RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE?

RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (Full Version)

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LDRandAstarte -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/2/2007 9:49:19 PM)
No!

MistressHolly71 -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/2/2007 10:12:09 PM)
Hell no! I made that mistake once & I was miserable. As the Bard said, "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." Unless we can be true to ourselves first, we cannot be true to others

laurell3 -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/2/2007 10:17:15 PM)
I don't think I could fall in love with someone I didn't have sexual combatibility with at this point. Good luck with your dilemna though, that's a tough one. l

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/2/2007 11:01:55 PM)
No, I wouldn't. I was in a loveless vanilla marriage for many years, and he never accepted me for what I am. I am now in a very loving relationship with Master, who accepts me completely for who I am, and I couldn't imagine going backwards. I couldn't imagine being in love with someone who wasn't dominant.

slave4Darby3d -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/2/2007 11:30:27 PM)
I don't believe in sacrafice, myself. That being said, let me explain. I entered into a vanilla relationship with Darby3d...hit it off from the moment we met. It wasn't until later on that I basically blurted out about wanting to be dominated. I wanted him, to be sure, but I was taking a HUGE chance that he would reject me because of this need of mine. I'm very lucky, though. He is a true Dominant and was more than ok letting me be myself and let the genie out of the bottle. We have been together nearly 3 years - vanilla with a BDSM cherry on top. We both stumbled upon the right fit and are very much in love with each other. I'm no sage...but I think that you can be who you are and still have love.

trusting -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/2/2007 11:42:16 PM)
Master won my trust, friendship, my mind and finally my heart before i even knew He was Dom! i would not choose between the two myself... i do not see that there would be any reason to. i think it is the most wonderful feeling to serve a man that you also happen to be madly in love with... how would a person serve without some kind of feelings for the one that they choose to serve? i would not change anything about having the best of both worlds and to top it off with love is the greatest!

eyesopened -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 1:50:00 AM)
i can honestly say i would not want one without the other. My mother once told me to only marry for love never for money but if all you date are rich guys sooner or later you'll fall in love with one of 'em. Money isn't important to me so i applied the same logic to kink.

favesclava -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 2:13:03 AM)
He told me i would fall in love with Him. i took it as part of His personality to be so self assured. a must in a Dom. but i shook my head knowing how cold i really was. as hot as i was sexually thats how cold i was in my heart. i believed i would serve Him well, but i did not believe i could love Him or any other. so.... i love Him , i love Him to my soul. but if i didnt and fell for a vanilla, i wouldnt choose the other. i need the honesty Master gives. i'm sure there's honest vanillas out there i met one when i was 15. none since. Master is honest and truthful. has no need to lie or creep. i would be His even if i wasnt so in love with Him.

iammachine -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 2:44:24 AM)
Love is, well, lovely. Love however, simply isn't enough. Love transcends nothing. It's a wonderful feeling, but it isn't magic. It won't patch voids left by choosing to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't meet your needs. So no, I wouldn't sacrifice compatibilty for "love". That said, if someone weren't particularly compatible with me, I probably wouldn't have that lovely stupidity inducing intoxicating drug-like feeling so commonly referred to as love. :) I'm fairly optimistic, and fairly progressive - or maybe just idealistic and naive - so I don't feel a need for much sacrifice, compromise for sure, but I don't equate that to sacrifice. I also don't believe that love is exlusionary. Basically, I don't feel that I can or should expect all of my needs to be met by one person, and I don't feel that I need to sacrifice needs that may be met in other ways, with other people. I also don't interpet "love" the way that most people do, which can pretty much be summed up here. So yeah, in short, I'll have my cake, and my pie, and I'll eat 'em, too.

TotalState -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 4:09:41 AM)
I would, but I'm very glad I don't have to.

leakylee -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 4:18:42 AM)
no way, no how. i have gone out here and there on the nilla stright thing over the last couple of years. not even a spark of interest or attraction to be had or found. amazing what that ability to say utter NO forever and ever amen really makes for a person.. give me the shivers just thinkin about it.

ultimatesubbie -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 4:32:33 AM)
I married someone and was miserable for six years because he was not Dom and I thought love would conquer all. I knew after that that I would never be with someone whom I was not sexually compatible with. People can try to minimize sex in relationships but the fact is it is of the utmost importance to me and D/s is not just about sex. It is about attitude and life in general.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 4:39:38 AM)
Yes, I could-if I cared enough about someone who was vanilla; why go without affection,company, etc just because someone you're with doesn't want you to dominate,control,punish them?. Besides, life is a compromise-W/we can't all have what W/we want all the time, otherwise I'd be the new Neal Peart or Woody Allen, but it aint gonna happen cos that's life.

