Finding A Mistress

Finding A Mistress (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

SlaveR1 -> Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 11:52:53 AM)
This is just my opinion, but I feel the Mistresses should be contacting the subs/slaves. Now I realize this isn't a perfect world and most of these profiles are bullshit. But personally I have a deep admiration for Mistresses who contact/e-mail me. I feel when a Mistress contacts you she is telling you that she is willing and able to take charge. Now not to say I'm going to jump at any of these offers, but I will give them more consideration then when I contact a Mistress. I can't stress this enough, it's very important to have your profile as accurate as can, because that's all Mistresses have to go by. To contact a sub/slave is a show of good faith. Just my opinion and was wondering what others thought about this matter.

nella -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 11:56:19 AM)
The problem is that there is a mutch grater number of male subs and slaves than female Dominants, so besicaly they get to pick and choose. That mean that for you to win the contest, you must go out of your way to show her that she should choose you, that includes being the one to contact her, for frankly, most of the female Dominants, dont ahve to go trolling trhough the member profiles, enough possible subs contact them.

SlaveR1 -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 12:20:10 PM)
No question about the inbalence of slaves/subs to Mistresses.

MsKyln -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 2:00:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nella quote: frankly, most of the female Dominants, dont ahve to go trolling trhough the member profiles, enough possible subs contact them.] nella, I agree with you. However, I'm sure there are a few of us who enjoy trolling on occassion [8D] SlaveR1... good luck to ya. Ms.K

TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 2:07:43 PM)
If no one is contacting you, then you would be well served to ponder what about your profile is not appealing to others and needs to be revamped. If someone writes a profile that engages me -- either because it's witty, or meaningful to me, or has a segment that I find captivating, it doesn't matter if that person is male or female, Dom/me or sub, nearby or thousands of miles away. I will send that person a note. To do so is good netiquette and good karma. ~ Ti ~

Nuke718 -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 2:24:55 PM)
I have heard the saying that single males (Dom or sub) are a dime a dozen in the community. It is much easier for the women, because they can pick and choose, especially the Femdoms. While I don't necesarily agree with that, consider this. You are looking for an assetive Mistress that will pick you out of a sea of other subs. That could happen. But what if your ideal Mistress is the kind that only values a sub with the confidence to approach her and make his pitch? And let me echo Ti. Make sure your profile stands out and is interesting. A picture couldn't hurt (not casting stones, I haven't decided to post one yet, altho I do provide one to anybody I talk to more than once). Regardless of how you go about initial contact, good luck! Nuke }:-

SlaveR1 -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 2:29:07 PM)
No one contacting me is not the issue. Please understand I am not whining/complaining. I don't want this to turn into a sour grape fest.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 2:46:07 PM)
You didn't put one thing in your profile I'd be attracted to. It's easy to say you have noi preconcieved fantasies an that's good. But you didn't say anything about why a mistress should be interested in you, what you can do for her. What special services can you bring to the table others can't. Like can you do massages, are you particularly good at house cleaning, ect ect. And I felt you rambled on and on about nothing pertinant, You take a long time to say a whole lot of nothing. The whole not into the er thing cause mistress had a bad day is un nessisary. nobody sane is looking to go to the ER just cause mistress felt like hurting them. Same with good judgment, most have very fine judgement. And when ytou say once you trust them you're loyal. Which makes it sound like you're not loyal before then.

saret -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 3:49:00 PM)
And it would be nice if society did not judge a person on their appearance or first impression. Sadly, thats not always the case - so one must learn to work within (even unwritten) protocols. The same in your situation. The ratio of submissive men to dominant women is so high, that only the most well-written, interesting or poignant profiles stand out. But it sounds like you wanted to vent more than you wanted advice. -S-

