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What's The Hurry? - 2/12/2004 9:46:41 AM

liliquoimoon

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

i just recently rejoined CollarMe. During the first go-round, i noticed that a lot of Doms seemed to be in quite a hurry to obtain a sub/slave. i received many, many messages for requests to perform all types of service from total strangers. My question is "What's the hurry?"

i realize that the need to dominate is quite strong. However, the need to serve is just as powerful. The D/s relationship is intense and deserves careful consideration because of the emotional, mental, and physical aspects. Why would i submit to a Dom who doesn't even take the time to learn my full name, gather information about my background, or even understand why i choose to be a submissive? Why would i submit to a Dom who seems to have no tact, patience, or self-control? How can i reasonably expect a Dom to take care of me when He doesn't seem to be protecting Himself!?

i admit that i'm new to this lifestyle. Still, i am very open to being taught. If there's something i missed or some angle i'm not aware of, please let me know "what's the hurry?"

Respectfully submitted.

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RE: What's The Hurry? - 2/12/2004 12:51:38 PM

kittenbites

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/7/2004
Status: offline

As someone who was also flooded with both good and bad responses to my profile, I would imagine that the reason you are primarily receiving bad responses is that you have no clearly outlined profile. Yes, you have listed many interests -- but from what I've seen, many good Dom's do not wish to waste time contacting someone who has not explained who and what they are looking for, or even given a taste of their personality.

I cannot explain why so many people would be so rude as to ignore someone's profile or interests, contacting them with unreasonable demands in so short a time. However, I would consider blocking a very good option in those cases -- and I'm sure you'll find there are some here who will care about your information and background before going farther.

Last, there is no reason you *should* submit to such a person -- in my humble opinion, just ignore the bad, and respond to the good.

~kitten

(in reply to liliquoimoon)

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RE: What's The Hurry? - 2/12/2004 10:30:37 PM

belongtoyou

Posts: 168
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline

Greetings liliquoimoon,

i am new to this community as well, and i've learned, (the hard way) why it's better to get to know someone before performing anything for anyone.

i rushed into a d/s relationship initially with someone who didn't know me or care to find out anything about me. Luckily, i met another dom who not only gave me good advice, but showed geniune concern for my safety and well being, and i ditched the rude dom.

i know that b/c i'm new to this lifestyle, i was overzealous and wanted to jump in right away, and perhaps that's true with the doms you've heard from as well. Now i know, it's worth everyone's while to take your time to get to know one another....it's safer that way.

One last thing though....

Was a bit confused by your posting b/c you stated that:

i just recently rejoined CollarMe. but then go on to say:

i admit that i'm new to this lifestyle.

How long have you been involved in the d/s life?

~Rain

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RE: What's The Hurry? - 2/16/2004 11:07:30 PM

inyouagain

Posts: 418
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline

I don't think you can put your finger on any one issue to pinpoint any single reason for haste, it is not a constant, rather a variable that is invariably affected by numerous other varied stimuli, or factors.

Having spit all that out, I'd say consider the variables (factors) to the variable inder consideration (haste).

Factors include, but not limited to (in no particular order):

Experience
Confidence
Integrity
Sincerity
Maturity
Length of time since they 'just missed' a great sub
Length of time since someone stole their LBR (laidback relationship) sub
State of panic
Sobriety
Nature of mental illness
Education
Length of time since last sub ran away
Number of refills left on their viagra prescription
Whether their rope is nylon or hemp
Whether they smoke their rope
Deadline for frequent flyer milage use
How long their spouse/SO will be away
How long their parents will be away
How long before their checks start bouncing
Time left on their sentence
Penal Library computer access/availability
Days left on the rental car
Days left on their business trip
How well they speak your language
How well they speak their language

OMG the 'Factors List' is ENDLESS, but you can get my drift and maybe even crack a smile... you name the factor/reason, and it will fit nicely in the list of 'Haste Factors'.

Your best bet is awareness, and the great advice offered by others in this thread. Know who you are and what you seek. If you do not see same in the solicitor, then conduct your 'weeding' process and narrow down your suitors. Most times, the bad will reveal themselves, and the good will rise to the top... which takes time, despite all factors, lol.

(in reply to belongtoyou)

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RE: What's The Hurry? - 2/19/2004 5:25:57 PM

ShadowHwk

Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liliquoimoon

i admit that i'm new to this lifestyle. Still, i am very open to being taught. If there's something i missed or some angle i'm not aware of, please let me know "what's the hurry?"

liliquoimoon,

The "hurry" as you put it is often the recourse of wannabe's who are looking for a quick fix, a way to get laid, or some action on the side. Often they aren't really in for the long haul - and they certainly don't want to get to know the real you. Most of these fall into the "I am dom hear me roar" category - I am sure you spot those type of email responses easily enough. These types will also show themselves by limiting your access to them. For example, only being able to talk to you while they are at work, or never after 6:30 in the evening. And if you actually do get around to setting up a meeting I think you would find that most back out at the last minute.

Getting laid is easy, getting to know someone takes time and effort. So if someone isn't willing to put in the time and effort it is pretty easy to figure out their real motivations.

That being said, I do know that there are some on this sight who are looking for play partners and not relationships - which is fine - AS LONG as they are upfront about that to begin with.

Peace and Light
Terry
AKA ShadowHwk

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RE: What's The Hurry? - 2/22/2004 8:17:05 PM

JerryInTampa

Posts: 138
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

i just recently rejoined CollarMe. During the first go-round, i noticed that a lot of Doms seemed to be in quite a hurry to obtain a sub/slave. i received many, many messages for requests to perform all types of service from total strangers. My question is "What's the hurry?"

There is, as ususal, no single answer. I would imagine your big issue is running into HNGs rather than sincere doms... but it could also be people trying to do a "fast emliminate and move on" or who are concerned about competition muscleing in.

I know the reason I don't hunt at local events is because it's functionally "competeing for attention"; so I just take what does or does not come... but I'm also not content to wait, and so go online to be proactive.

Jerry

< Message edited by JerryInTampa -- 2/23/2004 9:01:26 PM >

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RE: What's The Hurry? - 2/23/2004 3:29:19 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liliquoimoon

i realize that the need to dominate is quite strong. However, the need to serve is just as powerful. The D/s relationship is intense and deserves careful consideration because of the emotional, mental, and physical aspects. Why would i submit to a Dom who doesn't even take the time to learn my full name, gather information about my background, or even understand why i choose to be a submissive? Why would i submit to a Dom who seems to have no tact, patience, or self-control? How can i reasonably expect a Dom to take care of me when He doesn't seem to be protecting Himself!?

In my opinion you're on the right track. So many find the lifestyle and want to rush in full force. Without taking the time to look around. To protect themselves. I've seen more subs first hand who have been raped than I care to talk about.
Same with Doms as you said. If they don't care to protect themselves either. I mean..none of us knows it all. We are all still evolving and learning.
I also agree. Most of them want to live a fantasy out. They want it now..hare and fast. Safety usually is'nt a concern. They figure it will never happen to them.
The list that inyou again quoted is a very good one. Most of those reasons probably apply to the ones wanting to hurry you along.
Remember your life is what you make of it. If you don't choose safety you are choosing danger.

Gloria

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