English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Alternative Lifestyles in the News



Message


twelveroundsfan -> English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/11/2007 1:25:57 PM)

English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns
 
“F/friends”, “W/we”, “T/they”—there’s no question that abused nouns and pronouns are a common sight today. Most of us just wince and try to forget. But Jessica Bittner, a high school English teacher from Pocatello, Idaho, is fighting back. In 2004 she opened a shelter for abused nouns and pronouns.

"One day I was surfing the Internet, and I came across a website where--oh God, it was just terrible. I saw a noun looking at me from the screen, a beautiful young noun, but it had this hideous deformity attached to the front of it. The first letter was capitalized, then there was a forward slash, then the first letter was repeated but in lower case. I was outraged. I thought, 'What human could have done such a thing?' I kept reading the website, and it was the same thing again and again--nouns and pronouns with their first letter violated. I wanted to shoot someone."

Luckily for the nouns and pronouns, Ms. Bittner found a more productive way to channel her energy.

"I went back and found the first noun, the one that had really grabbed me, and I took him home with me. At first he didn't want to come—he was obviously scared of people--but I offered him a treat and eventually he kind of sidled over and let me pick him up. He had my heart right there. I'd never seen anything so sweet."

Of course, Ms. Bittner says, she couldn’t stop there.

“I didn’t have much room in my apartment at the time, but I took in as many nouns and pronouns as I could. Eventually I moved out and got a good-sized house, which worked for a while, but soon I realized I was going to need outside help. I’ve received donations from the public, as well as from a couple of wealthy private donors. It’s always a stretch, but we get by.”

Now her shelter is a dedicated two-storey building, staffed mostly by volunteers, housing over 200 nouns and pronouns. Most of them find homes soon after their capital letter and forward slash have been removed.

"I really feel I've been given a new life," said one pronoun, who asked to remain anonymous. "I mean, I still feel a little nervous on the Internet, and BDSM people especially scare me. But my confidence is definitely higher. If you compare me now to me two years ago, it's like two different pronouns."

The pronoun's therapist agrees. "She's made incredible progress in the last two years. She'd deny this if she heard me say it today, but in another year she should even be able to be typed by submissive women without fear."

Studies have long shown a connection between noun abuse and human abuse. Ms. Bittner is happy to see the public becoming more educated about this connection, but wishes it weren’t necessary.

“Harming a noun is a bad enough thing in itself,” she says. “We shouldn’t have to show a connection to human abuse to get people involved here.”




camille65 -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/11/2007 3:40:48 PM)

Awwww sweet little noun story [sm=biggrin.gif]




Musicmystery -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/11/2007 3:49:44 PM)

Thank you for this wonderful story about an important language charity.

I wonder if our community might expand this good work to include nouns forced to work as verbs. Please show your support by purchasing and proudly displaying our bumber sticker:

Don't verb nouns!




scottjk -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/11/2007 4:56:30 PM)

Oh, I'm loving this! LOL
Can we include third person speach? Pah-lease? :)

I mean it's one thing to see it between Dom and sub, but from a sub to the public in general? The suffering I go through when I have to keep track of the differences between "this girl", "that girl" and "a girl" etc. :)





angelikaJ -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/11/2007 8:32:36 PM)

W/we need more compassionate innovative T/thinkers like this W/woman.
Kudos to H/her!

Thanks to the P/posters who have contributed to the D/discussion so far.




Sybilla -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/11/2007 11:15:51 PM)

Mr. Twelve -
Grin.






AquaticSub -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/12/2007 3:34:44 PM)

I want to donate to the "Save the Nouns and Pronouns" fund.




Musicmystery -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/12/2007 3:58:13 PM)

But don't forget....

...as Calvin noted...

Verbing weirds language.




Aceton -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/12/2007 3:59:14 PM)

Awesome! [:D]




scottjk -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/12/2007 4:52:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

W/we need more compassionate innovative T/thinkers like this W/woman.
Kudos to H/her!

Thanks to the P/posters who have contributed to the D/discussion so far.



LOL

You're not fishing for a beating, are you? [sm=crop.gif]




julietsierra -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/12/2007 5:50:43 PM)

The United Way today, announced that a million dollar grant has been awarded to Ms Bittner's Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns. Ms Bittner states that she is consulting with her board of directors in the hopes of opening up an additional shelter next door to the SANP for run-away apostrophes.

While not often as critical a problem, these run away apostrophes face trials and tribulations all their own and according to Ms Bittner, when they run away, they often discover people who will take advantage of them by clumping them. These run-away apostrophes often find themselves being made to perform acts of gross grammatical error by being used to indicate groups rather than possession. and possession when group affiliation is more appropriate.

Plans are underway to establish group sessions with the shelter's psychologist, so that those who feel possessive can come to terms with their plurality. According to the psychologist, Mr Alee, groups are critical to the health and well being of apostrophes, allowing them time to rest before being called into service once more.

Mr Alee spoke of some initial misgivings regarding this struggle between plurals and possessives, but has since affirmed that, as in all good things, without the struggle, and quest for ownership, groups face possible elimination. Plans are being formulated for a well developed program of integration and identification between plural populations and those who feel they are in possession of themselves.

Please Give.

juliet




angelikaJ -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/12/2007 11:18:08 PM)

W/who, M/me? [;)]




angelikaJ -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/12/2007 11:22:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

The United Way today, announced that a million dollar grant has been awarded to Ms Bittner's Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns. Ms Bittner states that she is consulting with her board of directors in the hopes of opening up an additional shelter next door to the SANP for run-away apostrophes.

While not often as critical a problem, these run away apostrophes face trials and tribulations all their own and according to Ms Bittner, when they run away, they often discover people who will take advantage of them by clumping them. These run-away apostrophes often find themselves being made to perform acts of gross grammatical error by being used to indicate groups rather than possession. and possession when group affiliation is more appropriate.

Plans are underway to establish group sessions with the shelter's psychologist, so that those who feel possessive can come to terms with their plurality. According to the psychologist, Mr Alee, groups are critical to the health and well being of apostrophes, allowing them time to rest before being called into service once more.

Mr Alee spoke of some initial misgivings regarding this struggle between plurals and possessives, but has since affirmed that, as in all good things, without the struggle, and quest for ownership, groups face possible elimination. Plans are being formulated for a well developed program of integration and identification between plural populations and those who feel they are in possession of themselves.

Please Give.

juliet



[8|]
Clearly, you have been speaking to my psychiatrists' secretary.

aJ




hermione83 -> RE: English Teacher Runs Shelter for Abused Nouns and Pronouns (11/14/2007 6:11:40 AM)

Love it, love it, love it. I think my ellipses *really* need some therapy...




Page: [1]

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0078125