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RE: strap on - 10/12/2007 2:02:57 PM

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No boxing match intended Tigrita. You, of course, are entitled to your views, opinions and feelings like anyone else. I never expect anyone to think or be like me in discussions, what fun would that be?

For me what makes a partner a dominant or submissive is so much more than any one activity. If he's my Dom and that's what he enjoys and it's not a hard limit for me, I am going to do it, no questions asked. My submissiveness isn't compromised by his humanity.

However, as I'm a switch whose primary role is a sub, my viewpoints on this are probably more liberal. If I am in the top role I still find moderate pain and stimulation to me to be enjoyable.
l

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/12/2007 2:47:27 PM >

(in reply to Tigrita)

RE: strap on - 10/12/2007 2:57:23 PM

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From: California
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toservez, are you a libra lol? Great balancing of opinions there. (I don't even believe in astrology, but I'm a libra, so that came to mind)

laurell3, I didn't see it as one yet either, just didn't want you to think that is what I was going for. All good =)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLilac
The reason I answer though, is a few responses intrigued me, describing the act as a ‘violation’, or him being bent over reducing his dominant aura. If that is the case, then surely every time a dominant lady wants to be fucked doggy-style that would make her less dominant?

As I say, I feel it’s all down to context, and the ‘place’ you take it.

Based on my personal sexuality, yes a domme taking it doggy style (regardless of which orifice) would make her less dominant in my subjective eyes. I happen to be switchy also, though I've just started exploring that and only enjoy dominance with women, but I can't imagine taking it from behind, let alone up the ass from someone I felt dominant with. That is pure submission to me. Though, it is a stretch for me to debate that in detail, because what I relate to sexually is very primal in context. For me, the alpha dog has a dick that he uses on his bitches. I know the Domme/male sub thing is a very different story, one I don't relate to, so I can't really say more on it than that. And I'm totally not knocking anyones kink! Just speaking for how that would feel to me and admit it is a context I don't understand fully or relate to personally.

And again I just want to empahsize that taking a strap on is not just for prostate stimulation. The context of using a strapon totally warps the dynamic for me. I'm not saying that a desire for prostate stimulation or pain is counter to dominance, it is a strapon that is counter to dominance, to me. Like I said, a vibe wand in a dominating context wouldn't mess up the dynamic for me. Him asking/allowing me to fight him to the point of causing him pain wouldn't mess up the dynamic for me. The context is meaningful. If a strapon is the specific request, it is a request for a submissive act = bottoming/subing/switching, whatever you want to call it, in the terms of my sexuality and sexual dynamics I'd be a part of.

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Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

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(in reply to MsLilac)

RE: strap on - 10/12/2007 4:13:16 PM

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I don't think Master would allow a strap-on, but He has offered to bottom for me - I have expressed curiosity on occasion. But no matter what I did to Him in that context, He is still, and will always be, my Dominant.

He has explained that bottoming and being submissive are two very different things. If He enjoyed bottoming, then I would do it and be serving Him that way also. And it certainly would not affect our dynamic outside the bedroom.

Trying something new and different is fun. I would do whatever He asked- He couldn't be diminished in my eyes.

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(in reply to Tigrita)

RE: strap on - 10/12/2007 9:16:38 PM

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Joined: 6/3/2007
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no it would not for it also depends on play and your Doms aura of power He has over you,i for one loves it when someone uses a strap on it fills both hole quite nicly *winks*
be well

(in reply to MsLilac)

RE: strap on - 10/13/2007 5:00:08 AM

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Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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So a couple thoughts;

First off, I can't imagine myself wanting to be taken with a strap-on. I've never had an interest in any sort of serious anal stimulation; probably one of the most dominant activities I ever experienced was a woman on the ground, half sitting/squatting over her, and letting her perform analingus. While I felt very powerful and dominant at the time, it was more than a little uncomfortable.

Having said that, I would surmise there probably ways a man can receive anal sex, without losing dominance; think Male/male D/s scenarios i.e. the dominant having the submissive lay on the ground while he 'rides', while holding the submissive by a chained leash for example.

Not my cuppa, but I think a great deal has to do with how and why the activity is approached vice the activity in and of itself. I'd have to agree though, that a woman being taken doggy style doesn't strike me as being overly dominant. Many relationships are far less D/s oriented than they are fetish oriented mind you; I can think of one woman who I know is clearly dominant, but also masochistic and enjoys 'making' her submissive do things to her (clearly and openly, they know she tops from the bottom, something they both enjoy.) I can just picture her barking orders about 'a little higher, that's right, now you better stay hard for the next half hour!!'

Stephan

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RE: strap on - 10/13/2007 5:12:33 AM

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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Activities do not define dominance or submission for me; the motivation for the activity is what makes something dominant or submissive.

If he were to instruct me to take a strap on to him and fuck him with it and his motivation was because it got him hot and he wanted it done so was making me do it, then I would not lose any appeal to his dominance.

