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"Writer's Block"? - 11/14/2007 12:31:24 PM

gorgeous1

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Hi,
I've been a lurker for many months but just joined today. I have a question for those of you who are in a long term relationship, especially a marriage. Do you Doms ever get "writer's block"? What I mean by this is do you ever get bored or run out of ideas or just don't feel like being kinky? Why? What do you do or has your partner done to rekindle the magic?

My husband and I are not interested in attending munches or play parties. We attended a couple of munches a few years back and decided we really do not want to be tempted to "share" ourselves with other people. We are first and foremost above all things married and committed and not interested in introducing anything into our relationship that could jeopardize it.

So, with that disclaimer, what do you suggest? Have you ever reached a kink plateau? Any advice? I'm ready to actually go drag out the toy box and chain myself to it and refuse to cook or clean or do laundry until we play...but that's not my style. I don't like to initiate. What a complexity we submissives are.

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/14/2007 1:05:24 PM

mnottertail

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do you have kids? (or in the parlance here UMs (unmentionables)).....send them off to anothers for a weekend, and some weekend you pay them back and take theirs, get your ass out of bed and naked before he gets up, serve him breakfast in bed, have all the chores done around the house, and stay naked throughout the day, and be attentive. Make something different than the routine happen.

See how that works?

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/14/2007 1:09:37 PM

ctrlaltdelete

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Not to question your commitment to fidelity and monogamy. But you must have questioned it yourself if you decided to abstain from munches and play parties to avoid "being tempted". So apparently, something at the play parties and munches must have struck a keen nerve if it lead to a sense of temptation in the first place.

Short of bringing in others under clearly defined ground-rules, I would say it is time to upgrade to broadband and get a subscription to streaming fetish porn to bring new inspirations.

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/14/2007 1:17:44 PM

gorgeous1

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To answer both questions, yes we do have ums, two of them, so yeah, that can definitely put a damper on things.

In regards to the play parties, well, let's be honest- we're all human, and to put a temptation like that into a marriage could trip up even the most devoted, so we decided we could never live with sharing- it would destroy us, so we decided to do the right thing for us. Also, at the munches, we just got hit on waaaay to much. I've put about 20 pounds on since then, but at the time I was a solid size 6, and a couple of times we had a few people over who claimed they just wanted to be friends, but then brought toys in hopes of being a bit more...er...friendly. We had dinner with a very nice 24/7 couple once though and they didn't try to do anything more than show us their play room. They didn't have ums. Some day we'll have to do a room conversion too!

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/14/2007 1:33:06 PM

FRSguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gorgeous1

Do you Doms ever get "writer's block"? What I mean by this is do you ever get bored or run out of ideas or just don't feel like being kinky? Why? What do you do or has your partner done to rekindle the magic?

Yup, I sure do get writers block at times. What do I do to cure it? Thats simple, get online and look around at new ideas most especialy a web site calle usenetbinaries.com which is free and has a bondage section. What I look at isnt so much the people themselves but the devices they are using and the rope work. Somtimes I can go through there and pick out a particular photo that has something like an unusual whipping post or something like that that I can build myself or modify what I have. Another source I use is collarme. Someone will post something and it will send me off on a trip through google after reading all the posts I can on the subject. If I find out that someone is really into something than I will mail them to get more info. Things that I got turned on to are things such as fireplay and I am interested in getting into watersports so I read up a lot on that. I also plan the scenes with options...lol meaning I plan out what I want to do on a specific night and time period and then I also plan for when plans have to change. For instance, I was going to use this really huge dildo to fuck my wife with while I flogged her ass then decided at the point in time that the dildo was to much combined with the flogging on her bad example but lets say shes a little stiff and cant be suspended... I allways have a backup plan and nothing is hard wired.
As far as rekindeling the magic... I dont have to work that hard for that. We have an um which limits things so to rekindel things all that has to happen is to step out of the norm like make her where something different around the house. I usually start early in the day lets say a saturday morning and work her up all day by teasing her so that night she is all ready to go or make comments to her durring every day things like when she askes me if I liked the meal I might say I liked it so much I think I am going to fuck you in the ass so hard you'll break your molars or something stupid like that. There is constant touching of course durring these times and I have a tendency to interupt her house duties often so I can play with her just for a quick moment... .it works for us but keeping things playfull is allways the key for us. Hope that helps ... email me if you want any more info or anything.

