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RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/3/2007 8:30:19 PM

Maestro66babycak

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I am at my wits end really. I love him and had planned on spending the rest of my life with him. Is there anything I can do or say that will get him to stop tearing us apart? He keeps saying that he isnt going to get rid of me when he gets the new one, but that isnt the point at all!

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RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/3/2007 8:31:20 PM

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From: KC area Missouri
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He'll choose in 2 months? How about you tell him you (meaning you not him) choose now? Get your stuff and say bye bye and find someone you are compatible with and take time getting to really know the person before commiting to them. I'm sorry for your pain. Decide on and act on what's right for you, oh and I wouldn't have any unprotected sex with him after this if you do have sex again. Your health should come first, pleasure's not worth an STD and some can kill you. Whatever you decide, I do wish you the best.

< Message edited by SweetSarijane -- 11/3/2007 8:32:27 PM >

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RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/3/2007 8:34:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dragynsfury

Aye chihuahua. You and your master probably need to sit down and discuss how this seeking of a 24/7 that isnt you will impact your relationship. And you need to tell him how you feel. He gave you something that meant something to him so I would assume things wouldn't change as far as what you mean to him. Doesn't hurt to ask though.

I did that ... there is no question about how i feel he knows exactly how hurt and broken hearted I am. He said that he is going ahead with his plans anyway. Then I asked him to choose between us,even started listing the things of mine that I would take with me when I left him. None of that mattered, he is still training this other slave, oh and btw, she also knows how i feel about the situation. She doesnt care either. He said he would choose in 2 months after she is trained. But I honestly dont know if i will even be around by then.

Seems a pity in a way. I get the impression that the two of you deserve each other.

Lucius Alexander

House of the Palindromedary

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)

RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/3/2007 8:38:29 PM

Maestro66babycak

Posts: 396
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucius

Seems a pity in a way. I get the impression that the two of you deserve each other.

Lucius Alexander

House of the Palindromedary

What do you mean by that?

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RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/3/2007 8:46:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

quote:

ORIGINAL: SwPuno

Why do you need someone other than yourself and your master to confirm your sense of security within your relationship?

Because he has decided to actively seek a 24/7 slave -that is NOT ME!! I never agreed to a poly relationship. I feel very insecure in this relationship! He has also lied to me before. I do not know how much more plain I can say this. If you have a problem with me asking this question simply do not answer it . Thankyou .
I do appreciate everyone that did answer my question. Thank you very much! With all the talk of ceremonies and Master Jess being with someone else tonight I was feeling VERY insecure.

Sweety, in a vanilla marriage, would you have married a man who said he wanted other women, lied to you and made you feel insecure? Would you have told a friend that her future husband was a liar and a womaniser and yes, she should marry him?

This is no different. When one takes a collar, it's because the person feels safe enough to make the committment. It shouldn't be just to feel as if you "belong" to someone. It sounds as if you have been insecure from the start, he has refused to listen to you, he is expecting you do just fall into his plans, even those you actively disagreed with in the beginnning.

Think very carefully about if this is something you can put up with now, or possibly in the future. He may do this over and over again. Can you live with that?

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RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/3/2007 8:55:18 PM

Maestro66babycak

Posts: 396
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good point...

< Message edited by Maestro66babycak -- 11/3/2007 8:56:25 PM >

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RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/3/2007 8:56:07 PM

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Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak
None of that mattered, he is still training this other slave, oh and btw, she also knows how i feel about the situation. She doesnt care either.

Wow, what a mess, although i don't think i'd have lasted this long with the lies and hiding, and changes he's decided to spring on you. The biggest thing, however, is that neither of them "care" would send me packing, or him if the place was mine to begin with. There's no way i could/would be collared, or be with in any way, someone who just doesn't care. Those two words says it all, imho.

huggles and good luck,
jimini

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When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)

RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/3/2007 8:56:55 PM

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Joined: 8/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

I did that ... there is no question about how i feel he knows exactly how hurt and broken hearted I am. He said that he is going ahead with his plans anyway. Then I asked him to choose between us,even started listing the things of mine that I would take with me when I left him. None of that mattered, he is still training this other slave, oh and btw, she also knows how i feel about the situation. She doesnt care either. He said he would choose in 2 months after she is trained. But I honestly dont know if i will even be around by then.

OMG. hun i hope you don't mind a sub answering this. i agree with anyone who has answered after me. i would tell him choose now, if he still stalls, as much as it will hurt give him back the collar and leave. he is taking you for granted and isn't taking your feelings in to consideration, which sorry i feel any Dom/me should do cause a happy sub/slave is a more than happy to serve.