If he were to beg me to use him anyway that I want and his motivation was only to submit to my will, then that might cause me to lose a little appeal.

However, it is more likely to rain straight up tomorrow than it is for him to want a strap on to be used on him. Now, he has had Alandra use a strap on with me and I sure he will have me use one on her one day too.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to AGRTDOM)

RE: strap on - 10/13/2007 5:18:19 AM

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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
If he were to instruct me to take a strap on to him and fuck him with it and his motivation was because it got him hot and he wanted it done so was making me do it, then I would not lose any appeal to his dominance.

If he were to beg me to use him anyway that I want and his motivation was only to submit to my will, then that might cause me to lose a little appeal

Excellent distinction, Kyra. I agree totally.

quote:

However, it is more likely to rain straight up tomorrow than it is for him to want a strap on to be used on him

Ditto on this as well

.............luci

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(in reply to kyraofMists)

RE: strap on - 10/13/2007 9:56:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DianeB269

Just bendover and take it like a man....

Diane

ROFLMAO !

(in reply to DianeB269)

RE: strap on - 10/14/2007 7:02:50 AM

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Joined: 5/31/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLilac
The reason I answer though, is a few responses intrigued me, describing the act as a ‘violation’, or him being bent over reducing his dominant aura. If that is the case, then surely every time a dominant lady wants to be fucked doggy-style that would make her less dominant?

As I say, I feel it’s all down to context, and the ‘place’ you take it.

Based on my personal sexuality, yes a domme taking it doggy style (regardless of which orifice) would make her less dominant in my subjective eyes. I happen to be switchy also, though I've just started exploring that and only enjoy dominance with women, but I can't imagine taking it from behind, let alone up the ass from someone I felt dominant with. That is pure submission to me. Though, it is a stretch for me to debate that in detail, because what I relate to sexually is very primal in context. For me, the alpha dog has a dick that he uses on his bitches. I know the Domme/male sub thing is a very different story, one I don't relate to, so I can't really say more on it than that. And I'm totally not knocking anyones kink! Just speaking for how that would feel to me and admit it is a context I don't understand fully or relate to personally.

And again I just want to empahsize that taking a strap on is not just for prostate stimulation. The context of using a strapon totally warps the dynamic for me. I'm not saying that a desire for prostate stimulation or pain is counter to dominance, it is a strapon that is counter to dominance, to me. Like I said, a vibe wand in a dominating context wouldn't mess up the dynamic for me. Him asking/allowing me to fight him to the point of causing him pain wouldn't mess up the dynamic for me. The context is meaningful. If a strapon is the specific request, it is a request for a submissive act = bottoming/subing/switching, whatever you want to call it, in the terms of my sexuality and sexual dynamics I'd be a part of.

quote:

Stephann:
I'd have to agree though, that a woman being taken doggy style doesn't strike me as being overly dominant.

As we all say, each to their own, of course we are all entitled to our opinions, yours are just as valid as mine, etc. But I felt I had to respond.

I guess some are seeing the act as symbolic, as opposed to the actual context.

I do not believe the position ones gets into during sex or playing solely indicates ones orientation - regardless of gender, holes or toys used. I find that hard to understand, and feels more like an emotionally driven assertion. To me, it is like saying all men who wear pinks shirts are gay.

I am a dominant women inside and outside the bedroom, and run a D/s household with 2 males. I happen to really, really enjoy doggy style as well. It gives the deepest penetration, gives access to have my clit stimulated as well with hands or toys, and for me, best with ‘G‘ spot stimulation - it all feels very nice. I know what I want, and how I like it. It is also a comfortable and relaxing position for me, it’s hard work riding someone! lol. I control how I use those cocks, the speed, when they stop, when to hold it, how to do it, they are trained to my every word. There is no way in hell I am any less dominant because I like doggy style. And it does not make me feel less dominant doing this because I happen to enjoy this position. As a slight nuance to this particular scenario, it makes me aware just how submissive they are towards me.

Again, it is all down to context. I do not equate the ‘active’ party, or the one expending the most energy in a sexual or BDSM situation as dominant. I run the scene, regardless of whether I am expending loads of energy, or laying back and enjoying their hard work

This would also beg another question then - does a dom who enjoys laying back and allowing his sub ride him, make him less dominant? I certainly don’t think so.

As with all these things, just giving my opinion to contrast - rock on.

< Message edited by MsLilac -- 10/14/2007 7:04:03 AM >

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RE: strap on - 10/14/2007 8:12:48 AM

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i LOVE bending over and taking it like a man from my mistress

LOVE strapon play and if you do try being fisted

thats amazing feeling once her fist slides into you

have fun mal

(in reply to MsLilac)

RE: strap on - 10/14/2007 8:56:19 AM

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Joined: 2/11/2005
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Does a gay partnership when the dom (im only presuming this please correct if wrong) lets his sub fuk him in his anal means he is a sub?

