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RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/14/2007 2:27:43 PM

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Joined: 9/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

SixFoot,
*sigh* i have tried my best to stay out of this argument that You seem intent on maintaining....i fail to understand how Your position of "how she was wronged" is actually helping her at this point? Furthermore, as someone with an extremely traumatic past who had absolute and downright phobia of going to a gynecologist, i resent the implication that she should somehow deserve our 'pity'....i mean seriously, there comes a point where one stops being the victim of other people's abuse and begins being a volunteer. i think she reached that point when she continued to defend herself and her position, and frankly i think You've enabled her mentality....
The first five times or so (i've only been perhaps 7 times and i'm 33) i went to the gynecologist i couldn't sleep the night before, couldn't function at work, couldn't breath, couldn't keep any food down, and was in an all out panic attack by the time i got there for the appointment...But guess what??? Because i'm an adult and didn't want to have fears or irrational thoughts or beliefs control me, i chose to face them...and moved on!!!!
My advice is if You want to truly help her, instruct her to set up an appointment with a gynecologist and tell her You'll pick her up for it...
Kali

Good points, and I agree - she does need to move beyond the phobia. At least from your history you understand the place she is in regarding going - the first step is always the hardest then you have momentum to build on. FWIW I have a phobia of deep water, I've faced it and overcome it, but it lingers still - manageable but present.

As to picking her up and taking her - I definitely would, if I lived in America and not Australia.

Finally, this still isn't about her going or not going, it's about how she was treated. However, I've said all I'm going to say, I cannot be more clear about that than I have, nor can I make it any clearer why it was objectionable and unjustified.

(in reply to Kalista07)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/14/2007 2:34:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

If trying to get someone out of thier denial-and shocked into getting professional help...is abuse.....

We need MORE abuse-and less saviors.

I definitely agree. Those of us who participated in that thread were as sympathetic as one can be when reading some of the retorts that the OP gave. She may have asked what might seemed like an innocent question, but then demonstrated the most advanced case of cluelessness I have ever seen on here, and that is saying alot.

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/14/2007 6:01:37 PM

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Yes, people have phobias. They also get skin rashes, diabetis, cancer and heart attacks. You go for treatment. In the case you cite, she refuses to seek medical treatment for either her anal concern or for her medical phobia.

That's unacceptable in a person who boasts about her brilliant IQ. It's unacceptable in anyone to live like this, ignoring major medical concerns and expecting that their family and friends will compensate for them. You want to have the rights of an adult, you act like one and get help. Including calling a family member or friend to be your support at a medical consultation you dread. Including going to a therapist to deal with the fears.

What was unacceptable about her is that she expected everyone else to reassure her when they couldn't, not being colonorectal specialists. And then she had a temper tantrum when told to go to a doctor. The TOS specifies that no minors be on this site, unfortunately it doesn't prohibit adults with the emotional age of a minor.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/15/2007 11:41:24 PM

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raven says:

NightWindWhisper, i'm sure there are far more lurkers who don't post about embarassing problems than who do post, so i think it's good you put all that info out there! no comment on the "abuse" part.

re: the thread that begat this one .... do other forumites read someone's profile, and other posts, before answering their questions? or is it just me? i like to get an idea of who i'm talking to. i became aware quickly from hermione's profile, and the way she responded to the first few posts, that the situation was perhaps not about her medical problem so much as a need for attention and nurturing of some kind. call me an amateur sociologist.

i always assume that others are also checking profiles and previous posts, which would account for the tone of the replies in any given thread - it would explain why one person gets serious, compassionate answers and another person gets flamage or "abuse."

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RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/16/2007 6:46:09 AM

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From: Austin Texas
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I almost never look at the profile of a poster to gauge their personality before I respond on a thread. Almost is probably zero because I can't think of a single time I did so. I look sometimes if I happen to be impressed by their post or if it is a continuing weirdness.I personally don't find a major medical phobia weirdness because I suffer the same thing. My gallbladder actually burst inside of me after 6 months of agony... I thought the pain was stress and I did not want to see a doctor.Stupid? Yup I freely admit that. But when having a real phobia it is hard. I don't mean that common dread of the dentist or dislike of a pap smear, I mean a serious irrational terror of doctors, especially gynos. Heck I like going to the dentist lol.

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(in reply to Phoenix2raven)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/16/2007 7:32:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix2raven
do other forumites read someone's profile, and other posts, before answering their questions?

