Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessiveness play in submissives?

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Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessiveness pl... - 11/1/2007 11:44:15 PM

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How do you feel if your submissive is jealous of your male friends? Of your other male submissives?
Is his possessiveness flattering, or would you rather he not care? If your submissive partner really did not care about any men you spent time with, would you feel sad about it?

Akasha

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RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/1/2007 11:58:02 PM

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AAhaska, Ma'am i am a male sub and feel led to commit here. Mistress has many boys She plays with, some like me serve, some are more vanilla, like boyfriends thus sexual, and others are just play partners, non sexual. She just flat out does not allow jealousy. Everyone plays a role. my take on it is, a submisseve must be confident in their submission and the part they play in Her life, if they are confident, then they will not be threatened because they know they are valuable.

respectfully,
razi

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 12:01:25 AM

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I find a little jealousy flattering, and a lot, unacceptable. This question is at this time not applicable for me at this time in my life, because I don't do poly or cheating on mine or his side. M

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 12:39:51 AM

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I want protectiveness, not possessiveness. I want him to care that I choose GOOD partners, not seething because I choose partners. Of course, we all deal with jealousy in poly relationships...and it's important to talk about it, then analyse WHY we're jealous. Self swareness is important here.

Master Fire

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RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 5:47:49 AM

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A touch of jealousy/possessiveness is flattering to me. It is a trait that I look for in my potentials. If my submissive didn't care at all, I would feel that s/he just wanted to be dominated, not necessarily dominated by me. In other words, I would feel that I was viewed as easily replaceable.

Remove domme. Insert new domme into slot. No change for sub.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 5:47:55 AM

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Jealousy and not caring are extremes along a continuum of feelings.

I want neither of them and neither would work well in my poly household.

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RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 6:02:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

How do you feel if your submissive is jealous of your male friends? Of your other male submissives?
Is his possessiveness flattering, or would you rather he not care? If your submissive partner really did not care about any men you spent time with, would you feel sad about it?

Akasha

To be honest, jealousy is something I have little patience for in anyone in my life... sub, husband, friends male and female...

I find it annoying, at very, very best.

I've always preferred my friends and lovers to be secure in themselves and in their relationship with me, whatever relationship type that is. If there is a real *reason* why they are not feeling such, then we can work together to fix it. If that's just their nature, I tend to get sick of them rather quickly.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 6:04:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Jealousy and not caring are extremes along a continuum of feelings.

I want neither of them and neither would work well in my poly household.

Well said, TammyJo.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 11:03:39 AM

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Jealousy conflicts with submission.
Monogomy or poly should be a Dominants choice.
My view only.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 11:19:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: alittlebent

AAhaska, Ma'am i am a male sub and feel led to commit here. Mistress has many boys She plays with, some like me serve, some are more vanilla, like boyfriends thus sexual, and others are just play partners, non sexual. She just flat out does not allow jealousy. Everyone plays a role. my take on it is, a submisseve must be confident in their submission and the part they play in Her life, if they are confident, then they will not be threatened because they know they are valuable.

respectfully,
razi

Isn't it easier said than done? I'd be interested to hear from male submissives who were in relationships with femdoms where the femdom had other male partners and dominated them also. What happens when a submissive is envious of the "play time" that the femdom spends with other submissives?

I think most submissives need more attention than they admit to. If they try to hide it, they only get resentful, and that comes out other ways. To keep the relationship, they downplay their needs for attention. So instead, they use passive aggressive ways to get attention, or torture themselves emotionally. There has to be a better way.

"Attention" is a funny form of currency. To a submissive, it seems easy and attainable and he may believe his expectations are reasonable. To a femdom, this desire for attention can seem needy, or too focused on the submissive. If you add another submissive into the mix, then the sub may feel sad or envious that another man is receiving "attention" from the femdom.

How much attention, as a sub, do you need? How do you feel when your femdom is pointing her attention at another submissive? Do you believe her attention should be divided equally?

