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RE: growing old together - 8/6/2005 11:12:21 AM   
gentlesurrender


Posts: 99
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		I have many friends within d/s who have been together for a long time, married and looking forward to there more mature years together.

Others start out that way and unfortunately like my own marriage for numerous reasons fail, such as it in the vanillla world too.

I have spoken with a number of Doms some say outright they just want fun and others are looking for a more stable long term relationship, it is as has been said, about communicating your desires in discussions with a potential partner

happy searching

_____________________________

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" Walter Anderson

(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: growing old together - 8/6/2005 4:10:52 PM   
Hissweetshiv


Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline 		I think in this respect people in the lifestyle are the same as vanilla people. Everyone is looking for "the one"... everyone wants a relationship that will last forever. Some worry so much about how it will fail that they unwittingly bring it on. Some manage to find that person, some don't. All you can really do, whether you're actively searching or not, is be you. That way when you meet that person there's no "image" (read - lies) to keep up. You're genuinely the person you want to be and they'll be in love with the real you.

_____________________________

"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it."

"Forget love...i'd rather fall in chocolate."


(in reply to gentlesurrender)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: growing old together - 8/6/2005 4:50:58 PM   
LadySonelle


Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline 		My beloved First Servitor, slave k. and I will celebrate our 21st Collaring Anniversary December 1st. We knew each other four years before that.

The secret to a lifelong relationship is humility and courage: the humility to know that I CAN be wrong and the courage to lose an argument when it really counts. Communication is KEY. My grandmother always told Me "Never let the sun set on your anger. Settle your quarrels before bedtime, even if you have to stay up until 3:00AM to do it!" Her marriage lasted until death parted them. I hope to be as fortunate.

As others have said, never take your relationship for granted. Never just let things coast in neutral. Verbalise, vocalise, LISTEN and love.

In the morning, let your first words be "I love you!" at night let your last words be "Sleep well, Darling." and never forget the importance of touching and physical contact, even as simple as a hug and smile. When your beloved goes out of the door to work or on errands, tell them you love them. Too many times, people have gotten that dreaded phone call from the hospital... and their last words to the absent lover were angry ones! Live each day as if it were your first together... and your last... and you will find the years melt away like ice in sunlight.

Now if I could ONLY convince her that the toilet paper is SUPPOSED to come off the FRONT of the roll...! That'll be what we work on in the NEXT 20 years.

Lady Sonelle



_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: growing old together - 8/8/2005 9:42:19 AM   
zuchtstute1969


Posts: 14
Joined: 4/4/2004
Status: offline 		my Master and i have been together for close to 3 years now. My Master answered my ad on alt.com, i specifically was looking for 24/7/365, and not a play partner. i was lucky i found what i was looking for, i know most do not. Yes, W/we do plan do grow old together. i have commited to him until his death, after his death, then i can die, He has given his permission for me to do so. See, i don't want to be one of those 60+ year old slave without a Master. i consider my Master the greatest love of my life, and i do not know how i will function with out Him. Don't get me wrong i can be very independent when i want too, but he is my everything.


(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: growing old together - 8/9/2005 4:00:49 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Always keep in mind that there is the possibility of finding someone outside of this lifestyle. Then of course, if they love you they should be open to learning your particular tastes for this lifestyle. Just a thought. That's how I met my husband.

(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: growing old together - 8/9/2005 4:33:26 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Many beginning D/s relationships are transitory. As sub4hire mentions, six months is more than most of them last. (Love the new pic, btw, sub4hire.) Just like in a vanilla relationship, as you grow to know more about the person, you often find out they're not who you're seeking. This is not just a BDSM phenomena. We do have it a bit harder than the vanilla folks, due to needing to match fetishes as well as personality and interests. Once you're past those hurdles though, you're likely to have a long term relationship. The BDSM relationships I've seen go past 6 months tend to last for years.

I met my husband November 14th of last year. We were married June 7th of this year. Yes, I know that is awful fast, *smiles* but it was right. (I've always called people fools for marrying quickly. lol) I've been in love before, infatuated, enamored and all that, but before him.. I'd never met my mate. I knew it when I found him and not only do I plan to grow old with him, I plan to live all the time between with him. *smiles*

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 26
LEAP OF FAITH - 4/26/2008 5:24:19 PM   
porcelindoll72


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		"IF YOURE NOT LIVING ON THE EDGE YOURE TAKING UP TOO MUCH ROOM"

                 i am catching a flight on friday out of burbank california and flying to florida where i will meet for the first time my QUEEN and start my new life as a slave to my QUEEN and my MASTER. I  was just wondering if anyone else has ever taken this leap of faith and had good things come from it? I feel in my heart that i will learn alot from them and finally have a sense of belonging that i never had even with my own family. my QUEEN and MASTER are strict but awesome people

(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: growing old together - 4/26/2008 6:03:12 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		I used to hope to grow old with someone, infact it used to be my focus now I am learning to focus on today. I am learning that there are not gaurantess in life and surely not in love - that all we are promised is this moment. So I will hold onto that and focus on that and let tomorrow, next month, and 20 years down the road happen when they happen.
 