Yes, I generally tend to read people's previous posts and view their profile. I find that having as much of the "big picture" in view is helpful in formulating a response.

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(in reply to Phoenix2raven)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/16/2007 2:00:57 PM

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Stepping out on a limb here, and posting my general opinion on the responses that were given to Hermione on the "did I break my" thread.

This issue goes both ways. There were a number of sarcastic answers given that did not truly contribute anything worthwhile to the discussion at hand. There were a number of responses that were curt and/or harsh. Most of these were unnecessary, although I suspect some of them were fairly well intentioned in a "tough love" kind of expression.

The OP's "mistake" is a pretty common one that many people on internet forums make - while this is a community of like-minded people (or at least we try), it's also *drumroll please* TEH INTARWEB. Like any other public forum anywhere, be it on line or in person, there's "always one".

Anyone who's posting to any of these forums needs to be able to read responses to their posts with a certain degree of emotional detachment, and have the ability to look at any given response and say "well, that was a waste of bandwidth" and scroll down, and move on. Unless, of course, one really enjoys being a drama queen*.

A significant number of people need to learn to consider the source in any given response, and just dismiss responses that merit dismissal. Getting offended because someone on Teh Intarweb was mean to you is silly and a waste of energy.

*The drama queen comment is not directed at anyone here in Collarme.chat. I don't know any of you well enough to say aye/nay. However, this is a webforum very similar to four others I frequent with some very otherwise intelligent people who still haven't figured that out - so I have a difficult time believing it doesn't apply to anyone here.

Just sayin'.

I'm also fairly sure that, being new to the boards here, there will come a time when I shove my foot halfway down my throat. And that I'll be taken to task for it - sometimes respectfully, sometimes not. I've just reached the point where any cruel, overly personal, or harsh attack tells me a lot more about the personality of the responder than anything else, and I know I have a choice in how I respond to that.
1) I can be offended, cry, and generally throw a temper tantrum.
2) I can dismiss the responder as an idiot.
3) I can do some research to determine if the responder is just having a bad posting day, or is someone I shouldn't waste any time on.
4) I can take the valuable information from the response, and discard all the insulting language.

All of those possible responses, and more, are my choice. And your choice. And hers, and his, and the mods, and the community-at-large's.

Not one single response on the thread being referred to was Hermione's fault. She's responsible for her original post, and her responses, and nothing else.

*sigh*

This is not that complicated. It's really not.

When belonging to any given forum, I generally expect that the posters to behave like adults. I don't have much patience with those who don't. It's also not my job to go on a crusade to educate people about how to act. I've got teenagers, my hands are full with educating THEM.

Anyway, that's my 2c worth added to this discussion.

Disclaimer:
YMMV.
I am not a real person, I just pretend to be one on line.
The management is not responsible for stupid people tricks or random yak stampedes.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/16/2007 5:57:59 PM

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I think it's always a mistake to announce your high IQ and then proceed to make bizarre requests of strangers. I also believe that there are some (many?) here for fullfilment of a public humiliation kink. It is often difficult for me to tell the difference between sincere and kink-fulfillment behavior. I default to thinking that the more bizarre it is the more likely it is someone who needs some public humiliation thrown their way. It's sad when others intercede to help them, thereby harshing their kink-fulfillment.

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RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/16/2007 6:57:54 PM

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KL, I have a fairly high IQ....What does your asshole look like? I mean, I think there is something wrong with my asshole...All it does it fart and shit. Does yours do this all of the time as well? Describe it for me....Is it cute? Is it dirty?....Aileen always struck me as the type of gal who might harbor a gaping anus...You too?

I'm really, really smart....Please, everyone, tell me about your assholes.

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RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/21/2007 11:14:09 AM

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If you think people in this lifestyle are automatically kind and nice,
you would be WRONG.

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 11/16/2007 8:42:14 PM

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Joined: 11/1/2007
From: New York
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I've read this whole entire thread and people could have just given her advice, if she didn't take it that's her problem. Then you should have just let it go. Being on the internet doesn't automatically give someone the right to be rude! would you have said all of the nasty remarks to her face??

people in general should just be nicer on the forums.

