RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 7/6/2004 4:23:24 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Hey sub, I am busy on the 10th. Keep me posted on future happenings though. I would enjoy meeting you and Doug.

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 7/6/2004 6:27:39 PM

MistressKiss

Posts: 295
Joined: 1/1/2004
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When I was meeting a guy for the first time once, I demanded that he place his drivers license in a sealed envelope in my mailbox, then go to the back door to enter the house. He was to ring the doorbell before going around back. (We had this fantasy going on that I won't go into, but it was our first face-to-face meeting.)

When I heard the doorbell, I retreived the envelope and hid it in my house - my son and I have a deal that if anything ever happens to me, he is to check this place for "clues". Our play was really fun and it worked for us - and I do realize that this method still doesn't keep you from getting killed, but it made me feel safer considering the fantasy we were playing out. I realize also that a fake ID could be used, etc. ad nauseum, nothing is 100% safe. Still, what an afternoon we had - and I was relaxed and in the moment.

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(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 7/8/2004 7:42:11 PM

SherriA

Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I'm glad I read further down before I posted, because this was just what I was thinking. A safecall wouldn't have stopped this incident from happening. The woman in question went some place unplanned, so who could have found her? She didn't even have her car with her for them to look for. A safecall would have been pretty useless if her phone was in her pocketbook locked in the trunk of her car too.

Safecalls are pretty useless, more often than not. And they often coax people into feeling they're safe when they're really not, so they let down their guard and stop listening to their internal radar.

This could have just as easily happened on a vanilla blind date. Should people stop socializing? You're just as much at risk in any one on one situation with a stranger; bdsm doesn't make it any more dangerous, imnsho. People need to use the same common sense they did in vanilla dating situations, but for some reason we want to think up all kinds of gimicks and catch phrases and rules that arent' worth the electrons used to spread them across chatrooms.

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Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 7/12/2004 4:13:28 PM

SentForu

Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
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WOW, I'm sooooo sorry that she had to go through that. Sometimes it's a sad world we live in, when you can't trust your fellow man to even meet for a conversation. Sad but true. I thankfully, can't say I have had a similar experience, but I really appreciate your posting this. Even though you hear of people getting killed from online meetings, it never seems to hit home. When someone who is "real" has experienced something like this, it tends to make you think. You can see it all day on TV, and it'll put a fear in you. Just wanna say that it takes a very special person to admit her mistakes, and try to help others from them. You deserve the best out of life, and I'm sure that's exactly what you'll get. Just hold your head high and never think of yourself as unworthy. I'm sure you have learned a lot from this, as you're teaching others. Just don't let this stop you from enjoying life to it's fullest. Best wishes again, and take care.

< Message edited by SentForu -- 7/12/2004 4:15:04 PM >

(in reply to MasterMalice)

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 7/23/2004 9:54:25 PM

Cunninglinguist

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/23/2004
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quote:

I agreedleaving my purse as always locked in the trunk.

quote:

Running through my mind was my shirt is rippedmy car isn't hereand I don't even have the money in my purse.

I thought the purse was in the trunk?

(in reply to proudsub)

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 7/23/2004 10:20:03 PM

SentForu

Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
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If I'm correct...he meant she didn't have the money that was in her purse. Meaning, that it was locked in her car, which wasn't there. At least, that's the way I took it.

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 7/27/2004 8:33:27 PM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
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Congratulations for making it out alive. I hope that you will be pressing charges, this was sexual and physical assault. I would be willing to bet you aren't the first and won't be the last to fall for his bullshit.

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 8/19/2004 11:47:00 PM

miskat

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Joined: 7/3/2004
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to clarify ....the two quotes. i thought when shirt was being ripped that i didn't even have any money if i ran. the reason was because it was locked in the trunk of my car. i didn't mean for it to sound confusing.

To the last post No i did not lay any charges. Mostly for one reason. i didn't want to embarass my daughter or family by dragging this into court and having to admit i am into BDSM in public. my close friends know but to be honest my family just wouldn't understand. so i was a coward and did not charge Him.

