not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (Full Version)

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hobbit9sub4u -> not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 1:15:36 AM)

i posted this in the humor section under the dear kinky abby thread but i though i may get more responses here.
(and it will probobly get deleated from there) so here goes...
recently its come to my attention that a former friend of mine and my master has been arrested . we havent spoken and have cut off all contact to this person due to an incident that happend between himself and me. upon learning the charges against him were simmeler to what he put me through i have tried to contact the police. ive not heard from them yet though. im suffering a large amount of guilt because i feel that if i had come forward sooner i might have prevented this from happening to someone else. please help. i dont know what to do.




hisannabelle -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 3:11:20 AM)

greetings hobbit,

there's nothing you CAN do other than what you are already doing, and perhaps if you know the person he did this to now, you could lend them your help and support them in reaching out for help. but what you are doing now is admirable - coming forward at any time, even if it is later in the game, is still important (and may help them nail this guy, since he is a repeat).

beating yourself up and feeling guilty will not change what has happened. there are things that are traumatizing to the point that we do not want to relive them again and again by reporting them or feeling like we are cauisng problems...no one could possibly know that this would happen to someone else, and you should not blame  yourself for what is a very human, common reaction. you are a brave person for stepping forward now; focus on that. you may have not been able to prevent this other person from being hurt (and even if you had reported it before, there was no guarantee that would have prevented it, either), but strengthening the case against him now will prevent others from being hurt in the future.

*hugs*

respectfully,
annabelle.



hobbit9sub4u -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 3:19:57 AM)

thank you so much for your kind words. someone i talked to earlier mentioned i migh twant to talk to an attorney, i didnt even think of that. im just worried. he is being held without bail as far as i know. but one of his accounts lists him as having been online within the last few days. would he be out already? the new article i saw was almost 2 weeks old.



bottombob -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 6:13:02 AM)

contact the district attorney he or she may be very interested in what you have to say. the DA is the one to talk to not the police in this instance



Kalista07 -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 6:22:06 AM)

Hobbit,
i wish i could say that i don't understand what You are going through....However, in June i met a "dom" through here who ended up raping, beating, and doing some other unspeakable things to me.... One of the reasons i decided to attempt to get the police to hold him accountable was because i had learned that i was by no means his first victim.....Sadly, in my case they opted not to charge him with rape (or any of the other charges available to them).  However, i do know that for the next 10 years when this happens again, i'll be able to be called as a witness.... My experience woul agree with what Bob said, that You need to contact the DA in that city for assistance or information about the case...Frankly, the police don't really care.....
Good luck with Your efforts, and please let me know if there's anything at all i can do.
Kali



celticlord2112 -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 8:33:31 AM)

quote:

i feel that if i had come forward sooner i might have prevented this from happening to someone else.


While such a feeling is understandable, please realize that there is no way to know this to be true.  If what he did to you was criminal (and you don't say specifically so I must keep this hypotheical), it is possible, based on the totality of evidence, that he would have been acquitted in a trial.

It may be frustrating, but try to remember that no one knows the future, and we make decisions based on what we know at the time.  Focus on the choices you have yet to make, not on the choices already made.



slaverosebeauty -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 11:08:43 AM)

{{hugs}}
 
You did the right thing by coming forward now; don't worry abut the past as that guilt will make things harder and not do you any good, by doing something NOW you are helping to make sure that justice is served.
 
Liek others have said, contact the DA, and check back with the detectives that you left a message for; if they know that you are going to cooperate and want to help, it makes their job easier and helping the DA to build a stronger case. It might not be easy, but you are doing the best thing.



hisannabelle -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 1:04:35 PM)

hobbit,

i'm not sure if this is applicable to your particular situation, but if there is a victim advocate available through a local center or the police department, that would be a good resource for you. they could help you work through the emotional stuff and also figure out what legal channels you need to go through.

respectfully,
annabelle.



SixFootMaster -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 2:34:41 PM)

I can only add that as tempting as it may be, do not contact the other girl - if you are required to give testimony in the future, you want your words to be untained as possible so that the defense attorney cannot dismiss them or call them into question.



hobbit9sub4u -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 4:10:17 PM)

i dont even know who the other women are so i cant contact them. thank you all for your support and help, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. i will let everyone know whats happening when i find out myself.



nyrisa -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 6:23:37 PM)

I agree with SixFoot. Check back with the police, but avoid any possible contact with the other victims, or anyone else who might be called upon to give testimony. The defense would likely be able to get all the testimony tossed out, if information was exchanged prior to the trial. I hope, when all the facts are gathered and presented, that justice will be done, and wounds will be healed.



came4U -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 9:37:59 PM)

The immediate concern now is if he sees this posting and knows your personal information. Would you be in danger because of this?  Even if the guy is in a different state take this to your local agency and have them have communication back and forth so that they are aware of the situation in case you need them quickly. God Forbid.



hobbit9sub4u -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/14/2007 10:30:48 PM)

he is local to me and knows where i am, although i think i am as safe as can be, my husband is a  pretty big guy and wouldnt let anythgin happen to me.  im taking percautions and such so i am not to terribly worried about that aspect.



Alumbrado -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/15/2007 9:02:24 AM)

If you have been involved in a possibly criminal activity, even as a victim, the advice of a lawyer could be invaluable.

You do not know that the authorities are going to see things the way you do, particularly with the not coming forward before part.

Better safe than sorry.



hobbit9sub4u -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/17/2007 7:34:50 AM)

thank you all for everythign but i was wondering if i could get this thread deleated? i dont feel comfortable with it being here any longer.



mnottertail -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/17/2007 7:39:35 AM)

You can go and beseech a Moderator directly to get it deleted, hat in hand, and you may, if you have good reason, have it deleted.  On the other hand if a grown up shits in their diapers they have to sit in it awhile.......

It has happened that threads have been removed by moderators after being asked to, and many have stood with the pronouncement...Think more, post less.

I know I have gotten a few of those in the inbox.

Ron 



hobbit9sub4u -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/17/2007 8:24:54 PM)

how do i get a message to a mod?  



Kalista07 -> RE: not sure if this goes here but major help and support is needed! (10/17/2007 8:43:50 PM)

hobbit,
i pm'd You and gave You this information.
 
Kali



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