LadyAngelika -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 6:29:40 PM)
quote: Just my opinion and was wondering what others thought about this matter. I think people need to be patient. I also think that people should get it out of their head that a little profile is going to attract the person of their dreams. I have not contacted one person here based on his profile. I have however contacted a handful based on their posts. Because via posts, I got to see various facets of the person in context, how they interact, react, etc. Now granted none of these men are in my city so it simply stays a chat, slightly flirty yet overall platonic dynamic but I think we both enjoy the discussions. Now when someone writes to me telling me that my profile interests them and that they want to get to know me, I tend to be a little baffled to be quite honest. I often wonder what kind of person gets all eager over a profile. And I don't say this to insult anyone here. It's just the way I personally feel and I have a hard time relating to the mind set of someone who gets giddy over a profile. Note that I’ve had a few local guys read my posts and usually because of language issues to shy to post on the boards but email me a response to one of my posts. Already I can relate to that a bit more. So they usually get a note that I'm not interested. My life is so busy and I have a full and happy life. I keep thinking to myself "so what's my motivation to go hook up with this guy" and I rarely can come up with one. Perhaps if my life was not so full, I would feel differently? Who knows? I still think attraction has to come from more then words on a screen. - LA

onceburned -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 6:33:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveR1 This is just my opinion, but I feel the Mistresses should be contacting the subs/slaves. <snip> I feel when a Mistress contacts you she is telling you that she is willing and able to take charge. SlaveR, if you have been reading these profiles very long then you know there is a difference between passive and submissive. A submissive can be active and be very pleasing. He will know when to act and when to defer. Many dommes, perhaps most, prefer a sub that they can interact with and not simply give instructions to. In somewhat harsh language, they are looking for a partner - not a robot. If you really prefer to sit back and wait for the dommes to come to you... well, I think you will be very lonely. You might consider reading How Nice Guys Can Stop Finishing Last Okay, that is my opinion on the subject. [:)] (You did ask!)

UtopianRanger -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 8:54:34 PM)
The profile may just get one foot in the door. The real art form is when you can ''bring it'' up close and personal. As Big Poppa Pump would say - Holler if you hear me! - The Ranger

TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 9:08:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika Now when someone writes to me telling me that my profile interests them and that they want to get to know me, I tend to be a little baffled to be quite honest. I often wonder what kind of person gets all eager over a profile. And I don't say this to insult anyone here. It's just the way I personally feel and I have a hard time relating to the mind set of someone who gets giddy over a profile. Hey, there! Long time no cross Message Board paths! LOL. Gotta say that I was more than a tad taken aback by your post. <insert raised/surprised eyebrows here> For someone who puts so little value in the worth of a profile, it confuses me why you invested considerable effort in creating a detailed profile.... which comes with an embedded "reading test" at the end, no less. From where I'm sitting, if that's how you truly feel, I'm left wondering why you bothered typing such a long profile. Are you playing devil's advocate? If not, do you see a contradiction between action and words? I value a detailed, thought-provoking profile. Particularly in the case of men seeking women to dominate them, a "think piece" is a rarity. It's starting to become a hallmark of how to weed out cyber trollers from guys who sincerely seek a real-time rapport. That's not to say it's a guarantee, of course. Vigilance for possible ghostwriters is imperative (e.g., Alt's option to pay them to write a profile). I also had a startling revelation that there's a trolling sub (or maybe just a troll?) who's ripping off content from dominant women's profiles and weaving a "sounds good" tapestry to lure dominant women to his lair. What I don't get about that guy is that he's got the inherent skills to create an engaging profile. Why he's opted for plagiarism is rather outrageous. The dilemma of "who wrote this description" has plagued me for decades. Classic example: Stroll back with me down memory lane, if you will, to my New York City roots. Academic commitments eroded much of my free time. So, I placed a personals ad in a local paper with a thriving personals section. I received a reply that was so perfect, that to this day, it reins above any other introduction I've ever received. (Given that I'm writing a memoir, I regret not saving that letter -- pre-Internet days -- as an example of an amazing introduction.) Having met that gentleman, I can't help but wonder if he got someone to be his Cyrano de Bergerac. ******************* Gotta toss out my two cents about posts addressing the alleged Domme to sub ratio. Given the experiences I've had, I give no credence to the claim that there are boundless supplies of male subs, with precious few dominant women to go around. I've found there are jumbo supplies of guys claiming** to be subs. Out of those swirling claims, there are a precious few sincere men seeking dominant women for real-time, meaningful interactions. I've lost count of how many guys I've encountered who talk the good talk -- so long as I limit exchanges to online and/or the phone. The second I mention meeting at Starbucks, they're gone faster than Penn and Teller performing their most baffling illusion. Aside from the unconscionable waste of my time this causes, it's an unfortunate additional hurdle that sincere subs must face in their serving quests. It's also the reason why they need to buff up their profiles PLUS cultivate the art of writing personalized, engaging introductions when they find dominant women's profiles that intrigue them. quote: ORIGINAL: saret But it sounds like you wanted to vent more than you wanted advice. Amen to that! I could write a book just with the rationalization roster I've heard from guys about why they have not created great profiles, and why they refuse to take the initiative in introducing themselves appropriately to women. ~ Ti ~

