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a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 2:18:03 AM

phoenixinchains

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sometimes life is weird. my father is in poor health and now lives with my Mate and i. we're all adjusting. has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? my father is pretty cool, he's pagan and been in several poly relationships,,, one of which produced me. but i didn't live with him constantly when i was growing up and now things are weird. the other day he informed me that he had to move my "come hither boots" (his words).... this just isn't something i'd prepared myself for. i'm very uncomfortable with this, and my Mate is displeased when i get irritated at my father. i'm lost...... phoenix

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 2:54:17 AM

phoenixinchains

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yeah, i win the "5am weird life" award.

(in reply to phoenixinchains)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 3:09:35 AM

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My mother lived with myself and my 1st/3rd girlfriend for a short time. We were not BDSM at that time, but it was real weird. Mostly because my mother and girlfriend HATED each other. We ended up having to go rent a hotel room once just to have good sex. I suggest you treat your father like you might another roomate. Just be yourself, and when you have a problem tell him what it is. He probably feels bad for having to live with you in the first place. Telling him you don't like something will probably get a result.

~Ki

(in reply to phoenixinchains)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 3:59:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

sometimes life is weird. my father is in poor health and now lives with my Mate and i. we're all adjusting. has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? my father is pretty cool, he's pagan and been in several poly relationships,,, one of which produced me. but i didn't live with him constantly when i was growing up and now things are weird. the other day he informed me that he had to move my "come hither boots" (his words).... this just isn't something i'd prepared myself for. i'm very uncomfortable with this, and my Mate is displeased when i get irritated at my father. i'm lost...... phoenix

Come hither boots are smexy!

(in reply to phoenixinchains)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 4:14:45 AM

phoenixinchains

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Thanks Ki, i'm lucky because my Mate and father get along great. some times my dad really seems like any other friend, then i find myself thinking, "nope, this is not a parent/offspring conversation. la la la, i'm not talking any more..." the other day i caught myself before i said," daddy, they're called
f*** me boots, not come hither," and this is a day in my life...........

(in reply to SixFootMaster)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 4:20:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

Thanks Ki, i'm lucky because my Mate and father get along great. some times my dad really seems like any other friend, then i find myself thinking, "nope, this is not a parent/offspring conversation. la la la, i'm not talking any more..." the other day i caught myself before i said," daddy, they're called
f*** me boots, not come hither," and this is a day in my life...........

Laughs... to be honest, when I first saw them on a girl I thought they were "rape me" boots.

(in reply to phoenixinchains)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 4:26:25 AM

phoenixinchains

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well, honestly it's not like we can get very far in most of them... but "f*** me" conotes consent, where as "rape me" conotes the absence of concent, so "f*** me" boots i feel is a better term. but now i'm seeing my father's logic in his terms.

(in reply to SixFootMaster)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 5:20:17 AM

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He's cool with it, you should be too. It doesn't HAVE to be the father on Full House or whatever TV show you saw growing up.

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to phoenixinchains)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 6:10:12 AM

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hey Bob Saget is kinky....

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 6:13:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixinchains

Thanks Ki, i'm lucky because my Mate and father get along great. some times my dad really seems like any other friend, then i find myself thinking, "nope, this is not a parent/offspring conversation. la la la, i'm not talking any more..." the other day i caught myself before i said," daddy, they're called
f*** me boots, not come hither," and this is a day in my life...........

ok...satan (my grown daughter) and i dont have a traditional mother/daughter relationship. we have girly day once a week...and we gossip about our partners, she knows i'm a sub though she's much more Domme-ly.

she's been known to ask me "whats the hickey count?" after Sir has been to visit. i say enjoy the relationship with your father for what it is, and be happy. no one ever said you have to have a "normal" relationship with your parents....especially if (as in your case) your parent wasnt around a whole lot as you were growing up.

kitten who belives normal is overrated....

(in reply to phoenixinchains)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 7:36:56 AM

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OH GOD I FEEL FOR YOU.
My father lived with me and my slave for a while. up untill this he was un aware of the lifestyle and we did our best to hide it from him. We took everything down and packed it up. (he was my dad after all) They did get along at first. Then he went and went threw the basement and found everything. Asked millions of questions. So we sat him down and answered all of them. That was probbly our mistake. From that day forward he treated her like a slave from the 1600's. No mater what I said to him it didnt get better it got worse. Then he turned the tables on me. With a parent being what they are and the buttons they know how to push you can see where this is going. If not read my profile. Im single and living alone. In short having a parent live with you OK. Having them know about the BDSM life and talking to them about it BAD.
My best wishes go out to you and I will start to pray for you (hopefully I wont get struck by lightning for the prayer) LOL
BE WELL and KEEP YOUR SANITY AT ALL TIMES

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Submission is a gift unlike any other. The one who can sculpt that gift in a graceful manner is a Master.

