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dagawdfather -> random jokes (7/30/2005 1:23:10 PM)
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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and
I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
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Joke # 3
Screwed twice
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband
runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
His wife yells, "That guy just screwed me twice!"
He says, "Twice?
"Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?"
She says, "Because I thought it was you -- until he
started the second time."
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Q: How can you tell a disadvantaged Jewish teenager?
A: He's the one driving the domestic automobile.
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Joke # 4
Cow manure
A little boy runs across this farmer who has a truckload
of cow manure. The boy asks him what he is going to do
with all that cow poop. The farmer tells the little boy,
"I'm taking it home to put on my strawberries."
The little boy looks up at the farmer and says, "I don't
know where you come from, but where I come from we put
cream and sugar on our strawberries."
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Joke # 5
Marriage
Not long after the marriage, Tom and his father met for
lunch.
"Well son," asked the dad, "how is married life treating
you?"
"Not very well, I'm afraid. It seems that I married a
nun."
"A nun??" his father exclaimed.
"That's right. None in the morning, none at night and
none unless I beg."
The father nodded knowingly, and patted his son on the
back. "Why don't we all get together for a nice talk
tonight?"
Tom's face brightened. "Say Dad, that's a great idea."
"Fine. I'll call and tell Mother Superior to set two
extra plates."
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Joke # 6
Speeches to the Deaf Society
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to
give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make
an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his
colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then
his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman
ask him what he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated
breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I
indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started
"Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to
himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and
started his speech by making an antler symbol with his
fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and
his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then
rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by
saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to him-
self I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and
started his speech by making an antler symbol above his
head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then
masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was
doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing
my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was
starting my speech by saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen,
it gives me great pleasure......."
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Q: Why don't men know the meaning of fear?
A: They only know one four-letter word beginning with F.
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