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BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/8/2007 5:37:24 AM

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I had a friend around last night and we were in bed just being silly ... I havn't actually slept with him for over a year and a half... anyway he is totally vanilla. As big an arsehole as he is, I think the thought of deliberately hurting me would stop him in his tracks. So we are in bed and he is playing with my 'perfect breasts'

his words not mine..sorry just had to put that in *giggles*
and all I could think was, 'OMG please please twist them, hurt them, I want it so much, the desire to have him 'torture' my breasts was nearly over whelming.
Has anyone else had this experience in a vanilla sexual setting?
It may have something to do with my current self imposed chaste state, but it kinda shocked me this desire inside me for this.

twisted .. with the perfect breasts.

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/8/2007 11:44:22 AM

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I have.

I was nude wrestling with this beautiful man and he pinned me in such a way that he stretched my arms straight out at the shoulders and pulled on them a little bit so they hurt and pushed me down with his pelvis. It was really hot, a little painful, and I started falling into happy subspace. He saw it in my eyes and asked what I was thinking, and after a little wheedling I admitted that I really wanted him to slap me or in some way hurt me more at that moment. I could tell he was thinking about it, because he liked to please, but ultimately he just wasn't comfortable with it.

We had fantastic sex anyway ;)

(in reply to twistedwillow)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/8/2007 1:23:39 PM

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I think it would have been just cruel to ask this particular friend to do that to\for me.
He simply wouldn't have known how to even start, and would have been really uncomfortable with the whole thing.

twisted

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/8/2007 2:24:28 PM

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haven't had that happen to me, but have ended up turning down quite a few dates because they weren't into bdsm.

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(in reply to twistedwillow)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/8/2007 2:36:37 PM

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Have to admit, when I first met him, 3 years ago now, BDSM was the last thing on my mind.
I saw him and wanted him, kinda like a shiny new toy.
I stopped sleeping with him when I met my ex bf\Dom, and we now have this weird friendship.
He shows up every now and then, jumps into bed with me and we spend the night kissing and cuddling, no sex. While discussing whats happened to each of us in between visits and how our families are etc.

twisted

(in reply to LadyLynx)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/8/2007 2:39:18 PM

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I'm new and just feeling my way here and I have yet to be in a clearly understood D/s relationship. It is my unfulfilled desires in the vanilla world that are driving me in this direction. I love being on my knees looking up at a woman standing over me and for the most part in the vanilla world they can't handle this for usually more than a matter of seconds before they drop to their knees to be "equal" to me. At that point I feel it would be pointless to try and get into the things I want to say to them and the dynamic that I am dying to create with them. I've been with some very kind, sensuous and wonderful women and there has been this thing in my heart that I wanted to express to them, but I am afraid. Short of a few experiences that I am grateful for, most of my "testing of the water" hasn't worked and with one in particular caused her to more or less belittle me and ask why I want to do such things, and why I am this way. Needless to say I didn't feel very good about that. It doesn't make me as eager to try again.

< Message edited by sensubmaybe -- 11/8/2007 2:41:36 PM >

(in reply to LadyLynx)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/8/2007 2:50:10 PM

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Recently I had some old (vanilla) friends over for dinner. Somewhere along the line one of the husbands made the comment that his wife had several times threatened to ‘tie him up’. When the other mentioned the phrase “Ties That Bind” I couldn’t help myself, and produced the book with that title and asked, sweetly ‘like this?’

Of course they were floored, but took it all in good humor. When a bit later, the conversion turned to ‘whips’ I went and got my big, heavy, elkskin flogger (a real whip would have been ‘over the top’ I think). They were intrigued…especially when I hooked my fingers in two large eye-bolts screwed securely into the beam between dining and living rooms. They were laughing and absolutely cracking up. A bit later, the guy who said his wife had been threatening to tie him up…stood up and hooked HIS fingers in those same bolts!

In an e-mail later, I asked my friend if they were totally appalled, but he said ‘Hell know, my cousin said he’s gotta get some of those ‘Beverly-whips’!

LOL That was about my only experience with BDSM, in a vanilla setting. I think I’ve outted myself!

I would have said what you considered saying…and then talked awhile with him about The Dark Side! Who knows, could be HE might like his twisted, too. I'm trying to (ever so gently) project the idea that BDSM is not something to be uncomfortable talking about; much less participating in.

Beverly

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(in reply to twistedwillow)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/8/2007 3:10:13 PM

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I agree with you Beverly, and I would have LOVED to have been at your dinner party that night.
All of my friends know that I'm a little bit twisted when it comes to sex and what turns me on, including this particular friend. But I know him well enough to know that he is kinky in a purely vanilla sense... ie, 3soms that kind of thing.

twisted

edited to add: Hot diggity dog! 2 handcuffs, I'm cookin' with gas now baby!

