:47 PM

ehlovindom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel

With all do respect when it comes to the D/s relationship i was told two different things:
one)You have to earn the title Sir or Master and then i was told that you must call them Sir/Master.which is it?
two)i was also told that when it comes to deciding the relationship standing levels it is up to the sub.....if they wish to accept it then i was told that if a Dom offers you a collar you must take it
again are they both right or which one is right?

Really? All I have to do is offer a collar and a sub must take it? Does it have to be a real collar or one of those special "on-line" collars?

Who exactly is telling you these things and why in heaven's name are you listening?

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RE: With all do respect - 10/6/2007 5:52:39 PM

YourhandMyAss

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No. You don't have to take any collar offered that you don't want. I recommend not listening to idiots that spouts trueisms, and tries to speak for every one. Every person is diffrent there for there is no one true way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel

With all do respect when it comes to the D/s relationship i was told two different things:
one)You have to earn the title Sir or Master and then i was told that you must call them Sir/Master.which is it?
two)i was also told that when it comes to deciding the relationship standing levels it is up to the sub.....if they wish to accept it then i was told that if a Dom offers you a collar you must take it
again are they both right or which one is right?

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RE: With all do respect - 10/6/2007 6:21:42 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel

With all do respect when it comes to the D/s relationship i was told two different things:
one)You have to earn the title Sir or Master and then i was told that you must call them Sir/Master.which is it?

Depends on who you are talking to. I generally don't call people Sir unless I am saying it the way I would to Joe Smoe at the store. I definately don't call people Master unless they have earned it and I don't care how much they whine about it.

quote:

two)i was also told that when it comes to deciding the relationship standing levels it is up to the sub.....if they wish to accept it then i was told that if a Dom offers you a collar you must take it
again are they both right or which one is right?

I don't understand why you would have to take it. The only person I ever heard say that a sub/slave didn't have a choice as to whose collar she accepted was an unattractive, middle-aged married man in a not desirable situation who was whining about how no one would submit to him.

Anytime I get to a thread where you've posted before me, you've usually said what I would say.

So....+1

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RE: With all do respect - 10/6/2007 6:23:47 PM

FullCircle

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With all due respect, it's with all due respect and not with all do respect.

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RE: With all do respect - 10/6/2007 7:11:53 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

With all due respect, it's with all due respect and not with all do respect.

While you're at it could you also correct "with the up most respect" too?

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RE: With all do respect - 10/7/2007 2:01:27 PM

SirDraco7

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel

With all do respect when it comes to the D/s relationship i was told two different things:
one)You have to earn the title Sir or Master and then i was told that you must call them Sir/Master.which is it?
two)i was also told that when it comes to deciding the relationship standing levels it is up to the sub.....if they wish to accept it then i was told that if a Dom offers you a collar you must take it
again are they both right or which one is right?

They are all right. Everyone is different and has different ways of doing things.
Do you call coke "soda" or pop? Does football to you use QB's or golies?

Basically.. it's up to you. You define it how you think works best for your needs and desires, and go from there.
Don't focus on what others expect, but on what you desire and expect of yourself.
And don't let any other person tell you something is right or wrong. Untill you bend down and become someone's sub, your only Master is yourself.

So the one that is right for you is the one that you think works best for you. Just know not everyone would agree with your choice and respect their different choices and viewpoints. :)

Just my thoughts...

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RE: With all do respect - 10/9/2007 12:33:39 PM

arayofsunshine55

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
The answers will not come from others telling you "how it is" no matter how much you want someone else to tell you how to live your life the "right way."

Worth repeating IMO. OP, you do what works for you and for your partner. Expect each prospective partner to have his own take and it's a dance you do together. You figure out what is too much too soon for you. You know yourself.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: With all do respect - 10/9/2007 8:29:31 PM

slaverosebeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel
one)You have to earn the title Sir or Master and then i was told that you must call them Sir/Master.which is it?