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RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 9:55:21 AM

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I don't believe in the concept of normal. My sense of humor is very warped and occasionally sick minded. I know that if I say something along those lines, it wouldn't shock my dad, but rather he would be rolling with laughter. And then after laughing he was say something as much if not more corrupt. Now mind you we do have boundaries. He doesn't ask specific questions about my sex life, and I don't ask about his. (The way he phrases the things he says tells me he has guessed but does not want to know the rest.)

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Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to IamJustMe2C)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 12:44:44 PM

xoxi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

hey Bob Saget is kinky....

*gets terrible memories of a conversation I had with a friend that ended with him describing, in detail, uncle Joey raping Kimmy Gibbler in the basement while talking dirty in bullwinkle voices*

I am so traumatized.

To the OP....your father actually sounds pretty cool...have you tried just telling him how you feel? That you feel slightly awkward being intimate if he is in hearing distance and that you realize youre a grown woman but still...he will always be your father and that will always be awkward?

It sounds like he might be sympathetic...I mean he might make jokes about it to your face but end up just watching tv...loudly...whenever he realizes the bedroomd oor is closed.

(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 1:23:37 PM

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phonenix,

I've tried for years with my own daughter, I have always spoken openly to her. MY desire to do so stemmed from hoping that if I were open and honest with embarrassing subjects perhaps it would be easier for her.

LOL no such luck. She is 21, and just told me she was pregnant by handing me a note....yep I'm going to be a grandma!

Although I do understand being the child and not being comfortable with the sharing, my mother, 75, has recently started talking about EVERYTHING and has chosen to confide in me. It's odd, but remembering she was a woman long before she was a Mom makes it easier. However I have been heard to say, "Mooooom! I can't believe you just said that." many, many times in the last few years.

BTW, I think my Mom is really enjoying turning the tables and freaking me out like I've done to her my whole life.

Hmmm, perhaps I'll buy her a hot pink flogger for xmas to see if I can still freak her out.

Why does his willingness to be open and accepting bother you?

Saya

(in reply to phoenixinchains)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 1:55:01 PM

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Ja, old people just don't get it....I felt like I was 12 again before my mom passed (all the shit she was telling me) such is the way of the world, we can never bridge the gaps between the generations at the right time.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to SayaNereida)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 2:13:30 PM

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I don't think either of my parents ever got that there were things they should not be telling me. Both, and their respective husbands boyfriends wives lovers, have always told me waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy more than I really needed to know....(remembering the ick of having my ex-step-father tell me about the time my 60+ yo mother gave him crabs). Needless to say I have not tortured my kids in the same manner. I answer any questions they should ask honestly. However, they have learned not to ask much.

That all being said, you have to realize that for better or worse, parents are human beings also. Some of this shit some of them will be okay with, some.....not so much so. It all depends on where their head is at and that is something only you can determine in careful conversation with them.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 2:28:05 PM

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Talking about adult topics with your parent can be a hard thing, or it can be easy. My father and I don't talk at all if I can help it, but my mother has always been a friend. We have always talked openly about everything, and while she has her own ideas, she is respectful of most of mine when she does not agree. When I say we talk openly, it goes both ways unfortunatly. I know more about her sex life than I want to, and I know just how bad her partner is in bed. If I could only get her to go poly. . .

Anyow, just because your relationship with your father is one with a heavy friendship tone, does not make it a bad thing. It means you can talk with him like a friend, and if your friendship stops working so well, you always have the love a parent to fall back on.

~Ki

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 2:58:40 PM

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My children are much like some here. My oldest daughter is 23 and has no desire whatsoever to hear about my personal life. She says as long as im safe and happy,thats all that matter to her. Now my 16yr old daughter and i are very very close. As much as im a sub she definitley has the characteristics of a switch. She tells me about her thoughts and feelings as i tell her mine.....she asks questions and i give her straight forward answers...when she has had enough she says so. I appreciate the fact that she cares enough to ask. More importantly i appreciate the fact that chooses to share with me. Bottom line is we both get to be honest and after all isnt that whats most important?

_____________________________

You don't love a woman because she's beautiful,
She is beautiful because you love her.
~ by Anonymous ~

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ by Lao Tzu ~

(in reply to KiandPhoenix)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/10/2007 5:03:32 PM

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Talk to him like an adult, and establish what boundaries you are comfortable with. He's not wrong with having more relaxed boundaries, but you need to openly and fully communicate with him what yours are.

And loosen up, it's a tough situation for all, try and laugh at yourself.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to jayded34)

RE: a kink in the works - 10/11/2007 1:38:52 AM

phoenixinchains

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i knew i'd never lead a normal life. i should still lauph every time i'm reminded of that fact. it's better this way. phoenix

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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