How can I let go?

How can I let go? (Full Version)

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LindaLashes -> How can I let go? (10/7/2007 4:57:56 AM)
More than a month ago I gave back her collar, got unleashed and found myself being a submissive without an owner. This all happened just a few days before our 1 and half year anniversary as a mistress and collared slave. In all we had known each other for two years. The settings and reasons for our breakup were extremely difficult and had been brewing for the whole of last summer ending in me having a nervous breakdown and being presented with a simple option, break free from the poly and go home, get help. Since then I have been struggling with a heartbreaking sorrow, missing the woman I still love deeply. We left as friends of sorts though we knew nothing would ever be the same, we would never hook up again or probably want to see each other in the nearest future. It is so difficult at times to handle the world without being a property, without having someone to count on, someone who leads you through difficult spells on a tight leash, someone who with a loving but strict hand teaches you from a tip of a cane how to do things right and to her pleasing. Does time help me to let go? Or do I actively have to disconnect in every way from thinking about her, what we had and what´s worse, that summer that destroyed our D/s? I´m alway planning to get some help for the mental issues, but time always seems to run away with itself.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: How can I let go? (10/7/2007 5:33:14 AM)
First and foremost, you need to make getting help for the mental issues a priority - as in, you're going to get the phone numbers you need TODAY and be on the phone with them first thing tomorrow morning while you're still in your pjs (but you can have a cup of coffee first). You have to recognize that no one can take better care of you than you can - and you have to care enough to do so. Second....when relationships end, vanilla, kink or otherwise, you need time to grieve what you've lost. It's ok, and it's normal. While it basically sucks right now, time will bring a lessening of the hurt and some perspective to the situation. You'll move on. You'll be able to rationally understand what worked for you in that relationship, and what didn't work for you, and utlize that to help you find someone with whom you are better suited. The thing is - don't let your grief prevent you from getting the help that you need. Putting it off will only emphasize the loss you feel over the end of the relationship. While it may not seem like it right now, actually doing something that helps you take care of you will help immensely.

DCroommate -> RE: How can I let go? (10/7/2007 11:09:43 AM)
Sounds like you know what needs to be done. When getting help and getting back on track are important enough you will find the time.. if you are making excuses as to why you are not getting help, then it is not important enough yet.. it's your move next.

SunNMoon -> RE: How can I let go? (10/7/2007 1:35:57 PM)
Hi Linda, First off differently go and get help for the mental health. It will also help with the break up too, just another person to talk about it too, and unlike friends they have to listen and help you sort it all out. And it hurts a lot. I got out of a 2.5 year relationship awhile ago and it really hurt. I kept feeling like the connection between us was gone. I always thought there was a string between my heart and his. So my advice to you, is go ahead and cry. I also highly recommend going no connect with her for at least a couple of months. It really helped me to be able to move on and then think about reconnecting as friends. Time does help, it gives clarity. And there is some things you can do to help disconnect, such as putting away things that remind you of the person. You, also should pick up some hobbies it’ll help you get your mind off of it. Do get help (professorial) it really will help with the break up too. Wishing you the best. :)

kittybri -> RE: How can I let go? (10/7/2007 1:58:15 PM)
i feel your pain...i was with my ex Mistress/partner for almost 3 yrs. thought we were soulmates but she changed. it was really hard to let go and deal with losing somone you were gonna spend the rest of your life with. although i may have lost a Mistress i gained a best friend and we are still close but the hurt takes time still to get over. Give it time...get your mental problems delt with and go on from there. all you can really do is take things one day at a time

laurell3 -> RE: How can I let go? (10/7/2007 2:26:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood First and foremost, you need to make getting help for the mental issues a priority - as in, you're going to get the phone numbers you need TODAY and be on the phone with them first thing tomorrow morning while you're still in your pjs (but you can have a cup of coffee first). You have to recognize that no one can take better care of you than you can - and you have to care enough to do so. Second....when relationships end, vanilla, kink or otherwise, you need time to grieve what you've lost. It's ok, and it's normal. While it basically sucks right now, time will bring a lessening of the hurt and some perspective to the situation. You'll move on. You'll be able to rationally understand what worked for you in that relationship, and what didn't work for you, and utlize that to help you find someone with whom you are better suited. The thing is - don't let your grief prevent you from getting the help that you need. Putting it off will only emphasize the loss you feel over the end of the relationship. While it may not seem like it right now, actually doing something that helps you take care of you will help immensely. OP, I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. The above post is good advice. It sounds like you have alot of things going on and sorting out what is relationship grief, breakdown issues or other things is just too much to handle alone. How you break away from a relationship and get over it is an age old question, I'm not sure there's any one answer. I think the bigger overall picture is that you have to be healthy for yourself before you can worry about relationship issues. Good luck to you! l

Arastella -> RE: How can I let go? (10/7/2007 7:04:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LindaLashes More than a month ago I gave back her collar, got unleashed and found myself being a submissive without an owner. This all happened just a few days before our 1 and half year anniversary as a mistress and collared slave. In all we had known each other for two years. The settings and reasons for our breakup were extremely difficult and had been brewing for the whole of last summer ending in me having a nervous breakdown and being presented with a simple option, break free from the poly and go home, get help. Since then I have been struggling with a heartbreaking sorrow, missing the woman I still love deeply. We left as friends of sorts though we knew nothing would ever be the same, we would never hook up again or probably want to see each other in the nearest future. It is so difficult at times to handle the world without being a property, without having someone to count on, someone who leads you through difficult spells on a tight leash, someone who with a loving but strict hand teaches you from a tip of a cane how to do things right and to her pleasing. Does time help me to let go? Or do I actively have to disconnect in every way from thinking about her, what we had and what´s worse, that summer that destroyed our D/s? I´m alway planning to get some help for the mental issues, but time always seems to run away with itself. I can't help you hunny, but I can tell you I know exactly how you feel. I'm going through something quite similar lately.

wewantaslave -> RE: How can I let go? (10/7/2007 8:20:46 PM)
Know that each day you can make new memories. You will still have the old, but pretty soon you will have so many more memories that the old ones will fade. So every now and then go make a new memory. :)

slavebrandyj -> RE: How can I let go? (10/9/2007 3:58:17 AM)
I too feel your pain. I am going through the same thing. There has been some really good advice given here. Thanks to all that posted. It not only helped the OP, but me and I'm sure some others too.

chellekitty -> RE: How can I let go? (10/9/2007 5:27:46 AM)
surround yourself with friends and family and support...and just fall...you're trying to rip off a bandaid a millimeter at a time...do it safely, but do it all at once...i can't tell you the specifics...only you know how...but...yea....

crouchingtigress -> RE: How can I let go? (10/9/2007 6:26:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty surround yourself with friends and family and support...and just fall...you're trying to rip off a bandaid a millimeter at a time...do it safely, but do it all at once...i can't tell you the specifics...only you know how...but...yea.... exquisite advice. and dont neglect getting professional help.

LindaLashes -> RE: How can I let go? (10/9/2007 2:33:31 PM)
Thank you so much everyone for your pieces of advice. :) I really want to look upon a brighter future, as a stronger person.

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