Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

BDSM and Marriage


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> BDSM and Marriage Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
BDSM and Marriage - 7/26/2005 3:20:47 PM   
anopheles


Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline 		I'm sure there is someone that has been here before...

If you've been in a LTR/marriage, and you decide to venture into BDSM, how did it work out for you? Did it help your marriage, or hurt it? I'm curious if anyone wants to share any real life experiences, as my wife and I are starting to venture more into the lifestyle, as it is something that she has wanted and done before, and I'm finding that it suits my personality as well.

For the record, this isn't something we're looking at as a need for extra 'spice' in our marriage. We've been together for 12 years, and she is my Heart, she fills every crack in my Soul, and I fall in love with her all over again everyday when I see her face. BDSM or not, I don't ever want to spend a single day without her touch. But I would be interested to know how this might have worked out for other people..

< Message edited by anopheles -- 7/26/2005 3:27:08 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/26/2005 7:50:45 PM   
MstrHellsFury


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		this may be a little hard to pin down a suitable answer...my slave/wif and I have been together for 30 yrs...we had some minor play during our courtship but as it continued I sought out answers and aquired a Mentor to help me see what it was we were both seeking to find in each other...so the short of it is...30 yrs and still going strong...I wish you the same success..consider it a journey from which only open doors and happiness are the rewards...an if all else fails..you still have a life together...

Fury

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/26/2005 9:29:40 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

If you've been in a LTR/marriage, and you decide to venture into BDSM, how did it work out for you? Did it help your marriage, or hurt it?


We've been married 37 yrs and alway lived pretty much like a 1950's couple. I learned about this lifestyle about 5 years ago and introduced it to Hubby 2 yrs ago. It has definitely helped our sex lives, we've had so much fun exploring new things; and it has made me understand better why i have always enjoyed serving Him so much.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/27/2005 3:14:57 PM   
anopheles


Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the replies!

It's good to know that it does work in the long term!!

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/28/2005 2:56:02 PM   
Blk4u2


Posts: 45
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline 		It didn't work for me. I am though glad to see it worked for others. My wife went from comepletely open to it, to completely against it. Why ? She said she couldn't be submissive, and discussing me doing this outside of our marriage, switching (don't think I could be bottom after I thought well about it) or together dominating another female was a no go. It didn't destroy our marriage, but it was part of other issues that eventually did.

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/28/2005 3:11:31 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
I have been Demons wife for 15 yrs... 16 this year... been together longer than that...

Still very happy, I am so blessed and thankful He has been so patient to me and allowed and helped me to be me - and like all relationships... has ups and downs... but the key is communication and compassion.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/29/2005 4:16:14 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline 		It did not work out for head Bitch Barbie and me. We tried it; but it really interferred with us having to run a household on a 50/50 basis.

We tried it a year before we gave it up. I then collared a sub who was with us for over a year.

After that we took a break from the lifestyle because of job/moving/life changes.

Now we have been married 10 years; I have 2 subs; and she has a slut puppy. Things are wonderful. We both get to be tops...lol; but not with each other.

_____________________________

Master Jerry


(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/29/2005 5:19:57 AM   
Kindred2Evil


Posts: 227
Joined: 4/16/2005
Status: offline 		BDSM and our marriage has worked out pretty well so far. We've been together for 4 years, I introduced him to the S&M aspect of it a year into our relationship. We're both dominant, so to get into the D/s aspect we've had to look outside the marriage. But as far as S&M goes, we do great! I'm sado/masochistic and he's a sadist. I think it has worked for us because he's my best friend, we talk about EVERYTHING. He knows what he wants and what I want and vice versa.

_____________________________

Her touch is on the breeze that brushes your cheek, Her voice rides the thunder as the storm breaks, Her tears will clean your heartache when the rains come, Her sun will light the darkest times when you feel alone...She is the Goddess.

(in reply to lovingmaster45)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/29/2005 8:39:16 AM   
hardxdrive


Posts: 119
Joined: 7/12/2005
Status: offline 		i dont think one can be married and have a m/s relationship. Your wife/slave doest have that fear of being let go.

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/29/2005 3:51:01 PM   
iamMasters


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry, I know that I am new to this and might be missing something here, but why should a sub fear being let go Hardxdrive? Surely a sub has the right to ask to be released just the same as a Dom/me has the right to release the sub.

Being in a marriage and having a D/s realtionship is just the same, if things aren't working out and you can't work it out, one of you will walk.

On a personal level, we have been together for 10 years and married for 7. We became offically Master and slave in May of this year and whist we are still working out what suits us it is working well and we are very happy with the new dymanic in our lives.

(in reply to hardxdrive)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/29/2005 6:23:05 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		My wife and I are both Dominants and are happy with a poly relationship

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to iamMasters)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/30/2005 5:01:19 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
hardxdrive..when i find my One..i'm catholic..i want a Catholic wedding ceremony. A sacrament means i have accepted Him as my husband for life..i could get a civil divorce is suppose but in the eyes of the Church, He would always be my husband. i want that bond, as well as following my Church's beliefs on pre-marital sex.

