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finding a suitable master - 6/30/2004 3:06:07 PM   
fatallyfemale


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/3/2004
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i am new, i have exceptionally high standards, for a Dom and for myself...i am not having any luck...what am i doing wrong????
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RE: finding a suitable master - 6/30/2004 3:16:32 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Can't say without knowing more. Perhaps it is your exceptionally high standards though?

Maybe they are too high?

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
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RE: finding a suitable master - 6/30/2004 7:25:25 PM   
Surbus


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
Little one... Maybe your not seeking in the right place... there are all types of Master.. its all depends on what your seeking... I agree with sub4hire we would need to know more... about yourself and how are you seeking

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
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RE: finding a suitable master - 6/30/2004 7:46:48 PM   
Mondschein


Posts: 52
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline
I agree, maybe you are not looking in the right place. I have had a couple of disappointments myself, but what I can tell you is: do not lower your standards only because you are not finding that one person you are looking for. If you do that, you will not be happy in the long run. Learn to compromise sometimes though...keep seeking! I am.

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
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RE: finding a suitable master - 6/30/2004 7:48:42 PM   
QUIETMASTER


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/25/2004
Status: offline
You stated your preferences fairly well. It is good that you know what you want.
The men who might meet your needs 48+ fit etc. are very few. Most are married or spoken for. Any ones who would fit should be looked at closly as to why they are available. Look at what you are looking for and try and find area's that you can find room for some negotiation. List your needs and prioritize them that might help. There is no Mr. Perfect.

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/1/2004 11:46:36 AM   
Polaris


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/9/2004
From: Missouri
Status: offline
One thing that I've noticed in my years in the lifestyle is that a submissive (or dominant for that matter), that has unrealistic expectations is always going to be frustrated in their vain attempts to find a successful relationship.

That doesn't mean that you should 'lower' your standards, but perhaps those standards need to be put into context and reality. and 'relaxed' a bit. There are no perfect dominants or submissives. There are however, submissives and dominants that are perfect for each other. It's that way in the vanilla world as well.

One of the good sides of this double edged sword called the Internet is the fact that you get an opportunity to talk with an individual at length without the physicality of a relationship clouding the issue in the beginning. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't have your standards of physical appeal in a dominant that you want to spend time with. By speaking with people online for a short period of time prior to meeting, you remove the sexuality from the equation for that period of time. You may find that you end up wanting to serve someone that otherwise you never thought you would.

I was introduced to my girl online by a real time submissive I had in training. We never saw pictures of one another for several weeks, but it didn't matter. After six weeks of talking with one another, I decided it was time to go visit. The rest is history. We've been together 3 years and 2 years of that has been as a married couple. One thing I can tell you for certain though, is that neither one of us 'pictured' being with each other.




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Look out little lady. Hell is coming to breakfast.
Chief Dan George

(in reply to QUIETMASTER)
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RE: finding a suitable master - 7/1/2004 1:45:38 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fatallyfemale
i am new, i have exceptionally high standards, for a Dom and for myself...i am not having any luck...what am i doing wrong????


How long have you been looking? How long did you imagine it would take? I suppose all the D/s stories all start after the connection has been made, but in real life that requires a bit of work.

Are you looking in real life? Attending munches? Going to socials? Have you made friends with those whom you admire and respect in the lifestyle? Do they have friends?

Have you contacted any suitable doms? Are you simply hoping they will find you? Have you placed ads on vanilla sites mentioning things like 9 1/2 Weeks and The Secretary?

Don't be afraid to turn over rocks and howl at the moon once in a while...keep working it and you will find your match.

Yours,
Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/1/2004 4:58:25 PM   
sarbonn


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Don't be afraid to turn over rocks and howl at the moon once in a while...


That technique only got me picked up by the dog pound, and boy was that a difficult night.

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/1/2004 8:02:23 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
excuse Me Masters for making comment in Your area


Might I suggest a different name?
To be Exceptional and also Fatal
is like a double barrelled shot gun.

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/4/2004 6:16:40 AM   
tanna


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline
I agree with the others. Don't lower your standards, and don't settle for second best.

