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RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/9/2005 11:43:43 AM

FelinePersuasion

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It depends on how grvious the lie, if it was merely did you break something and they said no, Or have you spoiled your appitite an they said no when they had, no big pickles. I'd be irritated.

But if they were fucking my best friend or lusting after her there for totaly ignoreing me or being unfaithfull I wouldn't.

Somethings you just don't do.

(in reply to tinkJH)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/9/2005 12:14:12 PM

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I'm a sub but if I was in a situation with someone lying to me, it would depend on what the lie was and why they did it. If they lied to spare me stress only, I could handle that.

If it was to be sneaky and get away with something that was against our understanding of agreement.... I know that our relationship would be damaged to a degree that it would waste both of our time if we continued to be together.

If we somehow stayed together, our relationship would not be a very 'quality' one, after that. I guess it would be better for myself and the other person if it was just ended.

(in reply to justatoy2)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/9/2005 12:18:54 PM

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I can forgive simple mistakes-provided that they were only mistakes.

I have very few hard limits,I make it very clear in the beginning exactly what deal breakers are present. Break those WILLFULLY-and it's the last strike a girl EVER has an opportunity to make with me.

(in reply to justatoy2)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/9/2005 12:37:29 PM

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As most of the other's have already said it determines upon the lie. Also what stage the relationship is in.
I've told my dom one lie so far. I planned a surprise birthday party for him 5 year's ago. Invited his father behind his back, even sent him out to buy the cake he thought he was buying for another friend.
Did he forgive me? Well it is years later and he has. Even though it was something as small of a lie like that I still felt guilty about telling it for nearly a year after I did.

Integrity is a must for me and those I surround myself with. So, yes I've discarded a great many people over the year's who have lied.

Yet I have also forgiven a great many people over the year's. If you have 30 years of marriage and they burn the dinner and claim they didn't do you discard them?
It would also depend on how much it hurt the other person. Could have been heart wrenching I think I'd be a bit less to forgive in that case.

(in reply to justatoy2)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/9/2005 2:02:19 PM

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well i don't want to get into specifics, but the lie was pretty darn big. It broke an agreement, and it was decieptful. I found out about it, and then she came clean. But she had no intention of ever telling me truth. But here she is now, wanting forgiveness and a second chance, and i am at a loss as what to do. Thanks again for all your wonderful thoughts on this subject.

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/9/2005 3:49:56 PM

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quote:

well i don't want to get into specifics, but the lie was pretty darn big. It broke an agreement, and it was decieptful. I found out about it, and then she came clean. But she had no intention of ever telling me truth. But here she is now, wanting forgiveness and a second chance, and i am at a loss as what to do. Thanks again for all your wonderful thoughts on this subject.

What does your heart tell you to do? How long would it take her to win back the trust she lost? Would she even be willing if it were some great length of time?
Does she deserve it?
All questions to ask yourself before you can find the answer.

(in reply to justatoy2)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/9/2005 4:31:09 PM

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From: Wet Coast Canuckland
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I have a different saying
"This ain't baseball you don't get three strikes"
I would like to say that this is situational in nature, but the fact is , if you lie to me I will have trust issues. It's my problem and I know that, but it exists just the same. Now there have been times when a little lie has been overlooked by me, but honesty is ALWAYS the best policy with me. I don't have the details of your situation, but I am of the mind that I would have great difficulty trusting this person again.

Just my $0.02 YMMV

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(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/9/2005 4:53:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

If trust has been broken between me and another person, a few things have to happen in order for the relationship to be close again:

They have to show me they understand exactly what they did wrong, how it affected me, and are truly sorry for not only the thing itself but for how it damaged the relationship.

They have to show me they are really ACTING on that understanding and making a change for the better.

I have to want to risk the emotions again.

Just remember that forgiveness does not entail reverting back to the way things were. Things will never be the way things were. They CAN possibly reform scar tissue and continue. But it's a difficult process that usually is not worth the initial breach of trust.

Hey EmeralSlave2, I finally understand what you said and agree with you on it. It would be very hard to trust someone again if they really hurt me with the lie. I might be able to be friends with them again but in a serious relationship with them no way I could not trust them again with my heart. Had that happen with one vanilla relationship, we did try 3x's and all 3x's he ended up hurting me all over again, we are still friends and I now tell him exactly what I think, but we will never be in a serious relationship again due to trust factor.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/10/2005 9:16:22 PM

Sasy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justatoy2

If you had a submissive who lied to you about something. Would you give him/her another chance? Does it ever matter the reasons why? Or is it just better to cut your losses and move on.

