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sleeping... - 8/2/2005 1:10:26 PM   
MtPleasantsubAsh


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
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i'm in a new relationship with my Dom, and i've spent the night three times...
the first night i slept well, but work up shivering uncontrollably
the second, neither he or i could sleep..tossed all night
the third i took tylenol pm, and zonked out...oblivious untill about nine in the morning.

I want to be able to fall asleep in his arms and i'm afraid that he won't want me to come over and sleep beside him if we can't get used to each other.

Also...usually a little after i wake up..he'ss finger me to an orgasm..and I'll suck his cock untill he comes...and we'll cuddle for an hour maybe more...i just wondered if he's doing it for me?Or whats going through his head? I don't know...
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 1:14:04 PM   
tinkJH


Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh

i'm in a new relationship with my Dom, and i've spent the night three times...
the first night i slept well, but work up shivering uncontrollably
the second, neither he or i could sleep..tossed all night
the third i took tylenol pm, and zonked out...oblivious untill about nine in the morning.

I want to be able to fall asleep in his arms and i'm afraid that he won't want me to come over and sleep beside him if we can't get used to each other.

Also...usually a little after i wake up..he'ss finger me to an orgasm..and I'll suck his cock untill he comes...and we'll cuddle for an hour maybe more...i just wondered if he's doing it for me?Or whats going through his head? I don't know...


It takes time to adjust to sleeping next to someone else when you are starting in any relationship. No way around that. Just give it a few weeks. You will adjust. Is his bed uncomfy? It might seem childish but maybe bring a blanket or pillow from home? Just wait till your posting that you can't sleep because he isn't there with you.

As for the morning play.. I can't read his mind anymore then you can :)


_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)


~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 1:15:52 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
Simply--it takes practice.

It took me maybe a month to get used to sleeping with my partner, and this was before there was an overt power dynamic. It just takes time for your body to get used to being in bed with another body. Mostly, we're used to being in bed by ourselves, and our bodies learn how to sleep alone. It takes a while to get over that.

Talk to him about your fears, and tell him what you're worried about. You will almost definatly be better able to sleep with him as time progresses, don't worry about it too much. I found that stressing about being uncomfortable made it harder for me to just fall asleep.

But do talk to him about it.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 1:16:11 PM   
synrgy33


Posts: 61
Joined: 4/4/2005
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Was His place cold? Did you have enough blankets? Had you played before going to bed? The chill could be what is called sub drop.

The 2nd night, what made you both uncomfydo you think?
I'm not sure what you mean by :
quote:

Also...usually a little after i wake up..he'ss finger me to an orgasm..and I'll suck his cock untill he comes...and we'll cuddle for an hour maybe more...i just wondered if he's doing it for me?Or whats going through his head? I don't know...


Is this a question of "You don't know why he fingers you to orgasm, and you suck Him off til He cums because neither of you can sleep, and you think He's doing this just for you? Or is there more to your question.

IF..... you are uncomfortable about curling up next to Him in bed... I have to question are you sure you're doing the right thing? Perhaps you and He need to get together more and not have it be sexual or overnight.. Getting to know each other better. *s*

Hope that helps.

stephanie~SD~

_____________________________

"You have to get past the pleasure stage, until you reach the stage of tears.Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses." -:Allophones Karr:-

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 1:20:56 PM   
MtPleasantsubAsh


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Joined: 7/30/2005
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Well..the question was that stephanie..but also....it's just suprising to me but maybe he's a morning sex person...
I have been with him just in the day time...
His bed is comfy..but i think you're right maybe i should bring something from home..

I hope so....and i tried to ask him about if it bothers him for me to stay..but i don't think he understood what or why i was asking...i'll try again..

It wasn't cold...or hot...i think its just new, but worry it's b/c we just can't sleep together...

I want to sleep with him, beside him....sigh


(in reply to synrgy33)
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 1:21:45 PM   
MtPleasantsubAsh


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
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and we did play before bed...