Later i found out that i didn't have a real address, name or phone number. a new rule i have learnt and has been mentioned here....ASK to see the drivers license!!! if not hold it to see it and write down name and address!!

keep safe A/all

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 8/20/2004 3:47:11 AM

theroebabe

Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: miskat

Later i found out that i didn't have a real address, name or phone number. a new rule i have learnt and has been mentioned here....ASK to see the drivers license!!! if not hold it to see it and write down name and address!!

keep safe A/all

Yes i had a similiar experience that was just as horrible on both the first and second meeting of this so called dom. And i was to new and naive to question what his name was address etc. And all i will say is that their are medical records when i went to the doctor of the bruises and the tetnus shot (when the doc asked i wanted this on file i said hell yes), their are traces i placed on calls he made to me, and copies of his emails sent to people in the police dept. So if he ever contacts me again i have something to support what happened.

And yes it sucks and yes i see him online here there and everywhere but what can be done so many years later is we can tell the story and make people understand that if the person is open and real they will show id and understand why its asked for.

I am sorry Miskat that it happened and yes i know it hurts but it is done now and all we can do is pass the lesson on to new people that come in here and hopefully learn. Keep well, i hope you heal better than i have. I still have problems even now when the issues surface.
Roe

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Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 8/20/2004 6:59:50 AM

Destinysskeins

Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
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Greetings,

First let me say that i'm also very sorry that you've had to undergo such an experience, Miskat. Please accept my warmest regards *big hugs* for having the courage to speak out so that others might be spared in the future.

Secondly, for those that are working to educate and aid others in learning safety measures for rl meetings, another perspective that i hope may also be of assistance.

i'm sure that those of you who are working towards preventing such occurences do run into those who seem to completely ignore all of the good advice that was given. Sometimes this is simply the case of the person being too trusting and naive, sometimes it results from a 'eh, it won't happen to me' attitude. But also, please be aware that there are some that may actually seek out these type of destructive situations - whether they do it knowingly or not.

For example, i am not currently meeting anyone irl due to the fact that i have a lot of emotional issues to work out. When i am emotionally stressed, i have a tendency to become self-destructive....that is, i seek out things/situations that are going to cause me more pain. Why? Many reasons - i feel horrible on the inside so i should on the outside too, given enough pain stimulus maybe i'll just finally give up on everything, etc. And before i get posts in reply saying 'Umm...ya really should talk to someone (as in a professional) about that'....yes, i realize this and no i haven't and probably won't - just not my cup of tea so to speak (not saying anything against professional help, i am the first to encourage others to do so - i just don't take my own advice). Anyways, the point of this isn't to discuss my own issues but rather....

To tip other's hats to be wary for this type of behaviour in those they are aiding. If you see someone whom you have reason to believe has had previous emotional trauma and who is seemingly throwing all of your cautions aside please be mindful of this and perhaps throw out a little 'hurting yourself more is not going to make all the other pains go away' type of comment. It might just make them stop in their tracks long enough to really evaluate what they are doing.

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Wilted petals fall from a rose like bitters tears wrung from a heart whose dreams have shattered. What hope for the future can be seen by eyes that are darkened with sorrow neverending?

i'm not manic-depressive, i just have an elliptical personality

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 9/7/2004 6:27:42 AM

MistressRoninS

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Joined: 9/4/2004
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It was painful to read you post and I am so touched by the courage you have. It is good that you posted it, and that you recognize what could or might have prevented the situation, but no matter of caution or lack there of excuses what he did to you.

There is no rush for meeting people, I tell people online that time is of requirement and it will be a while before anything in person happens. In person is the same, gradual and no room for error. Absolute trust is earned and earning takes time in my opinion.

I f you need anyone to talk to or someone to just listen, I am here and sure others will say the same. I cannot stress enough with people I talk, be careful, and always ALWAYS have a back up plan. No matter how much you trust.

Predators know that its important to seem trustworthy and they often have high charisma and do not "seem" to be what they really are, this is why its possible for them to victimize people. The Creep will not always look like a creep, why? because he will have more trouble convincing his victims that he can be trusted.

I hope you heal inside. I hope you never blame yourself. You deserve the right to happiness and freedom of your self expression. My blessings, prayers and support to you..

MR

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 9/8/2004 5:22:53 AM

robyn

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Joined: 8/8/2004
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miskat,

**hugs**

thank you for posting this. i promise you, you have helped me.

love, robyn

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 9/13/2004 9:30:44 AM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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This isn't just a warning to sub women. I hope all men and women whether Dom or sub will keep this in mind. We all take chances when meeting someone. Lady Shoshin once wrote something very sensible about having the meeting and then a cooling off period. Don't be swayed or tempted into spending more time with the person than you agreed to. If it's for coffee, stick to that. Then, if you hear from him/ her again arrange another meeting.

