Inability to function during sex?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Inability to function during sex?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety >> Inability to function during sex?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Inability to function during sex? - 10/26/2007 5:27:30 PM

MegaX50

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline

Not sure if I really wanted to post this but since I seem to have the issue, it brings a lot of problems.

I love foreplay, really good at it, love teasing, being teased, played with, etc.. Don't need to go down the whole list, and let's just say I'm always at 'full attention/hard/aroused/etc' for foreplay...

But when it comes to intercourse itself, I get extremely bored and everything kind of falls through. Nothing wants to work right, even when it does finally get started, I always feel bored, as though I'm wasting my time or would be better doing something else (Though not really else to do). I've tried spicing it up and stuff, but I don't feel anything for intercourse itself and it ruins a lot of relationships which sucks.

Any help would be wonderful.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Inability to function during sex? - 10/26/2007 5:33:50 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Intercourse isn't just about penetrating a vagina/anus with the penis. "Outercourse" can be just as, if not more, fulfilling. There are many men who can't even get, or maintain, an erection. They can still have very satisfying sex, as can their partner. If you partner wants penetration, there are lots of toys on the market that would give them a similar effect, especially if you use the toys with continued touching, stroking, holding, talking, etc.

Just keep going with the outcourse and don't worry about the intercourse.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to MegaX50)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Inability to function during sex? - 10/26/2007 6:56:28 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I'm wondering...how many times have you had intercourse? Sounds like you need to do some experimenting. Sometimes different positions produce different results. Sometimes I lose interest when I do missionary style because it can be really boring. But doggie style? Flagpole.

(in reply to MegaX50)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Inability to function during sex? - 10/26/2007 7:27:03 PM

MegaX50

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline

I've done in it in many different positions and have been with about a dozen people. So I don't think that's the problem.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Inability to function during sex? - 10/26/2007 10:34:00 PM

NightWindWhisper

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

Is it possible that you are ADD or ADHD Mega? Have you a history of inattention in school, or difficulties focusing?

ADD and ADHD people often have issues regarding "being there," during sexplay. Ironically there are two camps, one camp finds sexual play focusing and stimulating, the other camp becomes easily distracted and loses focus....

(in reply to MegaX50)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Inability to function during sex? - 10/27/2007 12:34:21 AM

MegaX50

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline

Yea, I think I do, that mean I'm forever to not to be able to focus during intercourse? Perhaps I don't care as much as I do when I'm doing outercourse?

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Inability to function during sex? - 10/27/2007 2:30:40 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings mega,

i can relate to the feelings of sometimes sort of tuning out during intercourse. at other times i can be nearly as focused and intense as i am with outercourse, but in general, i prefer foreplay (and that actually makes up the majority of my and my master's lovemaking and play, although i tend to have intercourse more with play partners/dates/etc.). there's nothing wrong with not preferring intercourse, but if you feel it might be because you are having issues focusing and drifting (whether because of adhd or something else - for me it's a number of factors, mainly medical) and you want to deal with those issues, that could be really helpful. a lot of different things can cause such a lack of focus - add/adhd, vitamin deficiencies, chronic conditions, fatigue, and anything else that can also interfere with focusing in other areas of life. i would recommend seeing a doctor if you're interested in making sure something like that is not affecting it. for me, medical conditions have impaired my general ability to focus, which can spill over into this area, and some of them are at least treatable if not fixable. but yeah, you are not alone in getting "bored" with intercourse...i have a tendency to do the same thing.

respectfully,
annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 10/27/2007 2:31:22 AM >

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to MegaX50)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Inability to function during sex? - 10/27/2007 5:17:18 PM

NightWindWhisper

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

Intercourse is actually sort of mundane...in, out, in out....yes, I know, for most wondefully mundane...but for some...

Let me quote from the book “Driven to Distraction.” Which I think is the Landmark book an ADD/ADHD
“The impact of ADD upon sexuality is poorly understood. However we have seen many people in our practice, both men and women who complain of either an inability to pay attention during sex well enough to enjoy it, or the opposite: a hyperfocused hypersexuality.” “Those who appear to be hypersexual may turn to sex as a form of intense stimulation to help them focus. …for some adults with ADD sex acts as a kind of stimulating medication, and they use it to find not only the pleasure of orgasm but the pleasure of being focused.”
I think it is possible that you are in the group that has trouble paying attention. ADD is a dysfunction of the "exectutive portion" of the brain. This is similar to the pilot on a ship watching everything, prioritizing everything and making everything run smoothly. If the executive portion is not as active as it should, almost anything, a thought, something moving, a sound, will remove their attention to the task at hand. Orgasm is not something that one "pushes." It is a "letting go." If you are distracted then you never reach the threshold of "letting go."
Certain meds, Adderall (if I spelled that right) and methylphenidate increase activity in the executive portion of the brain allowing focus. If you have insurance you might want to consult a psychologist or CSW who specializes in ADD. If you are ADD methylphenidate which is related to the drug "speed," will not speed you at all--but you will focus at the task at hand, which may make your partner and you very happy.

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Inability to function during sex? - 11/3/2007 6:41:41 AM

slimcontroller

Posts: 46
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

intercourse isn't just about penetrating a vagina/anus with the penis.

Miss magnolia is quite right. Intercourse - look it up in the dictionary - as distinct from 'sexual intercourse', infers communication between parties. I think that in the sexual context this often forgotten.

Slimc.

< Message edited by slimcontroller -- 11/3/2007 6:48:52 AM >

(in reply to MegaX50)

Profile

Post #: 9