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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 1:23:58 PM   
MtPleasantsubAsh


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline
No..i don't have any problem laying next to him...being with him...or getting sleepy..it's just tossing all night the second night...

maybe it was just worried b/c of the 1st time....i have no idea why i was shaking....it was my whole body..and i couldn't stop for about a half hour.

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 1:27:31 PM   
synrgy33


Posts: 61
Joined: 4/4/2005
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Well, with playing before bed, the cold could seriously contribute towards sub drop. I have had that happen, and sometimes it can happen quite suddenly.

I know that for me even after being with Sir Dave for over a year and a half, I can't sleep without Him. I can't sleep, it's something I struggle with all the time. It was especially hard on the weekends when I had to go back home to take care of my kids (long story) anyways we were seperated on those weekends, and omg it was always such a horrid weekend cuz i never slept enough.

I agree with what others have posted that it's always hard to sleep with someone new. Some people snuggle, some don't. Some like covers, some don't. Some of us sleep on our bellies, while others sleep on their sides.. even certain sides or on their backs.

It will just take you both some time. I would suggest sitting Him down and saying "Sir, the last few times we've slept together, I haven't gotten to sleep easily enough, May I please have permission to snuggle up into Your arms, to feel safe and secure" Try not to make it an accusation that it's his fault you're not sleep well, but that you would like HIs permission to be closer. That takes out the "I don't know how he'd feel"

Some men are morning sex. Maybe he just wants to pleasure you, and have you give Him pleasure in return. I would say "ENJOY IT HONEY!!!" *grins*

Good luck sweetie!


stephanie~SD~

_____________________________

"You have to get past the pleasure stage, until you reach the stage of tears.Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses." -:Allophones Karr:-

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 1:29:35 PM   
tinkJH


Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh

No..i don't have any problem laying next to him...being with him...or getting sleepy..it's just tossing all night the second night...

maybe it was just worried b/c of the 1st time....i have no idea why i was shaking....it was my whole body..and i couldn't stop for about a half hour.




It was sub drop, which isn't really a "bad" thing.

This should help: http://bondage.com/topic_id/92087/forums/topic.html

_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)


~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 1:45:47 PM   
gretchen


Posts: 121
Joined: 3/8/2005
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline
In my previous relationship, sleeping together was pretty easy. We were the kind of couple that sleeps like mummys.
Now, in my actual relationship, it's quite a nightmare (even after ten months sleeping together almost every night) still.
His sleep is very heavy, he constantly wakes me up. He tends to sleep with his hands and arms upon his head. If he changes to another position is pretty possible I'm gonna get his elbow in my eye, nose, cheek, lip, forehead, etc.
He also tends to completely cover me with his body (he's twice my weight).
He talks, snores, fingers me, moes, etc during his sleep. And he's a blanket stiller.
So, I pretty much know what are you going throw. I wake up so tired sometimes that I can't get my self in a good mood during the day. But, you know what?, I prefer to sleep by his side (or under him) than sleeping alone. So, I just take it like a good little sub.

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 2:00:49 PM   
MtPleasantsubAsh


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline
Me, too. Me, Too!

Sub Drop? Care to explain?.....*is new and ignorant* thanks..

I will enjoy it....but he looks so concentrated and passionate i have a hard time looking at him in the morning...i don't exactly feel like doing it..but i like sucking him...and like cumming...although it takes a long time for me to get in the mood.


thanks A/all

(in reply to gretchen)
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 2:10:22 PM   
tinkJH


Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline
The link pretty much said it all but I can quote it :)



quote:

Sub Drop - part 1 (Intro)
by David Williams
Sub Drop is a term used to describe the after effects of a scene, both physical
changes in the submissive's body and mental and emotional results of the scene on
the submissives mind. While the physical effects usually occur shortly after the scene,
the mental and emotional drop may take days to manifest and thus are often not
thought of as a result of the scene.