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)

RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/4/2007 4:19:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

quote:

ORIGINAL: SwPuno

Why do you need someone other than yourself and your master to confirm your sense of security within your relationship?

Because he has decided to actively seek a 24/7 slave -that is NOT ME!! I never agreed to a poly relationship. I feel very insecure in this relationship! He has also lied to me before.

I was going to answer your original post with fast reply - I'm glad I read further. In this instance, it seems like you have a velcro collar (fortunately for you).

Not mentioning poly until after collaring is very convenient (for him). You didn't agree to poly, you feel insecure, and he's lied before.

Since you bought into it already (you stayed) he will continue to lie (because you taught him it was acceptable) and make you feel insecure. Your security in this particular relationship is up to you and not up to him. Stop being his willing victim. Do what you have to do in order to achieve it, up to and including leaving.

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)

RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/4/2007 12:26:05 PM

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Its as real as the two of you make it.

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(in reply to Maestro66babycak)

RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/5/2007 9:16:24 AM

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Joined: 9/18/2007
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Sweetie.Part of D/s Master/slave relationships is the utmost level of care,respect and love.Yes, Master is to push his slave's limits,take her to new highs, and to sometimes push her into things that she may not do under her own accord,but not to force her to do things or remain in a situation where she is hurting emotionally,spirtually and is insecure.your relationship sounds less of a motive of love and devotion and more of a "master" (yes I used a lower case "m" intentionally) a "master" who simply wants a doormat...an empty vessel who will follow his very beck and whim regardless of how negatively it affects his slave.

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RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/5/2007 9:49:56 AM

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From: Sacramento
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Not every D/s relationship includes love. You can't ultimatly speak for every D/s relationship, because they're all diffrent. And there's no one universal to a D/s relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kennyautopsy

Sweetie.Part of D/s Master/slave relationships is the utmost level of care,respect and love.

(in reply to kennyautopsy)

RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/6/2007 7:53:58 PM

Durus

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Joined: 7/9/2007
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It's as real as you want to make it. No more and no less. How committed do you want to be to a person that doesn't seem to want that collar?

< Message edited by Durus -- 11/6/2007 7:56:30 PM >

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)

RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/6/2007 8:20:48 PM

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Joined: 12/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

I need to ask the question because I needed to hear (read) someone besides Master Jess tell me yes it is real.Also i read about ceremonies all the time and wondered ...

There was no ceromony when I presented a collar to my sub. There was no ceromony when I presented an engagment ring to her either. They where both done with just the two of us. Belive me, we're real. I dare anyone to contest it.

Remember one thing, there is no BDSM bible that says what we can and can't do. There is no BDSM commandment that declares what is real and what is fake. Every relationship is unique. It's all about what floats your boat and keeps you happy. It's not what we think but what you think. If you're a happy couple, why would you let someone spoil it by calling you a fake relationship? Every now and then, there's a time when you say "FUCK OFF!" I suggest that you familiarize yourself with that phrase for when an outsider thinks your relation is false and all wrong.

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RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/6/2007 9:11:17 PM

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WOW... I think I agree with people above... If the Master, nor the other slave care about your feelings in the least, why stay? That's just asking for alot more pain down the road. And if he'll decide which one in two months AFTER she is trained?!?!?! what kind of deal is that? Sound like he's looking for someone to replace you. That's just what I'm seeing. Don't think I could stay with someone that didn't care about how I feel like that. I've actually been in a situation similar.. The dude wasn't my Master, nor he would he ever be. But he acted like Prince Charming and wanted me to have his kid, at the time things were bad... so I agreed. Next thing I know he's messing around with a chick that claimed to be my friend. IN FRONT OF ME and they had the nerve to deny it?? I left right there on the spot and never looked back. I ended up losing the kid threw a miscarriage which tied up any lose ends I would have had with the fool. It isn't easy by any means to leave someone you fell for, sometimes it's the best thing can ever happen. I left ex after 8 yrs to be with my Master and it was the hardest thing to do at the time. The choice is of course yours to make, no one else here can make that for you... Though I'm sure we are all here for you.

Master and I have talked about playing with other couples, possibly getting another pet later down the road. But right now, we just simply don't want to share eachother at the moment.

As for the collaring and ceremony.... Well... My collar isn't finished and ceremony is being done in a tattoo shop

.. I've always wanted the perfect collar, I love collars. The perfect one won't break, won't wear off in time, can sleep with it, shower with it and is 100% different from any other collar out there. Master and I talked about, I chose the design it has both our astrological signs in it. The time and pain that it's taking to get it done is something I am proud of. Best part is, it's my first tattoo!! So it makes me all the more proud to wear it and be his.

