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Damn Lefties... - 10/29/2007 10:50:32 PM

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Someone was watching me write the other day and said "Ah, you're a southpaw. That explains everything". Later that night, while drifting to sleep, this satirical reply developed (in accordance with Murphy's law of witty responses, the following did not occur to me during the conversation).

What do you know about growing up left in a right man's world? The left man has been prosecuted by the right man since time immemorial! Do you have any idea how much crap lefties take? Pens smear when you write. Try finding an ergonomic mouse for the left hand. Most power tools are awkward to use at best. In India, it is taboo to do anything with your left hand. Know why? I'll give you a hint, it has to do with the lack of toilet paper.

The bigotry runs so deep that it permeates the language and has done so for millennia. What is latin for 'left'? Sinister! In French it is "gauche"! This dexteritism continues to this day. What is a synonym for 'right'? 'Correct'! What are the antonyms to 'right'? 'Left' or 'wrong'! When something needs to be done quickly or has been done well it is "right away" or "right on!". When you don't like something or someone they end up "left off", "left behind", or "left out"! Will this persecution by the right man ever end?

I am not without hope however, for I have a dream. A dream that one day that children of all dexterities will one day sit under the tree of evenhandedness. That they will be unable to tell right from left. That, though directionally confused, they will no longer comprehend this senseless bigotry and simply call each other "friend". Until then however, I shall continue with the struggle and keep on hating righty.

(The ambidextrous are subhuman of course)

Honsoku

If the allegory wasn't clear, replace the first letter of the "right"s with a "w". The structure of the satire should be rather blatant at that point.

< Message edited by Honsoku -- 10/29/2007 11:42:16 PM >

RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/29/2007 11:21:54 PM

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i'm a southpaw and a teacher even tried to make me right handed.. my family is right handed and i've adapted. i now use qick drying pens and i use a right handed can opener ( took me a while but i got it) and i use my right hand for the mouse unless its a laptop..

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 12:37:59 AM

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wolf is left handed. i'm right handed, although am fairly ambidextrous which is a damned good thing as i've broken my right wrist at least twice now.

my daughter is right handed and her writing is worse than wolf's...my handwriting looks like a leftie's cause it backslants.

no prejudices in this household

kitten

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 5:38:16 AM

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I always start arguing when the TV comes on and those commercials show up where they show their product on the right and how well it does at its task (cleaning up stains, removing fat, cutting something, etc.), and the opposing product on the left and how poorly it does at the job. What *is* wrong with the left? :(

I got used to using the mouse for my computers with my right hand, and I never had a problem with ink smudging because I write with my left hand. Only a few people noticed that I'm left handed while in high-school, and that's only when they pay attention to how I write. They also complained about my hand writing, but that's when I show them how I write with my right hand and that shuts them up.

-Silvar

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 6:13:52 AM

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I'm left handed.
I fence
I win.

sometimes, different is good.
I do get a little miffed with the majority of gadgets and kitchen appliances built for right handers, and even more at my memories of a primary school who did not acknowledge left handed writers until about 5 years after I startd writing. I now scrawl like a doctor.

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 7:00:00 AM

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Forget that dream we all know Lefties are meant to rule the world.

quote:

am not without hope however, for I have a dream. A dream that one day that children of all dexterities will one day sit under the tree of evenhandedness. That they will be unable to tell right from left. That, though directionally confused, they will no longer comprehend this senseless bigotry and simply call each other "friend". Until then however, I shall continue with the struggle and keep on hating righty.

[

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 7:36:28 AM

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I never had a teacher try to make me right handed, but my mother was in Catholic school in the 60s and it was very common then. If the nuns caught anyone writing left-handed, the ruler went across the knuckles. She still says she probably would have been left-handed if not for that...she is ambidextrous. I am left-handed, but have adapted somewhat to a right-handed world. I use a right-handed mouse, a right-handed can opener, can use tools with either hand, and bat right-handed when I play softball.

Remember the saying...only left-handed people are in their right minds! That's my story and I'm sitcking to it.

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 7:47:32 AM

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If it will help soothe your aggrieved heart Honsuku I have available at a quite reasonable price a set of left handed teacups.

Your name reminds me of a hybrid Japanese motorbike.
KawaHonSuzi would be better.?

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 8:04:50 AM

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One of my sisters is a leftie. Her grade school teachers used to tape her left hand down so she would be forced to use her right hand. Of course that did nothing to help her because she didn't need help, she was just a left handed person. No fixing required except by those who firmly believed it was somehow wrong to be a leftie.

No one wanted to sit next to her at dinner because of the righty/lefty elbow room problem.