(in reply to SixFootMaster)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 11/17/2007 5:38:46 AM

susie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Requiempoet

I've read this whole entire thread and people could have just given her advice, if she didn't take it that's her problem. Then you should have just let it go. Being on the internet doesn't automatically give someone the right to be rude! would you have said all of the nasty remarks to her face??

people in general should just be nicer on the forums.

Why should they be nicer on the fora? People come here and ask for advice. The OP of the thread in question asked for advice and she quite plainly got it. That advice was go to see a medical professional. Describing your anus to a stranger means nothing as everyone is different. You cannot tell her if there is a medical problem with her without seeing her in person.

Giving advice works in all ways and just because someone does not like what they are told does not make it bad advice. I certainly will not sugar coat what I have to say here just in case someone is too sensitive to take the good with the bad. We are (supposedly) adults on these fora.

(in reply to Requiempoet)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 11/19/2007 9:41:45 AM

Aylee

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Joined: 10/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Requiempoet

I've read this whole entire thread and people could have just given her advice, if she didn't take it that's her problem. Then you should have just let it go. Being on the internet doesn't automatically give someone the right to be rude! would you have said all of the nasty remarks to her face??

people in general should just be nicer on the forums.

I have not found/read the OP that this thread was started about, however, yes, Requiem, I would have made any comment that I would in a post also to her face.

As this is a medium where body language cannot play a part in the discussion, it is difficult to know just how much "abuse" is intended, if at all, in a reponse.

Personally, I found much of this funny. Although I have never claimed to have a sense of humor, merely something that I use as one.

Which brings me to the penultimate point in this post of mine. People do indead use humor, misguided or not, as a way to de-stress a situation. It is always a mistake to put every comment in the worst possible light. Just as it is a mistake to put everything in the best possible light. However, by doing the latter you will end up with less ulcers.

And for my last point, I shudder everytime I read somewhere that "people need to be nicer." I neither desire attention from the nice police nor the thought police. Beside the fact of "who gets to decide what is nice."

Just my ten cents (inflation).

Take care and be well.

Best,

Aylee

(in reply to Requiempoet)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 11/20/2007 12:16:46 AM

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I'm saddened by the abuse here as well, but I don't have the time to linger on it. I'm saddened by the abuse that's happened to me, and won't linger on that either. Try not to let other people's mistakes and sorrow trouble you. Why not focus on those who are doing good things and advocating good things instead?

At what point does personal responsibility become a factor in this equation?

The Boondocks

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 11/20/2007 5:32:04 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

No, the answer is to not demonstrate a lack of sensitivity. Walking away from someone being abused is not going to stop that person being abused now is it? Rather, the people doing the abusing (and supposedly using frustration as their justification) are the ones that should have taken the second to walk away from their 'flipping' computer.

in my experience the way to get rid of abusive people over the internet is to walk away from my computer, block them, or ignore them even without blocking them. If you think they are extremely abusive report the post or go to the cyber crimes division of your local police department.. playing the white knight is probably not productive

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(in reply to SixFootMaster)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 11/20/2007 5:39:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie
Actually yes some of the postings that were less than polite to the OP were very much her fault.

Just like it's the fault of the wife when the drunk alcoholic husband beats the crap out of her.

As someone that had a husband that hit her in the nonconsensual way, the first time he hit me it was his fault, every time after the first it was mine

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SixFootMaster)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 11/20/2007 5:46:28 AM

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fast reply.

I overcame a phobia of driving very recently... and while phobias are terrible, I do not think that one can call the fear of losing their virginity because their ass was probed to be a "phobia" unless they are a licensed mental health practioner... I was diagnosed with a phobia and mild PTSD, and I never went on a forum wanting others to tell me how to continue on with my phobic ways and avoiding behaviors. She may well have a phobia.. none of us are trained enough to diagnose her... but I think telling her that she needs to be able to take charge of her health in order to be considered a stable adult to be rather important advice to give someone that cannot bring themselves to take care of their health....

If she ever does lose her virginity she needs to go to the doctor, what if she gets pregnant?

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 11/21/2007 10:33:42 AM

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i would like to think i have a nice asshole. LOL. most seem to like my large ass also.

hey people, lighten up and if you cant play nice, dont play at all, especially with your own ass!!!!

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i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

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RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 11/24/2007 5:09:59 PM

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***wakes up and looks around****

...is it over yet?

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A- Rh-

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RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 11/24/2007 6:26:12 PM

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but i like to play rough with my own ass no one else will. :)

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