BeachMystress -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 9:14:57 PM)
As has been mentioned, if your not getting any mail at all, you should figure out how to make your profile better. My husband, as well as my male friends get mail on here. And most Domme I know write to subs on here. Because no one is writing to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I will tell you that reading your profile put me off. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, but I'd not have given you a second glance when I was seeking.

BalletBob -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 9:22:51 PM)
Hi Ti...My how you can post.....I take a little offence about all the guys who just want cyber of phone......there are a lot of guys/males here who do want real life relationships, and there are some like me, who can't have that type of relationship. That doesn't mean I am any less dependable/reliable or trustworthy. You make it sound like anyone who is after a Cyber thing, they should be avoided like a germ/desease. We deserve some fun and attention too, and not the live in subs. BalletBob

TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/10/2005 10:39:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BalletBob You make it sound like anyone who is after a Cyber thing, they should be avoided like a germ/desease. We deserve some fun and attention too, and not the live in subs. I'm afraid you've misconstrued my post based on attempting to imprint your needs onto mine. Before I address that, allow me to take issue with your "live in subs" comment. I'm not sure why you equate REAL-TIME with live-in. Though there is some conceptual overlap, they're distinct concepts. I seek a real-time relationship, but it sure as shootin' ain't gonna start as live-in. Unless someone is accepted for a 24/7 relationship, I would not allow him to share my residence. Regarding cyber, I do not begrudge people who seek this. You've openly stated on your profile that you seek cyber. That makes you an exception to the rule. Generally, it's kept as a guarded secret, where manipulation is attempted to wheedle the dominant female into it. My remarks are directed to the countless throngs who make claims like: "I'm moving to your city in a couple of months. I have a job lined up at XYZ Corp. in your town. I need a dominant woman. You rock my world." Then, when the two months are up, the person is still living in the same city where he was from moment one. In fact, he's still there years later. "I'm seeking a real-time relationship. I'm very devoted." Then, after a couple of months of phone calls, and e-mails and IMs, he announces he's coming to my town. Oddly, that trip never gets scheduled and he disappears in the great beyond of cyberspace, or he figures out some bogus reason for why the trip didn't work out, and attempts to continue contact -- so long as he doesn't think he's expected to meet in real-time. "I have an emotional void unless I have a dominant woman to serve." After introductory e-mail and IM exchanges, we talk on the phone. I suggest meeting face-to-face for coffee, since we're not far from each other anyway. The guy does everything conceivable to sabotage that meeting. OTOH, if I would NOT attempt to transition to real-time over coffee, communication would continue. He only discontinues contact at the point that he feels painted into a corner because he can no longer hide behind the anonymity of the phone and/or Internet. My profile is explicit that I want an emotionally and legally available male as a potential life partner, who must relocate to Chicago if accepted for long-term service. I have no need for cyber anything. It does nothing for me. It wastes my time and is disrespectful to lie -- about seeking and being available for a real-time alliance -- when that's clearly not the case. Get it now? ~ Ti ~