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 11/2/2007 11:20:12 AM >

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RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 11:40:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

Jealousy conflicts with submission.
Monogomy or poly should be a Dominants choice.
My view only.

Perfectly said.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Is his possessiveness flattering?

Akasha

N/A as I, the dominant one, possess the male.

< Message edited by MistressDolly -- 11/2/2007 11:44:06 AM >

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RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 11:56:36 AM

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i think there are several reasons men get jealous.

Firstly, its a wired intstinct, to do with the need to protect ones mate. Secondly we have the type of male who wants, and even needs, to control every aspect of his life. This includes who his partner does and doesnt see. Men will be more okay with their woman seeing his father or brother for instnaace, than going to a bar with her friends.

Finally there is a reason which i think applies to many submissive men, and women come to that, it is a lack of confidence. The feeling that something is so good it wont possibly last, which induces feelings of jealousy towards anyone else appearing on the scene ( Pun intentional )

i am not saying jealousy is a good or bad thing, just that its natural.

(in reply to MistressDolly)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 12:09:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I want protectiveness, not possessiveness. I want him to care that I choose GOOD partners, not seething because I choose partners. Of course, we all deal with jealousy in poly relationships...and it's important to talk about it, then analyse WHY we're jealous. Self swareness is important here.

Master Fire

That's the main way I feel about my wife, I want her to be secure and safe with her secondary partner. If the choice is good for her, its good for me.

From a personal standpoint, I stand by the Tammyjo principle, which is that if I have what I need from someone ---- their other partner is more, not less for me. (It enhances things.)

My problems start when I begin to feel cut out, pushed aside, or several rungs below secondary status. I don't want to emotionally invest in someone who cannot afford me good, safe, and reliable relationship standing. Malesub "toybox" standing may have a sexy allure for some, but being taken out of the box and put back into it according to whims of another's fluctuating schedule or marital obligations is just too emotionally wearing for me.

My Mistress and I have kept our relationship going for 3+ years because more than anything, we care about one another. We don't make each other feel disposable.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 11/2/2007 12:13:22 PM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 2:21:28 PM

colleenslittleto

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I've gone the full gamut on jealousy. When I was in a regular relationship I believed there was absolutely no need for jealousy and I agreed with a lot of the comments listed. Everyone had a firm place in the relationship and there were no worries.

Traveling down the road to my submissive state I've felt more than my share of jealousy as my wife used her power to bring in other lovers for her. At first seeing her ravished by some stud simply tore me apart. Then I began to see that it was a part of the masochistic desires that burned within me.

Sharing her is now a natural state and I no longer question it anymore than I would anything else she did. We have a double standard: she does what she wants and so do I, I do what she wants.

I still feel jealous when she enjoys the pleasure of her current lover, whether he is bigger, better or just different. Of course she uses this to further cement her hold on me.

Obviously I appreciate any and all attention she bestows on me but sometimes the biggest turn on comes when she totally ignores me or treats me like a piece of furniture.

All of us have different buttons that turn us on or off. Jealousy torments me, which feeds into my masochistic bent.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 3:08:34 PM

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In a perfect world, jealousy does not exist.

We live in the real world, individuals find themselves wrought in jealousy
on a daily basis, whether they will admit to such or not.

If, as a submissive, I enter into a relationship with a Dominant whom has
been forthright concerning their desire to associate with more than one
submissive, then I damn well better be prepared to share. Of course
jealousy will enter into the mix, unless a submissive is void of emotion,
and jealousy is an emotion, and as such, emotions are neither good nor bad.

Jealousy may serve to stir a submissive to greater devotion to their Dominant,
or may serve to reduce them to weakened instability, all is eventually exposed
to the light of day. I say that which I say, I do that which I do, in parallels, or
in opposites. I will either rule my emotions, or my emotions will rule me.