AquaticSub -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 4:54:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arastella My personal belief (DO NOTE, BEFORE YOU FLAME ME, ITS SIMPLY MY BELIEF) about submissives is that if you call yourself a "true submissive", then you KNOW you can't just give it up. You KNOW that if you give it up and live a "vanilla" relationship instead, there will always be something missing. And yes, I do believe if the person you found can't grasp the BDSM concept, then they aren't meant to be. Good thing I don't call myself a "true" anything.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 5:00:18 AM)
I'll say no, simply because the way the question is worded. No, I would not be sacrificing anything for love. I would not consider it a sacrifice to give myself wholely to someone I loved. Perhaps, even at 42, I still maintain a romanticized vision of love, but I'm ok with that.

willowspirit -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 5:09:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance ".... I would not consider it a sacrifice to give myself wholely to someone I loved. ...." ... Which is what submission is !!! Giving yourself wholly.... Transcient submitting for S&M play isn't the end all and beat all of this lifestyle. (No pun intented... (( or was there ?? )) )

kirii -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 5:53:44 AM)
quote: relationships in general can be hard to maintain; but when one is into BDSM and another isn't then it can be more complicated; or there may be sexual tension supressed for one person involved I find this to be interesting. Why would relationships in general be harder to maintain if one is not into the same interests as you? None of my intimate relationships are BDSM based; my partners in that area have never shown an interest what-so-ever in BDSM, yet, there is never any tension between us concerning this. Many of my boyfriends have come with me to clubs and dungeons simply for the reason of watching me indulge; it is no different when I accept some of their interests that I have no liking of. A good example is one man I dated who raced; I hate racing and have no interest in it; yet when ever he raced, I went with him for support. Relationships are relationships; it does not matter what each person is interested in as long as all are accepting of the others.

SirMichealspeach -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 6:05:13 AM)
I am fortunate that the man I am deeply In Love with is my Master. I would have to say "yes" I would give up D/s in the blink of an eye and never look back if thats what He wanted. Our Man/woman relationship comes above everything else. We have actually discussed this issue and both agree our Love is foremost. I don't see this ever happening though, we took a hiatis from BDSM for about 6 months recently because of personal issues and things just weren't the same. We got bored easily, We became very complacent with each other. So i don't see BDSM not being part of our lives even if one day it has to be on a lower level than what we now do..for now though I am lucky that I have the man of my dreams and the Master of my dreams all rolled into one person . Sir Micheals peach

Arastella -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 6:11:50 AM)
I'm not going to sit here and argue with you over the definition of what BDSM is. I will say I disagree with yours. And I also said it was MY opinion, unlike you, who states it as fact. Everyone is different, everyone's view of bdsm is different. There IS no right and wrong definition quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst I guess I must not be "true". For me, kink is bdsm. I am a masochist, but I can take care of my own needs if it came down to it. If I loved someone, I could give up the need to be beaten. But ds.. when I am in a relationship, the mate always comes first. I cater to my mate like I do my family. It is my nature to care for my people. It is my nature to defer my wishes to what my mate requires. I do not see this as kink. I see this as personality. If I was in a relationship that developed into love, I am fairly certain that it is my personality which he would find favor with. It has nothing to do with kink. It has everything to do with the need to make your mate happy. He could be nilla and still appreciate that. And if he did not, more than likely he and I would not be together. We would not have gotten to the point of "falling in love". Kink is great. Love can be done without kink. BDSM is play. Submission is the way some people are within a relationship Now.. if I were a dominant, then the situation might be different. But then again.. if someone is with you, falling in love with you, then they accept that your personality is strong. And if you aren't tying them up and beating them, are they any less to you? If so, it is probably not love. BDSM is play. Love can be done without kink. DS is personality. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: Arastella My personal belief (DO NOTE, BEFORE YOU FLAME ME, ITS SIMPLY MY BELIEF) about submissives is that if you call yourself a "true submissive", then you KNOW you can't just give it up. You KNOW that if you give it up and live a "vanilla" relationship instead, there will always be something missing. And yes, I do believe if the person you found can't grasp the BDSM concept, then they aren't meant to be.

thetammyjo -> RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? (10/3/2007 6:16:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressPurpleFL The concept of maintaining a vanilla relationship is already complex enough without adding bdsm. Would you sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for the possibility of "real" love or shouldn't the one who loves you accept the "dominant or submissive" side of you. The reason I have put this topic out is because I have recently had to deal or actually I am still dealing with this issue. I would love to hear the opinions of others on this matter. I have always felt that love should be unconditional to Extent (oxymoron isn't it of sorts?) but really I can not be with someone and truly be myself if they are not either accepting of the lifestyle or in the lifestyle. I have always been dominant and can not see myself supressing my true self even for love. See, I think that if it's "real" love then you don't have to make sacrifices. You are accepted for who and what you are, nothing less than that. You may need to make compromises, we have to do that all the time in life, but this is far different than sacrifices.

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