It is tough to find the right One for yourself.. I too have been searching with little success in finding someone who I feel is worthy of me. The only thing I can offer is to be patient, and be optimistic that eventually fate will smile upon you and bring you together with someone who is right for you.

I know it's frustrating to make all these contacts via the 'net only to find out they're hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away, or they're married, or worse just a HNG looking for a cyber slave.

Do you attend the munches and group functions in your area? That might be a way for you to meet some folks in person.

Hang in there,
tanna

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/4/2004 7:06:17 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
fatally
if you
feel that
finding
a Master
is hard
for a
submissive
imagine
how hard
it is for
another
Dominant?
As the
saying
goes there
are 3
Woman 4
every Man
and alltho
I have
been searching
for a
Dominant
Male for
7 years
now I
feel lucky
because
I have
had 2
in long
term
relationships
befor Their
passing hence
if I beleive
the statistics
Ive had
2 Dominant
Man of no
less then
4 other
Woman who
have not had
in the world
hahahahaha
now when
I look at
My self
being without
a Mate right
now I dont
feel so bad
and figgure
Ive had
more then
one of My
share.
Looks around
at ALL THE
ABSOLUTLY
FABTABULOUS
DOMINANT
MEN HERE
AND JUST
SWOONS.
and well
isent online
great, I
mean We
Woman
can come
online and
still find
a Man or
2 to run
bonkers
when We
get the
incling to
and there
is always
at least
one whom
will fall into
the mouthy
Bitch trap and
give you
a argument
back an make
Ya feel noticed.~
giggles~
I know wicked
I am ~smiles~
but I know
how to get
My strokes
here online
to make up
for whats not
available in
real life and
thats OK. for
Me and FOR
you. so have
fun and dont
take online
so serious and
have sum raunchie
adult fun
while here and
run a Man or 2
crazy and see
just how much
fun it can be.
Isent it better
to run em
crazy here
instead of real
life anyhow?
at least those
here whom
you are running
crazy, want you
to or they would
ignore you.
hehehhehe
real life
will come your
way and mine
if it is ment
for Us. I go
all over the
world to munchies
and BDSM clubs
and still havent
had any success
in what I seek
either and lets
face it at My
age and stature
it would take
a REALLY
REALLY
REALLY REALLY
SPECIAL DOM
to Love the
likes of Me.

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/4/2004 9:25:47 AM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline
Why would you think you are doing anything wrong at all? You haven't yet found your One, but that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. You simply haven't made that "connection" yet. However it probably wouldn't hurt to review your profile and be certain that it is saying what you want your potential Dom to see/hear, according to your standards and what you, no doubt, expect his to be. Be interactive here on the message boards, and post the fact that you are on your profile journal. For all you know, he may already be. Not to mention the fact that by interacting here on the boards it allows both of you the opportunity to get to know one another just a little bit better through your interaction with others on various issues.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/4/2004 3:19:16 PM   
expogirl


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/3/2004
Status: offline
I am new also but I have been online for over a year. I am looking for a Master myself, but haven't found one yet. No you don't lower yourself to anything to find a Master. I talk to a couple of Master online and they tell me that be patience there is one out there. One of the Master I talk to is a Lord. He was brought up in the lifestyle. He call me little one and that is fine with me. The second one help me along to wait for the right one. You got to know what you want in a Dom/Domme But the word is PATIENCE and one will come along.

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/6/2004 5:39:13 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline
You probably aren't doing anything wrong. It's important to know what you want. For example, are you looking for someone who is experienced in the lifestyle, or would you be just as happy with someone who had never really been in the lifestyle but was willing to explore dominance and submission with you? If the later is true, you have a much wider universe of men from which to draw. An earlier post suggesting that you try singles venues using subtle clues that you might want something a little "alternative" is excellent advice.

I know that it's not PC to say it, but your age is a factor. Most "exceptionally high standard" (meaning attractive, intelligent, successful, etc.) men in their late 40s / 50s and single (and doms are no exception) are looking for a woman in her 30s or early 40s and if they really are "exceptionally high standard" men, they will find them. The number of men that you would consider to be of "exceptionally high standard" in their 60s and beyond may be few. You could be squeezed a little between your standards and the laws of supply and demand.

