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RE: Dating a Dominant - 10/30/2007 11:24:46 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: onesweetsubbie

I have felt that everything that has happened is going to change me quite a deal. There are some ideas that have died and some I never knew I had. I am just going to try to get through all this.

I sent him an email last night telling him how I felt on every topic and he responded telling me that trying to force things is how they get broken. If it happens, it happens, if not, I did have fun while it was going on.

I'm not in a postion to get into a committed relationship either. Anyone who dartes me can expect some fun-that's about it. The issues I need to deal with in my life are mine alone-I don't want to involve anyone in them till it's all sorted out.

He's probably in the same state right now-let him deal without the pressure. Don't expect more than a good time-If you are still around when he's ready-there is the possibility of more-but if you push someone who is already under stress..and add to it, rather than lighten it-you won't be loved for it.

Remember something important about a Dominant.......the only way most of us can be pushed-is away. Vanilla female tactics fail with us.

edited because I felt like it.

< Message edited by RRafe -- 10/30/2007 11:26:18 AM >

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RE: Dating a Dominant - 10/30/2007 12:24:22 PM

onesweetsubbie

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/9/2007
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Thank you for the post. I agree with what you have written. He asked for me to bear with him through training and I did. Of course there have been bumps and he said he would bear with me through my stuff.

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RE: Dating a Dominant - 10/30/2007 5:17:28 PM

laforet

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: onesweetsubbie

Thank you for the post. I agree with what you have written. He asked for me to bear with him through training and I did. Of course there have been bumps and he said he would bear with me through my stuff.

It sounds to me that while neither of you might just now be ready for a committed *relationship,* that you both might be committing to the *friendship*. That might not be a bad place to start (or to continue, as the case were).

Hang in there with all the medical/life stuff -- I have a friend going through a similar situation, so my heart goes out to you.

laforet

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RE: Dating a Dominant - 11/5/2007 7:42:01 PM

shootingstar67

Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: secretagentgirl

There is a book called "He's Just Not That Into You."

When I was going through something I lay on the sofa and listened to that book five times(I have the DVD). The guy is keeping his options open. He is with you now, but is peeking over the fence seeing what else is out there.

Weird Al Yankovic says it best in his song "Good Enough For Now"

You are pretty close to what I always hoped for
That's why my love for you is fairly strong
and I swear, I am never gonna leave you darling
at least till something better comes along

Cause your sort of every thing I ever wanted
your not perfect..but I love you anyhow
your the woman that I always dreamed of..
well not really ..but your good enough for now

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RE: Dating a Dominant - 11/5/2007 8:05:24 PM

Aceton

Posts: 97
Joined: 9/2/2007
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Why do you think it is unreasonable to feel jealousy at the thought of someone you have a strong emotional attachment to replacing you with another? I'm not sure when it became the done thing to deny natural feelings, but it seems that your feelings are very understandable, especially given the fact that he is still looking.

Are your feelings his 'fault', or responsibility? No. He's decided to stay out of a relationship, and to draw the lines in such a way that he has no real obligation.

Everyone gives what they want to in this world, and people generally reap what they sow. There are a multitude of possible outcomes here. Maybe you'll come across yet another nice fellow who will also be there for you, but also wants a relationship. Maybe this current guy will decide that he wants you. Maybe you'll get tired of being on hold and feeling badly about it. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and might be feeling vulnerable (especially given the drama with your ex and being attacked).. At those sorts times in life it is easy to get hyper attached to those who offer aid, the whole 'White Knight' syndrome.

Not really knowing him or you, it is impossible to say what will happen. It does seem that you wish for more from him than he is willing to give, and that's never a good dynamic. I'd say try your best to appreciate what he is and what he does as the freely given offerings they are, and accept that whilst you may have feelings of jealousy which are completely understandeable and natural, they may not be appropriate for the situation you find yourself in.

You can change your thinking, or you can change the situation. You can't change him.

(Unless you want to try the ol' kidnap + psychotropic chemicals + conditioning method. That could work. Nothing like a Dom with Stockholm's Syndrome to brighten the place up.)

< Message edited by Aceton -- 11/5/2007 8:12:26 PM >

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RE: Dating a Dominant - 11/6/2007 7:36:25 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: onesweetsubbie

He said he can't commit to anyone at this moment and that he doesn't want to start a relationship while all these major life changes are happening

Sounds convenient, not to mention overplayed. I wonder how many guys playing the field use this line every year.

quote:

In the beginning we agreed that we would only sleep with each other. He was free to talk to others as well as I, but no sex. He did talk to others, but I didn't. I had no desire. He has said that he is staying around because he can see a future

Yes, and it's a future where he can keep you hanging on and have sex whenever he wants, by simply telling you that when he's ready to commit, it will be with you.

quote:

Here is where I am confused/upset. He still has his personal ads available. For some reason it really bothers me. I am jealous of the possibility of anyone new. I am afraid of being replaced and of just being a "place holder" until someone new comes along. I have told him as much. He says I am being silly.

You're not being silly. The ad is there for a reason. And, no, he's not replacing you. He's keeping you and still collecting.

quote:

I don't know if it everything else that has happened in such a short period of time that is making me react this way. I was wondering what others opinions were on this topic. (I ended up seeing a therapist today for help with the incident two weeks ago. I don't feel comfortable talking about the kink aspect of my life with her yet.)

You're in a relationship with someone that doesn't want a relationship. You're just setting yourself up to be hurt. If you are not capable of maintaining a non-emotional, sex only relationship with this man, I would recommend getting out. If it's truly because he's not in a position to be in a relationship, then not being involved with him until he is, won't hurt.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 11/6/2007 7:37:31 AM >

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