< Message edited by twistedwillow -- 11/8/2007 3:11:54 PM >

(in reply to MsBearlee)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/8/2007 10:08:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow

I had a friend around last night and we were in bed just being silly ... I havn't actually slept with him for over a year and a half... anyway he is totally vanilla. As big an arsehole as he is, I think the thought of deliberately hurting me would stop him in his tracks. So we are in bed and he is playing with my 'perfect breasts' his words not mine..sorry just had to put that in *giggles*
and all I could think was, 'OMG please please twist them, hurt them, I want it so much, the desire to have him 'torture' my breasts was nearly over whelming.
Has anyone else had this experience in a vanilla sexual setting?
It may have something to do with my current self imposed chaste state, but it kinda shocked me this desire inside me for this.

twisted .. with the perfect breasts.

Of course. I have had that experience with vanilla guys, wishing they would do something more intense, be Dominant.. wishing you could just scream at them to be rough.....this was when I would try dating vanilla guys.

The few times I told vanilla guys what I was into, they were uncomfortable with it.

I don't do that anymore; I would rather be with someone who knows upfront what I am into and I know that they are into it as well.

(in reply to twistedwillow)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/8/2007 10:42:48 PM

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I come out almost immediately to anyone I'm sexually attracted to, because vanilla sex just doesn't do it for me. It would be cruel of me to go on and have sex with them without telling them what really turns me on, because men in particular get complexes when they ask "Did you cum?", and you say.."not even close"

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/9/2007 4:14:04 AM

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Reading these comments prompted me to recall an important encounter which I can now see lead me in this direction even though it placed me in the dominant position and although I can play at that, most of my turn on is in being submissive.

I was happily vanilla, unaware of any of this and dating a woman who after we'd been sleeping together a couple months told me that she wanted to be spanked. So, basically I was in the position of these vanilla dates we are talking about here.

She told outside of the passions of the bedroom, so I had time to consider it and ask her what it was about. Being ignorant to all this I told her I would try and ironically, since I was acquiescing to her desires I can see where it might have been submissive of me to explore it. I also remember thinking that if I didn't do it she might go seek it elsewhere and the situation, I thought at the time in my ignorance, could turn out dangerous for her. Since I cared for her and I knew that I wouldn't do anything to "hurt" her, I agreed to do it.

The greatest and most exciting part of this for me was talking to her on the phone and listening to her breath as I more or less played a role and invented a little story for her, assuming some wrong she had done, which would require me to selflessly have to spank her for her own good. I described in detail what was going to happen and what she would have to do sexually for me after to get back in my good graces. Well, she had an orgasm just listening to this, and that turned me on beyond belief. I want to her and followed through with the role and gave her a spanking, following her lead. Actually doing it didn't turn me on as much. I was nervous and uncertain and afraid of hurting her, but she pushed me to spank her harder and harder to the point where my hand hurt! I did however get turned on again by how much she was turned on. I can recall looking down at her bent over my knees/lap, top off, pants down, her bottom red and she seemed to be practically quaking from the rush it apparently gave her.

The relationship ended for various reasons, and probably her desire to be spanked was a small one. I think I was afraid of it, or maybe I just didn't understand that I was afraid of the power of it, and it simply wasn't my role to be the spanker. The broader point is that sometimes vanilla is open minded...look where I have now ended up.

(in reply to michaels4evr)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/9/2007 5:03:26 AM

Drifa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow
I had a friend around last night and we were in bed just being silly ... <snip> So we are in bed and he is playing with my 'perfect breasts' <snip> and all I could think was, 'OMG please please twist them, hurt them, I want it so much, the desire to have him 'torture' my breasts was nearly over whelming.

There can be a little rough play in a vanilla sexual situation anyway. Most people are fine with it. If you'd said "oh that feels good, please, tweak them harder" or "when I'm this hot I need more, do that a bit harder"... you might have gotten what you wanted. And for that matter, you can put your hands over theirs and demonstrate, or do it yourself and whisper in that low, "I am so turned on" voice, "Harder!"

I have found in general that when people are playing and you are making the happy noises and wiggling they keep doing or intensify whatever it is that is eliciting the happy reaction if they have even half a clue.

I've also explained hand spanking as being rather like an advanced variety of massage - anyone who has ever been in the care of an experienced massage thereapist knows about the "hurts so good" thing where they find a tight spot or zinger then work it out of the muscle. And, for me, being spanked (or other rough sensation play) is incredibly relaxing!

