Serious Question

Serious Question (Full Version)

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BIllCT -> Serious Question (10/20/2007 3:03:44 AM)
Why is it, when you meet a female submissive who likes to be spanked wheither OTK or any othe rposition of course, they expect you to spank them but not get sexually excited if your a man? Isn't it a part of the scene that the Dom spanks the submissive who wants spanked and she gets sexually excited by it and so does he, and it leads to hot, sweaty sex in the end, or am I wrong?

came4U -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 3:06:13 AM)
sigh Bill, serious answer: have you been watchin bdsm movies again and cannot decipher what they are feeling??

twistedwillow -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 3:14:24 AM)
It dosn't matter what kind of 'play' you do, it dosn't automatically lead to sex unless sex is agreed upon by you AND the submissive. And there are indeed many people in the bdsm world who play together who don't have sex together.

MissMagnolia -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 3:16:18 AM)
In a word, no.

eyesopened -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 3:18:30 AM)
serious answer too It would sound like You had a disappointing experience. Not all BDSM activity leads to sex. i know several masochists who never have sex with their Sadist. i know plenty of couples for whom BDSM activities really are foreplay to hot sweaty sex. It's all a matter of finding compatibility. Next time You approach a submissive for play, explain that spanking her is a sexual turn-on for You. The more that is communicated before playing, the more satisfying the play is for both all concerned.

catize -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 3:30:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BIllCT Why is it, when you meet a female submissive who likes to be spanked wheither OTK or any othe rposition of course, they expect you to spank them but not get sexually excited if your a man? Isn't it a part of the scene that the Dom spanks the submissive who wants spanked and she gets sexually excited by it and so does he, and it leads to hot, sweaty sex in the end, or am I wrong? Learn how to negotiate a scene, Bill. Stop making assumptions.. Top: Ya like to be spanked? Bottom: OH yes I love a good hard spanking! Top: How hard? I have a good strong wallop. Bottom: Oh, until my ass is bright pink! (or she may say until it's red, etc.) Top: Do you like it OTK? Bottom: That's one of my fave positions! Top: I get really turned on when I spank, I like to have hot sweaty sex after. Is that what you like? Bottom answers either affirmatively or negatively ......... See how that works, Bill?

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 3:31:14 AM)
It seems like especially with spanko's many only want the spanking. They can be very ritualistic with the preliminaries before they are spanked and so on. Maybe some of them on here will comment. Many of us into D/s desire and demand complete, dominating sexual play from those we spank, whip or whatever and the subs we play with want us that way.

InkedMaster -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 3:37:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BIllCT hot, sweaty sex in the end, now THAT'S what I'm talking about!!!

Focus50 -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 4:36:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BIllCT Why is it, when you meet a female submissive who likes to be spanked wheither OTK or any othe rposition of course, they expect you to spank them but not get sexually excited if your a man? Isn't it a part of the scene that the Dom spanks the submissive who wants spanked and she gets sexually excited by it and so does he, and it leads to hot, sweaty sex in the end, or am I wrong? Play and sex are separate matters for me, hence I don't use one as a vehicle to the other. As much as I enjoy giving a good spanking or flogging etc, it's rare for me to actually get a rise out of it. Same for most forms of play, actually. Different for the girl - teasing and tormenting her with her own sexual cravings is about control and of me being a sadistic (and occasionally generous) arsehole. I pick the time and place for my own sexual gratification and I rarely want it interfering with visiting my sado needs upon the girl; spoils the headspace (the one on my shoulders). Dunno if you're wrong so much as confused with what you want - spanking etc is foreplay only? Focus.

BIllCT -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 4:53:48 AM)
Thanks for the replies folks, but I still can not in my mind, heart or feeling get into spanking a woman I woul dnot want to have sex with! Is It me or is it my mental make-up and background or upbringing that tells me this? I just have a firm feeling, that if I am gonna redden a woman's ass well, it needs to lead to hot sweaty sex, lots of pleasure and a big orgasm! Am I being unrealistic?

Aileen68 -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 4:58:03 AM)
I like hot sweaty sex in the end, so you can bet your ass (heh...pun intended) that if I don't want to have sex with you then you ain't spanking my ass.