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/14/2007 2:13:40 PM

gorgeous1

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Thanks for the help, FRSguy.

I know the simple solution is that I initiate it, but that isn't something I want to do. Part of the huge psychological turn on thing for me is that HE initiates it. If I initiate it, then I lose a great deal of interest. I'm a pretty adventurous and compliant type of girl. I'm willing to try most anything at least once. If he asked me to wear something around the house, hell yeah, I'd do it in a heartbeat! I would love to be taken out on a date, and have him choose my clothes, or spend an entire evening at home doing whatever crossed his mind! I just don't want to initiate it. I know, I know, I am sounding pretty bossy here, but, I figure I can be a bit selfish in that one aspect- I'll do anything, I just don't want to have to ask for it!

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/14/2007 2:55:27 PM

FRSguy

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If you have a DVR and HBO then you could record one of the many programs they have centered around kinky sex and just put it on to watch... that at least lets him know that you are thinking of it. You could also try picking up a book to read on the subject that has a good title that will jar his mind a little. Those might be pasive methods to start a fire.

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/14/2007 7:17:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Since for me it's about "being together" not "being kinky" then no, never.

I can understand being frustrated and wanting to do more and not quite sure where to go- for me the answer usually is to toss it out into the universe, get busy doing something else fun, and it tends to bonk me on the head pretty soon.

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/15/2007 9:05:37 AM

gorgeous1

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UPDATE:
Well, good news. I had to go grocery shopping last night, so I was making a list. I also made a list of things hubbie needed to do while I was gone (he likes me to make a list - most men will willingly help around the house if you give them a list) so I wrote:

Dishes
Trash
Help Um with homework
Be creative...I'm bored

That was all I needed to say!

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/15/2007 9:12:04 AM

mnottertail

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Thank god you didn't say slap me around and fuck the shit outta me.

Seems like he is pretty precise.

LOL, good one on ya!!!!!

Ron

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/15/2007 9:21:06 AM

ABMaster

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If he has run out of ideas, he probably doesn't feel good about it, so he does nothing. He's an 'avoider', perhaps because he does not want to fail at something.

Let him know that you're quite ok with repeating things you've already done many times, because you enjoy them a LOT. Take the pressure off him. After some of these activities, and you're cuddling, start a low key discussion about some things you'd like to do, or some things you'd enjoy if he were to do them. Reassure him that it's ok if he is not skilled at them, because you can learn together.

Maybe get some index cards and the two of you sit down and write kinky activities on them. Some night when the kids aren't home, get naked and bring him the box and ask him to draw a card, and just do what's on the card. You can have fun making up the cards and I'll bet you'll get distracted from your writing more than once.

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/15/2007 9:57:39 AM

gorgeous1

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Yes, he can be very precise when he wants to be, but I have learned one thing as a married woman. Husbands hate nagging wives, and wives hate to nag. The best way to eliminate nagging is for the wife to make a list. It puts the ball in his court. Men don't mind doing stuff around the house, they just don't want to be kept guessing. They want to know exactly what they need to do.

Now, here's some unsolicited advice to the husbands out there. Wives don't like to be kept guessing either! Once you get the wife to make a list, now it's your turn to tell her WHEN you will take care of the things on the list. We'll stop nagging you, if we know you'll fix the leaky faucet AFTER you watch the game. That way, we don't sit there thinking, "Look at him, sitting there on his ass watching TV when he knows the faucet needs to be fixed!" All we want is to know WHEN you'll do it.

I guess it all boils down to good communication, eh?

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RE: "Writer's Block"? - 11/15/2007 10:10:05 AM

gorgeous1

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Well, after that previous reply to Mnottertail, it really was just a lack of communication. We had a nice cuddly talk after our little tryst, and it turns out he thought I wasn't in the mood for "playing" because I've been so stressed out with all my work. I'm very active in local politics and charity work, I just did flowers for a wedding, and I also design ball gowns and costumes, so the months leading up to Halloween is very busy for me.

I told him that playing is a great stress reliever, and that if he sent me an email or called me, telling me to expect something naughty later that night, or requested I was wearing a favorite dress when he got home from work, I'd be all hot and bothered instead of grouchy and stressed.

It all ended well, so once again, I guess it all boils down to good communication! I really like your idea of writing out some cards, but I would rather HE writes out the cards, and keeps them for himself, because I don't like to initiate. Part of my whole deal is NOT knowing what to expect.

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