Scyn

< Message edited by MasterofScyn -- 11/6/2007 9:12:22 PM >

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/9/2007 1:46:32 AM

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Joined: 12/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterofScyn

WOW... I think I agree with people above... If the Master, nor the other slave care about your feelings in the least, why stay? That's just asking for alot more pain down the road. And if he'll decide which one in two months AFTER she is trained?!?!?! what kind of deal is that? Sound like he's looking for someone to replace you. That's just what I'm seeing. Don't think I could stay with someone that didn't care about how I feel like that. I've actually been in a situation similar.. The dude wasn't my Master, nor he would he ever be. But he acted like Prince Charming and wanted me to have his kid, at the time things were bad... so I agreed. Next thing I know he's messing around with a chick that claimed to be my friend. IN FRONT OF ME and they had the nerve to deny it?? I left right there on the spot and never looked back. I ended up losing the kid threw a miscarriage which tied up any lose ends I would have had with the fool. It isn't easy by any means to leave someone you fell for, sometimes it's the best thing can ever happen. I left ex after 8 yrs to be with my Master and it was the hardest thing to do at the time. The choice is of course yours to make, no one else here can make that for you... Though I'm sure we are all here for you.

Master and I have talked about playing with other couples, possibly getting another pet later down the road. But right now, we just simply don't want to share eachother at the moment.

As for the collaring and ceremony.... Well... My collar isn't finished and ceremony is being done in a tattoo shop .. I've always wanted the perfect collar, I love collars. The perfect one won't break, won't wear off in time, can sleep with it, shower with it and is 100% different from any other collar out there. Master and I talked about, I chose the design it has both our astrological signs in it. The time and pain that it's taking to get it done is something I am proud of. Best part is, it's my first tattoo!! So it makes me all the more proud to wear it and be his.

Scyn

I think Babycakes should copy this entry and send it to her master. Very well said Scyn.

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RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/9/2007 4:24:24 AM

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My Ex, is just that because he persisted in pursuing others despite my aversion and deep distress at the situation. The only difference he had told me early on, I didn't understand fully the implications and thought I would be enough. It broke my heart as I though he was the 'one and only' for me. Leave before you get dragged down even further. If this is what you want in your life you would be looking forward to the added dimension of a poly relationship, it is right and good for some, not for others. I took too long before I left, it is something I regret, but am over it now, and anticipate being able to have a healthy monogamous relationship with the right man.

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RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/9/2007 7:22:25 AM

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My ex didn't go after other people. The one I used in that post was a long time ago, silly teenage years. Reasons I left ex after 8 yrs is because I got the point to I felt like I was just a burden to him. That he got bored with me, I couldn't get things to change. I know I can't force people to change, but I was hoping I would be able to motivate him enough to keep me. I left way to late. I was seeing my Master for 3 of those 8 yrs, it took me a long time to realize just how bad things truly were with my ex. He didn't appreciate me, he couldn't understand what I wanted, in the long run he really wasn't there for me. I wasn't working at the time, only time I got to see him was on weekends and it felt like he didn't want to spend anytime with me. Spent all his time playing a silly computer game. I played it to, but that isn't "Quality" time with a person, it's time with the characters in a game.

Anyway... I can go on an on but I won't.. It came down to 8yrs of heart ache. When my Master came along he found that flame that was barely alive within me, he tried he hardest to feed that flame and bring back a life I had given up on. It isn't worth staying with people ... let alone 2 people in this case.. that just simply don't care about your feelings or appreciate you. It will kill you on the inside, being with my ex almost killed me. Master worked so hard to make me realize all these things and I appreciate him for that, love him with all my heart and soul. Funny thing is, if it wasn't for that silly game me and ex played, I would have never found Master. How ironic is that?

It's easy to give up... It's hard to leave.. But in the end, like everyone told me when I was leaving my ex... I had to do what was best for ME .. not for anyone else. It always, no matter what comes down to you. YOU are number 1 in your life at all times. Do what is right for you.

Scyn ~

< Message edited by MasterofScyn -- 11/9/2007 7:57:44 AM >

(in reply to ShellyD)

RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/9/2007 7:37:57 AM

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I am sorry that you are here babycak. From your posts, you already know what you are going to do. This is not a psychology heathy relationship for you. Understandably, walking away will be difficult and will hurt you greatly but imo staying will do more damage. Good luck to you

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)

RE: Without a ceremony is it real? - 11/9/2007 9:18:49 AM

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It doesn't sound like the question is "Without a ceremony is it real?".

It sounds like the question is "Without a foundation of honesty and without a mutual understanding going into the relationship of where it will be going - is it real?".

It seems you did not enter into the relationship with the same (communicated) expectations. Some open and honest discussions seem in place to see if there is a mutual future.

(in reply to astarri)

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