(in reply to twistedwillow)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/9/2007 5:19:54 AM

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True Drifta, I could have and I did think about it.
But my relationship with this friend is kinda weird, I really don't see us having sex again even though we do jump into bed together naked and all that. It's hard to explain, it's kind of a cross between lovers and brother\sister, we have that lover comfort with each other, hence the naked and touching, but now the whole sex thing it's kinda like being in bed with my brother ( if i had one) totally platonic.

twisted

(in reply to Drifa)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/9/2007 9:03:17 AM

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I think humor is a great way to introduce the topic / idea to friends or lovers. A lot of times with friends I'll drop subtle hints, if a buddy's girlfriend is being fiesty in a playful way, I'll go "hey hey, you should put that one on a leash. I may have one in the car if you need it..." I've been out to my friends and family for a year or two now, and don't feel like I need to sneak around or be ashamed of anything I do anymore. There's freedom in that, and I think it's totally third or fourth date worthy material for conversation.

Cheers

(in reply to twistedwillow)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 11/12/2007 8:03:50 PM

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I just got out of my first gf/sub relationship and the idea of vanilla sex is about as appealing as cutting my hand off. I wasnt sure how id react to it, and unfortunately havent had the opportunity to indulge myself...yet. With my sub, sex/playing didnt always involve bondage, but it was ok, because it COULD. Now ive the opportunity with a girl i met and dont think i want to be with a girl who isnt at least into pain. Giving up the rope would dishearten me....theres just something about a bound girl with a bit in her mouth, looking at you with that surreal look of fear, desire, and anticipation....WHEW! Anyhow, Im curious as how to bring it up without sending them headed for the hills. although the one who just grins is a good sign. Its been a long time since ive had the pleasure of having skin beneath my nails....

the point being that i find myself randomly fantasizing and daydreaming about what i could/would/want to do, and the impulsive desires are like nothing ive ever experienced before. To the one who opened pandoras box for me, i am eternally grateful!

(in reply to ToysAndTies)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 4/7/2008 9:42:36 AM

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I've got a new girlfriend, she seems vanilla so far but loves new things which turns out to be a godsend, because I kind of came out with her..
I followed some tips posted here, especially Aakasha's... I did things like pretend to 'handcuff' her hands using my hands during a make out session.. hold them together.. tell her what to do.. sensation play just with my fingers..
switched with her too.. turns out she enjoyed it greatly and we will keep 'investigating' this, possibly using other common implements :) ...
No labels except the word 'kinky' and 'sir' at a point and I even joked about a bracelets with padlocks and keys..

< Message edited by switchmt -- 4/7/2008 9:47:06 AM >

(in reply to sensubmaybe)

RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 4/8/2008 9:17:55 AM

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Ya I remember I had a vanilla relationship in Tennessee one time and here in Mass. In Mass I acualy wanted my mate to be my Master at the time because a year before I lost a Master who abandoned me. Anyway I lol wanted it so much I got my own collar, (hot topic) And leash. He was not really good at the whole thing lol. I held no malice though. Now that I am with a very Good Master, I am much more happier.

< Message edited by YoungWolf -- 4/8/2008 9:19:40 AM >

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RE: BDSM intruding into vanilla situations. - 4/14/2008 2:49:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow

I had a friend around last night and we were in bed just being silly ... I havn't actually slept with him for over a year and a half... anyway he is totally vanilla. As big an arsehole as he is, I think the thought of deliberately hurting me would stop him in his tracks. So we are in bed and he is playing with my 'perfect breasts'

his words not mine..sorry just had to put that in *giggles*
and all I could think was, 'OMG please please twist them, hurt them, I want it so much, the desire to have him 'torture' my breasts was nearly over whelming.
Has anyone else had this experience in a vanilla sexual setting?
It may have something to do with my current self imposed chaste state, but it kinda shocked me this desire inside me for this.

twisted .. with the perfect breasts.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twisted Willow, this was a great opportunity as a switch to begin training for a new convert, don't think, take his fingers & squeeze them over your nipples - see how he reacts, if he baulks say "that's how you like it." Use your Dom side to show him how to do it, if it works, your sub side will enjoy - extend it further with twisting & show him your pleasure, something few male egos can resist. If he still refuses, nothing has been lost, he is just the dork you took him for. If things go well you may have a new toy to satisfy your needs.
James

< Message edited by JamesNo10 -- 4/14/2008 2:53:24 AM >

(in reply to twistedwillow)

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