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Middle Ground - 6/30/2004 10:18:20 PM   
Laura


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Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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I find myself most often in middle ground these days. Neither feeling Dom or sub (top or bottom, etc). Does anyone else feel there is a middle ground where you are just a Switch, not either one or the other of the extremes?

When I am asked which I am feeling I sometimes just say I'm myself. But, really it's like a middle ground, neither one or the other. Just me and yet... all those sensual, devious and creative feelings are there too.

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RE: Middle Ground - 7/1/2004 9:08:25 PM   
Mondschein


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Yeah I feel like that too sometimes. As of now, I'm leaning towards my domminant side, but yeah, I don't know if we can actually be in the middle, but sometimes, we feel like we are. Maybe it's a lack of stimulation, someone who makes us flow in either direction.

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RE: Middle Ground - 7/14/2004 2:02:53 PM   
pixieunleashed


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I have found myself in the middle for a long time lately, when people ask me directly if I am a Domme/sub/or slave, I just tell them, I am a pixie, pure and simple that is it. I don't even like the word switch although it most applies to me, if I have to pick a label. Sometimes I am a submissive pixie, sometimes a Dominant pixie....mostly, I switch from one to the other so frequently and quickly that it all seems like middle ground to me.

thanks for reading this,

pixie


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RE: Middle Ground - 7/18/2004 10:37:58 PM   
dmc68


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so i take it being a switch is kinda like a mood swing :)

Hell, i think 90% of the world is switch from the way you all describe it

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RE: Middle Ground - 7/19/2004 11:52:29 PM   
trueneutral0


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im super duper fine to be level i think there is a difference between being a switch running free and one in control.

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RE: Middle Ground - 7/20/2004 11:24:57 AM   
muse


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pixie....so eloquently put...cheers...i feel the same way. i am me. sometimes i want to hold the whip, sometimes i want to be cowering in front of the whip. i believe (as i state in my journal) that "switch" scares off alot, both D and s alike.

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RE: Middle Ground - 7/20/2004 11:58:04 AM   
Sinergy


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quote:

pixie....so eloquently put...cheers...i feel the same way. i am me. sometimes i want to hold the whip, sometimes i want to be cowering in front of the whip. i believe (as i state in my journal) that "switch" scares off alot, both D and s alike.


And other times you want to cower lovingly as I fling you into a speaker.

Sinergy

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RE: Middle Ground - 7/20/2004 12:39:52 PM   
muse


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*laughs* i never cower in the mosh pit...it shows weakness

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RE: Middle Ground - 7/21/2004 8:25:07 AM   
Mantra


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As someone who has only recently found the courage to see the "switch" in me, this is a fascinating thread.

I should say that I have been submissive, scene and non-scene for over 10 years, so it is a significant development in personal terms. Anything I post now may be subject to revision but here goes:

I no longer view BDSM in terms only of consent but also of compulsion. By that I mean that one may feel compelled to submit to someone else, or to command submission with more honesty. Imagine a world where everyone is a dominant but where outside circumstances can mean that submission is the only correct response to certain situations. (A historical example might be feudalism, where you might be the lord of a village of serfs but compelled to submit to a higher ranking noble). Prior to this, there was only submission in my world. Now I see myself as someone intrinsically worthy of worship but who can recognise this quality in others and choose to bestow my service out of a spirit I can only compare with "courtly love" rather than one of self-gratification.

For the terms of my argument, compulsion to submit would not only mean at the pain of punishment (although, that's cool!) but could be a response to another's impressive personal attributes - great intelligence, beauty,etc. Its all obvious now but I failed to see this for years.

I find this thesis useful because I suffered greatly as a submissive from feelings of shame. Once, after much work, I had accepted those feelings, owned them and accepted myself, I found I moved on. I soon discovered that the strong presence and bearing I have always had in vanilla life had finally found an outlet in fetish terms. Since then I have felt myself to be a much better integrated (and more importantly) happier person.

I still have tons of stuff to work out (eg, never a masochistic bottom, I am not a sadistic top) and that is hard. Having found a bit of a niche as a sub, its challenging to develop the new me. But I feel far from split now. I feel unified.

The only dark cloud on the horizon is the growing realisation that I now want the whole world to turn Switch!

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RE: Middle Ground - 8/1/2004 4:23:11 PM   
tanna


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Well said, pixie.

I've never considered myself a switch, but think that may possibly be what is in my future.. Since finding the life/lifestyle I have considered myself a strong submissive. One that will not submit to One just because they are Dominant.. On the other side of that I love tormenting other subs.

Being a divorced mother of three I am required to be in command and in control of all things involved within my life, including myself. Have also found that since getting into this lifestyle I have tried harder to gain more control of my life in order to have it to give away when the opportunity arrises.

Having recently gotten out of a D/s relationship I found it necessary to distance myself from the submissive side of myself. The last couple of months I've settled into what I call my 'center' space. At a recent munch they told all the submissives to stand up.. I remained seated, leaned back in my chair with my arms crossed over my chest. Since I am known as a submissive I was questioned as to why I didn't stand up.. Aside from the obvious, that I wasn't going to just stand up because some Dominant said I should, I also didn't really feel like it.. I told them that I was neither Dominant nor submissive and was 'just me'.. Of course I got the raised eyebrows and scoffing looks.

But that's how I feel, kind of neutral right now with no desire to step off that plateau. Middle ground seems to be the best place to be at this point in my life.

tanna

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RE: Middle Ground - 8/1/2004 8:04:03 PM   
Laura


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From: Ontario, Canada
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That's exactly how I feel, just me.

I don't like being trapped into some preapproved role. I've always tended to make my own rules and my own path. My Grandmother was shocked when I admitted I was Pagan. But that whole thing goes along with everything else I've done. No one approves of any of my decisions really. They don't work out the way they think I should be doing. But, I approve, at least that I kept true to myself as much as I could. I think being a Switch is like that. It may be going uphill against the current but it's being true to who I think I am.

Glad I poked in and started this thread. :)

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