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Craftsman -> RE: DISRESPECTING “RED”/”STOP”/”SAFE WORD” (8/8/2005 5:08:23 PM)
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ORIGINAL: whisperjade
this has never been even close to an issue with other Doms that Master and i have included in Our play until now.
That it has not been close to an issue with other Doms indicates to me that this is not a normal situation, but one that needs to be addressed, and you are addressing it.
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As many do, i use the terms “red” “yellow” and “green” to indicate my tolerance level during play with other Doms which is always agreed upon before the encounter actually occurs. i, indeed, have a safe word but have never needed to use it until now and now only because the Dom (him not being my Master) did not respect my using “red” to indicate that the current activity he was inflicting upon me was to stop, immediately, and to change to something else.
I'm a little concerned that the color code that you use was not heeded. This situation is, pardon the pun, a red flag. While it is within the fantasized 'right' of the Dom to push the limits, it is also within the Dom's responsibility to understand what the sub means and what the sub is saying when using this kind of communication. It is irresponsible to play with anyone one is not the primary and long term Dom for, while not knowing what the needs and limits are. For example, I would never flog a diabetic as hard, especially on the feet if that were the 'play of the day', because of increased vulnerability. Also, I know a very good sub who will yell "Red" anwhere on her back between the base of the ribcage well past the tailbone, simply because she has had spinal surgery and it hurts like hell to be caressed, let alone tormented or punished in that area.
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i won’t go into details about the other things he did that angered me out of respect for him but the lack of his respecting my using the “red” term is imperative.
What i got back from him was a reprimand that i “need to use more yellows” before he wants to hear me say “red”. When i used the “yellow” term to indicate that i may be approaching “red”, i then was admonished for using “too many yellows” and made to feel as if i was “not up to par” for him. So, i stopped using any words at all regardless of the pain i was experiencing. Finally, when i could not and did not want this activity to continue and used “red” in my sheer exasperation, he says to me that he did not hear “yellow” from me before i yelled out “red” which then resulted in me yelling at him that the activity was going to stop right then and there. i finally became even more angry with him when he still didn’t get it, that i yelled out my safe word just so he would finally understand that this activity was to cease – NOW!
Ask that 'Dom' how many times he was told by a sub that he was Dom material. I suppose, to carry his ideas to their logical conclusion, he would need 'x' number of "I love you" statements to qualify a "Let's explore your fantasy." Then it would take 'y' number of of "Let's explore" to qualify the meaning of one 'Yes Sir" How many "Yes Sir" statements does he need before he can accept "Yes, Master"? See how stupid and rediculous quantifying like that gets? I know, I know -- I'm preaching to the choir here.
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Rather than spewing out a whole bunch of angry statements and profanity as i did not want to seem like a disrespectful submissive, i immediately placed myself in the bathroom until he left.
That was in my opinion a good move on your part. Bathrooms have doors that have locks. Some so-called Doms don't respect those, but for them there are other means to secure the door and / or safety. I would suggest politely asking the wanna-be---- ummmm--- Pretending Horribly Offensive Nauseating Egotistical Yokel (Make aconym of that?!?) -- Ummm --- Dom to depart the premises, and to not let the moveable portion of the portal impact his Gluteus Maximus on his way out.
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Feedback on this situation is most welcome. [:@]
Please remember that this feedback is written from the top of my head, and may offend some. It is how I feel having read your post. If I have mis-interpreted, then accept my apology and tell me where I read it wrong.
For any flamers out there... I am a Professional Nurse and a Volunteer Firefighter. I know how to treat burns as well as put out fires.
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