LadyAngelika -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/11/2005 5:05:10 AM)
quote: Are you playing devil's advocate? If not, do you see a contradiction between action and words? Neither. I have a well written profile because I don't do anything half ass. To be honest, I'd say over 80% of the men who email me haven't read it anyways because they do everything in it that I tell them not to, that is call me Mistress, tell me their fantasies and ask to be my slave... Why did I write such a profile? Because at one time I actually thought it was worth it. Why do I keep it up there? Good question... I guess I do it more so that if the people that I exchange with here with want to know a bit more about me, they can. As I say in the first paragraph, I'm here to discuss with interesting people, not look for a partner. - LA

SlaveR1 -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/11/2005 7:45:32 AM)
I love the way alot of people jump to conclusions that I'm upset or I'm not getting any mail, etc. There are some things that probably need to be said, which I'm not going to say. Now I do agree Ti, about all the bullshit that goes on. Also when push comes to shove people just disappear in cyberville. Also I am in no hurry to find a Mistress, and if it takes a year (that's the timetable I have put on this) that's fine. I agree the profile is just the first step, in my opinion the first real test is that first face to face meeting and you can believe me or not that's where I will excell. My last point is I never said I would not contact a Mistress. I realize this is how the game is played and always has been. I'm going to throw this out in cyberland "Your only as good as your last performance". That is the way of the world.

cbtFemDom -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/11/2005 9:29:44 AM)
I asked a gent one day, after reading the first 6 sentences of his Profile and getting crossed-eyed, if he would be open to some suggestions about his Profile. ooo yes please was the answer, however when I took the time to edit one of my Basic Lessons and adapt it for his use, the malesub did not apperciate the time I took out of my day to give guidence that was offered and accepted. I am one of those fussy Fem Doms who believes that any job worth doing, is worth doing Right. And as a more .. ah hem, mature Woman with fading eyesight, how a Profile is designed and how easy it is to read are details that catch my attention first. With that being said, some of these suggestions might gain more positive replies to your introduction. When posting anything for public view or pvtly when expressing to impress, a gent in search of a Serious FemDom would be well Served to consider this small Lesson. Some colors, fonts and layouts can be hard on the eyes and difficult to read. Others here might, like me, read the first half dozen sentences – and give up. These basics are pretty standard and may give a clearer starting point. Back ground –Soft colors – I happen to favor yellows Text font - dark – but not bold Font Type - anything but times new roman Some steps that will give your writing polish and make it easier to read are: Run it through a spell checker Read it out loud – you will catch many errors Use paragraphs Count how many times you said “I” or “i” If your goal is to attract like-minded folks who are more mature and experienced in real life D/s - details that are of a sexual nature are not appropriate and topic best left for the Top to approach. Special skills or hobbies you bring to the table will highlight a well-rounded person with varied interests. Respectfully Submitted, Madame

SweetDommes -> RE: Finding A Mistress (8/11/2005 11:07:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cbtFemDom Back ground –Soft colors – I happen to favor yellows Text font - dark – but not bold Font Type - anything but times new roman Some steps that will give your writing polish and make it easier to read are: Run it through a spell checker Read it out loud – you will catch many errors Use paragraphs Count how many times you said “I” or “i” While I totally agree with you on the spell checker and read it out loud, I have found (as have many research studies) that it is easier to read a computer screen that is a darker background with a lighter text color - thus our profile has a darker background with a softer, lighter text. They are different intensities, different shades, and not glaring or obnoxious (I still don't understand why everyone is infatuated with that horrid lime green color).

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.0234375