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question for the dom/mes - 7/31/2005 9:44:47 PM

hardxdrive

Posts: 119
Joined: 7/12/2005
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what would you do if you are in love with your slave, but the slave your in love with is not a good slave in the bdsm lifestyle. Meaning the slave thing is not working at all. Would you let her or him go or would feel the person your in love with is more important than the bdsm lifestyle?

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RE: question for the dom/mes - 8/3/2005 10:19:40 AM

LadyTantalize

Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
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Wow, I can't believe no one has responded to this query as it certainly caught My eye!!

The question of this nature directly applies to the relationship between Me and My husband!! I met him in a local fetish nightclub and it has taken us ten years of explorations, experimentations, some dissillusionments, some disappointment, some realizations and a few ephiphanies to realize that just because he doesn't fit the dictates of lifestylers or the mandates of other BDSM'ers, that he is no less a slave to Me if we both feel such is so! And we do, so it is!! For years, we felt that because he was not nude, on his knees, in a collar and saying "yes Mistress" to everything I pose, then he was not a slave. But, we both felt his slavery to Me on more of an internal level. He is not submissive in daily life, he is scene submissive, and does submit to My will in household issues but he still maintains his own opinion and voices it openly and demonstratively, but he would cut off his own dick rather than loose Me, and I am the Boss of the relationship. When I married I wanted an equal partner but that's hard to maintain in a TPE relationship, so I went with My instinct and followed My own path. We now are more aligned with the philosophies of IE (Internal enslavement) and we say that he is "a slave to My soul". Granted, I have other slaves who are more apt to the TPE type and fit in the typical lifestyle concept of a slave, and while I love them, that are not My life partner!! Sometimes in order to maintain a vanilla love combined with BDSM, some concessions on the definitions of slavery and mastery must be made, in My humble opinion!

Ahhhh, thanks for asking!! *smiles*

Truly,

Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee Williams-

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Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

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RE: question for the dom/mes - 8/3/2005 8:15:13 PM

Kindred2Evil

Posts: 227
Joined: 4/16/2005
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I think that it would depend on more than what you asked actually. Being married to another dominant has been tricky, but in our relationship we've been able to find a compromise. I rule the roost so to speak ;)

My last boy that I had ended our D/s S&M relationship because of love...he wanted much much more than I could give. We still talk on occassion and I count him as a friend.

I suppose my answer is this: Would this person mind if the dominant found another slave to fulfill that need within themselves? Would their relationship still work? If the answers are yes, then no, I wouldn't end the relationship. If no...then that's where one would need to decide what was more important to them...Love or BDSM.

Hope that came out right, it sounded good in my head lol

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RE: question for the dom/mes - 8/9/2005 3:09:01 PM

HalloweenWhite

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Joined: 6/20/2005
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Find out if there was an underly reason for her not being any good (like being unhappy), if there was, see if she needed to be released. If not then Id work hard to train her to be better.

HalloweenWhite.

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RE: question for the dom/mes - 8/9/2005 3:49:08 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardxdrive

what would you do if you are in love with your slave, but the slave your in love with is not a good slave in the bdsm lifestyle. Meaning the slave thing is not working at all. Would you let her or him go or would feel the person your in love with is more important than the bdsm lifestyle?

Hummmm...Don't know why you only asked this to the Dom/mes, as it can effect the decisions a sub or slave may have to make too.

So as a person who is submissive I will answer it anyway, hope you don't mind.

This would be somewhat hard for me. I have been in quite a few vanilla relationships and although I always was attracted to Dominant women, it was never overtly discussed in a D/s sense. Those relationship never worked and looking back now I know why....I need the D/s dynamic, I need BD to be a part of my relationship.

So I would have to say I would let this person go no matter how painful. Because I know from past relationships it will not go smoothly and won't work for me unless I were to live a lie and I refuse to do that anymore.

*Brightspot

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RE: question for the dom/mes - 8/10/2005 9:56:56 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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A very good question indeed--in fact I have a dear friend who is a sub--he adores his wife, yet she is not interested in anything more than play Dominance in the bedroom and thats waning--he is at sea greatly as he has a life need to be a submissive--he sees a crossroads, none of the answers are easy ones--for many to give up and become all vanilla, closes the door on their ability to be whole and at peace--

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RE: question for the dom/mes - 8/14/2005 11:01:23 AM

tarnishedhalo777

Posts: 119
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let them go.staying when your in love and they aren't nEVER works. Mine just ended.I know.

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I will not die the death of loneliness by being afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. I will not commit figurative suicide by leaving my potential underdeveloped because I am afraid to take risks.

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RE: question for the dom/mes - 8/14/2005 11:03:17 AM

tarnishedhalo777

Posts: 119
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Like your sig. A friend of mine has a key chain that says, men are like lottery tickets,you have to scratch alot of losers before you get a winner.

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I will not die the death of loneliness by being afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. I will not commit figurative suicide by leaving my potential underdeveloped because I am afraid to take risks.

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RE: question for the dom/mes - 8/15/2005 3:28:59 AM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
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It should be clear upfront that interaction between myself and a slave is about the relationship. If it's love, friendship, devotion or whatever. D/s is the style or flavor, and BDSM is a wonderful and passionate activity, but in reality, it's about relaitonships.

If I had collared someone and the D/s side of things had problems, we'd probably discuss it. If the collar needed to come off, then so be it, but that doesn't mean the relationship would end. If I had this person involved in my life for any length of time, then they would understand that I am poly, and I have strong needs for D/s, and would likely understand that I would need to meet that need somewhere. With the established structure of my poly family, I would continue to search for that with their participation and support. It would not change what they mean to me as a person.

Purr

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RE: question for the dom/mes - 8/18/2005 4:44:06 AM

MsWhip

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Joined: 7/22/2005
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Life and relationships are full of compromises. The choice to leave, or enter, a relationship of any kind depends upon your personal priorities and ability to decide which compromises are inline with those priorities and which are not.

A heartless woman, does not fall in love, and in my opinion, only a heartless woman walks away from it.

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RE: question for the dom/mes - 8/19/2005 6:58:01 PM

MistressGrace07

Posts: 100
Joined: 7/29/2005
From: Chicago
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True love accepts someone for who they are... and if they aren't a true slave then I would probably stay with him/her because of the love...

but I would make sure that they understood I still needed to play with other people

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