< Message edited by imtempting -- 10/14/2007 8:57:19 AM >

(in reply to AGRTDOM)

RE: strap on - 10/14/2007 8:59:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLilac
I do not believe the position ones gets into during sex or playing solely indicates ones orientation - regardless of gender, holes or toys used. I find that hard to understand, and feels more like an emotionally driven assertion. To me, it is like saying all men who wear pinks shirts are gay.

I am a dominant women inside and outside the bedroom, and run a D/s household with 2 males. I happen to really, really enjoy doggy style as well. It gives the deepest penetration, gives access to have my clit stimulated as well with hands or toys, and for me, best with ‘G‘ spot stimulation -

I agree. In the end sex is sex.

(in reply to MsLilac)

RE: strap on - 10/15/2007 9:31:33 AM

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From: California
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MsLilac, the way you describe the scenario, I do see it differently now. Thanks for the insight. I have never witnessed femdom/ male sub sex acts, so I didn't have anything real to relate to about them. Great post!

And as far as sub being on top, no I don't feel like this switches the dynamic at all, I can feel very owned on top of a dominant man. But he is facing me, can dominate with his eyes, face, arms, and hands. Those important factors are removed for doggy style, but I'm seeing how it could still be within the established dynamic the way you described it.

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~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to imtempting)

RE: strap on - 10/15/2007 12:03:27 PM

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Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AGRTDOM

How would you feel about your dom if he had you use a strap-on on him. Would this diminish your apeal to his dominance,

Absolutely.

C~

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RE: strap on - 10/15/2007 1:19:36 PM

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think of it this way if you think he is less dom, because he likes some anal........
he may not even be bi but that is not the issue, for us guys anal is great, because thats where our g spot is, he probably just enjoys it which means as the sub, be it a male sub or fem sub with strap on or toys, is just doing as they are told to make there master happy. in fact if you are not into that doesnt it make more satisfying as sub being told do something you dont enjoy and he does?

(in reply to MsLilac)

RE: strap on - 10/15/2007 1:35:45 PM

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Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

in fact if you are not into that doesnt it make more satisfying as sub being told do something you dont enjoy and he does?

What we feel/turns us on/conditioned to is all up in the air based on individuality of the specific person.

Certain things to me would be more dominant in nature then other things. I get very little being dominated thrill by getting my Master a glass of water then being ordered to rim him for example. Certainly there is a pleasure component to getting the glass of water for him, but feeling dominated not so much. Ordering me to do something that I feel is the opposite of submissive is completely different then doing something I hate, do not want to do or I find unpleasant.

This is clearly up to the individual thing based on a multitude of factors. To restate for no reason my personal answer, I would very probably get a little turned off by this request but over time I would see no problem of me getting over it and learning to enjoy it a lot if it pleases my Master. My feelings though are just that feelings and they cannot be logically dismissed. Lets face it, feelings do not have to always be logical them lucky bastards. ;)

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(in reply to cambssub75)

RE: strap on - 10/15/2007 2:01:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

Based on my personal sexuality, yes a domme taking it doggy style (regardless of which orifice) would make her less dominant in my subjective eyes. I happen to be switchy also, though I've just started exploring that and only enjoy dominance with women, but I can't imagine taking it from behind, let alone up the ass from someone I felt dominant with. That is pure submission to me. Though, it is a stretch for me to debate that in detail, because what I relate to sexually is very primal in context. For me, the alpha dog has a dick that he uses on his bitches. I know the Domme/male sub thing is a very different story, one I don't relate to, so I can't really say more on it than that. And I'm totally not knocking anyones kink! Just speaking for how that would feel to me and admit it is a context I don't understand fully or relate to personally.

And again I just want to empahsize that taking a strap on is not just for prostate stimulation. The context of using a strapon totally warps the dynamic for me. I'm not saying that a desire for prostate stimulation or pain is counter to dominance, it is a strapon that is counter to dominance, to me. Like I said, a vibe wand in a dominating context wouldn't mess up the dynamic for me. Him asking/allowing me to fight him to the point of causing him pain wouldn't mess up the dynamic for me. The context is meaningful. If a strapon is the specific request, it is a request for a submissive act = bottoming/subing/switching, whatever you want to call it, in the terms of my sexuality and sexual dynamics I'd be a part of.

while I have to heartily disagree with the thought one can not be domme while being doggy style fucked. ( I had a sub I would collar, and hold his chain while commanding him how to fuck me.. if he did not preform well enough my hand went around his throat as well. A mirrored head board helped on this since I could look into his eyes to let him know I ment business.

I fuck submissives with strapons.. if a Dom male were to ask for it.. < which strangly enough one recently has.. < my first Dom in fact.> I would see him in a different light. Stimulation is stimulation yes.. but a strap on is so much more then mere stimulation.

At least in my eyes it is.. but then maybe I have seen too many big strong men become my bitch bois by using one on them. *big smile*

Gwyn

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(in reply to Tigrita)

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