My best advice to you is to find balance in your life. Work on finding the relationship you want, to be sure, but develop enough other interests and passions that you are OK until the opportunity that you are looking for presents itself, however long that may be.

Take care of yourself.

Leonidas

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/13/2004 10:56:03 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline
With all the discussion about lowered standards, I think I'll add there's a few other things that can be at work.

I know a couple of people in my real life with high standards. They're also very lonely people.
I know some people in my life with high standards, with no trouble finding people to enjoy being around.

Having standards doesn't make the search difficult - being shy, withdrawn, reserved, does. So does being unpleasent, obnoxious, consistantly talking about money, or having a negative attitude. Using a personals site like this to size someone up by criteria has the same problem. I have high standards for the kind of slave I wish - but that doesn't mean if a slave is two pounds over my ideal, I don't give her a second glance, or if perhaps she's a year or two older my idea of right that I don't think twice.

By using standards as a guide to find the right -type- of person, and then taking time to know the individuals, it's much easier to make friends. The more friends you make, the better your chances of meeting 'the one' are (not that I believe in the silly 'one' concept, but it makes the point.)

Best of luck to you

Stephan


_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/15/2004 4:15:36 AM   
kiki blue


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline
You have to know what you want to get it.

You also have to get on with your life, instead of sitting around waiting for Mr Perfect Dom to fall into your lap.

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/15/2004 9:06:13 PM   
angelthighhighs


Posts: 104
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline
i've been in this lifestyle for a while now, i've also been divorced for more years than some have been married. i too have standards that i will not change...ie..honesty, humour, intelligence, compassion, control over themselves. the list goes on...these are things i need in the person so that i am fulfilled within the relationship. if i need to lower my standards in any of those things in order to get someone, how can i be happy within the relationship and in fact would it be a relationship or just something to hold on to. i've also found thru the years that sometimes we need to stop searching...work on ourselves...prepare ourselves. learn something new, attend munches, many times we find someone when we least expect it. but we find them when we're ready. both are cliches i hate. but they are true.

(in reply to kiki blue)
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RE: finding a suitable master - 7/16/2004 12:42:06 PM   
Interesdom


Posts: 197
Joined: 5/24/2004
From: England
Status: offline
I agree with the advice about getting out in real life and meeting people for real. Even so, the Internet is one avenue and can be put to good use. (Please excuse typos, I'm currently on a tiny laptop keyboard.)

You might find that a review of your profile will pay off well. Stop thinking about your desires and concentrate on those of the man you seek. What will he be looking for that he will find in you? Make sure that your NEEDS are covered in a straightforward, non-agressive manner (if you find it hard to separate wants from needs, here's a clue: needs can be expressed in one sentence).

I have marketing skills as well as experience with personal adverts. Here's your current profile, which I'm going to give some objective ctitism on to try to help you:
quote:

i am intelligent, honest, witty and bold! i am relatively fit, i work out 3-5 times a week. i desire a tall, attractive, intelligent, honest, caring Dom who will lead me and respect me. i don't take myself too seriously and i have no desire to settle for less than exactly what i am looking for.

The first part is quite good: "i am intelligent, honest, witty and bold! i am relatively fit". It would make a snappy intro and would be better as a seperate paragraph. Put the bit about working out into a later sentence/small paragraph to do with your favourite actitivities and hobbies.

"i desire a tall, attractive, intelligent, honest, caring Dom" just is not good! Firstly, get rid of 'honest' - not only is a word that attracts the dishonest but it's a given (ever see or hear anyone say they want a cheating liar?) Is tall and attractive really a need? Can't you imagine falling for a guy who is about the same height as you, or who does not think of himself as attractive (most men don't)? If these things really are necessary, define them better; e.g. "i like men over 5'9" with chiseled features". Most doms are intelligent so you're not cutting down there and it's safe to leave in (though of course you rule out over half the standard male population). Is there a better word than 'caring'? Could you be more explicit: after all, most sadists care about the girl who's skin they are flogging, most strict owners care about the food they allow their slave so what kind of caring do you need? 'Caring' is almost as bad as 'honest' (yes, I use it in my profiles but I'm dominant). If you can't define it, leave it out - it's something you'll just have to work out when you get to know the man.