I don't call anyone but MJ, "Sir" or "Master." Period. Titles should eb earned, its gotten so wishy washy over time that anyone can take a title and it loses meaning after a while. I call MJ by His given name, or "Sir" or "Master," or "brat" at times; must I call Him those things, nope; I call MJ "Sir" or "Master" because its called for with the frame of mind I am in or with what we are doing. I call Him by His given name most of the time; I call Him 'brat' when He is acting like one, we both have a sence of humour and that shines through.

quote:

two)i was also told that when it comes to deciding the relationship standing levels it is up to the sub.....if they wish to accept it then i was told that if a Dom offers you a collar you must take it again are they both right or which one is right?

I am a slave; NOT a submissive. I have NEVER been offered a collar, even when I was a submissive, I was not offered one, if I had been asked the choice would be mine to accept or to deny the collar.

M/s and D/s relationships are like vanilla relationships, they are a two-way street. Its give and take, BOTH decide the relationship.

No offence, but whoever was putting those notions in your head should be ashamed. I have been around for a while, an I have never heard a decent portion of that, and I have a tendancy to talk to a lot of people.

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RE: With all do respect - 10/9/2007 8:36:16 PM

SixFootMaster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel

With all do respect when it comes to the D/s relationship i was told two different things:
one)You have to earn the title Sir or Master and then i was told that you must call them Sir/Master.which is it?
two)i was also told that when it comes to deciding the relationship standing levels it is up to the sub.....if they wish to accept it then i was told that if a Dom offers you a collar you must take it
again are they both right or which one is right?

To the first, this is a matter for you to decide - does it feel better to you to address a man as Sir or Master, whether you know them or not?

To the second:

Two possibilities, the first being that the collar is offered to you and you feel no personal compulsion to take it (the ability to choose or resist) - then obviously it is optional whether you do or don't.

The second possibility is that the master will control you to such a degree tha you will find yourself without the ability to choose or resist, and will submit to the collar.

Either way, it is a natural progression, if a 'Master' has to order you to take the collar, or somehow lie that it isn't your choice, then I would steer well clear of them.

< Message edited by SixFootMaster -- 10/9/2007 8:37:07 PM >

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RE: With all do respect - 10/10/2007 3:02:40 AM

TheChastiser

Posts: 95
Joined: 10/16/2005
From: Hemel Hempstead
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel

With all do respect when it comes to the D/s relationship i was told two different things:
one)You have to earn the title Sir or Master and then i was told that you must call them Sir/Master.which is it?
two)i was also told that when it comes to deciding the relationship standing levels it is up to the sub.....if they wish to accept it then i was told that if a Dom offers you a collar you must take it
again are they both right or which one is right?

firstly, my take on titles is, if you have to tell someone to call you something, you probably are not it. i prefer to just use my given name anyway, however, some do naturally drift into such titles and i am ok with this.

as to levels in a relationship, for me, i just say how i want it to be, it is up to the prospective property to initially decide if this fits with them, if not, no harm done and they move on. if yes, then from that point, levels are entirely up to me.

collars are something that can be an emotive subject. imo some see them a bit like false teeth, taken out at night. others see them as a very real physical representation of what they are and what they feel. again imo, anything physical can only be representational of the inner self. if someone offers you a collar, you have to examine the situation. if its somone you have never met, then i suggest all they are doing is marking their territory, to keep away other predatory doms until they can decide if you are what they want. no you do not have to take it. the timing of offering a collar is something that should be measured by the dominant, and only offered when the posession is ready for it. if its refused, then he has read the submissive wrongly and therefore it was innapropriate to offer in the first place.

Mike

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RE: With all do respect - 10/11/2007 6:02:11 PM

MasterFireMaam

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When you're single, do it as your gut/instincts/ethics/politeness dictates. When you are collared, then do as your Dom/Master instructs. Every person views things differently. Don't take the words of one as gospel if it goes against what you feel. If you want to know how someone views things, ask them and know that it applies to them only.

Master Fire

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