Blessed Be,
Nika

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: growing old together - 4/26/2008 6:43:14 PM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		Of course you hope for some one to grow old with. I was with my first for two and a half years, he died, i was in my second collar for 18+ years, he is also in the wind, i have been in my current collar for 2 years and three months.
 
This will be my last collar, before i accepted it i extracted a most sincere promise that they are simply not allowed to die.
 
They agreed, then told me if they did it would be my fault, lol, since neither of them had done it before they met me. 

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: growing old together - 4/26/2008 7:27:09 PM   
vampchick88


Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline 		I can easily see myself and pet growing old together, we've joked about it on several occassions. pet is everything I could have ever hoped for, submissive, sweet, intelligent, devoted, loving, and a little fiesty! Our personalities really mesh together well, I'm planning a bit of our future already once I get my next degree. Besides whats better than laying next to the love of your life looking at them and thinking to yourself "Damn we've had one hell of a life!"
~Lorelei

_____________________________

Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: growing old together - 4/26/2008 7:33:44 PM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Master said when im 60 and have a broken hip he will tell emts that it happened while He used me. collared forever. He said so and i trust Him to always tell me the truth.

_____________________________

weird is relative not an absolute term. Baron Frank N. Furter
Resident jingly dancing girl
The Pookie Of Darkness
Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: growing old together - 4/26/2008 7:35:08 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		We've been together nearly 3 years.  As we are already older...he is 67 and i am 57... so our hope is to continue our companionship for however long we are able.  Sir had a lung transplant 7 years ago so each and every day we have together is a very special gift. 

(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: growing old together - 4/26/2008 7:47:51 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Most relationships of any kind are transient. How many people do you know who are still with their high school sweetheart? Most of us date many different people before we know what we need and want in a relationship. Being BDSM doesn't change the fact that it's still a relationship, that you still have to have basic relationship skills.

We've been together five years now.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: growing old together - 4/26/2008 8:27:06 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Of course you hope for some one to grow old with. I was with my first for two and a half years, he died, i was in my second collar for 18+ years, he is also in the wind, i have been in my current collar for 2 years and three months.
 
This will be my last collar, before i accepted it i extracted a most sincere promise that they are simply not allowed to die.
 
They agreed, then told me if they did it would be my fault, lol, since neither of them had done it before they met me. 


that is beautiful!    i'm still pissed off at fallcon for dying before me, no matter how happy i may be now.  and i still tell him so, too.

kitten

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: growing old together - 4/26/2008 9:06:11 PM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		Rats. I've already grown old (not grey, though - due to some good DNA). My only hope is to spend as much time as I can with someone really special.

pip, not ready to give up yet, though

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: growing old together - 4/26/2008 9:52:53 PM   
SweetiePie26


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hissweetshiv

I think in this respect people in the lifestyle are the same as vanilla people. Everyone is looking for "the one"... everyone wants a relationship that will last forever. Some worry so much about how it will fail that they unwittingly bring it on. Some manage to find that person, some don't. All you can really do, whether you're actively searching or not, is be you. That way when you meet that person there's no "image" (read - lies) to keep up. You're genuinely the person you want to be and they'll be in love with the real you.


well said

(in reply to Hissweetshiv)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: growing old together - 4/27/2008 5:03:58 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary, with not even the slightest sign that we won't be together for the rest of our lives.

Your more lifestyle-type kink relationships combust faster than vanilla ones sometimes, I think, because it's harder to maintain dysfunction...the need for communication and trust is somewhat greater, so it's obvious faster when it's not there. Generally, of course.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: growing old together - 4/27/2008 5:04:03 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Since I came into this lifestyle later in my life and my Sir is 23 years older than me, we don't take one single day for granted. We plan to be together for as long as God allows us to be.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to SweetiePie26)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: growing old together - 4/27/2008 5:47:22 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softandshy

i stand in awe of those of you who have been with a partner for so long. It's something i aspire to, but i know about the effort it must take even if i haven't experienced it yet.


You know, that's the thing... I'm not so sure it really requires all that much work.  If you find someone with whom you are truly compatible, I don't think you have to make extraordinary efforts to have a good and lasting relationship. 

With being compatible, I'm not just talking about liking the same things.  Having the same taste in music and movies isn't enough to sustain an intimate relationship.  There's more to it... it's sharing the same principles, the same outlook, the same philosophy and approach to life. 

Conflict comes with disagreement... if you do not share the same ideas and goals, then you have to work to come to a compromise.  If no compromise is forthcoming, then one of you has to forgo your own in favor of the other's.  That's where the effort comes in.  The more you disagree on, the more effort it takes. 

But to know if someone is compatible with you, you have to know yourself first... really know yourself.  Why do you feel the way you do?  Why do you like what you like and think what you think?  Where have you been in the past and where do you want to be in the future?  In understanding yourself, it is easier to recognize someone who is like you.

Of course, it stands to reason that if you do not like yourself, then you aren't going to like someone else who is just like you. 

Being Firm's submissive... his companion, his lover, his friend... those things aren't work for me, they come naturally to me and give me great joy.  More than being just committed to him and our relationship, I like him.  There's nothing hard about it. 

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 4/27/2008 6:19:17 AM >

(in reply to softandshy)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: growing old together - 4/27/2008 5:49:59 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		restrains self from saying ... well He already IS grey ....but holds herself back ...phew

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 40
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