Things are geared towards non-lefties and I've always felt empathy for those having to use tools shaped for the wrong hand.

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 8:13:20 AM

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My mouse is designed for both righties and lefties. But I will admit that to switch it over you have to go deep into the control panel to find the correct setting.

I don't mind sitting under a tree with a leftie but growing up with a sister who is one, I'm not sitting next to one at the table unless they get the end, got jabbed too many times at a crowded table as a kid.

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 8:27:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Honsoku

(The ambidextrous are subhuman of course)

OK so Im a freak sue me.

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 11:16:08 AM

Crush

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Lefties are the only people who are in their right minds.

We're adaptable, having to figure out how to use right handed scissors with our left hands.

We tend to have larger vocabularies than righties.

And we are more creative, if more forgetful...I think I remember that from somewhere ;)

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 12:02:59 PM

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Historically those who were left handed were believed to be involved with the devil. As many here when I was young I was sent to a "Special Class" to learn to use my right hand, I was consider mentally retarded for using my left hand. Recent studies have shown left handed person have higher IQs, are more creative, and have a more understanding of abstract concepts. I also sword fight using my left hand, drives the right hander crazy.

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 2:01:33 PM

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My Father always had a poster hanging over his desk that said "Lefties are the only ones in their right minds". He got hit across the knuckles many times- it just ruined his handwriting.

When I was in 5th grade, my class got one pair of lefty scissors. It was too late- I had painstakingly taught myself how to cut righty. I think lefties are more creative because we are forced by our society to learn to use scissors, can openers, letter openers, knives, mice and the like with our right hands, forcing the development of both sides of our brains.

It is getting better for kids. I had a tiny class today- only six kids. And of the six- three were lefty. It struck me so strongly I let myself get off topic to point out that, among the seven people in the room, four were lefties! Yay for us!

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 3:43:36 PM

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I hate to dehumorize a thread, but I didn't start it.

I read a long time ago that left handed people are right brained. Dunno why but the left side of our brain controls the right side and vice versa.

Now in case anyone in here doesn't know, I am a lefty. My sister is ambidextrous, and yes I do believe she cavorts with the devil from time to time. If you ever get to know her you'll see what I mean. I mean one time she was drunk and got pissed off for some reason. She threw her drink and busted a very large mirror at the bar and then fought her way out of the place.

But this wicket is quite sticky. I do my version of writing, which very few can read, with my left hand. But if I am writing on a vertical surface, such as a blackboard or the parts board at work, I am better with my right hand.

I play guitar right handed, and while I have palyed a guitar that was strung left handed, I did not flip it over. Can't do it. (but the experience was still interesting). I use right for scissors. Not sure about shooting pool, I make the bridge with my right hand and thrust with my left, is that considered lefty or righty ?

Also I can read in a mirror, upside down and all that. I can write backwards, comes out just about as good. Even writing righty and going left, I can do that as well, which makes for a good "right" alignment.

Another interesting thing, I was literate before school. For one the teacher was very sorry for asking me to count as high as I could. I knew how numbers work and could pretty much count to infinity with enough time.

Well one day I was asked to "make" an A on the blackboard. Of course I "made" a printed, upper case A. The teacher told me it was backwards. I replied that it can't be backwards because it is symmetrical. What I got out of that was "Ok sit down".

If, as a lefty I am damned, so what. I am damned for alot more than that. So I just dont't care.

But there is one point, I typo in very interesting ways. It is not like other people's typos. I have interpolated the words not and now. That can really change the meaning of a line.

Now I got people here who are talking about all the wierd shit they are going to do for halloween, I'll be back.

T

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 3:45:53 PM

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And have you noticed the things that are left handed, cost more?

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 3:48:40 PM

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Fox is a lefty, I am ambidexterous. He was amazed we could actually eat sitting next to one another and not constantly clash elbows.

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 3:51:33 PM

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Left hand was known as the sinister hand (reference to the devil).

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 4:58:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Fox is a lefty, I am ambidexterous. He was amazed we could actually eat sitting next to one another and not constantly clash elbows.

It was the single most amazing experience of my entire life...

And I'm -not- exaggerating. >_>

Seriously, though, it was really neat. Everybody should learn how to eat left handed...and write left handed...and hey...we should get rid of right handed people.

*Suddenly realizes he's sitting next to his right handed owner...and that she slaps right handed. :-(*

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RE: Damn Lefties... - 10/30/2007 5:10:46 PM

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I am very surprised to read that many claim to have been physically abused because they are left handed.
I have seen that happen but the year was about 1949. yes forty nine.

I thought things like that had been stopped years ago.

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