It is important to note that sub drop is not a sign of a bad scene or lack of enjoyment.
Sub drop actually most often occurs after a very intense scene where the submissive
completely releases and finds sub space and a sense of euphoria. Thus, in fact, the
better the scene, the better the chance for sub drop of either kind.

Aftercare and attention to small signs can help identify sub drop quickly. Simply noticing different behaviour patterns or actions can make dealing with it much easier
when caught in earlier stages. This is another reason why knowing your play partner
is important.



quote:

The first form of physical sub drop is a lowering of body temperature in the
extremities, stiffness, numbness, and an over all tingling sensation. This is caused by
a centralization of the bodies blood supply. The body sees the scene as a form of
trauma and one of the first defence mechanisms for this in the human anatomy is to
suck the blood supply into the main torso to protect the vital organs and brain.

The result of this action by the body is decreased blood flow to the arms and legs.
This often results in very cold limbs after a scene and lack of sensations. When a
submissives limbs are inordinately cold after a scene or when they complain of
tingling, numbness, lack of sensation, stiffness, aches, or muscle cramps, these are
often from lack of blood flow. A vigorous rubbing of the limbs will help to restore
blood flow quickly.




There is a lot more info on it: http://bondage.com/topic_id/92087/forums/topic.html

_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)


~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 2:46:24 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
You're new, everything will take getting adjusted to and everything will be a bit overwhelming at first.

Personally, I always sleep better on my own unless it's a really big bed I can stretch out on. It's just who I am.

Just let your body and mind do what it does and let it work itself out. As far as what your dom does and why, you need to have discussions with him about that. Remember- giving up control to your dom INCLUDES giving up control over what pleasure you get. If he wants you to enjoy an orgasm, that's his choice.

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 4:05:43 PM   
Alexander


Posts: 159
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline
this is so interesting. I've been thinking a lot about this too. Sleep and sleep deprivation have really been on my mind lately. I've been sleeping like a baby as usual but I've been monitoring my girls sleep and it is fucked up. Now true, I keep them under some very high levels of emotional stress, and they are still getting used to each other, and a king is not quite large enough for us all, and getting used to peoples sleeping habits is hard ,but even beyond those problems I think their sleep is suffering more then I want it to.

If I wasnt such a lazy bastard I'd write a big essay about using sleep, sleeping habits, sleeping locations (floor couch bed closet) as a tool to create vulnerability and emotional control.

< Message edited by Alexander -- 8/2/2005 4:07:40 PM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 4:58:38 PM   
tinkJH


Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alexander

this is so interesting. I've been thinking a lot about this too. Sleep and sleep deprivation have really been on my mind lately. I've been sleeping like a baby as usual but I've been monitoring my girls sleep and it is fucked up. Now true, I keep them under some very high levels of emotional stress, and they are still getting used to each other, and a king is not quite large enough for us all, and getting used to peoples sleeping habits is hard ,but even beyond those problems I think their sleep is suffering more then I want it to.

If I wasnt such a lazy bastard I'd write a big essay about using sleep, sleeping habits, sleeping locations (floor couch bed closet) as a tool to create vulnerability and emotional control.



Just how many people are you fitting onto a king?! I can fit me, Master, and three kids as well as two dogs and a cat onto our King bed and everyone be comfy.. not much room for moving and turning.. but still comfy enough to sleep through the night.

On another note: emotional stress = anxiety = bad sleeping

However, I would love to know how you can do emotional control. I know and understand its possible to make people feel a certain emotion if you want them to, however, I'd love to know how you prevent someone from feeling something - and why you would want to really.

_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)


~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to Alexander)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: sleeping... - 8/2/2005 5:15:25 PM   
MtPleasantsubAsh


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline
thank you A/all

and i understand its his choice...thank you.

I'm going to talk to him...i have alot to say.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 16
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