getting to know a Dom

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

getting to know a Dom

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> getting to know a Dom

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

getting to know a Dom - 8/3/2005 1:30:55 AM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

i asked this in the "ask sub/slave" section but i would appreciate opinions from the Doms as well.

When an unattached submissive is ready for a new Dom what is the protocal on how many they can be getting to know? For instance is it wrong to be talking to 2 Doms, getting to know them, them getting to know you? Should a sub be getting to know only one until it reaches either the point where it's agreed it isn't a match or it is a match? i know that no sub or Dom for that matter wants to "settle" and so is it appropriate to keep options open unless the sub feels strongly "this is probably the one"? If it is ok to be doing this how do you tell the Doms you're getting to know that you're talking to others also w/o making them feel unimportant or offended? Also, other then the obvious safety protocols, what are good questions to ask a Dom you're getting to know? Other then the basic getting to know each others general and bdsm interests.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: getting to know a Dom - 8/3/2005 3:30:28 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

If the "unattached submissive" is yourself, I'd suggest you forget about so-called protocols and go with whatever works for you.... It's *your* relationship so to hell with outsider's rules....

If you're like me and looking for a monogamous relationship, the last thing I wanna be doing is talking to two or more fem/subs at once.... It gets too confusing and I've learnt not to end up a slave to my own keyboard etc so I concentrate on the first one I find some connection with. But I still keep some options open. For instance, I won't actively look for another sub while I'm preoccupied with my primary choice but if a sub finds me, I tell her honestly that I have someone I'm talking to but if she wants to check back at a later date, she's welcome to.

It depends what you seek but, again, if you want an exclusive relationship, the thing to remember is that you'll need more in common than just the BDSM. So talking to a prospective Dom should include outside interests, hobbies and even some reference to family etc. Personally, I'd think it a red flag when a dom (or sub) only wants to talk about the lifestyle. I'm a lifestyle Dom every second of every day but I'm not always in Dom "mode" - my life has many facets like everyone else. A dom that only wants to talk kink with you is only seeing the sub inside you rather than ALL of who you are - not a good start for long-term prospects.

Focus50.

(in reply to greenie)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: getting to know a Dom - 8/3/2005 3:48:28 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

I look at it as being pretty much like "vanilla" dating. In the beginning when you're just out there looking its fine to talk to whomever you want, flirt, etc. Eventually you meet somone you find particularly intriguing and take a special interest in. At that point you haven't made a commitment but you are moving towards the possibility of one. Be sensitive to the other person and treat them the way you want to be treated. You probably wouldn't want to see that person hanging all over someone else, so don't you do it. There nothing wrong with talking to others still, just keep it low key and don't let things go past flirting. If things continue to progress and get more serious then you can talk about a commitment at which point you really ought to be focused entirely on that person and closing the door to anyone else. That's my take on it, and I think it applies equally to both doms and subs.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to greenie)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: getting to know a Dom - 8/3/2005 5:10:16 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Absolutely date as long and as many people as you feel happy with!!! Just be honest with those you are dating that you ARE dating others so there are no false expectations built up.

(in reply to greenie)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: getting to know a Dom - 8/3/2005 9:34:34 AM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

Ty all very much for the responses, everyone had very good points.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Profile

Post #: 5