I think the problem is that we think this won't happen to us cause we're... luckier, smarter, wiser, empathic... Also, we tend to trust ourselves and whatever our impressions are. We think we know someone and assume we do.

Best wishes to you miskat.

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 9/13/2004 1:45:40 PM

MistressRoninS

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/4/2004
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I agree with the above opinion.. for male and female and trangender dominants and subs alike... nothing is completely safe... trust should be earned., and in my opinion trust takes time to earn..lots of it.

I hope you are doing better miskat. Don't be afraid to speak your mind in the future, we have all learned from it. I know I have.

MR

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 10/3/2004 9:28:02 AM

Nvernilla

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When I see something like this I am sickened and almost ashamed to be male...but I am a male and one who has handled a few situations in my time and Id just like to say that mizkat was brutalised in a way no one should have to endure and to Brother Malace if it was my friend I'd go find this asshole and put his ass in the hospital for at least 2 weeks don't know where you live but if its close to me I'd like to help too. I am not a large man but am pretty good with nunchuks and deadly with a bowstaff...Mike

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 10/3/2004 10:28:07 AM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
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quote:

ORIGINAL: miskat

i am grateful that Master Malice Sir posted my experience and i would like to thank E/everyone for their comments. *S* ihave learned a lot from this experience and just hope that others do as well. Be safe!! miskat

I hope you charged the bastard, yes you went to meet him, yes you agreed to play, but that consent was rescinded the moment the rape began to take place. This could be fought in a court of law, these men count on the women being too intimidated and embarrassed to do anything legal about it, but they won't stop until they are charged & found guilty. You thought he was going to strangle you, you were in fear for your life, what about the next trusting woman he takes to a room, if he goes too far and you read about a death in the media, you will feel guilty for not having stopped him.

There are monsters out there who cloak themselves in the title of Dom to rationalize abuse and assault. Everyone who is a lifestyler should do everything we can to stop these imposters. It is our lifestyle that comes under fire when they are caught and BDSM is implicated in their crimes. If we have to take the hit to get the predators out of our communities, so be it.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 10/5/2004 2:26:51 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
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My heart breaks as I read this story, and I know it happens all to often in the vanilla world as well as the D/s world. I hope miskat is working through this, and all others who have had a horrific experience. Although nothing is foolproof, W/we must always, always do our best to keep the rules in place and FOLLOW them, no matter how confident W/we feel.
Ladies, never, ever, get into a car with an unknown male, and never leave your purse behind.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

There are certain Doms ( male and female) who try to scare subs/slaves into submission by claiming they have special powers of hypnosis. They want the sub to believe that they can hypnotize and control them, so they had better submit.
As a practitioner of hypnosis, this is a bunch of crap. All hypnosis is self hypnosis. It is impossible to be hypnotized against your will. So any sub who runs into any of these morons, they are full of it. And they shouldn't be taken seriously.

I do hypnotics also, but never in a threatening way to control a sub/slave. And yes, it is a serious activity and must be handled with care. I will tell a sub/slave that they cannot be hynotized against their will, and they also cannot be forced to do something they are not already willing to do. So Hypnotics is simply a way to enhance an experience. Don't believe anyone who says they can hypnotize you and control you!

Be safe, in all ways.

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Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

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RE: How Online Fun Turns Into Real Time Rape - 10/18/2004 9:15:06 AM

srahfox

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There is nothing that will ever take the experiance from you. But it will get better, and even thou it may be hard to see now, it will serve a perpose. Even if it was only to post it here so someone else can learn from your mistakes. It's hard to go on with your life and with everything you once loved, but you have to, because otherwise he will have won. Next time (There almost has to be a next time or you will never heal) Make sure it's someone you can ask around about. If you met him online, ask around and see if anyone else knows him and can vouch for him. If no one can or will. Bad news.
Just remember that even thou you did things you never should have done, it was not your fault. Yes, you should have used better judgement, yes, you are responsable for your choices, but he is sick. He is the one who was wrong. You did nothing to deserve what happened to you.
remeber to love yourself enough to not let him win.

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