I am not a Master I was a switch but I just dealt with this ......
A lie is a lie is a lie .... It breaks trust , it causes pain, and sometimes it can wreck a life. I was his slave and I believed I could take him back. But when he got caught in his lies he compounded it by calling me hurtful things. Since I was not the one erring I was hurt deeply.
Yes someone can be given a second chance .... but will trust ever truely be regained?
Without trust there can be no relationship tis only going through the motions ( and emotions)

< Message edited by Sasy -- 8/10/2005 9:18:10 PM >

(in reply to justatoy2)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/10/2005 10:00:24 PM

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I suppose that would depend on a few key circumstanes, just like it would in a vanilla relationship.

What was it that was lied about, and how important is that?
Has the liar expressed regret?
Is the liar likely to do it again?

If the answers are not very, yes, and no, then I would say definetly give it another shot. If not, then think long and hard about this person before you open up yourself to them again.

(in reply to justatoy2)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/10/2005 10:49:21 PM

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People do change, and for some people like my self, a second chance with anything be it in the lifestyle or in a villinla mind frame, is just the thing that some people need to make life enhancing changes. SO yes in some cases, but it depends entierly on the situation, and the person.

(in reply to tinkJH)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/11/2005 9:47:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

BDSM relationships are ALL about trust.

i disagree..... ALL relationships are about trust.

~~shy

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....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

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RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/11/2005 9:52:50 PM

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Hey--I agree with slavedesires!

I'd say they're about honesty, but you can't have trust without honesty, so it amounts to pretty much the same thing.

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RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/11/2005 10:01:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Hey--I agree with slavedesires!

I'd say they're about honesty, but you can't have trust without honesty, so it amounts to pretty much the same thing.

OMG.....................f a i n t i n g

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/11/2005 10:10:22 PM

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I think we'd agree about a lot of other things if you could tell when I am serious and when I am sarcastic.

(in reply to slavedesires)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/11/2005 11:26:59 PM

domtimothy46176

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I value myself too much to allow someone to treat me so shabbily. If I'm not important enough to be honest with, why would I want to be with that person? OTOH, if she doesn't value herself enough to be an upstanding person, how much value can you place on her? IMO, either way you work the equation, liar=dismissed.
Timothy

(in reply to justatoy2)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/12/2005 6:29:27 AM

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In my vanilla life, a lie by a lover meant "Here Comes The Drama"; so i broke up over "white lies" as well as black ones. Being here has only heightened my sensitivity to lying, because so many men have lied about being married. To me, lying means that a person has stepped away from the relationship, the growing trust and intimacy, to preserve something more important. Well, aloha.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/12/2005 6:30:02 AM >

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RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/12/2005 8:29:58 AM

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Exactly pink.

A lie shows that you have become a low priority,and not worth making sacrifices for. Once that attitude is in place,things seldom improve.

< Message edited by Fidelity -- 8/12/2005 8:30:39 AM >

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/12/2005 11:03:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gentlesurrender

I would agree with the 3 strikes and your out, at some stage you just have to realise that the person is lieing or being deceiptful then there is a problem in the relationship.

My feeling is (based on personal experience):

Screw me once, shame on you
Screw me twice, shame on me

That's all it takes, whether in a romantic relationship or any other kind of relationship (friendship, professional, etc.)

cello

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There's too much Blood in my Caffeine system!

(in reply to gentlesurrender)

RE: would you give someone another chance? - 8/12/2005 11:07:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justatoy2

thank you all for your responses. I am not going to go into great details about this situation, but i will say the lie was done to me, it was pretty darn serious, but this person and i have been close for over 5 years. I feel torn and conflicted. My nature is to forgive, but this friend lied an decieved me. Although now wants forgiveness i don't know how truly sorry she is. Thanks again for your input.

My nature is to forgive too, which is why I gave someone I thought was a friend and colleague a second chance. When she did the same thing to me AGAIN that was it. And believe it or not, I don't think she understands why I am only coldly polite to her, at best, when we have to run into one another. Maybe one day I will tell her, but with luck I won't see her again for another year!

cello

_____________________________

There's too much Blood in my Caffeine system!

(in reply to justatoy2)

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