MissMagnolia -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 4:58:56 AM)
Are you being unrealistic? You're still asking the same question you asked in the original post. The answers won't change.

slaveluci -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 4:59:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BIllCT Thanks for the replies folks, but I still can not in my mind, heart or feeling get into spanking a woman I woul dnot want to have sex with! Is It me or is it my mental make-up and background or upbringing that tells me this? I just have a firm feeling, that if I am gonna redden a woman's ass well, it needs to lead to hot sweaty sex, lots of pleasure and a big orgasm! Am I being unrealistic? Bill, There is nothing unrealistic or "wrong" about wanting sex as part of your BDSM experience. There are those who assert they are two separate things and never the twain must meet. Fine for them. Not for me. When Master puts me over His knee, it gets us both so hot there is definately going to be sex involved. Don't let anyone intellectualize you into thinking you are wrong just because that's what turns you on. Don't assume a new person in your life is going to want the same. Do get it straight first. Once it's settled, spank, have sex and have fun. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those of us who see play, pain, and sex inextricably entwined and don't want to do one without the other(s). That's your kink and that's A-OK regardless of what anyone else thinks[:)]...........................luci

slaveluci -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 5:01:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia Are you being unrealistic? You're still asking the same question you asked in the original post. The answers won't change. Yeah they will. More people will answer and he'll see more of a spectrum of opinions and not all "no, you shouldn't expect to get what you want" types of answers...........luci

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 5:03:56 AM)
Yes. You're being unrealistic if you think every woman who enjoys being spanked is automatically going to have sex with you as part of the scene. However, it's reasonable for YOU to only want to spank women you are sexually involved in. You may just <gasp> have to take a little more time getting to know women and discussing your expectations, and learn how to deal graciously with being turned down. If you poke around a little bit and try to understand the whole spanking subculture, you'll see that sex is very much NOT automatically part of the bargain.

catize -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 5:06:07 AM)
That's fine and dandy but you don't seem to comprehend that it isn't the same for all and you need to stop assuming and have a conversation/agreement before the spanking.

bandit25 -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 5:06:38 AM)
Bill, it's like luci said, there's nothing wrong with you nor with getting what you want...BUT there's nothing wrong with a submissive who doesn't want sex either. Um, this isn't all that hard to comprehend. You want sex after spanking...sub A doesn't = don't spank her. You want sex after spanking...sub B does...spank sub B. See? Easy peasy.

slaveluci -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 5:11:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood You're being unrealistic if you think every woman who enjoys being spanked is automatically going to have sex with you as part of the scene Unrealistic if he thinks EVERY woman is, yes. But not unrealistic to think many will. quote: If you poke around a little bit and try to understand the whole spanking subculture, you'll see that sex is very much NOT automatically part of the bargain He COULD try to understand the "whole spanking subculture" and be a part of the "community" and all, OR he could go out and find someone who enjoys what he does and get going. I would suggest the latter. One doesn't need to know anything about a subculture to find and enjoy a partner who is compatible. Bill, be up front about what you want and don't settle for less. You are not wrong or unreasonable to do so (Edited because I originally quoted the wrong statement. After I was scolded by Ms. SM, I saw my error and corrected. There goes my record of being perfect[&o]).............luci

marieToo -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 5:12:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BIllCT Why is it, when you meet a female submissive who likes to be spanked wheither OTK or any othe rposition of course, they expect you to spank them but not get sexually excited if your a man? Isn't it a part of the scene that the Dom spanks the submissive who wants spanked and she gets sexually excited by it and so does he, and it leads to hot, sweaty sex in the end, or am I wrong? Regardless if you're the spanker or the spankEE, not everyone gets sexually charged from an ass-beating. All depends on the purpose of the 'spanking' and how each party processes it. I don't think there's a right or a wrong. I think it varies for different individuals. And the key is to find someone who likes the same thing you do. If I were a dominant or a top, I'd ask a few questions before I beat someone. I'd want to know why the submissive desires it and what it means to him/her. Then I would take it from there.

BIllCT -> RE: Serious Question (10/20/2007 5:13:35 AM)
Thanks for the advice and replies folks, I am listening and reading them all!

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