quote:

ORIGINAL: ineedyouMistress

I couldn't survive in one of those "I don't punish. I sit down and have a chat about... and if the sub still disobeys then it wasn't meant to be" kind of relationships. I need to please and worship, but I also need to feel safe that I can screw up (fail in some way), face the consequences, and be forgiven. It's also another way that my Mistress shows Her love for me, that I'm actually worth the occasional disappointments and the effort involved in punishments (which aren't necessarily physical) that follow.

Also, I'm not always feeling perfectly submissive though I'm otherwise fine. When I've messed up and not given myself completely and selflessly as I should, my Mistress will take what belongs to Her. Sometimes I even put up some "fight," but I always end up losing to Her when all is said and done. It's incredible to see that powerful woman defeat me, put me in my place, and make me pay for my hopeless rebellion. She's so beautiful in Her victory, and it's like kneeling before Her again for the first time.

I don't know my Mistress' take on the whole thing, but She must enjoy it this way as She isn't on the internet looking for a perfect sub who will give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give givegive give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give givegive give give give give give give give give give give give givegive give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give without hoping for anything in return or screwing up once, twice, or--OMFG!!! kick him to the curb--three times!!!!!111!!!11

quote:

ORIGINAL: ineedyouMistress

Different strokes for different folks.

My Mistress is not the type who will ever have a multi-paragraph "Basic Philosophy of BDSM." She and I are both happy without deep probing into "issues" of why I replied with a sneer and "For Christ's sake!" instead of the expected "Yes Mistress."

"you will obey and be respectful OR ELSE..." works for Her.

"you have to obey and be respectful because blah blah blah, meaning of submission, blah blah blah, commitment, blah blah blah, the relationship, blah blah blah..." would give Her cluster headaches.

She really teaches me to listen to my feelings and not overanalyze things. She knows that inside my head is a constant "chat" to begin with, so I'm not missing anything if She's quicker to put me in the corner or go off on my ass with a prickly hairbrush.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Is punishment an indication of "failure" or something else?

I didn't want hijack a thread when I saw this post:

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I punish rarely.

In the 8 years I've owned Fox, I can count the number of times I've punished him on one hand.

For me punishment is a sign for failure for both slave and owner.

Repeated need for punishment is a signal that the relationship is no appropriate for those two people. They may find appropriate partners elsewhere but clearly they are not invest enough to maintain their Ds dynamic.

So when I have had to punish I felt like a failure and I also felt sad, very sad.

No worries I'm not picking on anybody...TammyJo just happens to express and articulate a belief well and it happens to be one I disagree with as well.

I, personally, believe punishment is not a sign of failure but commitment.

To punish one must have cause to correct and a commitment to assure the correction.

Punishment maybe for the betterment of a s-type after a certain act. It maybe used to emphasis an undesired change or desired change in behaviour. It shows a commitment to follow through and a deep caring of accomplishment. Punishment is, or should be, a motivator.

To give punishment one must also have someone who consents to the punishment.

Punishment has to be accepted. Punishment, in my opinion, should be discussed afterwards to make it clear what's expected and what wasn't done that caused the correction.  Accepting a punishment shows that one is willing to bear even pain to stay around and do things right.

So now that there's at least two opinions here....

Anybody else have anything to share?