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ORIGINAL: TessaH

ok ... chiming in here ... my first try at dipping my toe in the forum thread waters on here.

I've been reading through about 200 men's responses and initiated CM emails to me. I select few of those I've chatted with in Yahoo and an even small percentage I've voice and cammed with ... only talk mind you. I don't do the instant dominantion thang. I have to say I've seen some distinct catagories that can be generally applied to the Dom population. I'll probably get flamed big time for this, but I think most subby's seeking a RL Dom will recognize them.

*  There are the Doms, who only want to show you naughty pictures and have you tell them how you'd like them to    dominant you.

*  The abusers in disguise, using your masochist tendencies as an excuse to let go their aggression and anger toward women

*  Sub Males who masquerade as Sensual or Switch Doms, just waiting to turn their life over to you.

* The "BURNED" long distance Doms, who use the miles between you to push you away, cause in reality they are only dreaming here. Like dogs in heat they run after you, and paint pretty pictures of tomorrows, then run away crying foul when you ask them to meet you. *sigh*

With all of them I try desparately to stay on the more cerbrial side of the convo, but that rarely works. Now, like most people, I enjoy teasing and flirting and titillation, but ulimately, then few men who I really feel compelled by are those who have invested in me as a person, counseling me to be patient and selective and careful. We have ((OMG!!)) normal conversations that flow easily in and out of the context of the lifestyle. THIS to me is a true Dominant. You don't avoid it, but you don't constantly gravitate to it either. And what lifestyle talk is engaged in, its not all sexual. In Fact, the realer and more experienced they are the more likely they are to be more stating the facts and educational in thier point of view I've found. As a newbie I can really appreciate this. In comparisons the others just come off like dogs in heat with little brains or real life - be it vanilla or otherwise. What ARE they thinking? ;p

It can be so draining and disappointing, honestly, but I am sure it is 10 times worse for men … true Doms .. seeking their significant submissive. But, you only get to seeing these different types by asking the sometimes impurtinant questions that are necessary to getting to the heart of them. I hate to push people into one of these catagories, so talk and ask tons of questions and apologize when I sometimes sounds like I am interrogating. I even joke in the first emails .. "here starts the interrogation", cause with my psychology background I know the questions to ask to get to the meat of them.If they steer shy of them I'll try again. But by the 3rd time I am done and I'll wish them good luck in their search, but inform them I don't feel we are a good match.

Tessa *-)
* always rains last .... under the trees *

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


I found nothing wrong in her use of "true".

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


I found nothing wrong in her use of "true".

I have learned in these forums that much like that poor guy who went into epileptic seizures every time he heard Mary Hart's voice, there's a huge handful of folks who have the same issue when such words as "true", "real" and "authentic" are used, in any context.

I don't have any heartburn over those words and use them myself, and have even been ridiculed for doing so.  I see such folks as just another victim of a Mary Hart - type of seizure :)

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I dislike the word "true" most of the time myself (as you know...lol). I especially dislike it when people state things like a "true sub does this" and a "real dom does that" and you are a "fake sadist if your partner is a masochist" and only a "real slave" is spiritual. Yadda yadda yadda... Blah blah blah

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As long as the words are not used to put entire groups of people into boxes to boost the self esteem of the person doing it, I have no problem with those words... all too often those words are used to denigrate some, and boost the position of others with all the incumbant labels attached.

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I dislike the word "true" most of the time myself (as you know...lol). I especially dislike it when people state things like a "true sub does this" and a "real dom does that" and you are a "fake sadist if your partner is a masochist" and only a "real slave" is spiritual. Yadda yadda yadda... Blah blah blah

Yeah but your seizures are so.....cute! 

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As long as the words are not used to put entire groups of people into boxes to boost the self esteem of the person doing it, I have no problem with those words... all too often those words are used to denigrate some, and boost the position of others with all the incumbant labels attached.

I'm anti-denigration myself.  I don't equate my use the words with denigrating others but I've seen it done so I know where you're coming from. 

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Subs, do you feel like you shouldn't go down the path of asking non kinky questions until the dominant offers up the information?

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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Oh my... hang on, kiddo.... LOL  I hope, since you state you are new to this, and this is your first post to the forums, that people are gentle with you.  <chuckle>  You will soon learn that using the words "true", "real", "always" and "never" get you in trouble here.  Almost as much trouble as classifying people will.
 
Welcome to the boards.... I hope you can withstand the possible storm your post could cause.  <smile>

 
I wonder why you feel the need to state this? I have read several of your posts, and I must say you are one of the most jaded people I have seen posting. No one has made one negative comment toward this submissive, why the warnings?

I found nothing wrong in her use of "true". It is all context hun, let me put it this way, as long as a person sticks to what is true to them without trying to foist their view of "true" on to me... I don't care... as my sigline says... "once you label me you negate me".... her post labelled no one. It negated no one. It does not say one sort of person is "weal" and another "twue", whilst another person is not... surely you can see the difference?