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Finding a switch - 7/2/2004 12:56:02 PM   
LHD


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Joined: 6/21/2004
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Ok, here is my dilemma... I can find a submissive woman. But I'll be damn if I can find a switch.

I have always been searching for a switch (one who is submissive to me, but Domintant to others) for a long-term, non-poly relationship. I would like to involve others - male and female - since my preference is that she be bisexual.

At a club or social function, it is hard to discern who is a Dom, who is a sub, and who is a switch, since switches do not usually outwardly identify it.

There has got to be a better way. I have written several that have profiles on collarme, but no replies at all. I mean none. I am getting frustrated. I have even written to couples that are searching for a switch couple for advice. I know they exisit!

Any opinions?

LHD
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RE: Finding a switch - 7/2/2004 2:40:27 PM   
proudsub


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quote:

I have written several that have profiles on collarme, but no replies at all


Maybe if you give us an example of what you are writing someone here can help.

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/2/2004 3:28:38 PM   
dutchswitch


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n

< Message edited by dutchswitch -- 7/5/2004 12:00:03 PM >

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/3/2004 11:12:23 AM   
Jasmyn


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From: New Zealand
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"looking for love in alll the wrong places, looking for love in too many faces" came to mind when I first read your thread LHD.... because if I was you I wouldn't be looking for a *switch*. My search would begin with, and probably end, with dominant females...but those not more Alpha than yourself.

Submission is an act ... the act of submitting ... and choosing to label it *submissive* doesn't make it so ... which pretty much sums up my theory for any D/s interaction ... there is no loss of your own power if you happen to find someone more powerful than yourself ... you're still going to have the same amount of power you started with ... and vice versa... you don't gain any more power if you find someone less Alpha than you...but you do gain someone to exercise that power over.

Hence why I didnt say a Fem Dom/Mistress, or any other domina term. Say what? What dominant female then? IMO Domina terms merely imply the role the person has set for themself (as in the cases of Masters/Lords etc too) ... and secondly, I think every one is dominant in some way, shape or form, so the term 'dominant female' doesnt imply the role, but the persons own personal power in relation to you.
power ...

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/3/2004 5:21:23 PM   
Laura


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From: Ontario, Canada
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To me it sounds like you are building some kind of collection. You've got your sub now you just need your switch to make it a set.

Before you send an email to a Switch or any woman here, read her profile. Really read it and see what she wants. Does she want something along the lines of what you want. Or does she want some romance, committment and one on one time. I feel most men who wrote an email never really read my profile.

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/3/2004 5:23:43 PM   
Laura


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Amazing intuition Jasmyn. I've thought that before but never really stopped to finish the thought or put it into words. Glad you posted, gave me more to think about.

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/4/2004 7:21:20 AM   
LHD


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Joined: 6/21/2004
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First, I appreciate all the wonderful replies!! It is wonderful to have a place you can truly discuss topics of this nature...

My initial contacts are very polite, because, as I like to say, I am a Dominant man, but I did not lose my sense of reality. I have no dominion over anyone... especially upon a first introduction.

Interesting idea of looking for a Domme, or as it was put, a Dominant female. I never considered that.

I didn't intend for my initial post to sound discouraging, or even worse, desperate. I did say that I could find a sub, not that I had one. Frankly, I find the interaction, the collaborative effort, the coupling of like ideas if you will, quite erotic, as has been mentioned in other posts.

I know the song, and it isn't wrong to seek what you desire. But, like others, I do have a bit to contemplate. That, I think, is always good!

LHD

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/5/2004 2:22:20 AM   
Hawkwind


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I'm a bit confused about your comment, that you are looking for a switch for a non-poly relationship, who will dominate another woman.

What definition of polyamory are you looking at, that you're looking for someone who will potentialy have relationships with other people, but is not polyamorous?

confused
Hawkwind

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/5/2004 7:06:09 AM   
Jasmyn


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From: New Zealand
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Amazing intuition Jasmyn. I've thought that before but never really stopped to finish the thought or put it into words. Glad you posted, gave me more to think about.


Your welcome :)

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/7/2004 6:32:30 AM   
LHD


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Joined: 6/21/2004
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By non-poly, I meant I would not prefer a permanent living arraingment with more than 2 people. By definition, I know polyamorous means poly - many, and amorous - love. But I have always viewed it as more than two living under the same roof in a loving relationship. So, I attach the living requirement to it. You can love more than one without living together, I know. Or I wish I knew!!!!

LHD

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/7/2004 12:00:18 PM   
Sinergy


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Hello,

I understand the frustration you are having LHD, but frankly I have heard a lot more horror stories of on-line meetings in this lifestyle than I have heard success stories.

The problem I see you having is you want a switch who is submissive to you and yet Dominant/Top to other submissives, which narrows the field even more from a Dominant looking for a submissive.

Polyamory, from what I understand, has nothing really to do with living arrangements. It is having love relationships with multiple people concurrently.

The switches I know (which is not a huge number) tend to be in either Dominant or submissive mode at any given time. One possibility is that when they put on the name tag at the Munch they pick the color that matches which side of the flogger they are identifying with that evening.

Are you looking in real life as well as on-line? I would suggest getting out there and meeting more people and taking your time finding out who the person actually is, as opposed to just what color nametag he/she/it wears.

Just me, could be wrong, but there ya go...

Sinergy

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/11/2004 12:28:27 PM   
pixieunleashed


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reading these posts...I felt compelled to share my own experience with how I became a switch....

after being active in the community for a year or so, and dateing Doms etc...I came across a very exceptional man we'll call Shadoww..during that time, I for lack of better terms was brainwashed into believeing that I was a slave and I believed that all I had to do to be happy was to be collared to a "true Dom"....:) Shadoww knew better, in talking with me, however, he listened to me lying to him and took me as his. He then spent the next year living with me, watching me, and deprogramming me. He showed me that it was ok to be who I am and that I did not need to have a specific label. He loved me as his, and encouraged me to experience whatever I wanted to experience. He encouraged me to try out my Domme side with other people, and allowed me to be submissive to him. I was encouraged to be whatever I wanted to be. One day, I came to the realization that I am a unique, individual, immortal spiritual being and it is impossible to "own" that...and that is the day the collar came unlocked. We embraced the song.."You don't Own me" and continued our relationship on a non-defined level.

And, now for lack of better words, I call myself a switch.

pixie

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/14/2004 8:36:01 PM   
trueneutral0


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switches in disquise for lack of a better word

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/14/2004 8:43:11 PM   
trueneutral0


Posts: 27
Joined: 7/9/2004
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fuxs to this men are born switches XY and women evolved into the XX lol worked out pretty damn good if you ask dont me




Attachment (1)

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RE: Finding a switch - 7/14/2004 11:58:05 PM   
Sinergy


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Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

fuxs to this men are born switches XY and women evolved into the XX lol worked out pretty damn good if you ask dont me


That is certainly an articulate response to the thread.

Anyway...

I know of one who identifies in her profile as a switch.

But she has told me in person that she is really a submissive who learned how to beat people since the place she lives has a surfeit of Dominants and she wanted to be involved in the lifestyle any way she could.

She is one of the most submissive individuals it has been my distinct honor to know in this lifestyle (in terms of her relationship with me) and at the same time I have seen her be one of the most Dominant individuals (dealing with other submissives) I have seen in action.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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Profile   Post #: 15
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