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julietsierra -> RE: Mournful slave seeks advice (11/3/2007 2:58:58 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ysabo
girl is confused and heartsick, and needs advice from other Masters and sub/slaves, if possible.
girl's online Master has stopped talking to her (we were working toward moving this to real life), she was disobedient and did not follow her schedule as he had ordered. she got no sleep one night due to circumstances beyond her control, and returned to her bed after checking in and finding he was not online - she notified him that she was doing so, and would return. When she returned, she found that he had been on, and left a message saying "do what you want then, if you can't follow a schedule". That was 5 days ago, and he has not spoken to girl since, or acknowledged her communications to him.
girl has not been released, nor does she wish to be. she is heartbroken that her beloved Master is so disappointed with her that he apparently has given up on her. she begs for any advice that will help her soften his heart and allow her to be once more in his good graces. girl continues to follow her schedules and menus and orders, and sends him updates via email and here on collarme, as she believes he has banned her on Yahoo IM.
girl is not making excuses, she was disobedient, and she would gladly accept punishment to be corrected. IS he punishing her? or has he given up on her? Is there anything girl can do to rectify this situation? she will continue to obey his orders, what choice has she? she is a slave, she needs to obey. Please, if anyone has any advice that might help, girl would be much appreciative, and she thanks all who respond, in advance.
ysabo
Ysabo,
I think that if you read a lot of threads about online relationships throughout the years, you'll find kind of a common theme. People present too much of themselves, get hurt and subsequently learn either to not do that or to set some boundaries up so that they can protect themselves while they learn these very hard lessons.
LOTS of us went through what you're going through as we learned them. I call it learning a FALL. In fact, in this house, we've taken to calling anything this painful a "FALL." It's helped all of us through some very tough times.
For me, FALL stands for "FUCK! Another Life Lesson!!" Cause no life lesson is ever painless in my experience.
So.. mourn, then step back and realize one thing. You keep on coming back for more so the ONE thing that is evident is that you are probably not going to be able to just walk away from this life, so don't. Just do what you do a bit smarter is all. Those of us who have been in your position have had to have the same hard conversations and realizations with ourselves as you are now.
So...carry on with your efforts as long as it provides you comfort. I guarantee, you won't continue on with them when you've moved on. So what the heck... do it now while you wean yourself off of this person you were enamored with (I use enamored respectfully because the rest might have followed once you two got together, but that's not where it was yet). Then, when you've moved on, set some parameters for yourself.
My parameters were initially that I would limit my contact with someone potential to a couple of weeks - no more - no matter what other people's views were. I wasn't doing this because I desperately wanted to meet someone. I did it to protect myself from giving my heart away.
As I held myself to those parameters, I discovered that there really wasn't anyone that I was so all-fired worked up to meet which led naturally (meaning with no pain) to where I am now - where I don't consider anyone online until we've met.
This one little boundary has helped me keep my heart intact and my mind free from all the drama that seems to be intrinsic to online situations.
Then... when you meet them in person, get to know them (I'm making no judgments on how long - or even if you should - wait before playing). Seriously though, get to know them. Make no plans other than doing things together for a long time. Give them a chance to drop their "Sunday best" and show you the kind of person they really are. Give yourself time to drop yours so that they will be able to see the kind of person you really are.
Make sure you're compatible (this is why you need to give yourselves time)
And move forward. Understand that YOUR relationship doesn't operate by concensus and so, operate the way YOU think you should and HE thinks he should and you and whoever you meet should do all right.
Oh yea... and when others out there berate you, call you names and in essence, treat you poorly, just smile and wish for them all the compassion they have shown you the next time pain enters their lives.
Good luck to you.
juliet
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