Serving Him and pleasing Him would come from a deep well inside me..and i'd expect to be in that position forever. i think if Y/you enter a relationship with a bunch of "what ifs" (apart from unmarried ppl who need to provide for one another) Y/you do not have the necessary trust...at least not the trust i'd want. i'd never go to any Man who wanted me to fear He'd "let me go".

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 7/30/2005 5:04:35 AM >

_____________________________



(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/30/2005 5:49:47 AM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		Its worked marvelously well for us. We've been together for 13 years now, and every year is better! We're still exploring boundaries and new things as our tastes change and I never believed so many years ago that it could ever be this good.

You may delve into areas or explore new things that don't quite work out - that's ok, there are other things to try! GET BUSY! LOL

S

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/30/2005 8:57:55 AM   
anopheles


Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardxdrive

i dont think one can be married and have a m/s relationship. Your wife/slave doest have that fear of being let go.


That's an interesting perspective, and I never really thought of it that way. I suppose that if fear (although I could never go that route with anyone, wife or otherwise) is one of the aspects of your D/s relationship, that might be incompatible with a married relationship.

(in reply to hardxdrive)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/31/2005 11:11:17 PM   
Rubyb


Posts: 73
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles

Did it help your marriage, or hurt it?



It helped our marriage, because it helped us satisfy our needs, wants and desires.

We've been together 23+ years and still going strong. For years we had a BDSM relationship in the bedroom (with him mostly dom - though sometimes Miss Ruby gets to come out to play) long before we had a name for it.

There was no decision to do or not, it was elements added into our play a bit at a time. My man is quite kinky and creative. Lately, even more so. He's even let me take on a long distance sub. Now that required a big discussion and careful planning.

Perhaps its because we were best friends first, lovers second and each respecting the other, that it was easy for us to fall into play roles. Note, we don't have a 24/7 BDSM relationship. We've got businesses to run, kids to take care of, etc. Nor do we have the desire to take on those roles permanently. For us, it's all about fun and satisfying our partner.

It's not about fearing each other, uncertainty or doubt (FUD). I should also add it's not about destructive mind games here. Cause it's negative mind games that cause the FUD factor. Those things have no place in a marriage or any other healthy relationship. Yes, we may fear that we have dissapointed our partner or fear that we did the wrong thing. Yet to actually "fear" our partner, to "fear" for one's physical safety or well being, now that is a valid reason to run, not walk away from the relationship.

What other advice can I give you: communicate, experience, communicate some more, repeat. Take your time, go slow, you don't have to try everything at the buffet in one night.

Recently, my sub and I, were reviewing checklists for play activities. It became apparent to us, that we needed to distinguish between "fantasy play" and "real life play". For example, it may be a great fantasy for me to take him to an auction and put him for for sale for the evening, I may even describe it to him in great detail, but for it to actually happen would be devastating to him. It's not what he really wants.

It's the same thing with fantasizing about multiple partners. It can sound wonderful, yet the ramifications of allowing someone else into that part of your relationship don't work for everyone. So if you are researching various activity checklists, talking about what you want, you might add an extra column to distinguish between, "yes, I really want to do this in real life or its a great fantasy for now".

To your success,

Rubyb

_____________________________

Ruby Bloodstone
Author and fan of erotic vampire fiction.
Lifemate and pet to T, Nathaniel's Miss

Ruby's portfolio at writing.com:
http://Writing.Com/authors/rubyb

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 7/31/2005 11:31:29 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		My girl(AKA slave bishop) and I have been together for 6 years.Beginning of this year she became My slave,I gave her a collar w/padlock and I wear the key around My neck.Seems like W/we found the last piece of the puzzle.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 8/1/2005 8:08:40 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardxdrive

i dont think one can be married and have a m/s relationship. Your wife/slave doest have that fear of being let go.


While I understand what you are saying and see how that could work in some dynamics, fear is not a movtivating factor in my relationship at all.

I don't behave for fear of him ceasing to be with me. I obey him because that's what I'm there to do. Sure I screw up, but I don't confess those mistakes out of fear of being left. It's out of respect for my bond to him.

This is't going to change when we marry.

Too, it is't like getting a divorce is difficult these days. I don't see that marriage would change that fear element, if it's part of your relationship.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to hardxdrive)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 8/1/2005 8:25:23 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		We've both found that BDSM has enhanced our marriage and brought us even closer.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: BDSM and Marriage - 8/1/2005 5:07:52 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I agree, we are also a Dominant couple and the sharing of ideas, dreams and aspirations if not having brought us even closer, certainly does keeps us there.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 19
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> BDSM and Marriage Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094