If I desire to be the alpha, then my adoration must reflect such, rising above
and beyond mere surrender and obedience, unto absolute adoration of my
Dominant and their wishes and desires. Jealousy therefore, as it will exist,
must become the catalyst of strength and determination which moves me
to greater heights above it, rather than be chained and unmoved within it.

I have, and will know jealousy. How i choose to either feed or deny it,
shall be the blessing or curse of a relationship, wherein many voices cry
as symphonic song or marauding melody upon the heartstrings of a
Dominant's desires.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 9:37:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

In a perfect world, jealousy does not exist.

We live in the real world, individuals find themselves wrought in jealousy
on a daily basis, whether they will admit to such or not.

If, as a submissive, I enter into a relationship with a Dominant whom has
been forthright concerning their desire to associate with more than one
submissive, then I damn well better be prepared to share. Of course
jealousy will enter into the mix, unless a submissive is void of emotion,
and jealousy is an emotion, and as such, emotions are neither good nor bad.

Jealousy may serve to stir a submissive to greater devotion to their Dominant,
or may serve to reduce them to weakened instability, all is eventually exposed
to the light of day. I say that which I say, I do that which I do, in parallels, or
in opposites. I will either rule my emotions, or my emotions will rule me.

If I desire to be the alpha, then my adoration must reflect such, rising above
and beyond mere surrender and obedience, unto absolute adoration of my
Dominant and their wishes and desires. Jealousy therefore, as it will exist,
must become the catalyst of strength and determination which moves me
to greater heights above it, rather than be chained and unmoved within it.

I have, and will know jealousy. How i choose to either feed or deny it,
shall be the blessing or curse of a relationship, wherein many voices cry
as symphonic song or marauding melody upon the heartstrings of a
Dominant's desires.

chia* (the pet)

Chia darling... can you explain to me why all the women in New Mexico are just blind, dumb and stupid to have passed you by? I wouldnt blame you if you were damn picky and passed all of them by.. they are not worthy. Can we clone you and each have a mini Chia?

You are such a sweet heart.

Gwyn

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(in reply to chiaThePet)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/2/2007 10:20:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd

Chia darling... can you explain to me why all the women in New Mexico are just blind, dumb and stupid to have passed you by? I wouldnt blame you if you were damn picky and passed all of them by.. they are not worthy. Can we clone you and each have a mini Chia?

You are such a sweet heart.

Gwyn

*Blush* Why Thank You Ms Gwyn, Ma'am, Thank You very much.

Well, to be honest, the Women here do sometimes take note, but it's
more of a vanilla, hot fudge sundae kind of notice. I don't get much
opportunity to mingle within the D/s circle these days due to family
commitments, but the horizon looks promising. Oh, I don't think I
am any more picky than the rest, we all want what we want, that
which makes us happy.

As for the mini chia*'s, as long as it doesn't involve a sterile white
room, some dirty magazines and a plastic container marked "donation".

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/3/2007 12:48:16 AM

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Anyone who is close to me should put aside jealousy because I'm very flirtatious. I like it when men do things for me and flirting accomplishes this. But I'm also very selective on who I let close to me so anyone in my inner circle should feel secure in their place. I don't feel that jealousy is necessary if someone is secure in their place.

Insecurity breeds jealousy.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/3/2007 7:53:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy

Insecurity breeds jealousy.

Ah yes, tis an unfortunate truth, and yes, a weakness of the human condition.

Again, in a perfect world........

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to HelenaTroy)

RE: Femdoms: What role should jealousy or possessivenes... - 11/3/2007 9:21:15 AM

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Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

An attentive and hungry slave who pays attention to whom I relate to, who makes me happy and what I enjoy doing with others should always be striving to better himself and to learn from others. I like that he smiles because I smile. I like that he values our exchange and doesn't consider it as a commodity. He can feel a bit possessive, but not to the point it turns into an ugly green monster. I also don't care for a sad and sulking slave (opposite of the stalking psychoslave). I work hard at ensuring the one at my feet and by my side that they know exactly where they are valuewise in my heart and in my life.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to AAkasha)

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