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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:40:46 PM

TreasureKY

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

...often i have to hold myself back because i will serve everyone else and leave nothing for myself if i am not careful...

I've never felt an overwhelming need to serve (at least not in the capacity outlined by the OP), but this part resonates with me. Part of my own journey was coming to understand how I needed a focal point. Without one individual to take center stage in my life, I found my accommodating nature was too often leaving me open to being taken advantage of and spread thin. Unfortunately, I always ended up sacrificing myself.

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:41:33 PM

kokonut

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Joined: 10/4/2007
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I actually had a bit of trouble being motivated to serve in my last relationship... I'd rather not get into the details, but I was very unhappy because I felt like my then-Master was not taking care of my needs and so I could not bring myself to take care of his. This is not to say that I would throw a hissy fit and refuse to take out the trash because I didn't get my ass beat whenever I wanted, but after a while in a situation where I felt like I was being ignored, I simply lost the desire. I think a good part of where my motivation comes from is that I want to show the person I am serving how thankful I am for their dominance, care, and affection.

< Message edited by kokonut -- 10/21/2007 3:48:46 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:46:00 PM

chellekitty

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Joined: 3/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
Without one individual to take center stage in my life, I found my accommodating nature was too often leaving me open to being taken advantage of and spread thin.

yep, i think you found the key there...it's always when i am not owned or collared that i spread myself too thin....

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:47:22 PM

kokonut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
Without one individual to take center stage in my life, I found my accommodating nature was too often leaving me open to being taken advantage of and spread thin.

yep, i think you found the key there...it's always when i am not owned or collared that i spread myself too thin....

I have found myself to be the same way at times... It's hard to be this way and not channel it in one way or another.

(in reply to chellekitty)

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:51:49 PM

chellekitty

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kokonut, i glanced at your profile and noticed that you just got out of a relationship (i am assuming recently)....do you have any plans on how to avoid this type of thing specifically?

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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Post #: 25

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:58:27 PM

kokonut

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Eh, sort of... I'm trying to control/limit the ways in which I channel it so that I don't end up as a doormat.

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 4:35:41 PM

chellekitty

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okies...something that helps me is i try to do a daily inventory of myself....did i eat, did i get enough sleep, did i take a shower, did i give myself some down time....you know...it seems like common sense...but, after a while, i will get so caught up in my commitments that i don't realize until i go for a week on 3 hours of sleep a night, eating once a day, never stopping durring those 21 hours i am awake and maybe showering twice durring that week...and i am hungry, sleep deprived, exhausted and stinky...and generally a mess and absolutely no help to all those people i made commitments to...i don't know if that helps....but...something to think about....

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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Post #: 27

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 5:05:33 PM

kokonut

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I'm getting better about that stuff, but I had to do that for a while... I took a lot of days off work at first but for the most part I'm pretty well on my way to recovery [i think]. I still have my days where I don't get around to eating until dinnertime, but it's a process I suppose.

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 5:31:29 PM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I'd be interested to hear from male and female subs what their motivation is for service (for the purpose of this thread, service can be domestic, chores, or doing tasks specifically because your dominant wants them done, otherwise you never would have done them). What's the motivation/reward for you? What do you want in return, in a perfect world?

1) Praise and recognition, even if small - a smile or a thank you
2) Nothing; service is its own reward
3) Rewards and punishment as needed
4) Exchange for bdsm or kink-related acts; I am happy to serve in the context of a kinky relationship but the service (or rewards later) should been kinky in theme or at least sprinkled with kink.

How do you discuss these expectatations with your partners?
How does the intimacy level with the person affect it? ie, are these your expectations regardless of how well you know the person?

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: asubmissiveheart

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hergirl0824

Seeing Her happy is the only reward i need....making Her life easier is what i was meant to do

This is how I feel.
There is no greater feeling of love or satisfaction for me, than making my Mistress happy.

The above, I believe, is the primary motivation of a submissive-natured person (contrary to a bottom, whose motivation is more a tit for tat exchange). Once you find the right person to inspire that incentive in you to serve, their happiness will, in turn, engender your happiness.

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/22/2007 12:48:39 PM

LPslittleclip

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i have allways enjoyed helping others, as a submissive i enjoy doing the tasks simply to have them done, the praise i recive is more than enough for me. playing is a great treasure that is ably to be done as all of the other tasks are done.

do things without expectations so you will always be rewarded

(in reply to bostontwo)

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/24/2007 11:27:07 AM

AEslaveM

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xoxi said it all for me, too! :)

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/24/2007 12:31:34 PM

wisteriaV

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I'd be interested to hear from male and female subs what their motivation is for service (for the purpose of this thread, service can be domestic, chores, or doing tasks specifically because your dominant wants them done, otherwise you never would have done them). What's the motivation/reward for you? What do you want in return, in a perfect world?

The world is far from perfect even within the confines of our home. I like a nice clean home with a place for everything and everything in its place. If Master asks for something, I know where it is. If he is trying to find something and I tell him where it is if he doesn't ask me to get it for him, then he knows that thing will be in the same place all the time. Another example I detest Limburger cheese..Master loves the stinky stuff..so when He buys it its my cue to make him a small loaf of crusty bread to go with it. Master prefers his shirts and socks folded a certain way..if I had my druthers all his shirts would be hung up even his t-shirts..but this pleases him so I do it..So I do to please him not expecting anything in return but knowing pleasing him makes my heart smile..no matter what the chore or task.

< Message edited by wisteriaV -- 10/24/2007 12:43:22 PM >

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Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/24/2007 1:13:40 PM

bipolarber

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To use Aakasha's list for reference, I'd say:

#1 = 80%
#2 = 0%
#3 = 10%
#4 = 10%

I don't EXPECT to be rewarded with a scene for doing service, but it is nice when it happens. But I really find doing a lot of work for someone, and getting nothing back to be a major drag.

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Post #: 33