I think "who will lead me and respect me" is good - it targets the kind of relationship the man you are looking for is seeking to have.

Then there's that dreadful last sentence! "i don't take myself too seriously..." yet you continue in a manner that indictes quite the opposite. "...and i have no desire to settle for less than exactly what i am looking for." Exactly what you're looking for? It's expected that you are going to be choosy so you don't need to say that but there's no way I'd approach someone who was telling me that I must match some tight definition of theirs - especially when that definition is not even being fully explained. I would say you need to take the first part of the sentence and work it into a lot more about your personality and character. Take the last part of the sentence and think long and hard about what it is you NEED for your next relationship to work and state it clearly and openly.

You also need to think about what your ideal man will be attracted to. What makes you unique? Why write to you and not the next girl, or the previous one?

I guess now I'll have to go and brush up on my own profiles! Don't take my comments harshly but I hope I've given you (and others) some help. I was going to address tana's profile as well but I'm out of time: if anyone else wants some tips, you may write privately and I'll respond when I have some more time.

Douglas.

(in reply to angelthighhighs)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/16/2004 2:15:04 PM   
Lawrence111


Posts: 117
Joined: 6/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: expogirl

I am new also but I have been online for over a year. I am looking for a Master myself, but haven't found one yet. No you don't lower yourself to anything to find a Master. I talk to a couple of Master online and they tell me that be patience there is one out there. One of the Master I talk to is a Lord. He was brought up in the lifestyle. He call me little one and that is fine with me. The second one help me along to wait for the right one. You got to know what you want in a Dom/Domme But the word is PATIENCE and one will come along.


A Lord? Really? Was he Knighted? Where?

(Sorry, couldn't resist. No put down of the poster intended, but I do get weary of "The Self Annointed", some of whom use phrases like "little one" and can talk a great game. Meanwhile, because it is the web and they probably do not have references local you *you*, ya' never really know, do you?)

Back to the question "doing something wrong?" : have you included as a part of your search doing some networking to locate the community of real time people near you? I consider a 2 hour radius from my home to be reasonable travel, especially as I live in a small town (which, even so, has a kink group that meets in a private home). I'll bet they are out there: there are groups *everywhere*.

Organized groups (vs. Night Clubs or Play Clubs) with good references in and of themselves are usually (not always) safe environments to get to know people... as well as get references on individuals. Many of them have munches, socials, picnics (in season) and other vanilla activities. Some also have demos and run conferences. The vanilla activities are important because:

Relying on the web percentage wise, is a loosing game for a number of reasons (and I know a bazillion people will respond "How can you say that? I met my Master on line and we are happy as hell!" and to whom I would say, "Congrats: you beat the odds!"), but partially because things are so focused on the kink aspect and move at such a fast pace here on the web ... where in the real world there is usually no choice but to slow down and get to know the person... the *complete* person, instead of just the kink side. At the end of the day, no amount of interest in kink will a stable relationship make without an understanding and good comfort level of the other person *as* a person.

Just my 2 cents, best to you in your search,

Lawrence
Ithaca, NY

_____________________________

Yoda, my English Teacher was.

***********

Question: What is the ONE creature that puts fear into the heart of a Gorian Warrior?
Answer: "The Beast That Eats Only Male Virgins"

(in reply to expogirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: finding a suitable master - 7/22/2004 3:05:15 AM   
Blackivy


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline
Speaking for Myself, it wasn't your standards themselves that left Me cold, but how you address them:
"...i have no desire to settle for less than exactly what i am looking for."
And of course you've every right to be quite specific, in any arena of your life; finding a permanent partner is absolutely no exception. But announcing that no One should bother speaking to you unless We perfectly match a mental image that We cannot know is, well, counter-productive.

(in reply to fatallyfemale)
Profile   Post #: 20
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